I am just about to marry my Egyptian (muslim) fiance, I myself live in Europe. Now, a few weeks ago I met a women who lived in Egypt for many years with her Egyptian (christian) husband. They are still together but they finally moved to Europe, as they faced too many problems in Egypt.
As I had many questions about living in Egypt, I was talking to this women a lot and I told her my story. One of her first questions was: Is your fiance Muslim? I said: yes he is. Then she said, "I advise you not to marry him, because in 10 years in Egypt I didn't find one single happy Muslim-Christian couple...but I saw broken couples wherever I went". She said, at the latest when we have kids, this will be our end. Because we have too diffent values and expectations.
I want to ask all people here in this forum: Do you know any HAPPY mixed couples, where both people are religious but one christian, one muslim, and preferably a couple with kids??? Is it true that such happy couples are so rare??? I really wonder... and it makes me afraid if it's true that statistically let's say 90% get divorced. Why?? And what are the "happy" couples doing different???
posted
Hello Saeeda, Your answer is in the question. There are a couple of them that spring to mind. Sara for example has managed to turn her Egyptian hushand into a complete saint. Shes trained him now to have a shower before he makes love to her, and again afterwards. They have sex like rabbits, so this accounts for the water shortage in the area. The other one is Salama, thats a synonym for Hatchepsut. She thinks its absolutely diabolical to have a sex operation, but if you want to put a false beard on a behave like the opposite sex, then thats perfectly all right. Whether her husband wears fishnet stockings and high heels when shes around I dont know. Saint Charlie.
Posts: 707 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by sokarya_686@hotmail.com: [B]Hello Saeeda, Your answer is in the question. There are a couple of them that spring to mind. Sara for example has managed to turn her Egyptian hushand into a complete saint. Shes trained him now to have a shower before he makes love to her, and again afterwards. They have sex like rabbits, so this accounts for the water shortage in the area. The other one is Salama, thats a synonym for Hatchepsut. She thinks its absolutely diabolical to have a sex operation, but if you want to put a false beard on a behave like the opposite sex, then thats perfectly all right. Whether her husband wears fishnet stockings and high heels when shes around I dont know.
posted
Hello, everybody, first......it is soooooo difficult not to answer "Dirty Harry(alias Charly), but I will let it today; and maybe tomorrow.....maybe...
Saeeda, you mentioned a friend, married to an christian egyptian. You speak about mixed couples, and I understood, that you mean the religion only? Then your friend was a moslem? Then it was usually forbidden for her (islamic rule) to marry a christian...? Only male moslem is allowed to marrie female christians, is this right?
I know a mixed couple and my friend told me about an other one, that the marrige is 'sadly'. The men feel not understood, the women too proud to give in, because they don't like to do something, they think they don't need to. The men feel not 'keeped' and understood and beginn to compare (with moslem women). If they would live in europe, f.e., it would be maybe differend. A third couple I know, they are married with three children, they lived happily for many years in europe. They came to egypt, because their business failed, now they got it worse. Suddenly his mother remembered him his believe, this mother spreeds lies around how his wife is bad, etc., she tells the children bad things about their mother, they believe it... He loved her many years and three children long as christian; now he want to throw her like a dog in the street, "go, and live anywhere" Will she like Islam that way ? Sure not ! God will judge this man and his mom, Ja Rob..!I hope that!
What I want to say is, this mixed couples can survive maybe only in a not islamic country. And the wife must be very very sensitive and understandable, never stubborn or proud, and she must remember him his islamic 'habbits'. Otherwhile it doesn't work. My oppinion.
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You would like to have answers of other peoples life. Tell me, why are you not asking yourself if you really love this man and if you would like to stay with him forever?
posted
dear sara and pito, thanks for your long replies... yes, i was talking about "mixed" in the sense: mixed cultures (egypt/europe) and mixed religions (muslim/christian) well, the woman who told me that there is no chance to live happily together for such couples was european-christian, her husband was egyptian-christian. she was talking about living in egypt together.
ok, well, me and my fiance are planning to live in egypt... so this would apply to us... but it's hard for me to believe that there is really almost no way to live in egypt together, happily??? i love him, i love his family, they love me... how can religious beliefs destroy this love?? or are the reasons rather cultural??
posted
Hi, I am that happy couple you are looking for. Catholic/married to Muslim for 9 years with 2 kids. I beleive that it may be that these unhappy couples your friend is talking about just don't get on anymore, nothing to do with values. You should know each other and your values/differences before you get married. Of course, me and my husband have our disputes as most ouples do, but never about how we are different. We both agree on how our children should be brought up and are here to guide them, however as long as they grow to be competent respectful adults, they will always choose their own path in life.
Living in Cairo, however may just put pressure onto "mixed couples" in the day to day living and outside interference. Staring of people/family interference/what you wear etc... can make you feel sometimes pressured, but you just work through it.
Yes, the culture is very influencing. Sadly so many 'destroy' each other, because they MIX the real Islamic Believe with culture; I think so. But I think you can have a real chance, because you know already his family and they accept you!? Just, follow my goodmeaned advice and behave always with a looot of understanding for him . I am sure you will be fine, inschaallah!
posted
Dear Malak, thank God... :-) but...do you live in Egypt? How do you deal with the fact that your kids have to be raised as muslims, while you are catholic? If you prefer to write me a private message, here is my email: mariafeldburg@yahoo.com Thank you so much...
Posts: 271 | From: germany | Registered: Oct 2004
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quote:Originally posted by germansara: The men feel not understood, the women too proud to give in, because they don't like to do something, they think they don't need to. The men feel not 'keeped' and understood and beginn to compare (with moslem women).
Holy crap, if my husband spoke a word of this crap in front of his father, his father would kick his ass.
Holy crap germansara are you serious?
Its like women are second class compared to men crap... Oh man am I glad I married into a good family.
The men feel not understood, the women too proud to give in, because they don't like to do something, they think they don't need to.
Sara do understand that a marriage is give and take, compromise, understanding. Not a slave and master relationship; marriage is so much more.
Yes you must understand your husband, but if you can't fix his entire life for him and make his every wish come true you're not a failure as a wife. What I have noticed in Misryan culture women make things happen, whether it be jobs, college majors focus, getting her son out of a felony charge, finding him a suitable wife, and all in all opening doors for him; wives have huge shoes to fill. And its not fair for us, because our mother's raised us to make opportunities for ourselves, not to run to 'mom' for every little thing.
Though I will say this, the most important person to hit it off with is your mother in law. And often times in-laws look at you like, "she will never be happy here, she is used to a better life". On top of that we are very independent, westerners that is, we don't go around behaving co-dependantly, we treat our men as adults.
Mother-in-laws want the best for their sons and having a good wife for their precious son is important. Most Misryan mothers consider their son's Paschas, this revolts me.
Quality of life is very difficult terriotory. This is the main vein of marital strife for me. I am prudent, pratical, and thrifty. He wants the best of everything and we can barely afford the minimum. So in a way even if you don't wear the spurs at first, eventually he will exhaust himself and allow you alot more influence and input. Then he wants to be coddled and treated like a school boy... YUP go figure.
Coddle him, treat him like a school boy, let him make the decisions when first married. Besides it isn't just Egyptian men who are like this, most first time married men have an amazing reality shock.
Just remember you are marrying someone's little prince. And yes he will consider himself a prince to be king untill he lands on his face a few times and learns what marriage is give and take; compromise and sacrifice.
And I am sorry to stick my neck out here, certain family values are universal despite what faith you are.
Somehow my families strict, 'victorian' attitude is really attractive to my husband. He likes how I was raised to a certain extent. Discipline, hardwork and character building were the cornerstones of my childhood. He compliments me on occasion for my tough stance on many parental issues.
[This message has been edited by sonomod (edited 08 January 2005).]
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Saeeda - I know several couples in Luxor that have mixed marriages both in the sense of nationality and religion and they have been very happy. They can remain happy and so can you.
The main concern would be the religion of the children who will be brought up as Moslems but unless you are a devout Christian then that should not cause any real problems. When you get down to it the differences between the religions are not that great.
Problems in mixed marriages usually arise when there is a massive age gap on top of everything else and where the reasons for getting married were questionable in the first place.
There is no reason why you should not be happy if you love him and he loves you. I wish you well.
Yes, marrige is taking and giving ! I found out, that my husband copied my way, because he found it good. I mean, how I treat him, he always give it back to me some day in a compared situation. In every situation of life! We have a saying in german : "wie es in den Wald schallt, so schallt es heraus!!" Hmm, how I translate this? "As you call in the forest it comes back to you" It means, the way you give, you take.
posted
If you husband to be is not civilized ; learned , travelled, broad minded, not an extremist, then don't do it.
Posts: 1516 | From: Cairo | Registered: Oct 2001
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quote:Originally posted by germansara: Dearest sonomod,
men are like small boys, they need this way.
Yes, marrige is taking and giving ! I found out, that my husband copied my way, because he found it good. I mean, how I treat him, he always give it back to me some day in a compared situation. In every situation of life! We have a saying in german : "wie es in den Wald schallt, so schallt es heraus!!" Hmm, how I translate this? "As you call in the forest it comes back to you" It means, the way you give, you take.
I made our life happy that way..
Sara
Agreed. My father is a feminist and it comes through at times. Doesn't bother my husband too much.
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Hello Sara, vell ve know it now how to get zee real men. ve haf to go into zee forest, and make zee right noises! Zen zee real men vill make zemzelves known and come out, ven ve can catch zem viz our nets. And zen ve take zem home and vosh zem to make zem smell nice. Charlie viz vinks. hahahahahahahaha
Posts: 707 | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by sokarya_686@hotmail.com: Hello Sara, vell ve know it now how to get zee real men. ve haf to go into zee forest, and make zee right noises! Zen zee real men vill make zemzelves known and come out, ven ve can catch zem viz our nets. And zen ve take zem home and vosh zem to make zem smell nice. Charlie viz vinks. hahahahahahahaha
hehehehe... finally, i know what i've been doing wrong!! i need a net!! :P
I actually have no preference to how my children are raised in terms of religion. All children need to be guided by their parents and thats what we do. I do not practise my catholic religion, however my husband does practise his religion And we both choose this religion as a foundation for our children. My husband is a good man, he does not pray 5 times a day every day, normally on a friday at the mosque only and when he feels the need. Being a good Muslim is more than praying. All religions are between the person and there god only, not what everyone else thinks. My children as they grow older will find there own path and whatever they choose, we know as parents they will be fine. Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Malak - you approach to this is to be commended and should serve as an example to others. It shows that this can work and it also treats your children like free thinking human beings who will one day chose what path they follow. By the same token you show that being a Moslem means far more than performing ritual prayers. I think you are an excellent Mum and have the recipe for tolerance that will lead to a long lasting relationship. . Posts: 2235 | From: Jail | Registered: Jun 2004
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Hi, LL Thankyou for your comments. I know lots of people (as my husband does as well) who think that praying 5 times a day will make up for all the other things that they do badly in there lives, ie: the way they treat people. What people forget (and this is in all walks of life/religions, is that maybe when they meet there maker, whoever they may be, they will be judged on everythig they have done in life and not just the praying!
Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Actually I have had the opposite experience. During the first 20 months of our marriage my hubby didn't happen to pray as much, certainly not 5 times a day.
Now he makes sure he prays 5 times a day and his attitude has improved. He works nights but goes on no sleep or 4 hours of sleep to make it to the mosque on Friday. And now he actually goes to the Mosque where the Sheik isn't claiming 'Jihad Against America' and were in America.
He no longer insults my faith or pushes me to revert to Islam.
I think prayer helps. It grounds him.
Posts: 5744 | From: Minneapolis, Mn USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
My husband and me met when we where still teenagers. 9 years on we are still together and have a little boy. He is Muslim and I am Christian although neither of us practise regularly. He respects my beliefs and I respect his and although our son is being raised a Muslim which I have no problem with we want him to grow to respect everyone whatever their beliefs. like someone else said I think many of the couples you speak of have simply grown apart as any couple can whatever their religion and nationality. like any relationship you just have to work at it, talk lots and above all respect each other.
Posts: 29 | Registered: Jul 2004
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I am just about to marry my Egyptian (muslim) fiance, I myself live in Europe. Now, a few weeks ago I met a women who lived in Egypt for many years with her Egyptian (christian) husband. They are still together but they finally moved to Europe, as they faced too many problems in Egypt.
As I had many questions about living in Egypt, I was talking to this women a lot and I told her my story. One of her first questions was: Is your fiance Muslim? I said: yes he is. Then she said, "I advise you not to marry him, because in 10 years in Egypt I didn't find one single happy Muslim-Christian couple...but I saw broken couples wherever I went". She said, at the latest when we have kids, this will be our end. Because we have too diffent values and expectations.
I want to ask all people here in this forum: Do you know any HAPPY mixed couples, where both people are religious but one christian, one muslim, and preferably a couple with kids??? Is it true that such happy couples are so rare??? I really wonder... and it makes me afraid if it's true that statistically let's say 90% get divorced. Why?? And what are the "happy" couples doing different???
My dear its easier said then done!Think about the future and yourself...and these days its makes no differance which country you live in...especially if youre Moslem...watch the news...if the pressure of his country wont get to you the presure of your own country will.Love is not enough ...I wish you do what is best for yourself and your future.Think long and hard and consider if its worth doing in the long run.Good Luck
Posts: 723 | From: South Africa | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
Hello, I am new to this chat site and I was very happy to read the last few postings. I am Christian/American and my husband is Muslim/Egyptian. We live in Cairo. Malak, it was nice to read about a successful "mixed" marriage! I have looked for chat groups for women married to Egyptians, but the women in the groups have usually converted to Islam. I cannot relate to their discussions. My husband's family is probably less traditional then others, which is quite nice!
What is important in any marriage is good communication.
posted
Hi there, Here is one happy couple together forever...i am christian woman from europa and man is muslim from egypt. we are living in egypt. i dont see that problem could be the country,where are u living,if ur marriage not work. Even culture cant be so big problem...but it need both of side to change their life,that it fit together. Religion can make problem, and u must talk all things before go to marriage. what to do with children ans so...then u dont get any suprise. most important that u can trust to ur love,and ur feeling. if ur love is strong,true, u will solv all problems and ur marriage will be very lovely. every marriage have problems, even its not mixed one. its not any paradise. i dont like to live in egypt very much. but i do it for my love. after some time,we will move to my country. it must go like this, first other change his life,then its other turn...marriage need two people, other is not less than other.
Posts: 263 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Dec 2004
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I am just about to marry my Egyptian (muslim) fiance, I myself live in Europe. Now, a few weeks ago I met a women who lived in Egypt for many years with her Egyptian (christian) husband. They are still together but they finally moved to Europe, as they faced too many problems in Egypt.
As I had many questions about living in Egypt, I was talking to this women a lot and I told her my story. One of her first questions was: Is your fiance Muslim? I said: yes he is. Then she said, "I advise you not to marry him, because in 10 years in Egypt I didn't find one single happy Muslim-Christian couple...but I saw broken couples wherever I went". She said, at the latest when we have kids, this will be our end. Because we have too diffent values and expectations.
I want to ask all people here in this forum: Do you know any HAPPY mixed couples, where both people are religious but one christian, one muslim, and preferably a couple with kids??? Is it true that such happy couples are so rare??? I really wonder... and it makes me afraid if it's true that statistically let's say 90% get divorced. Why?? And what are the "happy" couples doing different???
I am mixed up, I mean, mixed in a couple, that is, well, I am married to an Egyptian Muslim. Happy couples are a rarity these days, period, mostly because we marry for all the wrong reasons, but that is a different fairy tale. Love, communication and open mind do wonders in any situation and in any part of the married world. Do you intend to move to Egypt? If yes, consider all the changes you would have to make in your lifestyle to be seen as a respectable spouse in the Muslim environment; that goal achieved I predict a marrital bliss for you and your future husband for at least 99 years of your marriage to come. If you would like to know more, send me an email (listed on my profile). Mabrook to both of you!
thank you all very very much for your replies!!! It helped me a lot, to hear about your experiences (especially the good ones!)
After all, there seems to be quite a lot of happy mixed couples in Egypt
Shouldn't we start a special forum for this kind of marriages/relationships?? I think it can be very helpful for many people. Or does such a forum already exist somewhere???
P.s. Suzanna, I received your email from 11th of january, and I will reply, but please be patient I am so busy at this time!
posted
Saeeda, i like to find forum, where we ladys,who marry to egyptian,with real true love...and who are living in egypt...we could have much in comment... only for marriage womans...because u cant live with the man in egypt,if u are not marry...or u can...but its not right way...
Posts: 263 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Dec 2004
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