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Originally posted by Alana:

It is the man who in this situation actually benefits from this type of practice.

You would be better to get an animal, and even they don't deserve that kind of
treatment!

It is an excuse for most men to"sow their wild oats"
See if the "grass is truly greener on the other side"

Women that practice this usually suffer low self-esteem, to accept and live in a life-style as this.

..... men wanting sexual relations with more than one woman.

They're not doing the woman a favor, their satisfying a sick obsession!( and fantasy)

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What a load of narrow-minded trash, not worth replying or arguing!

You have every right to express your opinion, but if they as trashy as this one dont expect any replies from me, and if you going to refer to my post, then read it before you do.

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Originally posted by Leila:
Personally i could not accept this at all unless it solved a VERY important problem we were facing. I see Pologomy as the exception – it is a permission not an injunction. If it was the only soloution to a major problem then yes but not as a right for men to have more wives for nothing more than their own pleasure.. taking more than one wife is actually a great burden on the man as he will be held accountable to God if he does not treat them all equally. Also if you do not want this it can be written into the marriage contract. BTW under Islamic law does the wife have to agree to allow her husband to take another wife?

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Under Islamic Shari'ah first wife doesn't have to agree. speaking of Islamic law this can be possible and I think is being applied in some countries such as Pakistan (If I remember well)

Personally I don't think such a law is reasonable as women are more likly to have negative feelings about polygyny and having them deciding the whole matter wont make it better specially when such a marriage can solve very important problems as you said. I believe nowdays where many women have negative reaction to polygyny unlike before and where many men misuse this permission, it should be put in the hands on Islamic court who can decide each case.

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
Hi again,

There seems to be some confusion here. With the principle of polgamy and its actual practice at these modern times.

What seems to be happening here is that when people hear the word polgamy, many people hold the opinion that polgamy is for men who are greedy and want to satisfy some sexual desires and are unfaithful, etc etc. This is a very narrowminded view and one-sided.

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Kamal,

I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with you. I have great respect for Islam and understand the underlying reason for polygamy as a way of protecting women, often widows, who had no other means to take care of themselves. That this right should be used judiciously and as fairly and compassionately as possible.

But I found it very interesting that the books my fiance's mother gave me about Islam *specifically* said a man is weak and wants to have sex with other women, and Islam provides for this weakness by permitting up to four wives. And that this is better for the first wife because it would be a shame for her husband to merely divorce her to marry the other woman.

I find it odd that a book on Islam, written in English, given to me by an Egyptian woman who wants me to convert, would try to justify polygamy in this regard. ????

Now, the book was written in 1970 so that might have something to do with it. I personally prefer to read about polygamy during the Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) time and how it was a compassionate act -- and not a lurid act to fulfill sexual desires.

quote:

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Originally posted by Snoozin:
I find it odd that a book on Islam, written in English, given to me by an Egyptian woman who wants me to convert, would try to justify polygamy in this regard. ????

Now, the book was written in 1970 so that might have something to do with it. I personally prefer to read about polygamy during the Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) time and how it was a compassionate act -- and not a lurid act to fulfill sexual desires.

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Hi,

As times goes on, and Islam expands, many new groups/ideology/sect starts to appear, they give their own intreputations and meaning.

I agree with you, stick with what the Prophet sws did, to his teaching, his beliefs, and his ways, the sunnah.

The religion has been perfected with the Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet sws and his righteous companions.
Those who seek and have the pure intention for the true guidance in this life, I am sure that God will guide their hearts and away from the evil-doers, InshaAllah

quote:

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Originally posted by Snoozin:

Now, the book was written in 1970 so that might have something to do with it. I personally prefer to read about polygamy during the Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) time and how it was a compassionate act -- and not a lurid act to fulfill sexual desires.

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Originally posted by akshar:

There are at least 8 women on ES who are Westerners and in a polygamous marriage. Happily!!!I know 3 of them personally and I am one myself.

When it works well it is fantastic for everyone. The family unit is extended, more people are made happy, children are secure and happy.

Of course it can work badly but that is the same as in any marriage.

In the UK mistresses are often tolerated and accepted, now that I find more weird because a mistress has no security and no position. But even in our royal family it was accepted. Queen Alexandria called King Edward's mistress, Alice Keeple to his death bed.

In France you are not considered a real man unless you have a mistress. I remember a fascinating doumentry on politions and mistress where they contrasted attitudes in american to france. To not have a mistress in France lost you votes!!!

Every culture has its solutions to the perinal problem of men wanting to stray. Islam, I think has come up with a solution that protects women and the family unit as well as laying heavy responsiblities on the man that decides to take this root.

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

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Knowing your husband is banging some chick (wife) makes it all hunky dory? Letting men, and providing an example to male children, that they can do whatever they please to women ... cool

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Originally posted by askar:
In the UK mistresses are often tolerated and accepted, now that I find more weird because a mistress has no security and no position. But even in our royal family it was accepted. Queen Alexandria called King Edward's mistress, Alice Keeple to his death bed.

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Dont you ever stop? Are you not getting the message? Stop wasting your time. Maybe it not a waste of time for you, this is as productive time gets for you ?

I dont know what you been writing, infact I just continue to scroll down whenever I see your posts, becuase you been postin a few times, and no-one replied, it seems most people in the board dont take you very seriouly!

You remind me of "starjade", another user.
If you have a serious issue of Islaam or Polgamy or anything else, your welcome to start a thread in the Religion board.
Many peoples' dislike to Islaam is only becuase of a few misunderstaning, Im sure if we work together we can make you a much happier and less frustrated man/woman.

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Originally posted by Kamal211:

Dont you ever stop? Are you not getting the message? Stop wasting your time. Maybe it not a waste of time for you, this is as productive time gets for you ?

I dont know what you been writing, infact I just continue to scroll down whenever I see your posts, becuase you been postin a few times, and no-one replied, it seems most people in the board dont take you very seriouly!

You remind me of "starjade", another user.
If you have a serious issue of Islaam or Polgamy or anything else, your welcome to start a thread in the Religion board.
Many peoples' dislike to Islaam is only becuase of a few misunderstaning, Im sure if we work together we can make you a much happier and less frustrated man/woman.

Just like starjade, not only did he did he contradict himself and confuse me, but I am stil waiting for some "hard" evidence! I think he is too confused himself to reply.

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
I didnt posted this topic to receive attacks on Islam,or any other religion,is this all needed?
Kamal just ignore as i do,i dont even try to read it!

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IDIOT U BORED PPL TOO TEARS

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Originally posted by Morgan:
IDIOT U BORED PPL TOO TEARS

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I don't go for all the name-calling back and forth, waste of time and immaturity on people's part. Lack of respect to others.

It is an open forum as I mentioned, but when some don't like to hear the hard honest facts they will attack verbally and be very nasty.

Everything is always blamed on western society sometimes, used as an excuse for the problems they bring on themselves.

I still believe no where has God condoned this sort of behavior or practice, it is man who desires this, and puts it into play and action. But they quote God , to make themself look and feel better about it.

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Originally posted by Troubles101:

Under Islamic Shari'ah first wife doesn't have to agree. speaking of Islamic law this can be possible and I think is being applied in some countries such as Pakistan (If I remember well)

Personally I don't think such a law is reasonable as women are more likly to have negative feelings about polygyny and having them deciding the whole matter wont make it better specially when such a marriage can solve very important problems as you said. I believe nowdays where many women have negative reaction to polygyny unlike before and where many men misuse this permission, it should be put in the hands on Islamic court who can decide each case.

[This message has been edited by Troubles101 (edited 31 August 2005).]

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The wife does have a choice as to rather she believes a polygamous marrige would be fair to her, and many scholars are supporting this law be passed in several countries giving her the right to disagree and divorce, using the following surahs to support their decision.

Surah 4:3
….if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

Surah 4:128 -4:130

If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best;
Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire.
But if they disagree (and must part), Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty.

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Originally posted by hassancheb:
The wife does have a choice as to rather she believes a polygamous marrige would be fair to her, and many scholars are supporting this law be passed in several countries giving her the right to disagree and divorce, using the following surahs to support their decision.

Surah 4:3
….if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

Surah 4:128 -4:130

If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best;
Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire.
But if they disagree (and must part), Allah will provide abundance for all from His all-reaching bounty.

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