I do not know if you guys remember me. I am egyptian_prince.

To let you know that we had erat el fatha this June, so we are getting ready for the engagement now.

I would like to ask you guys a question.

As you may remember, I am in London while she is in Cairo.

My future fiancée is in Yemen on a University trip.

As all countries there is a beach, and she was mentioning wearing a bikini.

Would this be appropriate in the situation that she is in?

I totally object as it would make look her very bad (in my opinion) and then she will become an object of desire and I think it maybe haram and it will look like she has no respect for me.

I agree if we were engaged (maybe) but would be ok with it when we get married inshallah.
Am I being to harsh?

I am so lost.

Please help!

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Originally posted by egyptian_prince:

I do not know if you guys remember me. I am egyptian_prince.

To let you know that we had erat el fatha this June, so we are getting ready for the engagement now.

I would like to ask you guys a question.

As you may remember, I am in London while she is in Cairo.

My future fiancée is in Yemen on a University trip.

As all countries there is a beach, and she was mentioning wearing a bikini.

Would this be appropriate in the situation that she is in?

I totally object as it would make look her very bad (in my opinion) and then she will become an object of desire and I think it maybe haram and it will look like she has no respect for me.

I agree if we were engaged (maybe) but would be ok with it when we get married inshallah.
Am I being to harsh?

I am so lost.

Please help!

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I don't know how much my opinion will matter because I am not Muslim and I am from America, so our culture is a bit different. :-)

First, I understand how this would make you feel bad, or jealous, or any other various *bad* feelings. That is perfectly normal. I think one thing that transcends cultures is whether she respects you and you respect her.

This is of course merely my opinion, but:

If she feels secure in herself as a woman, then her choosing to wear a bikini is merely a choice. It is not a reflection on how she feels about you, and she is not disrespecting you. She is respecting herself as a woman, as an individual.

If she feels *insecure* in herself as a woman and is trying to get inappropriate male attention, then it could be an issue.

Do you know her well enough to know? Can you ask her in a nonjudgmental way? Are both of you open enough with each other to discuss these things? Take this as an opportunity to get to know her better. See how the two of you handle conflict.

As a woman myself, I know that she may merely be expressing her individuality, and if my fiance were against that, I would be upset. But I also know that I would always take my fiance's feelings into consideration. I hope that both you and she can be the people you want to be in life, and still maintain respect for one another's feelings. I wish you the best. :-)

Susan

I don't want her to be getting any unwanted attraction, even though she is a really beautiful young lady.

It's so hard to describe, but I believe it is wrong, I would have no problem with it if I were with her, but I am not.

She is mixed, she does have confidence and then sometimes she doesn't, thats the problem.

I hate feeling like this, I really do.

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Originally posted by Snoozin:
I don't know how much my opinion will matter because I am not Muslim and I am from America, so our culture is a bit different. :-)

First, I understand how this would make you feel bad, or jealous, or any other various *bad* feelings. That is perfectly normal. I think one thing that transcends cultures is whether she respects you and you respect her.

This is of course merely my opinion, but:

If she feels secure in herself as a woman, then her choosing to wear a bikini is merely a choice. It is not a reflection on how she feels about you, and she is not disrespecting you. She is respecting herself as a woman, as an individual.

If she feels *insecure* in herself as a woman and is trying to get inappropriate male attention, then it could be an issue.

Do you know her well enough to know? Can you ask her in a nonjudgmental way? Are both of you open enough with each other to discuss these things? Take this as an opportunity to get to know her better. See how the two of you handle conflict.

As a woman myself, I know that she may merely be expressing her individuality, and if my fiance were against that, I would be upset. But I also know that I would always take my fiance's feelings into consideration. I hope that both you and she can be the people you want to be in life, and still maintain respect for one another's feelings. I wish you the best. :-)

Susan

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Originally posted by poppy:
If this helps, i think u should try to understand the reasons a woman may want to wear a bikini, in the 1st place!

A man i recently discussed this very subject with. Seemed to think it quite a novelty and an amusing topic. He was egyptian. Initially i thought, 'here we go again! he's thinking i like to wear one for all the wrong reasons'
But i let him talk, as i wanted to understand his attitude. 'I know, he said u ladies like to be looked at' WRONGGG!!!
Quite the opposite infact, at least for me anyway.
Eventually, i got fed up with his blithe ignorance! I carefully explained to him, as i have done now many times before! I and others like me, many foreign, we like to feel the sun on our skin. We believe it can have some health benefits, taken in moderation. We enjoy the relaxing sensation of the sun's rays, during and afterwards, if we don't over expose ourselves to this heat! Some of us like to combine this with healthy swimming, the sea can be a benificial health factor, as well as exersise. As many specifically wear one mostly only for holidays. There is the notion of the 'freedom factor' being warm, relaxed, feeling the rays on one's body. Even while partially sleeping! It promotes a feeling of being 'carefree' it decreases stress levels. I could not imagine obtaining such healthy and innocent pleasure, without wearing anything other than a bikini.
And i am extremely shy and the last reason i put on a bikini is to be stared at, i positively hate this!

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I totally agree with Poppy. This is a cool reason to wear a bikini. Each woman is different though. You just have to discover why your soon-to-be fiancee wants to wear one. :-)

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Originally posted by egyptian_prince:
We are very open and I do know her very well.

I don't want her to be getting any unwanted attraction, even though she is a really beautiful young lady.

It's so hard to describe, but I believe it is wrong, I would have no problem with it if I were with her, but I am not.

She is mixed, she does have confidence and then sometimes she doesn't, thats the problem.

I hate feeling like this, I really do.

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I am so sorry, I really hate to see anyone feel bad. :-( And I have felt similar to you, even though I am a woman, when my fiance gets inappropriate female attention. I know the feeling. But for me, I know it's my own insecurity talking when I feel jealous or insecure, and *not* that he's going to do something inappropriate.

It sounds like you have a very good relationship, very open and honest. And it sounds like you are very open-minded, which is great, also. I think it's normal to feel the way you do.

Do women generally wear bikinis in Yemen? Honestly, if a young woman was NOT wearing a bikini here on American beaches, she would seem out of place.

Another thing that crossed my mind is that she is seeking a type of freedom that she doesn't feel at home in Cairo. This is just my opinion of course, but this is very normal for younger women to do, entering adulthood. And the idea of wearing a bikini is romantic and a bit daring. She might find out, after going to the beach, that she *doesn't* like the attention or the feeling. If this is the case, I do think it is important she gets to make this *mistake* on her own. If you tell her it's a mistake, it will sound like her mother or father telling her what to do.

But remember also, particularly if she is good looking, she is going to get unwanted attention from men throughout life, regardless of what she is wearing.

And I know you have additionally cultural/religious pressures on you that a young American couple would not have in this situation. The trick is to find what her heart is really about, regardless of what the world says is right or wrong.

If I were your girlfriend, I would want you to tell me that you feel uncomfortable about the situation, but that you will support my choice, whatever it may be. That way, I know that you do not want to control me, but I also know an issue is important (and possibly hurtful) to you. Then I can choose.

I am very opened minded, but also understand the culture that she is brought up in.

Also the fact that you mentioned regarding freedom, you maybe correct as I was thinking why she has taken/spoken about such actions.

I don't want to seem a bossy future fiancee, the truth is I am not, I just want the best for her and that she takes care.

In Yemen, it is not normally for a girl to a bikini, swimwear maybe. It's a fairly strict country, this is another problem.

I know she gets attention from other guys, she tells me and I see it with my own eyes when I am with her. But the fact that I am with her makes it so much different, I can actually protect her.

I am blessed to have such a girl part of my life, I really am. We have a relationship is beyond belief, it really is amazing.

I love her to bits, she really does make my life so complete, I swear.

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Originally posted by Snoozin:
I am so sorry, I really hate to see anyone feel bad. :-( And I have felt similar to you, even though I am a woman, when my fiance gets inappropriate female attention. I know the feeling. But for me, I know it's my own insecurity talking when I feel jealous or insecure, and *not* that he's going to do something inappropriate.

It sounds like you have a very good relationship, very open and honest. And it sounds like you are very open-minded, which is great, also. I think it's normal to feel the way you do.

Do women generally wear bikinis in Yemen? Honestly, if a young woman was NOT wearing a bikini here on American beaches, she would seem out of place.

Another thing that crossed my mind is that she is seeking a type of freedom that she doesn't feel at home in Cairo. This is just my opinion of course, but this is very normal for younger women to do, entering adulthood. And the idea of wearing a bikini is romantic and a bit daring. She might find out, after going to the beach, that she *doesn't* like the attention or the feeling. If this is the case, I do think it is important she gets to make this *mistake* on her own. If you tell her it's a mistake, it will sound like her mother or father telling her what to do.

But remember also, particularly if she is good looking, she is going to get unwanted attention from men throughout life, regardless of what she is wearing.

And I know you have additionally cultural/religious pressures on you that a young American couple would not have in this situation. The trick is to find what her heart is really about, regardless of what the world says is right or wrong.

If I were your girlfriend, I would want you to tell me that you feel uncomfortable about the situation, but that you will support my choice, whatever it may be. That way, I know that you do not want to control me, but I also know an issue is important (and possibly hurtful) to you. Then I can choose.

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Ps. Freedom-schmeedom!

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Originally posted by Karah_Mia:
E-Prince! You are a perfectly normal man who does not want to share his girl's beauty with others. Whether you are Muslim or not, most men are not happy to see their women flaunting it, that's just the way it is. If a doubt arises in the relationship, it is good to ask ourselves a question if we would like to see our partner in the same situation. My husband sporting a thong on the beach? HELL NO!!!!!!

Ps. Freedom-schmeedom!

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Originally posted by Karah_Mia:
My husband sporting a thong on the beach? HELL NO!!!!!!

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Uhhhh, can't imagine my one either!

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Originally posted by egyptian_prince:
I know she gets attention from other guys, she tells me and I see it with my own eyes when I am with her.

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Sounds for me like maybe she wants to get you a bit jealous just to make sure that you are aware of how precious she is.

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Originally posted by egyptian_prince:
I am very opened minded,

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I don't remember asking for people's opinion about me, as you have quoted a different part of my statement.

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Originally posted by Dalia:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by egyptian_prince:
[b]I am very opened minded,

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[/B][/QUOTE]

she just telling to feel jelous

she want to open the discussion for knowing how egyptian u are

Anyway hope u have the right to stop her from doing a haram thing
GOD WITH U