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I want to share my story with everyone and hope you give me what you are thinking about.Last year When I was suffering from a divorcing with my former husband,I choose to look for suggestion and disburden pressure through chatting on internet.At that time I knew an Egpytian man who is working in Saudi Arabia.After long eight months' chatting with him,he said he'll come to my country marrying me.I am in China.I knew he is married with two children in Egypt.We never cheated before knowing each other.Maybe it is just the honesity that make us love each other very much.I don't care if he was married only if he loved me as he said I love both of you and will take care of both of you well.I love him very much because he is honest and responsible for family,I think.He gave me a brand new starts.He said we would marry in Egypt Embassy under Egyp law in my country.He went back Egypt the other days from Saudi.As we plan,he will come to China and meet and marry me this month.I am so happy that I tell my parents,but they didn't agree with us because he is not Chinese for my former husband is not Chinese too.I think my parents worried about I am hurted by foreinger again.When I told him this,he was sad.He pursuade us we have a strong and great love against any troubles.He said he had way to make them like him. Right now I don't know if I should follow up my parents'decison or insist on marrying him.I was hurt ago by my former foreign husband after all. Sometimes When i read so many unhappy stories about Egyptian man with foreign women,I am controdictionary. how can I do? Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I think you should meet face to face before making the decisions to marry. On the Internet you only see what the other person decided you will and it is very difficult to get a true picture of them. I would look at the Internet as a good way to be introduced but not as a good way of selecting a mate. That should happen in a real life relationship not a virtual one.
I do like that he is is being honest about remaining married and that you will be a second wife. If you can cope with this it can work quite well and certainly in Egypt it is not unusual, illegal or immoral. Try and find out what his other wife thinks and if you can try and be friends with her.
When it works well with an Egyptian husband it is fantastic but it requies a lot of adjusting and acceptance of the culture. Try and read up on the role of women in an Islamic society to get a picture of the contrasts
But I do think your first meeting should be to get to know each other not to get married.
Good luck
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
I agree with akshar on that. Do not ever take decisons before you see eachother and even get engaged for sometime. Chatting is one thing, living together is another thing. Another thing is: When if comes with hard choices between you and the other wife, how would he do? Does the other wife know about it? why will/won't he tell her? ... etc.
Also take care becuase living in Saudi Arabia also is sort of negative experience for Egyptians, and it may temporarily affect their own lives.
Think well and don't just blindly follow your emotions.
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He has told her wife and she knew we have relationship.She also knew he'll come to China to meet and marry me. what's meaning of Egyptian working in Saudi is negative experence?He invested company with his another partner in Saudi.He'll come back again after meeting me. I want to know what happen on me perhaps in future?what will I have to think over?
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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joylike, Sorry if I stir your worries. Well, Saudi society is very harsh environment for Egyptians. There is no entertainment and no female faces to so, so by time many Egyptians miss their wives or women, and tend to search for something to spice up their lives. I remembered someone who came from Saudi Arabia and described how the youth were going to shopping malls only to look to ankles of women as they step out of their cars.
Anyway, practically speaking, he may just spend sometime with you and leave you after he returns back to normal social life. The only advice is to test him and again do not say “we agreed on marriage” ... just meet him and talk to him and get to know more about him face to face. There are many blind dates working out, but many others that do not work at all.
By the way, how did his wife react? Make sure she really knows about that.
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He has returned back Egypt and we still keep in touch via email,chat and telephone.I called him ago and her wife heard my voice.When we chatted on his birth day,he told her he was chatting with a good girl from China.Before we started love formally,I asked him if he miss her wife.he said he miss her and his son so much that it teared from eyes sometimes.Doesn't he be frank to say out his feeling?I asked him why you love me.His reply is kind,lovly,charming.... but the last reason is I am foreigner.If I am foreigner,he said she would agree.Could you tell me why they have the idea?If we meet and test him,how long would it be?I think if you didn't live with him for some time,it is hard to know him more on detail.I am muslim now and we can't have intimate behavior before marriage.Is it like that?
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Not every Egyptian wife accepts nicely a foreigner/or Egyptian, for a second wife to the husband.
Here is the most probable scenario and this is brutally honest:
The Egyptian wife will drive the husband crazy, nagging and being jealous and demanding, demanding, demanding, and that will make him upset, and under pressure, and he will give you a hard time.
In my opinion, he is having a good time, he will maybe marry you and consumate the marriage, and then like a great end to an arabic movie...he will go back to his wife and children and leave you dreaming in Chinese! That could well be after 2, 3, 4 years.. depending how cool is the first wife!!!
The fact is, if the first wife/mother of his children accepts you...then you've got it made.
BUT.........................
Beware of an Egyptian first wife - a certain existing type - she could be nasty!!! you have no idea.........It depends on her means , and her status..............her contacts........she could be a mean machine
In some cases the Egyptian wife is happy to get rid of the husband, he he he, for a reason or another, but prefers to keep the status of wife.
In other cases the Egyptian wife will not mind it, if the second wife will bring a better status to the family, through the husband, this happens in certain areas.
There's a famous story in Egypt, of a famous business man who used to marry second wives, every once in a while and divorce them but in secret... and whenever his wife would find out... she would hire a few men to break the back of the new wife, in an incredible beating, and give her a good lesson...It is horrible I know...very bad bad bad...I know...BUT that is an example of an Egyptian wife in fury, with the means to do so - refusing a second one, even though it is permitted by Islam.
In any case, best of luck Monica
quote:Originally posted by joylike: He has returned back Egypt and we still keep in touch via email,chat and telephone.I called him ago and her wife heard my voice.When we chatted on his birth day,he told her he was chatting with a good girl from China.Before we started love formally,I asked him if he miss her wife.he said he miss her and his son so much that it teared from eyes sometimes.Doesn't he be frank to say out his feeling?I asked him why you love me.His reply is kind,lovly,charming.... but the last reason is I am foreigner.If I am foreigner,he said she would agree.Could you tell me why they have the idea?If we meet and test him,how long would it be?I think if you didn't live with him for some time,it is hard to know him more on detail.I am muslim now and we can't have intimate behavior before marriage.Is it like that?
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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According to your assumption,the first wife can drive his husband crazy,which means he loves her very much,but he told me she surported him no matter if he has money or not and even accept he has another woman and however she is always sincere to him.That's why he didn't divorce her.He can't have new and kick off the old.If so,he'll do the same to me.She accept he has another woman although she is jealouse.He said he'll introduce me to her and hope we become friends.I don't know if I can accept her.I think maybe it is I who leave him at last because of diffirent culture and jealouse. I believe his true love for me,but I am not sure if I can adapt to the life in Saudi.In fact I dont want to live there,I would rather work in China with stable salary and happy women freedome.He said our love can overcome any difficulites and against any troubles. I also want to know what is the great end of arabiac movies.I never saw arabic film ago.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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The great end to a typical arabic movie reunites the family! No matter what!
There are no garantees also, that he won't marry a third one, when he becomes in real love with her ...that is another scenario!
Then, you can make friends with her too, and you can all cook and bake and make lots of nice things for your wonderful husband and stand by him and give him support, and relieve him from the pressure, when he is so tired of making a living and from being a great provider, and all...and most importantly, a kind man who did not kick you out!
Personally, I refuse those scenarios, over my dead body!
quote:Originally posted by joylike: According to your assumption,the first wife can drive his husband crazy,which means he loves her very much,but he told me she surported him no matter if he has money or not and even accept he has another woman and however she is always sincere to him.That's why he didn't divorce her.He can't have new and kick off the old.If so,he'll do the same to me.She accept he has another woman although she is jealouse.He said he'll introduce me to her and hope we become friends.I don't know if I can accept her.I think maybe it is I who leave him at last because of diffirent culture and jealouse. I believe his true love for me,but I am not sure if I can adapt to the life in Saudi.In fact I dont want to live there,I would rather work in China with stable salary and happy women freedome.He said our love can overcome any difficulites and against any troubles. I also want to know what is the great end of arabiac movies.I never saw arabic film ago.
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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Just out of curiosity, what is the % of Egyptian men (Egyptian families) who have more than one wife? What are the typical reasons why this would occur nowadays? Where is it typical? Is it across the country more or less or is it more rural vs urban, etc?
[This message has been edited by katrina (edited 15 March 2004).]
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Since I can accept his first wife,I don't care if he has third one in case .... only if he loves me and take care of my heart well. It is lucky that he said he won't marry again and it will be written on paper.I think if we marry,I'll charge high punishment in case he marry the third one or he leave me.Is it possible written on contrat of marriage?is it legal on both of country? we plan to marry in Egypt Embassy under Egypt law.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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What high punishment will you charge may I ask? He can divorce you and marry the third one, that will actually become the second one replacing you.
Why don't you ask to have the power of divorcing him in your hand? that is legal and could be written on the contract! Not a bad idea....
I really feel sorry for that first wife standing by him all her life, and the reward is: hey I have a new friend for you darling wifey! And by the way, I also married.. her he he he...cool!
Sorry joy, but I believe in eternal love or none! Plus, Islam permits a second wife and a third and a fourth under specific conditions, most of the times these conditions do not apply and the husband looks for a new wife, for variety.
A lot of Egyptian women do not accept this. And do not accept betrayal. And do not accept fooling around, and do not accept even that the husband flirts others in disrespect, in front of them...let alone having a relationship with a good Chinese girl on the internet...while the wifey is cooking for him!
If I was his first wife, I would DUMP the man in a second, no matter what it takes to survive, my dignity and my self-respect are above anything else!
Salam ( peace) Monica
quote:Originally posted by joylike: Since I can accept his first wife,I don't care if he has third one in case .... only if he loves me and take care of my heart well. It is lucky that he said he won't marry again and it will be written on paper.I think if we marry,I'll charge high punishment in case he marry the third one or he leave me.Is it possible written on contrat of marriage?is it legal on both of country? we plan to marry in Egypt Embassy under Egypt law.
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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I don't want divorcing power because I divorce ago and I don't want it anymore. I'd like to know what power for the first and other wife in Egypt law.Is it equal or same power?
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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kat, there are women that accept ...but not my cup of tea!!
The motive from what I've observed, in all honesty...with some exceptions - is pure lust!!!
Oh well...I am for pure love, fidelity, eternal bonding, even if the man smiles in a flirtish way or writes an email to another woman/flirting/solliciting/ just for fun ...he would be out of my life!
I'm a tough cookie when it comes to respect! And even if I'm sick in a bed and can't be a real wife...I would ask for a divorce immediately! When a man stops loving us or loves us less than yesterday...in my opinion my dear kat...it has to be buh bye!!!
quote:Originally posted by katrina:
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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Imagine this scenario: You are young and beautiful in your twenties, thirties whatever...enter TIME...you become less young and less beautiful...carried children, breast fed, cooked and cleaned...he becomes less handsome too by the way...but hey Mr. husband decides to find another wife because you became a little older, and less beautiful and less energetic...woooow what kind of man is that!? Certainly do not want this type around ever!
Goodnite girls...it was great talking to you!
Monica The tough cookie....
quote:Originally posted by katrina: BRAVO, Monica!
Joy, you are either naive or what? You are definetely not a child to think that Internet romance is pretty much just that! Here in the West, when a married man chats with a woman, it is considered "cheating". Also, I am not sure about China (I would expect it to be even stricter society than the West) but when a woman get herself involved with a married man, it is considered "an affair". Majority of men in general never end up leaving their families, regardless if it is East or West. So here it sounds, he has a legal way to keep his affair going. Otherwise, may I ask you why he wants a second wife while he is loving his first one? Also, imagine yourself inthe same situation, would you trust your husband be he is Chinese or a foreigner if he says I love you but I want to have another wife?
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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I din't know what's wrong to happen at net love.It is just media like TV marriage,traditional media women introduction your son and my daughter,like paper and maganzie's marriage media.It is just new media and bridge that make two people know each other.As for they have love or not,it depends on theirselves.They create love after long heat talking.It is better way to know someone,I think.Before they love each other,they are more frank and say anything without hesitantance because they don't need wear face mask in the realistic world.Don't you think you get new idea or thoughts in this website?To know many new freinds here through internet?The emotion is native and origianl. Most of women can't accept husban's another lover,but muslim allow four legally and give them equal power and garenteen by husband.For western or chinese country,a lot of men have other sex parter in secrete and never let the first wife know,however the second lover never have the legal power from law from the man.I feel pity for those women.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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I don't have statistics, ...we'll get into this in April hahaha! Just a hint.....in MANY families it is REFUSED totally.........and when the family finds out they make sure the marriage does not happen or they break it......... BUT, with 15 million people in Cairo...70 Million in Egypt..who on earth is counting anymore...
Really going............... Good work..... me sleep, me gone............
quote:Originally posted by katrina: My last question here.. How frequent or rare is it? Are we talking about small % of population?
Back to work...
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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The bottom line is this: You either accept to share your husband or you don't.
If you accept, it's your choice!
If you are having internet friendships like this board and you meet a man ...and after a while he is either married, or he is fooling around with every girl/woman on the board...you either go on with this or refuse...It's your choice...If your husband has a secret lover and you discover, you either accept or dump the bugger...see it's a matter of choice! Same for a man!
Some people have multiple internet relationships and they find this a thrill...it's their choice.
Is a 'legal' second marriage better than an 'affair' because it is accepted religiously - and I repeat with specific conditions, I hope you know that- not in my book!
If you are very Islamic, or becoming very Islamic, why don't you ask him to list all the conditions that apply to taking a second wife. And then ask him to tell you under which condition, does his wife fit!
Good Luck!
quote:Originally posted by joylike: I din't know what's wrong to happen at net love.It is just media like TV marriage,traditional media women introduction your son and my daughter,like paper and maganzie's marriage media.It is just new media and bridge that make two people know each other.As for they have love or not,it depends on theirselves.They create love after long heat talking.It is better way to know someone,I think.Before they love each other,they are more frank and say anything without hesitantance because they don't need wear face mask in the realistic world.Don't you think you get new idea or thoughts in this website?To know many new freinds here through internet?The emotion is native and origianl. Most of women can't accept husban's another lover,but muslim allow four legally and give them equal power and garenteen by husband.For western or chinese country,a lot of men have other sex parter in secrete and never let the first wife know,however the second lover never have the legal power from law from the man.I feel pity for those women.
[This message has been edited by Monica (edited 15 March 2004).]
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Joylike, If you've just came out of a bad relationship, why go into another where you have to wonder all the time? a relationship gone sour takes its toll on a human heart. Whatever it is, I wish you find the happiness we all deserve. No idea why but your story brought to mind the book "Waiting" by Ha Jin, may be because the author is chinese,may be because there was a second wife, I wish you a better life than Manna Wu finally got in that book, and an Egyptian first wife would never be as docile as the one in the book. I certainly won't if it were me.
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I never read the two books before.Could you introduce it to me?If you are the man's wife,how will you do?What did the Egyptian's wife do ususally?
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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it is not simple imagination.We exchanged photos and tel number.We have our own photo webpage updated often by us.We chatted almostly everyday.I know when we meet and after marriage,the life becomes fade with the time pass by,but the love can't disapear.No matter who you'll marry,the life is same as eating,working,sleeping...but you can love someone all the time,i think.
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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love needs reason?If you want to know it really,what I can tell you is because he loves me very much,i love him at the same time.He needs me and I also need him beside me.It is heart touching without reason.I know marriage is different with love.That's why I post my question and hope get all good suggestion for the futural marriage life.Nobody knows the future,only time know. In order to avoid any unhappiness,I'll take legal way to garenteen the marriage.Anyone give me some good law protection?
Posts: 34 | Registered: Jan 2004
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Well Joylike, the book is like i said called "Waiting" the writer is Ha Jin, the book is a 2000 Pen/Faulkner award winner. It's about a man Lin Kong, who loves Manna Wu a pretty nurse, but he is married to docile wife he leaves in the countryside (rings a bell?). For 17 years he goes back to his wife whho has bound feet hoping she would agree with the divorce (note this book is supposed to take place during the sixties)so that he could marry Manna Wu,,,,,,, i don't want to spoil the book, It's written originally in english , Ha Jin although chinese born, is an English professor in USA. I can tell you the rest of the story if you're ineterested, kids in the family say I'm a good storyteller.
Do wives live in the same home? sometimes they do, I think, when the husband can't afford separate homes. When he can, they live separately and he has to go back and forth between the too. I'm not sure, but i think this is the scenario.
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