i think she doesn't understand because you haven't told her the truth - you don't love her and you never did.

tell her that you did your best to be the person you saw reflected in her eyes - you wished you could be that person and you tried - and that's why you lied to her and told her you felt the same.

but you need to make it very clear to her that you wanted to be in love, you hoped you would eventually fall in love -- but it never happened.

see how fast she'll drop you and stop calling you once she realizes you've been deceiving her.

if you care about her, be honest - tell her the real reason and stop torturing this poor woman. she will end up thinking there is something wrong with her, that she lost your love and it will eat away at her self-confidence. it may make you feel worse about yourself, but now it's about straightening up the mess you made - it's not about you anymore.

Habedu as ElLimbi mentioned, why don't you try to stay friends with her? Instead of pointing out that you are a man with many mistakes and she will be better of finding someone else (I heard that before btw) tell her you are not ready for commitment. Don't tell her that you never loved her because you always used the very same words. She will not believe any man again. You don't want that, do you?

Be there for her, help her to get through her emotional pain and make sure she understands that you always be there for her as a friend (but nothing more). In time your relationship may stop, at least when she enters a new relationship/marriage.

I think I tried to communicate with my ex (who was also trying to "remain friends") for some 3-4 months, despite him already having a new girlfriend but she was so ugly and stupid and young I really did not take her seriously., I only gave up when he went and married her, because I thought a man who is so stupid cannot be the man I was in love with, and my feelings mysteriously disappeared at once :)))

We are now friends again, i.e. he is trying to be, on unfathomable reasons, because he gets mad every time I tell hime any bit of truth about him, but that is his problem really.

quote:

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Originally posted by habedu:
hello guys ,, ofcourse al of you remember my story with the girl ,,
well .. here how it goes..
I told here I'm feeling bad and I think I'm not the right one for you .. I 'll hurt you ,, cause I'm very bad one ..I did many mistakes .. I'm not an angel I'm just a human full of mistakes and need to clean my self.. I told her you should find many guys whos better and love more than I do .. cause.
it was a phonecall but long one and ooooooooooh it made me really tired cause she was cring all the time ,, she wanned to understand why ,,
I told here it's because of me ,, I'm not stable inside ,, I feel too many things ,, which reflected on my work my feelings ,, every thing .. I oing m and we have to stop can't keep going ,, and we have to stop right now ,, before it's becoming harder..and harder.. any way .. that was the phone call.
after all ,, she started to call me many times a day and every time she cry's and tell me she can't imagine her life without me ..
and the situation became more hard when she suddenly call on me in mny office ,, I let her in .. she told me she wanna talk to me face to face and look at my eyes .. to tell you the truth I couldn't look to her in the eye ,, and the problem was that I was really tired of behaving like a really bad guy ,, and trying to make her hate me ,, while I really feel like I wanna take her tears away ,, it was a very hard situaion on my emper ,, any way she left crying ,, but she still calling me almost every day ,, I'm dying of that ,, and she keep telling me that she can't imagine that I'm that rude ,, cause she knows well how sweet I'm .... I'm totally geting nervous, mad and unstable in my work .. I can't keep like that I need to rest.. ..
any way .. I just wanned to tell you the consequenses

yours Ehab

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hey ur story reminds me of my own when i was 18 and thought i had fallen in love with some 30 year old guy he was my big loveeeeeee ... i couldnt think of any other guy and he would not let him go ( well i was very naive,unexperienced maybe silly girl.... it took me like 4 years wooohoo to realize it and let it go ,,,anyhow i am not very proud of it to tell u the details lol but i think it was a very good experince any how i think the best and considerate manner u could have toward this girl is tell her the truth and let her go u know one of the reason i wouldnt let the issue go was that this guy was quite nice to me now back then with my blind unexperince eyes i couldnt tell the differents between behaving nice and bein fond of someone nor i did undrstand it... it just made me hang on to him more, afcourse u must avoide hurting her but pls be streight and hey let her cry it's all part of becomming mature emotionally some days in the future she will appreciate the whole think believe me .. i cryed tooooooooo hard myself tell her there is no love tell her she is sweet girl but u dont think there would be any future and u dont love her like that . dont try to protect her from facing the truth u will do her a big favour but not doing that
and if she is smarted than what i were it would not take her 3 ,4 years to put this behind lllooolll

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Originally posted by El Limbi:
...but why you just cant be friends? Havent you told her ? Maybe it will make it easier for both sides!?

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Listen, habedu! Be a man once and for good. The fact that you did tell her to break up is better than nothing. But tell the real reason.

to tell a young girl who had no experience dealing with creatures as yourself "it is all me, i am not good" is not the same as to say "I do not love you". If she loves you, then she does think you are good and good enough for her. In fact, she may suffer looking for reasons what she did wrong to end up like this.

What a bunch of bull to say, "I am cleaning myself"???? Are you in your mind? You have met a beautiful wholesome girl, who can cleanse you better? Does not make any sense, do you even comprehened yourself what you are saying???

Aren't you ashamed of yourself? The only thing she did was to love you and you with your vagueness did create those feelings in her. She is way too young to see through the gaming of people. She is not sophisticated enough in the game you put her through to read through beyond what is told to her. She takes it as it is. You do have responsibility. You are touturing her without giving her the real reason. This girl is actually much more brave than you. She confronted you to know the whys and you do owe them to her. One day life will punish you for this.

HOnestly I do not feel sorry for your lack of peace. I feel sorry for her. If you have lost peace, she has entered a nightmare. You are too blame for your own pain but you are too blame for her world that turned upside down and you are not giving her the peace she deserves

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Originally posted by world:
One day life will punish you for this.

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Even if he tells her that he does not love her is not enough because she will not believe him at first. How can a girl believe a man who has acted like he is in 'love' and in reality all that was an act! She is not going to believe him because it's strange, why would a man who doesn't love her in fact pretend he does.....??? She will have hard time to believe that there are people like habedu who take advantage of people's feelings and ruin your life forever.

He doesn't deserve her, and I believe that God will guide her and eventually give her what she deserves. Just imagine that pain when you with all your heart, mind, and soul believe someone loves you because he confirmed that love by his words, acts and behavior and later you find out all that was a lie. Why do people do such things?

It's unfortunate that this young girl has to face the pain and suffering from the very same man she loves. She is going to suffer a lot and she may never forget the pain he caused her. Especially if her feelings were truthful, this can ruin her life forever.

Many women wrote about familiarity of the situation because they were hurt by insensitive guys who think that deceit is the way to their own happiness and in fact it's the way to their own misery, and that is just a beginning.

At the end, the only thing I would suggest is not to say anything to her anymore. The God will open her eyes, she will ask others, and someone along the way someone will tell her the truth how this man is not what she thinks he is and prove to her that she is better off without him. She will find out also about his original plans and motivations and although it will take a long time, one day he will be just one person who makes her vomit.

Instead of giving him too much attention, I would rather pray for the girl. He will soon find another one (if he doesn’t have one already) and completely forget about her.

Habedu you are responsible for all pain and suffering you caused to this young woman and since you made a mess in her life, now you should fix it, do not simply disappear like a jerk from her life, rather stay there until she sees what a deceitful 'fiancé' you were so she can mend her heart with someone who deserves her.