I am a new member. I am currently living in England but whilst married met a chap in Luxor 10 years ago. Now my marriage is on the rocks and this chap let me know he loves me. We spent some time together since although it is quite difficult. I would like to come over and live in Luxor. I would like my own house built and to start a coffee shop and also business diong holistic therapies. Is this possible? How much money do I need to start this? The chap I know has very little income but I hope we could survive? Please help anyone?
posted
I think you need to be sure that moving to Luxor is right for you and ignore whether it will work out with this man or not.
Perphaps you could come and live here for a few months. On your own and see if the life is what you want.
Business wise you need to do a whole heap of research and put together a properly researched business plan. Who are you target market, how would you get access to them? I suspect this could only be the tourist trade and wonder how you would get intros withour co-operation from the hotels and tour companies.
Romance wise just read a few of the stories on this site and ask yourself which category your fella falls in before you go any further.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
I agree with all akshar say. I know many ladys married in Luxor in same as you. sound to me like this man want your monie. sorry but is true. i think you r much older than him and he works in bazaar or saimilar?> you r the only 1 he has been thinking about for 10 years and he cant live without you right?
Posts: 25 | Registered: May 2004
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I had thought of trying to see what it would be like on my own.
In respect of the chap - he runs tourists on trips and has a boat on the Nile in Luxor. He has met my brother and seems very sincere. He thinks currently I don't have any money hwoever I must say he is nearly my age - I am 43 and he is 40 so there is very little difference in our ages. he ahs waited for me to decide for nearly two years now.
He does not wish me to become Muslim and knows I have my own faith.
About the business - coffee shop would be for all - tourists and locals
The other - well I feel I would have to promote myself even if I have to work in hotels to begin with. I have degree and teach meditation. I am masseuse, reflexologist, aromatherapist and Reiki practitioner - this I would think is mroe for the tourists.
Thank you for your prompt reply.
I have read very well the articles on the web site and still feel my chap is genuine.
posted
So what are you going to do about his Egyptian wife and children. I mean at 40 he will have been married for some time now and have quite a lot of children. Have you meet them, can you be a co-wife?
What about his mother, does she respect you and is she happy with the idea of you as a wife to his son. Have you spent a lot of time with her. She is the most important female relationship he has and what she says goes?
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
[This message has been edited by akshar (edited 25 May 2004).]
posted
He has 3 children. He has been living apart from his wife for 6 years and is in the process of divorce. I have met all of his family and his mother and father who are happy with this. No I do not wish to be married to him as well as his wife/ex-wife. One of his brothers works in Luxor tourism board - his other brother sells for factory in Valley of Kings and Queens. I know them all. I have been to Egypt many times - about 15 and been to his home about 6 or 7 times. His brother Talat and Kamal seem very happy about it. As I understand it - he wants to be divorced but cannot afford the last part of it.
Posts: 57 | Registered: May 2004
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The advice you have received so far is very good. I would be rather reluctant to believe a man who says that he has loved me for 10 years despite being apart. However, my opinions aside, if you wish to set up a business in Luxor I would presume that you would seek this mans assistance in getting you set up. Would he be a partner in the business? If he is, then based on the fact that he has a tourist boat, leads me to believe that you have more to lose than him. Even if you trust him 100% engage the services of an Embassy approved lawyer to legally establish how much of the business is legally yours etc.If things do go wrong, the last thing you want is to be screwed financially. Plus if this guy is insincere, he will get the shock of his life when he realises that you have your head screwed on and are not about to be taken for a mug and have involved a lawyer!Fantastic! I was only 25 when I married my Egyptian husband and trust him 100%. However, life taking the twists and turns that it does, if I were EVER to set up a business or build a property here I would engage a lawyer to ensure that should the relationship go sourer, I would get what is rightfully mine. It may sound heartless, but it is pratical and my husband would rather that I did this and feel secure than be offended by it. Other option is to take a risk and not invest more than you can afford to loose (which in my case is about a fiver!)
Back to business. Luxor is saturated with various cafes, some aimed mainly at the Egyptian some tailored more for the needs of tourists, providing snacks as well as drinks and shishas. I think that if you were to embark on such a project you would need to make yours different in some way. Personally, I would stay away from the Cafe/Bizarre theme in Luxor as I don't think there is room for more of the same. I personally think that you need to spend some time in Luxor to really establish what would be an original idea here. An example is Akshars project. Rural Self catering apartments on the Westbank where the tourist gets to live alongside the local people, can travel independantly yet can still use the services of 'Flats In Luxor' for tours etc. This a very original, well planned idea. In addition, Akshar has utilised the modern method of the Internet to get to her target market which is probably why her venture has proved successful. You need to find your own niche, maybe you this could involve your aromatherapy skills etc.
In regards to your skills as a masseuse etc you probably could make a business on a freelance basis. I know that Le Meridian have their own inhouse Masseurs, the Movenpick has a British lady called Kate who does massages round the pool. Now I am not sure what her arrangement is with the Movenpick, whether she is employed by them, or she is freelance and pays them a cut of her profits but this could be worth investigating. Perhaps create a business plan and portfolio of your services and approach other hotels in Luxor (lets face it, there are plenty of them)to see if you can utilise them to get a customer base. Your services would not appeal to the majority of Luxor Egyptians so you market will be the tourists.
Those are just my thoughts Good luck in whatever you decide to do. All the best
PS - I have just read you comment that your husband is going through divorce but cannot afford the last part? I would investigate this further. Is this his way of remaining married to his Egyptian wife as well as marrying you? As you know Egyptian men can have more than one wife. What exactly IS this last part of the divorce that he can't afford? This confuses me. I would suggest that you ask him for more details and post his response on here. This forum is full of Egyptians who I am sure can spread some knowledge on the subject PPS I really don't want to sound negative and really hope things work out for you but it never hurts to check these things out before getting further involved.
PPPS - I read you comment that you have told him that you have no money. I remember a comment from a British lady who has lived in Luxor for more than 12 years and is married to an Egyptian. She once said, "You can tell them you have no money, but they won't truly believe you". This is definately a true comment from a very knowlegeable lady.
[This message has been edited by claire_1237 (edited 25 May 2004).]
Thank you and to everyone who has replied - you all seem very caring indeed. I value everyone's opinion.
I have a lot to discuss with my chappie and will be telephoning him later this week to discuss all these issues. A lot of things I simply had not thought of but I must say that I would have got a lawyer involved anyway because without that, who knows what would happen. The man who says he loves me has only been interested for the last 2 years. He has told me prior to that he had no interest at all. He has not, been interested in general in women and is quite shy to be honest and this is why I find him very sincere indeed. It took him a lot to say anything to me and when he did, it was through an egyptian friend of mine. He simply was afraid and was very afraid when he met my brother. They got on very well incidentally.
About the business re my holistic therapies - I quite agree and would be able to go freelance - I am doing that here at the moment and have plenty to go at and am well qualified.
In respect of the coffee shop, my chap actually worked at one prior to him doing the job he is doing and yes, we would be undertaking this business venture together although everything I had thought would legally remain in my name - and he actually agrees with everything being in my name.
He knows me very well and is aware that I am argumentative and look after myself well and yet still agrees with my demands. He genuinely worries about me and gets many headaches when he does not hear from me.
As I know him to be shy - he tells me he has had only one girlfriend and his wife - he tells me he has had little confidence with women in general. I know from his family prior to our interest that he is shy and that is not a lie.
I have heard from many people about men marrying foreign women for money and discussed this with him. He always reassures me that he loves me very much and would do anything for me. Last year, he was very upset and said to me that he would not be able to provide for me like men in the UK and that all he has is very little but he would always do the best for me and that he would understand if I could not be with him.
He just seems really genuine and despite my fears I believe him. To top this, I visited a top psychic in the UK twice with a year between and she confirms this too. I did not ask her anything and she could describe him, what he did and where he lived and she told me he was genuine.
quote:Originally posted by claire_1237: PPS - I read you comment that you have told him that you have no money. I remember a comment from a British lady who has lived in Luxor for more than 12 years and is married to an Egyptian. She once said, "You can tell them you have no money, but they won't truly believe you". This is definately a true comment from a very knowlegeable lady.
I so agree because by their standards you have got money. You can afford to come to abroad on holiday. That is a hell of sight more money than most of them will ever have.
You probably also have a camera, maybe a video camera or even a digital. Then there is the mobile telephone or maybe you just have a land line but you can make international calls. You talk about your life in England, the house with multiple bedrooms and bathrooms. The car you have. Maybe you tell the story of taking your cat to the vet.
This all adds up to mega money by the standards of a man giving trips to tourists.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
Ok chaps - I am going to telephone him up and discuss a lot of this stuff with him on Thursday 27th May. Is there anything else I need to ask him??
posted
Hi everyone I have read just about every topic on here and although many of the issues about men just saying they love foreign women I have discussed at length with the chap I love (not like)I felt that he has been very honest. He liked me to chat to at the beginning but nothing more - it was only 2 - 3 years when I had been over quite a lot before he decided he felt this way. I know he has had many problems with his first marriage and they tried repeatedly for 6 years to sort it out but finally they split permanently. He told me - I am unsure if this is true that to get the divorce he has to pay her much money - I got this impression anyway. I have been going over and meeting him over the last 2 years. I really have strong feelings for him. We have much in common. He is very much a Muslim but understands my beliefs and needs and expects that I will do whatever I want to do.
I will be telephoning him tomorrow but feel very down with some of the things raised on the site about how some men either mess around or marry for money. I have not believed him to be like this.
My heart is sinking because I have 100% believed him and now I feel really bad if what he has told me is untrue.
posted
Don't feel downhearted. There certainly are some horror stories but there are also those that DO work out although they are probably in the minority. Every situation is different. My personal advice to you, similar to another post is come to Luxor because YOU want to and come because you feel that YOU will get something positive out of the experience whether or not the relationship works out or not. Some of these women have been duped by excellent conmen but there are also a proportion that have been ripped off because of there own stupidity, parting with large sums of money and falling for the sob stories of my mum needs an operation or she will die scenarios.
Play it safe and you will lose nothing. I would view this seperation/no divorce situation as suspicious. My advice would be do not marry this guy, Orfi or otherwise, part with money or have any kind of sexual relationship with this man until he has divorced his wife. If he loves you as much as he says he will find a way to get hold of the money to finish this marriage.It sounds to me like an excuse to have two women on the go. This may not be the case, but be cautious. Don't just give him your trust - make him earn it.
You mentioned in one of your previous posts that you would like to build a property in Luxor, this is achievable but can be full of problems. Buying land for example is a nightmare and you would need a trustworthy Egyptian to help you find the land and negotiate on price as well as ensuring that the you can legally build on the land and that it is indeed owned by the 'Seller'.No doubt you would use this gentleman to help. This could give him the chance to act as if he is helping you but making a profit behind you back. I would advise you to rent an apartment until you are confident that you wish to remain here and also to give you time to mix in the community and ascertain what direction this relationship is going in.
This is definately a situation where you need to follow your head not your heart. This man may be genuine but do not give him the benefit of the doubt yet. Don't rush into things. You mention that you marriage is on the rocks so I guess you are not yet divorced. Give yourself time to get over this, get used to being on you own and confident and happy with it before committing again. So far you have only been with him on holiday. Living here is not like being on holiday and it takes a lot of adjustment. You may see this whole relationship differently when you are living here. As said before COME HERE FOR YOU. Change your life for a few months, witness first hand a completely different culture, enjoy the history and the sunshine, make new friends, let this be your primary concern and let the chap take a back seat to this.
posted
The money he is talking about for the divorce is probably what is called the mahr muakhir (or deferred dowry). When Muslims agree to marry the man has to give the woman a "dowry," and in many countries such as Egypt, this amount is usually a smaller amount than the amount they agree to pay the wife in the case of divorce or death. This larger amount is usually seen as a deterrent to stop the man divorcing his wife too easily and to work hard to preserve the marriage.
This amount of money is part of the marriage contract and therefore legally has to be paid to finalise the divorce, unless the wife, of her free will decides to forfeit it to get herself out of the marriage. But it is her legal right to claim it. So until it is paid he will remain legally married to her. At least that is my understanding of the situation. Can anyone else clarify it further?
posted
I was wondering, how would a foreigner woman know if her Egyptian boyfriend was indeed divorced?
would it be simply asking him and the people he has introduced to her as his family and them agreeing with him? or would they say anything to show him in a good light as their prospective marriage would be a good financial investment for the whole family? or are there English translated divorce papers?
or how would you know if the woman he has introduced as his "sister" that lives at family home is not his wife?
posted
this is exactly why you live here for awhile and make friends with respectable Egyptians, both males and females. If there is a question about the intended mans life, truthfulness of the situation, or moral ethics, you can call on your trusted friend to get to the root of the questions. You need someone that can read and understand Arabic completely so if there are lies they aren't done because of a lack of language skills. You never want to give the liar that out. Men here can act on behalf of a missing male counterpart (like a brother or father) that would normally take on this responsibility for a woman negotiating a marriage or something like that.
quote:Originally posted by wise_woman: I was wondering, how would a foreigner woman know if her Egyptian boyfriend was indeed divorced?
would it be simply asking him and the people he has introduced to her as his family and them agreeing with him? or would they say anything to show him in a good light as their prospective marriage would be a good financial investment for the whole family? or are there English translated divorce papers?
or how would you know if the woman he has introduced as his "sister" that lives at family home is not his wife?
posted
With interest I have read all you can and it all makes me feel a little uneasy. I do believe my chap has been honest with me. To be truthful, because my husband and I have known him for so long, we have been aware of the problems he has had in his marriage. He has not been with his wife now for 6 years. My own interest has only been for two years. That said, he tells me that he has to pay about £6,000 to end his marriage in divorce as the settlement. Personally for an Egyptian I believe this is a large amount of money and he certainly would not have this amount. Would this indeed be normal - I do not know. He has three children to his wife who he sees for two or three days a week. I have met all of his children. I ahve met his sister who speaks english and lives in his home. I have met the rest of his family. Today he asked me for money for the first time and I feel unwilling to send it to him but at the same time - I feel sad because he says he has no money at all and the tourist business in June is particularly bad. Up to now, I feel he has been perfectly honest with me.
posted
dear akhenaten, i would like to advice u if u allow me to do so not to send this man any money,u can tell him u r broken and dont have money in the mean time ,through this u will be able to see his reaction,at the same time i want to tell u that 6 thousand egyptian pounds not that high amount of money for someone who earns a good salary ,most egyptian guys i have to tell u like to keep their egyptian wives even though they will marry a forgeiner for so many reasons like in case they have childern from their egyptian wives so they like the childern to grow up having a normal father and mother in a marriage relationship cause a divorce thing still looked upon not so well specially when those childern grow up and they become at the age of getting married specially with daughters.be careful my friend and again dont send him any money ,he can borrow from his sister or anyone here dont send him any money and try to see his reaction when u tell him u dont have money . wish u good luck
Posts: 74 | From: cairo,egypt | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Thank you for that information. I have already told him I do not have the money in the meantime and will await his reply.
Posts: 57 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Well done but yet another thing i want to direct your attention to if he asked u when u can have the money ,u better tell him u dont know ,i mean dont give him an exact time or a hope that u can give him the money . good luck and i hope he will raise to your expectations of him keep us posted with anything new and dont hesitate to inquire about anything ok? Posts: 74 | From: cairo,egypt | Registered: May 2004
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As I mentioned earlier, the deferred dowry is usually a very large amount to act as a deterrent to stop the man divorcing his wife easily, so it is usually a much larger amount than he could find easily.
That amount is about 66,000 LE actually. Can anybody give an idea if that is an amount that would normally be asked for in Luxor to someone in this man's situation?
posted
Hello there, newcomer u were asking about the amount of the money whether about 60,000pounds is a normal amount can be asked from someone in luxor,well my dear that amount of money called deferred dowry differes from a family to the other and it has nothing to do with the place but it has something to do sometimes with securing the wife just in case her husband decided to divorce her ,also it can be much more it can reach to a million egyptian pounds like we usually hear among artists,so it is variable.
[This message has been edited by egyptianambition (edited 01 June 2004).]
posted
Akhenaton It can only be your decision whether to send him money or not. I agree that tourism business is not that good during the summer months, but they do have very good support systems whereby they can borrow from each other if money is desperately needed. I was told once, "it is what friends do, i I need it and my friend has it, it is mine, and if he needs it and I have it, it is his". The amount he has asked for and what he needs it for should also be taken into consideration. Never forget that a small amount of sterling goes a long way in Luxor. It is a very difficult situation you now find yourself in. Monica is right, a decent egyptian never asks for money from a woman. However, if you offer it, then it becomes a different matter. And in Luxor, it is a way of life for many. I sincerely hope that he is not using you, all I can advise is that you keep your wits about you and above all, be suspicious. Go to Luxor, rent a flat, do the Orfi marriage if necessary, but dont invest anything of significance in either him or a business until you are sure beyond a shadow of doubt about him. Whatever you do, I wish you lots of luck and happiness
Posts: 1196 | From: www.spiritofthenile.com | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
Thank you all for your help. I did not offer the money but he did ask me. I text him to advise him that I was very short of money this month and explained why. It was actually the truth. He first of all text me to say he would borrow from someone else then he text me later as I sent him a further text to advise that I was upset I could not help him. He text me 2 or three times to thank me and apologise and say sorry for asking and for me to forget that he had even asked me. He does appear genuine.
Posts: 57 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Keep in mind that while he may be having a slow June, it has been a MAJOR hay day for the first 5 months this year. There is money in Luxor a the moment.
Posts: 3246 | From: Heliopolis, Cairo, Egypt | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
I am glad you have told me that business is booming or has been over the last few months. I was unaware of this fact and it does make a difference to how I view things.
Posts: 57 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
I am not sure i would say business is booming. Sure we were fully booked and overflowing in April but the rest of the time it has been sporadic. Whilst the big hotels, cruise ships and tours companies do very very well it is a little different for the ordinary guy in Luxor hustling for a living.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
I am a new member and have read all the replies with interest. I have been in Luxor a long time and I love it but my time here has been fraught with problems. I live here alone now - through choice. I built when I first came here - and lost it. I started a business - and then found that I did not own it. Be very careful about choosing a lawyer - mine was working for the other side from the beginning and lost me a fortune. My Egyptian partner was patient and bided his time in relieving me of my money. He waited two years before he made a move. Had I stayed with him eventually I would have lost everything - most of the women I know have. Many have returned to England to throw thenselves upon the welfare state. Whatever you do give yourself an escape route if you need one and keep a home in England. Rent a flat in Egypt it will prove much cheaper and you can move if you have terrible neighbours or if the relationship goes sour. Keep your finances secure. You are rich - everything is relative. At the moment you are also unhappy and that makes you vulnerable. Please take care. You can be really happy in Luxor if you take a few precautions. My partner skimmed enough from my business to build himself a villa on the West Bank.
Posts: 2235 | From: Jail | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
My chap was having problems with his telephone and so I bought him one and sent it to his cousin in London who was going to take it to him. He actually sent it to him and my chap has now received it at Luxor post office but they want to charge him £150 as tax to retrieve it. Of course, he is not in a particularly good mood about it and this is why he asked me for the money - I said no I have not got it and he was moody and would not speak with me.
I have helped him once before with money for his boat but feel quite loathe to help him currently especially after what you have all said.
I have also - supposedly bought some land with him in Luxor - I did not pay vast amount but nevertheless don't know if I will get the money back - £4,000 I think. What do readers think?
posted
Akhenaten, i found it quite strange about u buying him a new phone,here in egypt phone sets r not that expensive and yeah i agree with u they usually take high taxes and u said he had to pay 150 egyptian pounds which could have brought to him a good phone set and even at a much lower price,they r available here. is he the one who asked u to bring him a new phone set? Posts: 74 | From: cairo,egypt | Registered: May 2004
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posted
You may not like this opinion, but unfortunately when women give/lend money to 'certain types' of men, they get abused over and over again by these types, that know exactly how to seduce women using every trick in the book, and with a lot of patience until they reach their ultimate goal.
You have to be on your toes, and have a lawyer on your side, and make sure that your papers are all legal because you may never see the money...the idea is not how much you lost really it is the fact that you were robbed of it, and let it happen that is more serious.
Do yourself a favor, and test the chap by refusing to lend/give him any money anymore. You may find out the truth sooner than you think.
Men (!!) that have their little tantrums when women can't give/lend them money, deserve a good lesson....!!!
quote:Originally posted by Akhenaten: My chap was having problems with his telephone and so I bought him one and sent it to his cousin in London who was going to take it to him. He actually sent it to him and my chap has now received it at Luxor post office but they want to charge him £150 as tax to retrieve it. Of course, he is not in a particularly good mood about it and this is why he asked me for the money - I said no I have not got it and he was moody and would not speak with me.
I have helped him once before with money for his boat but feel quite loathe to help him currently especially after what you have all said.
I have also - supposedly bought some land with him in Luxor - I did not pay vast amount but nevertheless don't know if I will get the money back - £4,000 I think. What do readers think?
posted
I agree with the comments already. Do not part with any more money. I think the little tantrum when you refused to part with £150 is a strong indication of his intentions. I am 28 and my husband (from Luxor) is 30, we have been together for 4 years, married for nearly 3 and I am yet to witness the day that he asks me for a penny or piastre.Quite frankly he would rather lay in the middle of the road and be run over my a callesh than face such an indignity.
I was interested to hear your comment about purchasing land. Were you involved in the buying process at all? Do you know where the land is located or how big it is? Land prices vary according to location, obviously a plot of land in Luxor centre will vary in price significantly to a plot of land on the outskirts. Some land in Luxor goes for about LE1500 for 1 SQUARE METRE. So for £4k you would probably get a piece of land big enough to park a bicycle in Luxor. If the land is in a more rural location, you could probably get a plot big enough to park 2 bicycles and plant a few rows of cabbages. I can only speak for the East Bank as I have no idea of land price on the West Bank but would imagine that it is quite a bit cheaper in certain locations. Plus, buying land is fraught with problems, often the 'seller' doesn't actually own the land and is only leasing it from the government or legal docs are not in order and there are disputes over ownership plus much, much more.
It has been interesting to see your situation unfold and I am glad that you have found ES for advise. Ok you have parted with some cash but if you discover the truth about him now, at least you will come out from this relationship relatively unscathed. Best of luck.
[This message has been edited by claire_1237 (edited 04 June 2004).]
posted
£4,000 sterling is 48,000 LE and would buy a sizeable plot of non-arable land on the West Bank away from the ferry. BUT, who owns this piece of land that is supposed to have been bought.
You must get a copy of the papers and get them translated and checked. Then make sure that they are registered with the court. If he fights about it or puts you off then you know that something is wrong. If necessary take the papers (if you get any) to Mr Gaddis the British Consul and ask his opinion. You will find him every day but Friday at the Gaddis Hotel across the road from the Isis.
There is no way that the import duty on a mobile phone would be 18,000 LE. When I last looked, new mobiles were cheaper in Luxor than in England.
I don't want to be all doom and gloom because you really can make a good life in Egypt - you just have to keep your eyes open and your purse closed. Claire is right. If he was genuine he would not ask you for money - FOR ANYTHING and would certainly not get angry if it was not forthcoming. My man used to get livid if I would not give him money - it cost me a fortune.
[This message has been edited by Luxorlover (edited 04 June 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by Akhenaten: My chap was having problems with his telephone and so I bought him one and sent it to his cousin in London who was going to take it to him. He actually sent it to him and my chap has now received it at Luxor post office but they want to charge him £150 as tax to retrieve it. Of course, he is not in a particularly good mood about it and this is why he asked me for the money - I said no I have not got it and he was moody and would not speak with me.
I have helped him once before with money for his boat but feel quite loathe to help him currently especially after what you have all said.
I have also - supposedly bought some land with him in Luxor - I did not pay vast amount but nevertheless don't know if I will get the money back - £4,000 I think. What do readers think?
I am feeling a bit edgy at the moment.
Mu husband received a phone from a friend of his in the UK and it cost him 70LE to collect it. It was a Nokia that takes pictures.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
Dear Akhenaten: I think you are very right to be feeling cautious. No way would the tax to collect the phone be £150 and in any case you say you are still phoning him so something is still working. I guess this is not the right time to be asking him but if he is so short of money .... what is he going to be doing about that divorce?? Good luck when you next phone him, I think his attitude will tell you all you need to know. About the land did he arrange for it to be in your name or his name?. There is absolutely no reason why a foreigner cannot own property in their own right... they will sometime tell you otherwise... I am staggered at how many women buy properties in their partners/husbands names. You really must see a lawyer on your next visist to sort this out and get it properly registered at the court. Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
At the moment, I do not feel in a mood to telephone him especially since he has lied about the mobile phone. He told me that they were very expensive in Egypt. What makes my blook boil is that I am in a poor situation at home as due to a serious problem with my house, I had to take on a £25,000 loan following serious problems with my insurance company following a flood. I ahve reduced it vastly to £15,000 but to top that, I have been struggling to pay as much off as I can. I have not been out with friends for a long time and cannot even afford to go to a cafe for a cup of coffee. He on the other hand, I feel is enjoying himself. He is often smoking a Shisha (hope this is spelt correctly). He knew of my problems but still asked me for a further £150 after spending £300- £400 for a new mobile for him - he told me exactly the one he wanted. I am feeling quite annoyed and upset now. When I do telephone him, he will find it not so pleasant.
posted
Dear Akhenaten, you have every right to feel the way you do right now so just make sure you do NOT phone him. Let him phone you, if he can afford his Shisha and coffee, he can afford a phone call it is not that expensive. The power of silence should never be underestimated.
Put it all out your mind for a while and just live day to day... promise you it helps. Best wishes Penny
posted
Please understand this: the man you are describing is not to be recommended.
Egyptians do not respect men that ask for gifts, and money and act like spoiled little boys.
Asking for 'things' from people that are not family, and close friends is a sign of immaturity and disrespect. Asking for 'things ' from family and close friends is usually in emergency cases only, and everyone helps..everyone...with food and clothes and money even big sums..
It is the culture to 'accept' gifts..and we have many beggars also, unfortunately.. due to the bad economical situation and also some are professional beggars...if you know what I mean, but it is not Egyptian to take money from women. It is what we call in Egypt 'cheap', 'trashy' and 'low' to do so. Here is a good tip: next time he asks you for money (if you insist to keep this relationship going) say this to him:
'Ma ta'amel gam'eya ya Akhy!!!''
Meaning get a group of people to chip in, get the first loan yourself and start paying...
That is also done all the time, in every class, between people to help one another from small to huge amounts...
It is a friendly loan ...rotating..and everone pays a monthly amount.
saying that to him would make him realize that you are not a fool... Good luck...
posted
Follow Penny's advice - she knows what she is talking about.
I worked a whole summer to get money that was needed for my business (registered in his name although I did not know it). The money was spent on his villa (which i did not know he had but which was built with my money). I had a lawyer - he now works for my partner - enough said.
My partner did not suffere pangs of guilt he was probably proud of his 'business' accumen in getting the money out of me without too much of a fight.
You have problems at home - giving him money and buying land in Luxor will only make the other matters worse. Never for a moment consider selling your house in England to settle here. Let it if you have to, but do not sell it. When your money has gone here he does not have to provide a home for you. Always have somewhere to go back to.
I know several people who sold up and built blocks of flats. They found that when the relationship went wrong they were unable to live in even one of them. It is not uncommon.
Is you are on the west bank get a lawyer from the east bank they are less likely to have family connections but you must have a lawyer.
If you do go ahead, make sure that all money transferred has some sort of receipt. Never part with large sums of cash. Transfer the money through the bank. State on the transfer what the money was for. If you can prove that you paid for the land then you would a chance of recovering it if necessary - otherwise forget it and write it off. I know from experience (painful) just what mayhem lack of receipts can cause.
If your man in genuine he would not object to any of these measures.
posted
I lost my mobile in London and had to buy a new set (stand alone, so I could switch cards). It was much more expensive in the UK than it is in Egypt. (Due to the fact most UK phones are sold with plans and in Egypt, they're sold individually, then a SIM card is bought separately).
Getting a new mobile out of a lady-friend seems to be "step 1" with a lot of these men...I hope I'm totally wrong, but if he is trying to ask for 150 sterlings on TOP of you buying him a new phone -- then I don't have much hope for this man's character. Judge his actions, not his words. If he has a cousin who was in the UK at the same time, he must have known the prices of UK phones and that they were more expensive.
PS: I would get a lawyer from Cairo, who is quite expensive, and on your embassy's list. If you can afford the prices, I would even suggest you have a multi-national firm review the most crucial documents any local lawyer draws up for you. I can't recommend any multi-national in particular, though I am aware of baker & mckenzie (they charge the same rates in Egypt that they would in the UK or US so they're more corporate-focused.) I suggest you look at the members of the American Chamber of Commerce http://www.amcham.org.eg/Default.asp
(go to members database / search for companies categorized as legal). Most have email addresses listed.
[This message has been edited by ExptinCAI (edited 07 June 2004).]
posted
I am so pleased to find this ite and be able to speak with you all over there. It is refreshing to have new buddies who care. It is also nice to know/share this infnormation and allay any problems others may face. I certainly will be taking great care now.
In respect of the money I have sent. I have papers to prove what I sent and also it states in writing what it is for.
posted
I have just asked my chap to sell the land and to send me back the money as I am broken - let's see what happens next.
He text me back to ask me to telephone him tonight as he is in the army area with his brother who has mental health problem but has been called up into the army.
I cannot telephone him tonight but will reply at some point by text at the moment.
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