The first two days we were at a wedding of a friend in Aswan. It was good to be there. As they are rather traditional Muslem, it was quite an experience for us. We’ve seen lawyers and doctors (male and female), and how their position towards one another is, as soon as they marry. The public life of a married woman seems so different from what we’re used to see up here in Europe. But as Ann (my wife) spended some time with the women, she told me that they’re totally different amongst each other in private life as they are in public life.

And they asked her a lot about our customs as well. As we have 5 children, she got some respect… until we confused them by telling our story. I’m divorced and have 3 children (and financially support my former wife), Ann was divorced and has 2 children. We live together now, bought a house together and raise our children without being married officially. To them it seemed not right, until Ann explained them that we can live as if we were married, without signing a kind of marriage contract in Belgium.

What surprised me most, is how open minded they were towards another situation in another culture. Just like we tried to understand their feelings and position, so they did towards us. As we got home, we came to one conclusion: you can show respect for another culture (and you should do so), but as you’re not part of it, you can never understand it.

Why do I write this here?

Anyway, I didn't write it like that, hope it doesn't sound that way.

By my marriage I have an Egyptian mother in law, I have 3 egyptian sisters, a cousin and aunt that I am close to. I am also lucky to have egyptian women friends. They are all very special people in my life and so kind, warm and intelligent. They are totally non judgemental of me as I am of them. Who is anybody to judge anyone else in this world.

I would not say they understand the western life but they are interested to learn and show respect. Western perceptions are so wrong about many things in an Egyptian women's life, but only by living the life can you come to understand and appreciate the qualities that this way of life brings to you.

It is special to have the chance to see it from both sides and yes there are some things I refuse to sign up to but more and more I find myself going the Egyptian way.. not because I want a quiet life but because I feel more safe and secure in the world this way and simply.........happy.

Ann and I live together in a more stabile relationship than some officialy married couples do. In Belgium we have a official registration system that gives us the same status as the married couples.

And yet we were very carefull during our first visits, to explain this to our Egyptian friends, because we thought that they would see us as if we are living in some kind of promiscuïty.

I still think that life for the women in the villages (as against the towns perhaps) is very hard but that is the opinion of an outsider. I lived there for four years but unless you are born into the community it is hard to understand its intricacies.

Your situation would be thought strange but would be accepted because you are a foreigner - and they do strange things anyway.