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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
But what does pork have to do with how much I love him? What about all the qualities about him that make me feel love for him, like how sweet he is, how smart he is, how much he makes me laugh, etc? Why can't he just loosen up and let me be me? Also, how can anyone expect someone to change their lifestyle over night? Why can't he give me time? Can't we live together accepting eachother's differences? He doesn't hear me say anything when he tells me he wants me to get married in a Masque which I am willing to do eventhough my mom will have a heart attack.

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
I understand that Egy, and I am trying. I am really, really trying, but these are things that I can't change over night. Also, I think it says a lot that I am willing to marry him in a Masque and raise my children as Muslims. He says that I don't have to convert (which would never happen anyway) so I am cool with that. I really want to make this work. Thanks for the advice.

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
Thank you Akrum. I want to read as much as I can so that I can make it work. If you have anything else for me to read let me know.
Also, we are planning a trip to Egypt next year and I am going to meet his family. Is there any advice that you or anyone can give me?

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
I don't even mind my kids being Muslim. What I do mind is when my boyfriend tells me not to eat pork

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I encourage you really to think strongly about this relationship. It will only become more difficult when the children arrive. What would you do if you have a daughter and your husband says that once she hits puberty that she must cover her head. And you think eating pork is rough?

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
If later they decide on their own to choose Christianity that is up to them. They have the freedom to choose as long as God is in their lives, I don't have a problem.

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You're joking right?

If not, you REALLY do need to do some reading and studying. There is NO turning to Christianity after becoming a Muslim. It is one of the deals in Islam. Family has the right to actually kill you if you deny Islam and accept Christianity.

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
Thank you Akrum. I want to read as much as I can so that I can make it work. If you have anything else for me to read let me know.
Also, we are planning a trip to Egypt next year and I am going to meet his family. Is there any advice that you or anyone can give me?

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
But what does pork have to do with how much I love him? What about all the qualities about him that make me feel love for him, like how sweet he is, how smart he is, how much he makes me laugh, etc? Why can't he just loosen up and let me be me? Also, how can anyone expect someone to change their lifestyle over night? Why can't he give me time? Can't we live together accepting eachother's differences? He doesn't hear me say anything when he tells me he wants me to get married in a Masque which I am willing to do eventhough my mom will have a heart attack.

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That's not my main point anyway, it sounds like that is just one of the problems you have had and you have picked the most trivial thing to complain about.

It doesn't sound like you have thought about this one bit.... you think that by agreeing to marry in a mosque you are making a big sacrifice? Ha ha, that's just a ceremony.... you're problems haven't even begun yet. You need to do one thing and one thing only at this point in time: READ ABOUT ISLAM, forget how much you 'love' him and think about how your life will change... he may not be very religious now, but that can change so quickly and easily.... what will you do then? What about if he decides that actually he WOULD like you to convert to Islam? Most Muslims that i know, even if they are not strict practicing Muslims they have in-built Islamic values, morals etc and you may not understand this... since you have zero understanding of Islam you will probably think he is being unreasonable. Also he may not even see that there is a problem or know how to explain why he does things because it will just be a part of his religious upbringing! In his eyes it will all be normal behaviour.

What made me laugh is that you want to eat pork but you don't mind your children being Muslim??? What is that all about? Don't you think you will want to take part in teaching your children? Don't you think it would make sense to know and understand what they are learning.... do people send their children to school and not have an understanding of the curriculum? What are you going to do when you have your husband AND children telling you to stop eating pork (because that is most important to you at the moment)? Will you like it if your children have a closer relationship with their father than with you because of having shared religious beliefs? Lol also you said "I'll be damned if my daughter has to walk around with her head covered" That say's it all about your respect for you're partners religion - do you really think you will have a choice in the matter?

One thing you should understand is that everything happens by Allah's will. So if He decides that your partner is to one day become a stronger Muslim... he will, if He decides that you should have girls (for children) and they are to be strong Muslim's who believe in all the teachings of Islam (including covering the head).... they will.

I think you should go and find 'love' with a non-Muslim man

my best advice is to ask your boyfriend to take you to his mosque or to the Islamic Center in your area and ask to meet some muslimahs who can help you locally. They will be a great source of information for you as well as acquainting you with all thats involved with marriage to a muslim man.

Keep in mind Islam is not just a religion...it is a way of Life.

Good Luck and Best Wishes
Laura

ps. I quit eating pork long before I became muslimah based simply on the fact of an article I read telling about all the worms in the meat. So what if you cook it..worms are worms...YUCK! LOL

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
Thanks, but I pointed out the pork thing as an example of what I am going through right now with my boyfriend. I know that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I didn't come on this board to be ridiculed. I came on to ask a serious question and to learn from you guys.
The truth of the matter is that I am reading a lot more about Islam thanks to egy and Akrum.
I am not a religious person. This is why I see nothing wrong with my husband teaching my children about God. What is wrong with that?
By the way for me getting married in a Mosque is a sacrifice since I will be alienating my entire family.
The truth of the matter is that my boyfriend is religious, but not a fanatic. So I don't see how he will be closer to the children than I will. If I carry a child for 9 months, give birth to it, care for it, feed it, etc, how will I not be close to my child? Just cause they go to a Mosque once in a while? Big deal

[This message has been edited by inlovewithhim (edited 02 October 2003).]

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I was simply responding to the story and information you provided... we don't know you personally, you are posting on a public message board so you need to be prepared for all sorts of opinions... good and bad. When some one bases their relationship problems around Pork what do you expect! Are we supposed to now there is more to it? And didn't i state that it sounds like that is not your main issue.

Anyway....

It's good that you are reading about Islam. Making a 'sacrifice' by getting married in a Mosque is a non-issue... that is something that you can both compromise on. You will need to sign papers etc in Government buildings anyway so making an issue about the Mosque is just creating more problems for yourself.

What is a fanatic? Like Laura says Islam is a way of life, so even if a Muslim is not going around preaching about the Qur'an, in most cases they will feel love inside for Allah and Islam.... If your boyfriend was born a Muslim then it's quite likely he was brought up to live the Islamic way of life... regardless of what life he lives now.

I don't feel like replying to you anymore anyway..... i just hope to Allah that what you read and what others may tell you here helps you to make the right decision. At the moment your attitude towards Islam stinks - "Just cause they go to a Mosque once in a while? Big deal" were your words. Lets just hope when you meet his family you are able to keep that attitude in check.

BUT. this is a big, big but. if he is muslim and he wants the kids raised muslim, then you, as the MOTHER, and as a role model, will lead an islamic lifestyle.

To give you an extreme example, you will not be able to run around in skimpy shorts, eating pork, drinking and celebrating christmas in front of the kids (going against the principles of the religion you and your husband are trying to raise them in.)

I know in the US religion is a personal choice, but in Egypt it is ingrained in the social way of life. Let me repeat that - islam penetrates into the social fibers of this society in a way you don't see in the US. It's NOT just going to a mosque every Friday. It's NOT just praying 5x a day. It's a way of life.

You will be a role model for your children, as mothers are very treasured (above fathers) in his society.

That means, he is looking very very carefully at you, making sure that you are capable of bringing up his children in a correct way, even though you're not muslim.

I am married to a lovely Egyptian man and I am a Christian. We do not intend to have children as I am too old and too unhealthy but I know that should I accidently get pregnant I would have no rights to that child what so ever.

Mahmoud totally controls every aspect of my life. I do nothing without his permission and consent. I do this because I am a real Egyptian wife who realises that my every action reflects on him, his family and his position. By doing the wrong thing I could damage his sisters chances of getting married. This is the kind of society you are talking about joining. Can you cope with this?

I'll be damned if my daughter has to walk around with her head covered

I personally don't think you will be able to handle a mixed marriage with an attitude like that.

------------------
UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Accomodation and Tours in Luxor

The success of your relationship could also depend on where you're going to live. In Egypt the law still gives the man the upper hand in family matters. In the US, the law maybe more equal or in some cases favour the woman.

I think the men will differ though, so you really need to find out what your bf tells you about himself and his beliefs. Ask him if he can tell you where it will end. If he has a brother that is married already, you might talk to his wife and see where it all ends in their relationship.

You might have read in another thread where one woman here, married to a Muslim man, does not email men at her husbands request. That is one of the things that is obviously important to her husband. For me, unless he was reciprocating, I'd have a hard time accepting that. I have male friends and that's not going to change. But, it apparently works for her and that's good.

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
Ok, I need advice. After years of dating "Mr. Wrong" I have finally met the man I want to marry. The problem is that he's Egyptian and I am American. He is not 100% religious but he follows it to a certain degree. I believe in God, but I am not religious at all. Now, I don't mind getting married in a Masque, I don't even mind my kids being Muslim. What I do mind is when my boyfriend tells me not to eat pork, not to have the occassional drink, and not to go out with my friends when I want to. Why should I have to change my entire lifestyle over night just because I love him? Yes, I know everyone makes sacrifices for the ones they love, but what does pork have to do with my love for him? Also, if this is how he is now, how are things going to be when we get married? Any advice? How do I love him and still maintain who I am?

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
Ok, I need advice. After years of dating "Mr. Wrong" I have finally met the man I want to marry. The problem is that he's Egyptian and I am American. He is not 100% religious but he follows it to a certain degree. I believe in God, but I am not religious at all. Now, I don't mind getting married in a Masque, I don't even mind my kids being Muslim. What I do mind is when my boyfriend tells me not to eat pork, not to have the occassional drink, and not to go out with my friends when I want to. Why should I have to change my entire lifestyle over night just because I love him? Yes, I know everyone makes sacrifices for the ones they love, but what does pork have to do with my love for him? Also, if this is how he is now, how are things going to be when we get married? Any advice? How do I love him and still maintain who I am?

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Originally posted by inlovewithhim:
Ok, I need advice. After years of dating "Mr. Wrong" I have finally met the man I want to marry. The problem is that he's Egyptian and I am American. He is not 100% religious but he follows it to a certain degree. I believe in God, but I am not religious at all. Now, I don't mind getting married in a Masque, I don't even mind my kids being Muslim. What I do mind is when my boyfriend tells me not to eat pork, not to have the occassional drink, and not to go out with my friends when I want to. Why should I have to change my entire lifestyle over night just because I love him? Yes, I know everyone makes sacrifices for the ones they love, but what does pork have to do with my love for him? Also, if this is how he is now, how are things going to be when we get married? Any advice? How do I love him and still maintain who I am?

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Originally posted by moshko:
Don't marry a Musilm he's gonna beat you and marry 6 other women on you!!!

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LOOOOOOOOOL Moshko,

You get used to the beatings (it only hurts the first time) and with 6 other wifes you have so much more time for shopping and relaxing in front of the tv looooooooooool

Less cooking and laundry too!

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Originally posted by Laura:
LOOOOOOOOOL Moshko,

You get used to the beatings (it only hurts the first time) and with 6 other wifes you have so much more time for shopping and relaxing in front of the tv looooooooooool

Less cooking and laundry too!

Wallahi you are funny!

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Originally posted by akshar:
Citizen once posted a great response to someone explaining that as the mother of the children you are just a caretaker until they are old enough to leave you. They always belong to the father. I seriously suggest you do a load more serious reading about women in an Islamic society.

I am married to a lovely Egyptian man and I am a Christian. We do not intend to have children as I am too old and too unhealthy but I know that should I accidently get pregnant I would have no rights to that child what so ever.

Mahmoud totally controls every aspect of my life. I do nothing without his permission and consent. I do this because I am a real Egyptian wife who realises that my every action reflects on him, his family and his position. By doing the wrong thing I could damage his sisters chances of getting married. This is the kind of society you are talking about joining. Can you cope with this?

[b]I'll be damned if my daughter has to walk around with her head covered

I personally don't think you will be able to handle a mixed marriage with an attitude like that.

[/B]

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You couldnt be more assertive on this one!, kind of late for this comment, but it really caught my attention. She is very unsure, I hope she does not make this big mistake. She is not ready for this step, and she will not be.

lioness

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Originally posted by Monica:
Where is : inlovewithim????? She did'nt post since October 2..................

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Originally posted by akshar:
Citizen once posted a great response to someone explaining that as the mother of the children you are just a caretaker until they are old enough to leave you. They always belong to the father. I seriously suggest you do a load more serious reading about women in an Islamic society.

I am married to a lovely Egyptian man and I am a Christian. We do not intend to have children as I am too old and too unhealthy but I know that should I accidently get pregnant I would have no rights to that child what so ever.

Mahmoud totally controls every aspect of my life. I do nothing without his permission and consent. I do this because I am a real Egyptian wife who realises that my every action reflects on him, his family and his position. By doing the wrong thing I could damage his sisters chances of getting married. This is the kind of society you are talking about joining. Can you cope with this?

[b]I'll be damned if my daughter has to walk around with her head covered

I personally don't think you will be able to handle a mixed marriage with an attitude like that.

[/B]

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Now if mahmoud can handle you and the behavior that is exhibiting by a binge drinker, a co-wife that posts pictures of the first wife on the internet unveiled, and worst of all discusses inimate details of her fake husband's anatomy (how long the beloved shlong you must share). You will live longer.

If you cannot keep your exploits between you and your husband, in addition to the behavior while intoxicated (which I am sure reveals the opposite 'darker' side of your delusional optimism).

Disaster waiting to happen. While the daughter of an apostate is there exposed to the harshest of possibilities.

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:
Here we go again. Digging in old threads - this one was finished 16 months ago!!!! - and getting personal in a mean way towards others.

STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!

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If you can't handle it tough. People have reposted my threads and I took the heat.

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Originally posted by sonomod:
If you can't handle it tough. People have reposted my threads and I took the heat.

If you can't handle it, don't dish it out.

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Sonomod

Your posts reveal your truth and mine reveal mine.

You slag your husband off, I praise mine.

You slag Egypt of and don't live there I praise it and live there.

You abandon your child and put your own selfish desires above your daughter. I keep mine with my and make sure she is happy.

You accuse my of all sorts of thing I accuse you of nothing except a need for professional help.

My Egyptian family love me, if yours knew what you have said about them they would disown/kill you.

You have a massive chip on your shoulders and attack everyone in sight. I have made great friends on the internet you have made only enemies.

I have a successful business providing for my extended family. You steal from your mother.

You boast about your connections, I don’t need to.

Lets face it you are a sad human being who puts material success above human relationships; you hate your family both natal and married. You use this forum to get some kind of life and we all know you have none.

I can’t remember how many times this has been said to you, get some professional help. You are deeply disturbed and need professional counselling to help you with your relationship with your mother, husband and your child. Your child is also going to need help to understand why mummy abandoned her. For God sake forget about this false Western life and reunite with your child. I spend more time with my cat than you have with your child.

I continue to feel very sorry for you and wish you the best but I suspect you are on a self destruct course which no one can stop.

GET HELP