Violet, u are good woman, i dont think many are like u...problem is only ur husband,who is so selffish,that cant make choices,which maybe hurt him,or his family,,,
nobody cant get it all..
everybody make mistakes in their lifes,but they should be enough man to solv it..

if he want divorce,just do it...anyway he must give money to his kids..and wife.it is not end of their life.

if he want to be with his family, what is better choice... he must tell to his first wife about u.

if he cant do that, then he must forget u..

sometimes i feel,that egyptian man are so sensitive and soft, that they cant do anything,what may do problems to their life..they just try to make things by their own way, with white lies and dreaming,every thing is fine...they cant see true world,or they dont want..
they want have moon from the sky...they dont understand,that it could be wrong..what we then look,if he take our moonwalley...

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Originally posted by hams:
I will apologize up front if I insult you - but your views are idiotic and they symbolize EVERYTHING WRONG WITH INDOCTRINATION.

Since you probably don’t know what Indoctrination is – I will define it for you. Not a dictionary definition but a practical one from experience.

Indoctrination teaches someone to accept doctrines uncritically — like propaganda, designed to stop the thinking process and make you accept ideologies (ideas) that are otherwise foreign, unnatural, biased.

When you join a cult you are indoctrinated.

But Islam encourages people to think, to question, to “search until the end of the earth for truth and knowledge”

First, you are actually trying to say that men can be fair – when the Koran discourages it: Marry such women as seem good to you, two and three and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice between them, then only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course

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Originally posted by Alexandria_from_the_top:
Now when they say, well you can't be fair between the wives if you would to have more than one. Thus then you can't have more than one wife. That's totally wrong way of thinking. Simply, it's not the first wife or anyone's business to judge you and say you will not be fair. It's Allah's business to see wither you will be fair if you had more than one wife or not.

Of course its her business!! She is your wife. You are RESPONSIBLE TO BE FAIR TO HER - IN FRONT OF GOD and IN FRONT OF HER! If you marry more than one and don’t treat her equally, SHE CAN JUDGE YOU.

Further, while it is your right to have more than one wife; it is her right to request for divorce – without giving a reason. The prophet (PBUH) had a beautiful woman come to him requesting for a divorce – he asked her: does he treat you badly – she said no. Does he not provide for you – She said no. Then why do you want a divorce – She said she couldn’t stand him and the prophet granted her a divorce. I believe he married her latter, but that’s another discussion all together.

Originally posted by Alexandria_from_the_top:
See, men will have one wife and would want to marry another. If they don’t get it legally, then they will still do it illegally and against their religion.
You are actually try to justify something HARAM – saying that if men are not allowed to have multiple wives, they will just have sex randomly - like the stray dogs! You my friend, don’t seem to have search much beyond your – male genital organ. Marriage is not about sex as you imply above.

During the time of the prophet, there was a state of emergency because men were dying at war and their women were being left to fend for themselves. Four wives was actually LIMITING what the previous generation was allowed to do.

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Originally posted by Alexandria_from_the_top:
On top of that, it's in men's nature to wanting to have more than one lady. So this is not against nature by any means.

Today, if you use your God Given brain like Islam encourages and DEMANDS of you to, you will realize that, except in rare circumstances, there is not RATIONAL need for multiple wives today. Marrying a second woman to take care of her because she is sick or orphaned – that may be OK. Marrying a second woman to fulfill your LUSTFUL fantasies – no, I would not think God would be pleased with that. It certainly does not qualify for something that helps you reach paradise because 1) you are likely to upset your first wife and 2) you are likely to become excessive – Allah does not like people who are excessive in anything.

Balance is the key – it’s the key to Islam, and it’s the key to a healthy happy life

Look Alexandria_from_the_top – I encourage you to take your own advice and read, “Books are known to improve one’s mind and way of thinking.” .. but also, start thinking with your heart and your mind instead of your (obviously) male sex organ.

Now – advice to all you women out there that are sick and tired of the MALE CHOVENISTIC attitudes in Egypt – dont give men (or women) the chance to indoctrinate you.. educate yourself.. and don’t put all your hopes in your husband or your marriage – but rather, put your hopes in Allah.

Marry good men, and don’t hesitate to divorce them if they turn bad.

Wasalamu Alaykum Wa Rahmat Allah

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And if the wife(s) are comfortable or happry having their husband take another wife - then hes a lucky man(or unlucky depending on how you look at it).

Hams

Nice words hams however I would like to add "Not sure you will agree) that sometimes polygamy becomes a life style for some people, not to help an orphan or sick woman but simply a way of life just like monogamy and for this reason Islam didn't give specific reasons for engaging in polygamy but demanded fairness which doesn't necessary mean equality as it depends on circumstances. To give you an example some women who engaged in polygamy did so because they prefered to concentrate at work while the other prefered to stay home and take care of kids and they were not willing to have 24 hours man, this is just away of life they chose and I believe like some chose monogamy as their choice we are not to restrict polygamy for specific reason only if the group found it the best way of life.[/QUOTE]