posted
hi everyone, had my first arguement with my future husband last night not a big fight but still not nice, im trying my best to learn arabic but its hard, his english is great but when we need to talk about things important its a little difficult. im trying to make him understand that i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). but at the sametime i want to be with a really great loving man. i really dont know why im telling you all this you have most likely all fallen asleep. so sorry if i have bored you all just i needed to get this off my chest i guess.
Posts: 13 | From: england london | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by kellyg: hi everyone, had my first arguement with my future husband last night not a big fight but still not nice, im trying my best to learn arabic but its hard, his english is great but when we need to talk about things important its a little difficult. im trying to make him understand that i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). but at the sametime i want to be with a really great loving man. i really dont know why im telling you all this you have most likely all fallen asleep. so sorry if i have bored you all just i needed to get this off my chest i guess.
Hello. We Americans aren't asleep yet...
I'm sorry you had a fight, I know that's rough. Any possibility of compromise on this? Like perhaps he moves first and you follow in a couple of months?
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Think hard about WHY you decided to go on the internet and seach out a place like this to vent ....... You are probably feeling he should be more understanding (and so he should) ..... now you are perhaps scrutinising everything about your relationship (which is not a bad thing).
Be 100% sure before you get up and go that this problem you are having is indeed a "communication problem" and not a insight into what type of a person this man is.
You said: "......i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old)......."
Of course you have loyality / commitment / love for the ones you are presently working with ....... Be aware that you may also be sub-consciously using this as an excuse to bide time.
It is a very big step to pack up your life and move to a new and very different country (especially when you do not know the language).
Indeed the language barrier can and will cause you many problems and you will be left feeling disgruntled and frustrated. But, if you do go to Cairo, this will lessen as you learn Arabic (which is not an easy task) and as he learns better English too.
But essentially this may not be about difficulty with communication, differing cultures, moving to Cairo etc.
Sit down quietly with yourself - dig deep down into your belly for your gut reaction to all this.
This is not an easy task, for immediately you attempt this the old heart will kick in with these feelings of "love" and you will be flooded with thoughts of this beautiful Egyptian man those dark dreamy eyes.......
Push these aside for a moment and listen hard for that voice inside - you may not necessarily like what it is telling you - thus you experience the classical dilemma between the HEAD and the HEART (Chris De Burgh's words not mine!).
Depending on what you "hear" and the choice you make thereafter - you will at least be making a decision based on everything you know and feel at this moment. In other words you will embark on your path (whichever you choose) with your eyes WIDE open.
quote:Originally posted by kellyg: hi everyone, had my first arguement with my future husband last night not a big fight but still not nice, im trying my best to learn arabic but its hard, his english is great but when we need to talk about things important its a little difficult. im trying to make him understand that i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). but at the sametime i want to be with a really great loving man. i really dont know why im telling you all this you have most likely all fallen asleep. so sorry if i have bored you all just i needed to get this off my chest i guess.
Hi kelly, how are you trying to learn arabic? I know you said before you are from London. I am also in London and am just signing up for colloquial egyptian beginners course at SOAS. I have tried at home but I get so tired after work that it took me 3 months to learn the alphabet let alone speaking! Me and my bf know that we are really going to have to work at the language thing if our relationship stands a chance of lasting.
posted
Hi Catlover, I have just done 3 terms of the colloquial egyptian course at the SOAS college as my husband is Egyptian!! Found it very good, the teacher is great fun and learnt so much. Was considering going onto the next level but only reason am not is because of the money!!! You will really enjoy it, good luck.
Posts: 17 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Jun 2005
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quote:Originally posted by kellyg: hi everyone, had my first arguement with my future husband last night not a big fight but still not nice, im trying my best to learn arabic but its hard, his english is great but when we need to talk about things important its a little difficult. im trying to make him understand that i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). but at the sametime i want to be with a really great loving man. i really dont know why im telling you all this you have most likely all fallen asleep. so sorry if i have bored you all just i needed to get this off my chest i guess.
Hi Kelly,
how long have you known each other and how often do you speak to each other? Is he in Cairo and you in London?
Posts: 106 | From: London, England | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by kellyg: hi everyone, had my first arguement with my future husband last night not a big fight but still not nice, im trying my best to learn arabic but its hard, his english is great but when we need to talk about things important its a little difficult. im trying to make him understand that i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). but at the sametime i want to be with a really great loving man. i really dont know why im telling you all this you have most likely all fallen asleep. so sorry if i have bored you all just i needed to get this off my chest i guess.
I can solve all your problems in just a couple of sentences, ready? :
Do you love him enough to leave? Who is more important him or the people you are afraid to leave behind? Once you answer that honestly to yourself, move ahead with your life.
The End.
(I will mail you my bill for my services in a matter of days, thank you)
posted
I know how you feel. I am an American married to an egyptian man. I moved to Cairo in December of last year. I still don't know a great deal of the arabic language. My husband works a lot and doesn't have a lot of time so he can't teach me all by himself. It is really hard to learn by yourself. Think about it and I would investigate it more before you move here. There are so many different customs and practices here. You have a lot more freedom there than you do here, especially as a woman and a foreign woman at that. Believe me, I know. There were many times when I felt like screaming because I couldn't do this or I couldn't do that because of the way these arabic men think. Thank God, I have a good supportive husband. He understands and tries to make things so much easier. Of course, as time went on, I got used to a lot of things. But I would suggest that you and your future husband sit down, talk about Egypt's customs and practices, about what you can and can't do, whether you learn the language or not. It will save a lot of heartache later.
quote:Originally posted by kellyg: hi everyone, had my first arguement with my future husband last night not a big fight but still not nice, im trying my best to learn arabic but its hard, his english is great but when we need to talk about things important its a little difficult. im trying to make him understand that i cant just pack up and move to cairo in 2 seconds!!! lol it takes time to sort lots of stuff out. i work with children in london and one of the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). but at the sametime i want to be with a really great loving man. i really dont know why im telling you all this you have most likely all fallen asleep. so sorry if i have bored you all just i needed to get this off my chest i guess.
posted
the kids has special needs ive been with him since birth and its so hard the thought of leaving him when he is just getting though a really hard time in his young life (7yrs old). -----------------------------
posted
thanks 4 all your replys, i talk with him everyday and since i posted we have sorted lots of things out and now im feeling positive again!! not started a arabic course yet but my best friend is arabic which is great so she is teaching me at mo. ive been seeing him for 13months. i know he is the man for me. i dont really listen to what my heart says very much but always to what my head says i dont know if thats a good thing or not but with this kinda thing its the only way as its the biggest decisson i will ever make. after alot of talking with myself and digging deep into my soul i know he is who i want to be with.
Posts: 13 | From: england london | Registered: Aug 2005
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I am glad you "listen" to the ol' head as a rule of thumb..........
But this does not mean you cannot GO with the heart - ignore this Kellyg and you'll become a stagnant, bitter old woman - so it is best to find a "healthy middle ground" .......... a place where you can have fun and excitement - even throw caution to the wind at times ..... but also a place where you can maintain self respect and dignity - without "rose coloured glasses" )
Good luck with learning Arabic........
Best wishes for your new and exciting life in Egypt ...........
posted
Hi, I am going to marry an Egyptian guy in the next year can you give me some examples of things that you are not allowed and allowed to do. ( A womans point of view would help). THANKS!
Posts: 49 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by white hart: Hi Catlover, I have just done 3 terms of the colloquial egyptian course at the SOAS college as my husband is Egyptian!! Found it very good, the teacher is great fun and learnt so much. Was considering going onto the next level but only reason am not is because of the money!!! You will really enjoy it, good luck.
I'm glad to read that. A friend of mine had a bad experience learning arabic at the University of Westminster, so I was a bit worried.
posted
Bird ...... it is not a matter of what you are "not allowed and allowed to do"
You are marrying a man from a different culture who follows a different religion - therefore you should learn a bit about Islam - understand it is not only a religion, but a way of life ..... in doing this you will learn that there are many many differences in EVERY aspect of life ...... and I suggest your man learns about your religion and home country as well .....
Armed with this knowledge (and hopefully understanding) of Islam you can discuss these differences with your man .....
.... understand you cannot just "flip" into the Islamic way of life just to "fit in" - Islam is not about what you can and cannot do - like I said it is a way of life - if you CHOSE to follow Islam (Islam is in your heart) you will do it with conviction.
.... if you chose not to follow Islam and you are going to live in Egypt having an understanding of Islam will allow you to make informed decisions about how you live your life there.
Like any visitor in another country you should respect their religion and way of life - your man will keep you right about certain social taboos which may make him feel uncomfortable (and then you chose whether you wish to curtail your behaviour accordingly) For example: smoking in the street or wearing certain clothes.
Inter-racial relationships pose particular problems - BOTH of you need to have knowledge and understanding of the differences between you - and it is only through discussion and compromise (BY BOTH PARTIES) that you can find a "middle ground" where BOTH of you are comfortable ........
Nothing in life is ever static - change is constant - therefore your relationship will change and evolve as time goes by - your attitudes and behaviour and acceptance of "what is" according to your environment will also change with time ....
.... I can see how I have changed in my short time living in Egypt (March'05)- nothing I read in books or discussed with friends could have prepared me for the culture shock ....
... initially I "jumped on my high hobby horse" and defended my "ground" - but quickly I realised there are no hobby horses in Egypt - just camels !!! When I "dismounted" I sat back and embraced the culture - slowly - and still having some difficulties - I am gaining insight into this very unnique way of life - my cognitions are changing and consequently my behaviours also....... So what were once seen as compromises on my behalf are now viewed as simple "adaptations" to this new environment I am in ...... Fundamentally I am still "ME" ......... the ME that is now living MORE comfortably in Egypt.........
posted
thing is, if you're not muslim and if your husband is -- even if he would never ask you to convert and respects your beliefs... you will still have to adopt a muslim lifestyle if you have kids. because most likely, he will want his children raised islamically, 2-religion partners are not common, and in egypt it's not just a religion but a large cultural thing tied into it.
Posts: 2182 | Registered: Oct 2002
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