I hope you read this. I truly care about other people. I might be blunt and crass. But deep down I geniunely care. However, I have had lots of experience, on the curves of life. I have had so much pain in my life, and have cried so many times.

I don't know what is going on with your personal life, but its interesting your choice of words, damaged goods. Did someone say that to you, or call you that? was it followed by, "Nobody else will want you, besides your damaged goods." I've heard that one too.

Then followed by remark of hell.
Are you in a loveless marriage? Do you feel trapped because of the child. Do you feel your taken for granted? Does your husband ignore you? Are you unhappy? How is your health? etc...

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
Hi--

I hope you read this. I truly care about other people. I might be blunt and crass. But deep down I geniunely care. However, I have had lots of experience, on the curves of life. I have had so much pain in my life, and have cried so many times.

I don't know what is going on with your personal life, but its interesting your choice of words, damaged goods. Did someone say that to you, or call you that? was it followed by, "Nobody else will want you, besides your damaged goods." I've heard that one too.

Then followed by remark of hell.
Are you in a loveless marriage? Do you feel trapped because of the child. Do you feel your taken for granted? Does your husband ignore you? Are you unhappy? How is your health? etc...

Anyway take care, Karen

---

Naturally I am unhappy.

I miss my child like hell. Loveless marriage? Well sort of, emotional love yes.

I just want to be with my darling and never let her go.

You'd have to understand that if any Egyptian is going to get anywhere they go abroad. So the mentality is go abroad and be a family later. Most won't recognize this.

And damage goods, yes. I still get offers for a 'fling' and offers for an escape from this (former fiances), but thats not good enough.

I want to be with my child. All those women whinning that they cannot get their men a visa should shut the hell up.

I can't understand why anyone would want a freaking 'distance relationship' and then stay in their comfy western nation.

quote:

---

Originally posted by someone_lost:
You right, Long distance love hurt very much
You don't know what happened to your wife or what she is doing and there are always fights .
Generally we are over joules so most of time you are in bad mode because you don’t know nothing about her so with the time your life become hell.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
thank you Sonomod. You love your daughter very much, that is very special.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Penny:
Actually what she needs is at least one of her parents there and while she is so young she needs her Mum. Sonomod just ask yourself what is your god given role right now at this point in your life and then ask yourself why are you not fulfilling it. You only have one chance with children and you have no way of knowing if there will be anymore, some things we have no control over in life.

---

Penny that is the western approach.

You really don't get it do you?

Do you have children with an Muslim Arab?

Are you planning to have children with a Muslim Arab?

No

Man the English have answers to everything!

He he he he

quote:

---

Originally posted by sonomod:
Oh and Penny do you really think the Arabs/Egyptians in England have a different approach?

He he he he

NO

---

S this not about who does what in America or England, frankly I do not care. This is about being a Mum and being with your daughter, that IS what matters. If fighting your crusade is more important to you then so be it.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Penny:
S this not about who does what in America or England, frankly I do not care. This is about being a Mum and being with your daughter, that IS what matters. If fighting your crusade is more important to you then so be it.

---

You dissing my comment because I pointed out the facts to you?

Man when is the holiday fog going to lift in that cranium of yours?

Besides I will give you this. It is massively intelligent to hold your assets above him like that. And since you are not able or no longer want to have children you have nothing to lose but a portion of your retirement fund.

A retirement fund is nothing next to motherhood!

you are the one that is loosing every precious minute, hour, day with your daughter.
That time can never be replaced. I honestly feel sorry for you and wish you would just take the time to sit back and think out your strategy again. You can't always win every fight in this life and sometimes the price of winning is too high.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Penny:
You can't always win every fight in this life and sometimes the price of winning is too high.

---

Exactly my point, better a few years instead of a life time.

quote:

---

Originally posted by someone_lost:
Can i ask question.
Why we discuss this? Is it to fight or to share our ideas or to just find someone to talk to?

what i see here is fight between you guys
and i think every one of us have enough .

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by someone_lost:
really he work in KSA ?

---

Yes

quote:

---

Originally posted by someone_lost:
Don't you have any plans to come and visit with him for while you will like it here ?

---

quote:

---

We Will never c the happenines as we didnt purify ourselfs, we will always feel sadness as we cause the others a pain..

and we will keep look for emoitions and feelings and deadly caring person

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Penny:
Wake up someone_lost that was not my reply.
Anyway enough of my personal life & welcome to the ES mad house

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
Hi--

I hope you read this. I truly care about other people. I might be blunt and crass. But deep down I geniunely care. However, I have had lots of experience, on the curves of life. I have had so much pain in my life, and have cried so many times.

I don't know what is going on with your personal life, but its interesting your choice of words, damaged goods. Did someone say that to you, or call you that? was it followed by, "Nobody else will want you, besides your damaged goods." I've heard that one too.

Then followed by remark of hell.
Are you in a loveless marriage? Do you feel trapped because of the child. Do you feel your taken for granted? Does your husband ignore you? Are you unhappy? How is your health? etc...

Anyway take care, Karen

---

No matter how ppl may think about your behave here in ES or what your husband may think of you. There is one thing that is very straight and true, and that is your love for your daughter. Hope things will work out for you soon.

I remember Sono's postings about half a year ago praising her husband all over (I am too lazy since it would be very time-consuming and I am not the right type of person to go through the ES archives here).

If you are having sometimes troubles with your spouse you say stupid things, you try to blame the other person intirely for the failure but its all not that easy. The best things is they would find slowly back together again with the help of a marriage councelor. Many couples found back together through this way.

And I also have to say the child needs both of her parents - the mother AND the father.

Just to tell some of my experience:

For my part my mom kicked my dad out when I was only over a year old because he committed adultery and she would not forgive him. But even then he never took an interest in me, he never ask for me, I don't remember one birthday he was with me or he sent me something. My mom went twice to court because he felt to pay child support for couple of months. He was married before and he fathered three daughters with his first wife which I never met and after his first divorce he dealed the same way with the other girls.

I grew up without a father, my mom never remarried, she brought me and my brother up all by herself in the best way she was able to do (which meant also working shifts for many years). Despite the love and attention I received from her I missed my father, a father at all. I worshiped only couple of old pictures of him. I visited my grandparents -his parents - until they both passed away. He never got in touch with me though. And I was somehow jealous of my best friend's dad who was such a great man. I wondered how it would be if I would have had a father.

Last year I went back to my hometown, visited the graveside of my wonderful grandparents and also my aunt for the first time in over 10 years. She mentioned that my father has Parkenson Disease and is laying paralyzed in an elderly home. And you know what? I went to visit him. I wanted to see them man who is one part of me. And I cried, there he was, bedridden, old, close to death - but at least I took the chance to see him in my life. I cried for a whole week after the visit and wondered why things turned out that way. We could have been a great family together. I wouldn't have missed out on my dad.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tigerlily:

You know 7aya, I can understand your point but to let go a marriage is not an easy thing to do. Especially since they have a child together. And it doesn't make it easier that they are not living together infact they are thousand of miles away from each other.

I remember Sono's postings about half a year ago praising her husband all over (I am too lazy since it would be very time-consuming and I am not the right type of person to go through the ES archives here).

If you are having sometimes troubles with your spouse you say stupid things, you try to blame the other person intirely for the failure but its all not that easy. The best things is they would find slowly back together again with the help of a marriage councelor. Many couples found back together through this way.

And I also have to say the child needs both of her parents - the mother AND the father.

Just to tell some of my experience:

For my part my mom kicked my dad out when I was only over a year old because he committed adultery and she would not forgive him. But even then he never took an interest in me, he never ask for me, I don't remember one birthday he was with me or he sent me something. My mom went twice to court because he felt to pay child support for couple of months. He was married before and he fathered three daughters with his first wife which I never met and after his first divorce he dealed the same way with the other girls.

I grew up without a father, my mom never remarried, she brought me and my brother up all by herself in the best way she was able to do (which meant also working shifts for many years). Despite the love and attention I received from her I missed my father, a father at all. I worshiped only couple of old pictures of him. I visited my grandparents -his parents - until they both passed away. He never got in touch with me though. And I was somehow jealous of my best friend's dad who was such a great man. I wondered how it would be if I would have had a father.

Last year I went back to my hometown, visited the graveside of my wonderful grandparents and also my aunt for the first time in over 10 years. She mentioned that my father has Parkenson Disease and is laying paralyzed in an elderly home. And you know what? I went to visit him. I wanted to see them man who is one part of me. And I cried, there he was, bedridden, old, close to death - but at least I took the chance to see him in my life. I cried for a whole week after the visit and wondered why things turned out that way. We could have been a great family together. I wouldn't have missed out on my dad.

And I promised myself if I would put one day kids in this world I would make sure that they learn what family means. As I said before marriage is never easy, both sides have to work on it. But for a child, for children its all worth it.

---

i'm really sorry for your experience tigerlily, what happened to you was heartbreaking. my story is the opposite of yours. my parents have been married for 27 years, and i have to say its the worst marriage i've seen in my life. they are just so out of sync, so different, they don't get along. elhamdullelah my childhood was a happy one, i had everything, so i'm not going to moan about how their relationship marred my happiest years.however it did affect me and my brother very negatively. there's so much tension, fighting, stress. you can't sit with them in the same room without feeling your muscles tightening. and it has reflected on me and my brother especailly since if your parents are not happy they will get it out on you, even if they don't mean it. they are unhappy so they continously criticized me and my brother. it took my brother years to be able to build back his self confidence, and so did i. and i always think, wouldn't it have been better if they broke up earlier. breakup doesnt mean that a child will be fatherless or motherless. divorced parents can both have a very active role in their child's life. what's better two parents living together, hating each other, or two parents seperated but respect each other?

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
CrazyLobo is a 39 year old American, living in Seattle. My name is Karen. Lobo is my dog.

I visited Egypt last year. Suppose to be for 2 weeks, went AWOL from work, for an additional week. I stayed 3 weeks. Best thing I ever did !!! Absolutely loved Egypt. Can't wait to go back.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
CrazyLobo is a 39 year old American, living in Seattle. My name is Karen. Lobo is my dog.

I visited Egypt last year. Suppose to be for 2 weeks, went AWOL from work, for an additional week. I stayed 3 weeks. Best thing I ever did !!! Absolutely loved Egypt. Can't wait to go back.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
CrazyLobo is a 39 year old American, living in Seattle. My name is Karen. Lobo is my dog.
I visited Egypt last year. Suppose to be for 2 weeks, went AWOL from work, for an additional week. I stayed 3 weeks. Best thing I ever did !!! Absolutely loved Egypt. Can't wait to go back. [/B]

---

--------------------------------------------

quote:

---

Originally posted by Penny:
I do however find it extremly offensive that because Mr Sonomond is sadly making this lady's life hell that she feels this gives her the right to blacken the character of Egyptian men in general.

---

Actually I did not make that remark. You are putting words in my mouth.

Again why can't you deal with someone straight.

I know Egyptian men who are able and willing to be good fathers and husbands. They are just married to Egyptian women.

There is a difference.

Now why don't you stop posting negative remarks about Egyptian women and marriage negiotiations. You didn't negiotiate, Egyptian women do because they are wise.

quote:

---

Originally posted by MyKingdomForATaba2Koshari:
Da wa2t klab?! Look what the ladies above you have been sobbing about & have a drop of empathy in your blood. You bitches' lovers!

---

Sorry that is the way Americans are, we love our dogs.

It still irritates the heck out of the SIL that my daughter loves dogs.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tigerlily:

Sono, don't give up on your marriage, at least not yet. Figure out what went wrong and why. Its all about communication. Try to rekindle your relationship to your husband again. Come on, there was a time when you were all into him. And you have a wonderful daughter together. I am really sorry for everyone involved that things seem to look messed up right now but give it a chance one more time. Every relationship, union, marriage has its ups and downs - don't give up. You know inside he's a great guy otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for him at one point and married him. And not to step on your toes but sometimes you can be very tough to deal with too (as much as what I can see on that board here).

So don't forget, you have a husband, you have a child together, you are one family. You need to act now. Good luck.

---

Tried, tried, tried.

He cares more about what other Egyptian men in our city managed to get out of their wives than putting something together again.

Yes, some people like to have pets. People who don't, often cannot love anything. I am really careful of people who hate animals.

Anyway back to the original forum. It is difficult to be married, and be separated from your loved ones. Is there any difference between American, British, German, and Egyptian, etc.. and being unhappy in a marriage, and a lot of things have happened to create friction between the husband and wife, and then the additional stress, of the children.

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
ohh mykingdomforataba... nope not into other women, move on. And yes I am a bitch, so? thanks for the compliment. At least I know what I am ... nah nah ... but bitch stands for Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented, Caring, Hussy. If your trying to get a rise out of me, it won't work. So go ahead call us names, and have your temper tantrum.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by 7aya:
breakup doesnt mean that a child will be fatherless or motherless. divorced parents can both have a very active role in their child's life. what's better two parents living together, hating each other, or two parents seperated but respect each other?

best

---

I agree with you on this, 7aya. Sometimes the children are better of psychologically when the parents are separated. Witnessing hatred between two unhappy parents can really screw up a child's life and even their adult life if nobody works on fixing the damage.

quote:

---

Originally posted by sonomod:

Actually I did not make that remark. You are putting words in my mouth.

Again why can't you deal with someone straight.

I know Egyptian men who are able and willing to be good fathers and husbands. They are just married to Egyptian women.

There is a difference.

Now why don't you stop posting negative remarks about Egyptian women and marriage negiotiations. You didn't negiotiate, Egyptian women do because they are wise.

---

Your words S:-
Yet often times Egyptian/Arab men are totally financially supported by their western wives and her family. The only time an Egyptian man will provide for his wife, is when she is Egyptian too. But it is an impoverished mentality. Upperclass Egyptians/Arabs don't do this.
---------------------------------------
Somewhat offensive I think,

I have many friends in mixed marriages with children where there is absolutely no difference in the Egyptian husband supporting the family in the same way as if he were married to an Egyptian.

And finally I have not posted ANY remarks about Egyptian women and their marriage negotiations.

I understand you are under a great deal of stress but there is no excuse to be offesive to members of this board.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tigerlily:

For my part my mom kicked my dad out when I was only over a year old because he committed adultery and she would not forgive him. But even then he never took an interest in me, he never ask for me, I don't remember one birthday he was with me or he sent me something. My mom went twice to court because he felt to pay child support for couple of months. He was married before and he fathered three daughters with his first wife which I never met and after his first divorce he dealed the same way with the other girls.

I grew up without a father, my mom never remarried, she brought me and my brother up all by herself in the best way she was able to do (which meant also working shifts for many years). Despite the love and attention I received from her I missed my father, a father at all. I worshiped only couple of old pictures of him. I visited my grandparents -his parents - until they both passed away. He never got in touch with me though. And I was somehow jealous of my best friend's dad who was such a great man. I wondered how it would be if I would have had a father.

Last year I went back to my hometown, visited the graveside of my wonderful grandparents and also my aunt for the first time in over 10 years. She mentioned that my father has Parkenson Disease and is laying paralyzed in an elderly home. And you know what? I went to visit him. I wanted to see them man who is one part of me. And I cried, there he was, bedridden, old, close to death - but at least I took the chance to see him in my life. I cried for a whole week after the visit and wondered why things turned out that way. We could have been a great family together. I wouldn't have missed out on my dad.

And I promised myself if I would put one day kids in this world I would make sure that they learn what family means. As I said before marriage is never easy, both sides have to work on it. But for a child, for children its all worth it.

---

For starters I don't blame your mum for kicking out your cheating dad. It sounds like you and your brother was better off without this loser. He never bothered to contact you and his other kids says he was of low character to began with. If it was me that visited him on that sick bed, I think I would have spat on him.

I do agree that children need a male and female role model in their lives, but it doesn't necessarily have to be their biological parents. Sonomod is a crazy and unstable is it gets, and it sounds like the husband is too. So I personally think the child is better off with the grandparents. Sometimes we have to make heart breaking sacrifices to provide our children with a better life.

I myself, was an unfit parent, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I gave up my custodial rights to my ex-husband and his new wife, and they are giving my children a better life than I could have on my own. I have full visitation rights, but at least I can admit that I was no more fit to raise a child than I was to raise a cat. I didn't want any kids, I suffered post partum depression every time. I love the dearly, but I don't have the know how to raise them properly, so in the most self-less way I knew how, I allowed someone who was better fit to do the job. They still have a male and female role model, i'm just not one of them. Maybe one day I'll get myself a career, and be able to make them proud of me, but until such time, you do what one has to do, and I pesonally think Sonomod needs to leave that kid where she is, until she is in a mental position to be a good role model. Otherwise I hate to think about how that kid will turn out with a mum like Sono.

My mom told me that he was a womanizer, that he loved alcohol but also held a stable job as a engineer until retirement. We kept in close contact with my grandparents.

He actually send us an invitation card for the celebration of his 50th birthday back in 1985, I was 11 years old back then. My mom was surprised herself that we were invited and she ask me if I wanted to go. I felt too weird to attend. Too much time past by, my father was nothing more then a stranger to me.

I still believe it was good for me to see my father at last. Not that I would forgive him. Would he - with his severe medical condition - even realize, be able to understand who was standing there infront of him? My father recognized my mom immediately, it took him a little longer to understand that I was the little girl who he was holding constantly back in summer of '75 on the porch of the beach house (I have couple of pictures from that time).

I was able to present my husband to him, showed him our children but the whole situation was very strange and sad. He had numerous little tremors in his hands and couldn't speak clearly at all.

your sound is silent and somehow weak. i feel every word you said...

it is my 2nd day on ES, and i started by posting a topic "The Friends Are Soul Of Soul". the ppl feel im crazy of have feelings, emoitions

like they do ask, am i living on this earth, and so on...they do not know that we miss warm, kind, and so caring person about use to dont lose in life.

even if we are so hrush, or stricted in our life, we miss ourselfs in storm of wild life. we found ourselfs doing thing in routine, way even our life, emoitions become like routine, there is no one wake u up or take u away from the wild life u r always living inside..

we may find these moments with little kids, playing with them, as we miss with ppl elder or someone could give careness and listen well for us, and share moments

may worst moment of my life, and it always follow me as im trying hardly to escape from it, someday my dad went to UK to make a surgent there, he didnt make it, anyway, he came back egypt and lived for a while in intensive carness, in the moments he was going to die, i was with him, he asked "Keep beside me, and holded my hand while he is barely open his eyes", but i resolved telling him, dad im going to pary Fajr for u and me.. as i just went out and paried Fajr for me and him, and came back to find my dad, with no soul...

i think no one will get that much painfull in his/her life

maybe these moment in my life, let me deadly carness abt ppl and be supported, even if they dont support me, i just like to c a smile on their lips, like a moon in a sky at night, and some ppl here thought that doesnt work on this life, and i am crazy, but i think i wont give up

quote:

---

Originally posted by crazylobo:
Hi--

I hope you read this. I truly care about other people. I might be blunt and crass. But deep down I geniunely care. However, I have had lots of experience, on the curves of life. I have had so much pain in my life, and have cried so many times.

I don't know what is going on with your personal life, but its interesting your choice of words, damaged goods. Did someone say that to you, or call you that? was it followed by, "Nobody else will want you, besides your damaged goods." I've heard that one too.

Then followed by remark of hell.
Are you in a loveless marriage? Do you feel trapped because of the child. Do you feel your taken for granted? Does your husband ignore you? Are you unhappy? How is your health? etc...

Anyway take care, Karen

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tigerlily:

Believe me I thought many times why my father wouldn't approach me in all these years. I couldn't understand that he would ignore me like that, vanish from my life since I was his own blood.

My mom told me that he was a womanizer, that he loved alcohol but also held a stable job as a engineer until retirement. We kept in close contact with my grandparents.

He actually send us an invitation card for the celebration of his 50th birthday back in 1985, I was 11 years old back then. My mom was surprised herself that we were invited and she ask me if I wanted to go. I felt too weird to attend. Too much time past by, my father was nothing more then a stranger to me.

I still believe it was good for me to see my father at last. Not that I would forgive him. Would he - with his severe medical condition - even realize, be able to understand who was standing there infront of him? My father recognized my mom immediately, it took him a little longer to understand that I was the little girl who he was holding constantly back in summer of '75 on the porch of the beach house (I have couple of pictures from that time).

I was able to present my husband to him, showed him our children but the whole situation was very strange and sad. He had numerous little tremors in his hands and couldn't speak clearly at all.

I visited him this one time, every minute I spent in his hospital room was precious to me because I knew right then I would not return again. I was devastated upon leaving, my mother felt the same.

---

Miss Lilly it sounds like you have a good husband and great family, so your mum must have done a wonderful jobs raising you on her own, for that you should be proud.

Imagine if she kept this womanizer around you, maybe you would have grown up seeing her sad all the time, and parents stress affect the children believe it or not. May
be you would have grown up not trusting men, or became so insecure in your own relationships, she did the right thing, I commend her for being a strong enough woman to let him go. I wish more women would dump these womanizers and stop using the children as excuses to keep them around. We need more women like your mum in the world.

I think I'm more of a bitch than you'll ever be, because my resentment wouldn't allow me to shed any tears over someone who abandoned me.

My dad was also an alcoholic, I don't know many Irish/British fathers that were not. Our neighborhoods had more Pubs than Egypt has coffee shops, so imagine that. But he took care of his family and my mum never had to work outside our home. It's the only thing I resented when moving to America, is that she never taught me how to be independant like the women there are.

you are a real nice person, i do like your sound of support. really what i do like here in ES, the spirit of being sharing....

quote:

---

Originally posted by kadijah2000:
Miss Lilly it sounds like you have a good husband and great family, so your mum must have done a wonderful jobs raising you on her own, for that you should be proud.

Imagine if she kept this womanizer around you, maybe you would have grown up seeing her sad all the time, and parents stress affect the children believe it or not. May
be you would have grown up not trusting men, or became so insecure in your own relationships, she did the right thing, I commend her for being a strong enough woman to let him go. I wish more women would dump these womanizers and stop using the children as excuses to keep them around. We need more women like your mum in the world.

I think I'm more of a bitch than you'll ever be, because my resentment wouldn't allow me to shed any tears over someone who abandoned me.

My dad was also an alcoholic, I don't know many Irish/British fathers that were not. Our neighborhoods had more Pubs than Egypt has coffee shops, so imagine that. But he took care of his family and my mum never had to work outside our home. It's the only thing I resented when moving to America, is that she never taught me how to be independant like the women there are.

Even now I'll spend my money on a new Burberry handbag, while the electricity bill is past due. I'm most irresponsible. After becoming adults, I learned we can no longer blame parents for how we turned out, and take responsibility for ourselves. I am really growing up these days and learning more about life through my errors, although I still have a lot of bottled up resentment, I'm in counseling as we speak.

---