Do you mean that Yousif wanted to marry his wife's friend? As in Polgamy??

If so check this: http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=21421&dgn=4

For more info: http://63.175.194.25/index.php?search_text_box_dsn4=polygamy&lv=search&formtrans=dgn%3D4%7C&ln=eng&ds=qa&sensitivity=2&searchquestions=1&searchtitles=1&searchanswers=1&searchsource s=1&pg=result&offset=0&msubmit=1

quote:

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
Hello Friends hear this...
Thats just so sad and rediculous,that i just couldnt catch myself from sharing with you guys!
My husband just came home from work yesterday(we live in Bulgaria,right now,for those who dont know,
So after he come back from work,after the normal news he told me smth amazing,according to our laws,acceptions and way of thinking here!
Sometimes he work with a guy-lebanese,who is married for bulgarian woman as well,even they have one little girl about 6 years old!
Yesterday this guy Yosif(the lebanese) told him how he want to marry for his wife best friend,and he had the totaly impudence to say this to his wife!
This "weird" woman said to him: ok talk to her and if she agree,i can accept,as she is my friend and im sure she is good!
But her best friend deny him as she couldnt make this to her friend,and she dont want,and she want them to stay friends as before!
C`mon how is this possible!???I`m really shocked!How can a woman accept this normal,and share her husband with some woman,and even if that be her best friend,or even sister,whatever....for me this is absolutely unacceptable and crazy!
Really i wonder now,how,and i really wonder how to the hell some woman can accept this for her husband!???
Is there women here with common experience,i think there must be,but i didnt readed before i suppose!
So what do u think guys,how u will accept that,& whats ur opinion about it????!

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BUT! It *does* work in certain circumstances, and everyone involved seems able to lead a healthy, happy, respectable life.

It's not for me at all. I'd get jealous. I'd get disgusted thinking of my husband being intimate with another woman. Even the pettiest jealousies could erupt into all-out warfare. All of that. I'm in no way cut out for what you are describing.

quote:

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
Yes snoozin,
if i talk about myself,which my husband know so well,i make this clear between us from the very beginning,that there absolutely no way that i will ever accept smth. like this!
If he dont find everything that he need in my face,if i dont satisfy his needs as good wife,and he decide that we cannot continue our relationship for good,then ill not kill him..i`m normal human being and i will simply give him divorce with no complexes and problems,& will give him free the opportunity of have his happiness with other woman!If we also have kids ,ill never make them feel bad,or make them hate their dad,thats so bad action also,i know it from personal experience!But im just too jealous and respecting myself to accept this!So i prefer divorce,than humiliating like this,especially if i can give him all!
So really i felt sooo sad for this woman,i just dont get why they want this,when they already have wife!

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I know, but at least he spoke about it with his wife first.

There are a lot of traditions around the world I don't agree with. But since I don't want to be judged when *I* do something outside the norm, I don't want to judge others. Does that makes sense? So while in theory I really dislike polygynist marriages, if some people make it work to their satisfaction and honesty and respect are there, then fine.

Now, in Bulgaria? Yeah, that's weird. Just like it's weird in the US. Many Mormons (religious group) do it all the time, but in these cases, it is almost always abusive toward the wives. Since I didn't grow up in Egypt, and don't fully understand the complexities of Egyptian culture, I would be less inclined to pass judgement there.

quote:

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
Hello Friends hear this...
Thats just so sad and rediculous,that i just couldnt catch myself from sharing with you guys!
My husband just came home from work yesterday(we live in Bulgaria,right now,for those who dont know,
So after he come back from work,after the normal news he told me smth amazing,according to our laws,acceptions and way of thinking here!
Sometimes he work with a guy-lebanese,who is married for bulgarian woman as well,even they have one little girl about 6 years old!
Yesterday this guy Yosif(the lebanese) told him how he want to marry for his wife best friend,and he had the totaly impudence to say this to his wife!
This "weird" woman said to him: ok talk to her and if she agree,i can accept,as she is my friend and im sure she is good!
But her best friend deny him as she couldnt make this to her friend,and she dont want,and she want them to stay friends as before!
C`mon how is this possible!???I`m really shocked!How can a woman accept this normal,and share her husband with some woman,and even if that be her best friend,or even sister,whatever....for me this is absolutely unacceptable and crazy!
Really i wonder now,how,and i really wonder how to the hell some woman can accept this for her husband!???
Is there women here with common experience,i think there must be,but i didnt readed before i suppose!
So what do u think guys,how u will accept that,& whats ur opinion about it????!

---

This shouln't really be a shock to anyone, it happens anyway, many people sleep with their best friends, or a few more women in marriage, or have one night stand.
The only differnce is that Islam does not allow it to be done in deceit, it asks you to keep them in marriage, treat all them fairly and equally.

Hmm this is interesting article, it not an islamic site either: http://www.news24.com/News24/Africa/News/0,,2-11-1447_1759565,00.html

I think it South African site
But the story is based in Egypt about Hayem Dorbek - an journalist, very interesting!!!

quote:

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
Yes Kamal,
exactly,this guy yosif,he want to marry his wife best friend,which is just disgusting in my eyes!
I am Bulgarian woman,well not 100% but i feel myself bulgarian,so i am,and i cant imagine even for a second that any woman can accept this,especially here,and have in mind his wife is very cute woman,yes they are older than us,he is 34,and she is as i think 32,and have one girl,how to the hell this girl will accept their relations and consider them as normal!
Really i just can`t understand this!He have wonderful wife,adorable girl,and he still insist on marrying her friend!Why?
I just dont get it,thats all!

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Why? I dont know
Could it be that his wife feels that his husband has some sort of attraction to her friend, rather than her husband have an affair, and lose her best friend, lose her husband, her daugher losing a father, making financial situation, better to live in one big happy family.

If you are thinking that the man can bed two of them the same time, I assure you that is totally prohibited, infact each of them should be entitled to their own houses

I find it suprising too that a "westerner" would accept this

quote:

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Originally posted by Serendipity:
If I had a serious disease (la sama7 Allah) which made me dying. or made me trapped to my bed. Or if that I couldnt carry kids. so then maybe I would let go of my husband. I would actually divorce him so he can be free.

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Really?
I dont know if I should reply and defend polgamy marriage as Diana might get disgusted with my double standard.
Whateva Islam allows is one of my standards, and what I want is another standard, so I guess I do have double standard!
But I would let my own standard to overcome Islamic ruling.

Seren, I wanted to ask you, are you serious you would rather let yout husband divorce you rather than look after you, support you financailly also, and take on another wife? Especially if you were trapped oin your bed?

Diana, I completely respect your opinion that you find it "disgusting" and polgamy is not up your street.
I am only outlining to you that islamic polgamy does not need to be always seen in a negative light.
I doubt very much any ES user are in polgamy marriage, I would be also interested in knowing what ES women say about it.

Ofcourse there are problems with it, as with any "monogous"? marriage.

quote:

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
Really?
I dont know if I should reply and defend polgamy marriage as Diana might get disgusted with my double standard.
Whateva Islam allows is one of my standards, and what I want is another standard, so I guess I do have double standard!
But I would let my own standard to overcome Islamic ruling.

Seren, I wanted to ask you, are you serious you would rather let yout husband divorce you rather than look after you, support you financailly also, and take on another wife? Especially if you were trapped oin your bed?

Diana, I completely respect your opinion that you find it "disgusting" and polgamy is not up your street.
I am only outlining to you that islamic polgamy does not need to be always seen in a negative light.
I doubt very much any ES user are in polgamy marriage, I would be also interested in knowing what ES women say about it.

Ofcourse there are problems with it, as with any "monogous"? marriage.

[This message has been edited by Kamal211 (edited 30 August 2005).]

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I was thinking more of a women who had only her husband, or where it would be very difficult for the wife's family to take her back. They are only scenario! They can happen and God provides the best solution.
Thank God for Islamic equality-polgamy for some people

[Il hamdilla my family is big and I know if i couldnt take care of myself I have a family who will. [/B][/QUOTE]

quote:

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
I doubt very much any ES user are in polgamy marriage, I would be also interested in knowing what ES women say about it.

---

There are at least 8 women on ES who are Westerners and in a polygamous marriage. Happily!!!I know 3 of them personally and I am one myself.

When it works well it is fantastic for everyone. The family unit is extended, more people are made happy, children are secure and happy.

Of course it can work badly but that is the same as in any marriage.

In the UK mistresses are often tolerated and accepted, now that I find more weird because a mistress has no security and no position. But even in our royal family it was accepted. Queen Alexandria called King Edward's mistress, Alice Keeple to his death bed.

In France you are not considered a real man unless you have a mistress. I remember a fascinating doumentry on politions and mistress where they contrasted attitudes in american to france. To not have a mistress in France lost you votes!!!

Every culture has its solutions to the perinal problem of men wanting to stray. Islam, I think has come up with a solution that protects women and the family unit as well as laying heavy responsiblities on the man that decides to take this root.

Which is fairer?

quote:

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
Ok kamal then as im sure u already want to kill me,hahaha
I apologise again,plsss plsss plsss

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Hi Diana,
No need to apologise for anything, your entitled to your thoughts and opinion.

Wow, MashaAllah, akshar made me speechless, she said everything I wanted to say in the last 5 post in one go.

Are these women running around with a WHOLE tree in their arms??
I can't imagine what will happen to those Egpytian men who *hoot* and *hiss* at them!

quote:

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Originally posted by Paint Me As I Am:
[well diana, i understand ur frustration- but imgine when a husband has more than 4 wives..
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/africa/08/29/swazi.dance.reut/index.html

Now- what do u think these ladies do all day?

---

quote:

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Originally posted by akshar:

There are at least 8 women on ES who are Westerners and in a polygamous marriage. Happily!!!I know 3 of them personally and I am one myself.

When it works well it is fantastic for everyone. The family unit is extended, more people are made happy, children are secure and happy.

Of course it can work badly but that is the same as in any marriage.

In the UK mistresses are often tolerated and accepted, now that I find more weird because a mistress has no security and no position. But even in our royal family it was accepted. Queen Alexandria called King Edward's mistress, Alice Keeple to his death bed.

In France you are not considered a real man unless you have a mistress. I remember a fascinating doumentry on politions and mistress where they contrasted attitudes in american to france. To not have a mistress in France lost you votes!!!

Every culture has its solutions to the perinal problem of men wanting to stray. Islam, I think has come up with a solution that protects women and the family unit as well as laying heavy responsiblities on the man that decides to take this root.

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

---

Anyone remember that Muslimah from London who was 19, Jamillah? She was on ES, oh about a year ago.

Well, she was an Orfi wife, a second wife, and at first he promised to financially provide for her just like he provided for his first wife.

Then rent was due, and her husband told her to get a job, and a second because he needed her to help provide for his first wife.

Jamillah was childish, brash, obviously the perfect Waco Muslim of East London. Hates infidels and the whole nine yards.

Everyone on ES told her to dump him and move on. She had an extremely reasonable comeback, demanding to know why 50 something women with loads of cash in a retirement account can marry a boy half their age and make polygamy work and she couldn't.

Now diana_ivanova, we both know why her best friend is such a great friend.

And why marrying a boy who has nothing to offer but his d*ck is so attractive for soon to be retired women of the west.

Comeon, here put one and two together.

Sheesh

quote:

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Originally posted by akshar:

There are at least 8 women on ES who are Westerners and in a polygamous marriage. Happily!!!I know 3 of them personally and I am one myself.

When it works well it is fantastic for everyone. The family unit is extended, more people are made happy, children are secure and happy.

Of course it can work badly but that is the same as in any marriage.

In the UK mistresses are often tolerated and accepted, now that I find more weird because a mistress has no security and no position. But even in our royal family it was accepted. Queen Alexandria called King Edward's mistress, Alice Keeple to his death bed.

In France you are not considered a real man unless you have a mistress. I remember a fascinating doumentry on politions and mistress where they contrasted attitudes in american to france. To not have a mistress in France lost you votes!!!

Every culture has its solutions to the perinal problem of men wanting to stray. Islam, I think has come up with a solution that protects women and the family unit as well as laying heavy responsiblities on the man that decides to take this root.

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

---

I admire your forthrightness and your strength. I am very happy this has worked well for you. I did know this...I think I read a thread about it a while ago, while I was just a *lurker.*

I think however it would reduce *me* to a basket case.

(Oh, as if I'm not there already).

But how about for you, did you answer 7aya's question on the other thread? Would you want or accept *two* husbands if the roles were reversed????

As for money marriages in Egypt tend to be a lot more practical than in the West. Love only marriages are great but often the practicalities of real life drive a wedge between people. I beleive the Koran says that you should marry a women for 4 reasons money being one but piety being the best. So she can look like the back of a bus but she is a good Muslim and will bring that into your household then that is fine. So again Islam is being realistic about motives for getting married.

quote:

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Originally posted by Snoozin:
I admire your forthrightness and your strength. I am very happy this has worked well for you. I did know this...I think I read a thread about it a while ago, while I was just a *lurker.*

I think however it would reduce *me* to a basket case.

(Oh, as if I'm not there already).

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I have never made a secret of it as I am not ashamed of my life choices but because mentioning it often leads to attacks I don't always mention that I have personally done it.

quote:

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Originally posted by Snoozin:

But how about for you, did you answer 7aya's question on the other thread? Would you want or accept *two* husbands if the roles were reversed????

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lol no way, men are too high maintenance, two sets of smellie socks yuck

Some people remain as ignorant, as idiotic and as desperate as they were in their 20s.

How are you?

My opinion that is just an excuse like"having your cake and eat it to" type scenario!

If he truly loves and respects his wife, he wouldn't even suggest such a thing or lower himself to that level.

When your heart feels for one it shouldn't yearn for another.

Sharing more than one in my opinion is a disgrace, any woman that agrees to that is very insecure and a needy personality.

What is it with some of the ladies ?? I have to laugh...Can't a man pick up after himself and help out! I know my father always did and had great respect for my mother.

You are his wife not slave! Two-way street help each other out. Not a job or designated duty when you become a wife!
Wow
Stepford Wives still exist! LOL

If they can accept more than one wife for their husband they should join all together then...really they have no respect for themselves, so they can't put down the porno industry then , they are allowing it right under there own roof.

My wonderful ex, when his wife was dying of cancer, he was having an affair, and moved her into their house. Nice huh ... I have 4 words ... nice going mother f******.

quote:

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Originally posted by Serendipity:
If I had a serious disease (la sama7 Allah) which made me dying. or made me trapped to my bed. Or if that I couldnt carry kids. so then maybe I would let go of my husband. I would actually divorce him so he can be free.
But if there is nothing wrong with me and he just has a "desire" hell no! He will get some serious talk from me and my whoooooooooole family which consists of more then 40 ppl that would be fun!

[This message has been edited by Serendipity (edited 30 August 2005).]

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quote:

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Originally posted by Corvinous:
I don't hate families for nothing, a wife with a big family makes a war of every lil dispute, specially that when she is arab.
arab females are renowned for their closeed minds n love for sarcastic lifecourse.
Damn women of this type.
A free blooded man would remain obsessed with them in his life n would be more feeling like a prisoner than a man living with his wife.
I am not hating you arab gurls for just your physical ugliness and so temporary fake beauty.

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from hating egyptian girls to hating arab girls.. I gotta get credit for that!
Sorry sorsor to put you in the same boat as me
When you live in a deserted country as norway. Where your neighbour still dont know your name after 6 years. and after 14 years old friendship your still just a friend friend not a "real" friend. and when you say hi to a stranger they start running for their lives. Thats when you understand that you dont have any choice than to be stuck with your family But we still have boarders and lines that we cant cross with eachother to keep away from problems..(spare you the headaches).

quote:

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Originally posted by Serendipity:
from hating egyptian girls to hating arab girls.. I gotta get credit for that!
Sorry sorsor to put you in the same boat as me
When you live in a deserted country as norway. Where your neighbour still dont know your name after 6 years. and after 14 years old friendship your still just a friend friend not a "real" friend. and when you say hi to a stranger they start running for their lives. Thats when you understand that you dont have any choice than to be stuck with your family But we still have boarders and lines that we cant cross with eachother to keep away from problems..(spare you the headaches).

btw Kamal, if something happens and my family cant help me. I still would divorce.
Set him free better. And I manage always to take care of myself. so no problem there.

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seren, corv can say what ever he feels wrong about Arab girls and to say there's nothing wrong about them is not an objective view of things.
and corv, we have our ups and downs the same like you Arab men.

quote:

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Originally posted by doudd:

seren, corv can say what ever he feels wrong about Arab girls and to say there's nothing wrong about them is not an objective view of things.
and corv, we have our ups and downs the same like Arab men.

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Good morning doudd how are you feeling?
I know, but I would love to switch places with him. where he could live in Norway and me in Egypt. That would be really great! You see the social person is a dying race here in Norway

quote:

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Originally posted by doudd:

seren, corv can say what ever he feels wrong about Arab girls and to say there's nothing wrong about them is not an objective view of things.
and corv, we have our ups and downs the same like you Arab men.

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Good morning seren I m fine alhamdolelah
I understand u mean family wise, care and warm feelings which distinguish our Arab countries and sure Arab abroad miss all of that.
But you know if we think fairly and regardless that we are Arab women who corv often comments and he may be crude somehow in his discuss but he is better than those who see faults, ignore them then say every thing is OK !

quote:

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Originally posted by akshar:

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by akshar:

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corvinous:
I don't hate families for nothing, a wife with a big family makes a war of every lil dispute, specially that when she is arab.
arab females are renowned for their closeed minds n love for sarcastic lifecourse.
Damn women of this type.
A free blooded man would remain obsessed with them in his life n would be more feeling like a prisoner than a man living with his wife.
I am not hating you arab gurls for just your physical ugliness and so temporary fake beauty.

---

What Corvinous doesn't say here is how cheap he is and doesn't want to pay the normal customary costs of marriage in the Egyptian/Arab world.

Those costs are there because Egyptian/Arab men have a tendancy not to spend a dime after marriage on anyone but himself.

And due to the fact that the standard for an eligible bachelor is so low in the region, and the standard for a eligible bachelorette is so high (because its obvious the women are worth more) the only way of scaring off a suitor is to get extremely rigid and demanding.

Sorry, Corvinous, your comments only show you want the opposite. You want a cheap 'western' wife, one that will be forced to meet your rigid impossible expectations you set for Arab/Egyptian women. So basically what you are saying is that you have such a low regard for women in general. And you don't want a wife you can respect, you want a sugar mama.

And the way you elquently expressed yourself should encourage the flow of older ladies with a stiff divorce settlement or/and retirement account gushing into your yahoo messenger.

You off to a good start, Corvinous. Good luck with the act of cutting off your balls and handing them to an old goat.

God, I love ES!

quote:

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
No-one answered this.

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quote:

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Originally posted by sonomod:
Yeah, its called lowered expectations.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
No-one answered this.

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It is a cultural thing but usually if the wife agrees, then it is usually OK (as a rule) and more so depending on the higher social status of the husband (implicit or explicit). Out of respect, the man tells the wife and this usually depends of place in the community /'tribe'.

a. If the woman has no education, then she just puts up with it.

b. If she is wise but uneducated but know the milieu, then the second wife shares duties with her and she can have a few days off!

c. If the woman (wife is smart), she will have a place to stay, enjoy the company of women without being the only object of attention. She will also get benefits of shopping, going to Europe (social standing), etc.

quote:

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Originally posted by yazid904:
diana,

It is a cultural thing but usually if the wife agrees, then it is usually OK (as a rule) and more so depending on the higher social status of the husband (implicit or explicit). Out of respect, the man tells the wife and this usually depends of place in the community /'tribe'.

a. If the woman has no education, then she just puts up with it.

b. If she is wise but uneducated but know the milieu, then the second wife shares duties with her and she can have a few days off!

c. If the woman (wife is smart), she will have a place to stay, enjoy the company of women without being the only object of attention. She will also get benefits of shopping, going to Europe (social standing), etc.

d. If she is astute, she learns the rules of the game and if she is kicked out, she is both smart and wise. It will be a blessing and she may forge her own way!

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
No-one answered this.

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Fairer? I would rather have a monogamous relationship with my husband than have *any* relationship with a man at all. I've been alone for 20 years. I can handle it. I *can't* handle unfaithfulness, known or unknown.

This is my personal preference. I don't mind or care what others do.

quote:

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Originally posted by Kamal211:
No-one answered this.

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if we talk about is it fair....i can ask,Whats his work to look sex or anything out,when he can have excellent one in his home?! I dont want to know whith who my husband sleep,since i am the woman that he sleep with!When he ruin this trust,i prefer that he leave my life and go to sleep with everyone he want to!The fair *Jane* is the FaItHfUlNeSs,the TrUsT and the ReAl LoVe,thats the fair,not to know which other woman share your husband`s bed!
But i wish you happinessin ur marriage im happy if this marriage and relation satisfy ur needs!

quote:

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Originally posted by akshar:

There are at least 8 women on ES who are Westerners and in a polygamous marriage. Happily!!!I know 3 of them personally and I am one myself.

When it works well it is fantastic for everyone. The family unit is extended, more people are made happy, children are secure and happy.

Of course it can work badly but that is the same as in any marriage.

root.

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by diana_ivanova:
Jane,untill now i always liked ur posts,but this is the first where i just cant agree,but i accept your opinion and respect it,as all of us have the freedom to choose,right!?

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thanks Diana that is what a forum should be about.

I will put another scenario to you, you marry a man and he has children from his first marriage. Do you love them because they are his family or reject them because they are not yours.

You see by stepping out of the box and freeing our mind from Western conventions we can have similar scenario with wives. They can become true sisters instead of rivals and competators. You can giggle together.

As I said I think in your country it is not right because the laws of your land don't recognise it. That is the whole point it is not some clandestine bit of nooky but an honurable and legal marriage.

I know other ladies on ES who are in this situation and very content. And this is not for a few months but years and years. It is not for all but then marriage is not for all.

and thank you for listening with courtsy

quote:

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Originally posted by akshar:

I will put another scenario to you, you marry a man and he has children from his first marriage. Do you love them because they are his family or reject them because they are not yours.

You see by stepping out of the box and freeing our mind from Western conventions we can have similar scenario with wives. They can become true sisters instead of rivals and competators. You can giggle together.

---

First point, how many blended families are there in Egypt?

I remember an English woman who lives in Luxor remarking the fact that women when they remarry, divorced or widowed are expected to leave their children behind with former in-laws and the new wife of daddy must accept his children. So I wonder how you came to this conclusion above.

Secondly, do you and your cowife speak the same language? Have you become proficient in Arabi? Has either your husband or your cowife truely become proficient in English? Or do you have a third party translating all this gushy cowife conversation?

There seems to be some confusion here. With the principle of polgamy and its actual practice at these modern times.

What seems to be happening here is that when people hear the word polgamy, many people hold the opinion that polgamy is for men who are greedy and want to satisfy some sexual desires and are unfaithful, etc etc. This is a very narrowminded view and one-sided.

For some people it may be to satisfy their desires, [some who unfortunaly will do it in the name of Islam]. There are many many types of polgamy around the world - the Utah Polgamy where they marry sisters?, the African Pologamy where women run around with trees in their arms. Whatever their reason/principle for polgamy may be, so be it.

Islamic polgamy does not see it in a perspective that the men need more wives to satisfy him, etc. Infact our Prophet sws married into polgamy, many of whom where widowed, or divorced, many, if not all , im not sure, were not virgins[except Aisha ra]. But out of sympathy to look after these women, etc. So this cleary shows the Islamic principle behind Islamic pologamy.

And subhanAllah, is it a coincidence that women out number men by 4:1 [well approx. so I hear] and that Islam limits it to 4 women.
Imagine every women getting married to one woman. It will leave a surplus of women, to do what?Go into prostition, have affairs? and so on.
[Also one of the Signs of Day of Judgement is the approx ratio of women to men = 20:1]

I think people should put aside their "disgust" and one-sided opinion of polgamy aside and accept the fact that the Islamic polgamy is not made for greedy sexual men. This is not fair not only on men, but also their wives, who are judged like this: "Oh I feel sorry for you, Oh poor girl, Oh she is forced".
What if they are enjoying a happy life in a polgamous relationship, InshaAllah they are.

But unless people know some people in such relationship and have been abused and so on, then please talk about it if you wish, but no need to assume what it will be like for the rest of them.

The link sent up there, showing how an Egyptian WOMEN was promoting polgamy, and also positive reply from akshar about real polgamy life, surely if at least SOME women can think the Islamic polgamy is like this, there must be some good in it for the women as well as the men!
[ http://www.news24.com/News24/Africa/News/0,,2-11-1447_1759565,00.html ]

As I always say, Islam is a perfect, simple harmonious system of life, if man and women can follow its simple teaching and guidance they are and will be among the successful, InshaAllah.

Instead of people voicing their opinion on why they wouldnt want to do polgamy, I think it would be more educational for people to learn the benefits of polgamy, Im sure there are many because this Ancient practice has still survived to this day, even in Bulgaria![or Belgium, Diana from]
And it wernt the man who forced his wife!
Amazing dont you think

quote:

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Originally posted by akshar:

There are at least 8 women on ES who are Westerners and in a polygamous marriage. Happily!!!I know 3 of them personally and I am one myself.

When it works well it is fantastic for everyone. The family unit is extended, more people are made happy, children are secure and happy.

Of course it can work badly but that is the same as in any marriage.

In the UK mistresses are often tolerated and accepted, now that I find more weird because a mistress has no security and no position. But even in our royal family it was accepted. Queen Alexandria called King Edward's mistress, Alice Keeple to his death bed.

In France you are not considered a real man unless you have a mistress. I remember a fascinating doumentry on politions and mistress where they contrasted attitudes in american to france. To not have a mistress in France lost you votes!!!

Every culture has its solutions to the perinal problem of men wanting to stray. Islam, I think has come up with a solution that protects women and the family unit as well as laying heavy responsiblities on the man that decides to take this root.

Which is fairer?

Speaking as a woman I would prefer to know exactly who my husband is sleeping with, to have her as a friend and to know my postion is not in any way threatended by that relationship.

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That is what an open forum is all about to express your opinions.

Why should others stop expressing opinions because you condone this behavior??

It is the man who in this situation actually benefits from this type of practice.

You would be better to get an animal, and even they don't deserve that kind of
treatment! Take to the desert with the sheep

Remember books are written by man, this isn't a fact from God. You are interpreting it as such!

It is an excuse for most men to"sow their wild oats"
See if the "grass is truly greener on the other side"

If you have a stable relationship and love and respect for each other,you believe in marriage vows, it would not even enter ones mind.

Women that practice this usually suffer low self-esteem, to accept and live in a life-style as this.

Quit making excuses for men wanting sexual relations with more than one woman.

They're not doing the woman a favor, their satisfying a sick obsession!( and fantasy)