posted
I tell u sth what was the most unique in my life. My ex - friend. My man is my man but my friend- a woman – is very important for me, too. We met at the college to make the second degree. We were so different. I- impulsive, emotional, she- calm and reserved. So everytime we met I told her first what’s matter with me and later she opened herself and I listened. We know each other very deep. I don’t want to go into details. Total telepathy. We know how we behave in difficult situation – especially under stress. Harmony. We have never used each other. We went to London together. Everything was broken. Perhaps because I’m a traveler, I’ve experienced many cultures ( you too, that’s why I’m also writing this), I get used to many nice words, they don’t make impression on me. Also the job- I’m not a student any longer to be treated like that. If u read my former posts u know what I am talking about. Her fiancée doesn’t know about it, I suppose. To make it short, I refused London, she stayed there. I felt emptiness among us when we met again. Anyway, I thought, she will go to college as usually. No. Now, my friend doesn’t go to college, is ill. Wrote me that she appreciated what we built so much that she wasn’t able to rebuilt, she appreciate it too much. Ok. Me too. She doesn’t go to college for 3 weeks. In the testing system it’s a lot to learn. And other consequences. I sent her sms today. Sms – can u imagine? We usually talk! “Appear, find the same strengths as I find it myself”. The answer was: “So do I. I’ll be there. Promise.” I do feel hurt but I see she is going down. Maybe I seem to be a person who knows, is strong, but I need support in this case so much. It’s not so easy to say that a friend I know for better and worse and vice versa doesn’t exist. My friend is going down and didn’t ask me If I do… Can u imagine what I feel? I don’t want to be a teacher anylonger! I also go down…
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Mooneal, i don't know if you're willing to accept comfort from a person you already labeled, but i will try anyhow.
I didn't experienced many culture as you do, almoust none, to be frank, but i do experienced a lot of pain and sorrow in my life. You said your friend was always calm and reserved. That kind of person, as i know till now, are very deep and with a great sense of dignity.
Maybe when you didn't go to London she felt abandoned and misunderstood by, maybe something happened there and she is affraid to tell you (you said you are impulsive and emotional), maybe she did something and she is ashamed, so many posibilities.
The worst thing to do now (for you and for her as well) is to consider that your friendship doesn't exist. If you really care about her, be there for her. Even if you invade her privacy for a brief moment, don't abandone her.
Don't let pride and prejudice to interfere in such a beautiful thing as a friendship. Go and talk to her, open your heart and maybe the wall of silence will be smashed.
Maybe she need a proof that she is a valuable person for somebody and that her life ment something. Go there and give her that proof.
And if you believe that we are all guided by a higher power, pray to your Lord for help, forgivenes and guidance. Serenity isn't freedom from the storm, but peace within the storm.
May God bless you and watch upon your soul!
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Come on, everybody, where are you! Snoozin, KIR, Humanized, Tiger, ............. A friend here asked for support and none of you notice? "A friend when need is a friend indeed.:
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
I saw Mooneal's post, but I was trying to think about it a bit before replying.
There is a lot that could be going on there, Mooneal. Is she depressed? Have two good friends just grown apart? Unfortunately, that happens more often than we would like.
I am sorry it hurts....if she needs support, try to be there. If she gets through her dilemmas, she will be stronger and again able to support you if you need.
Thinking of you...
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
If you don't know how to put it in your own words, maybe this would help you.
quote: IN OUR FRIENDSHIP I BELIEVE
It's always been your loving ways that helped me understand, That helped me to be patient and that helped me say "I Can". I love you like a sister and know you like one too, I trust you'll keep my secrets locked up tight inside of you.
I came to you when sorrow struck, and you listened to my cries, I came to you when times got rough and you protected me from lies. I came to you to ask for help and willingly you leap, To lend a hand and always made promises you kept.
I thank you for your caring ways and generosity, and thank you for spending time building you and me.
PLease come to me when you cry, I'll always dry your tears. Please come to me when you're afraid, I'll try to calm your fears. Depend on me to be the friend that you have been to me, Trust in me and you will see why in our friendship I believe.
I love you like a sister and know you like one too, and this is why my heart says our friendship's pure and true.
posted
Tiger is here and recooping after he had to practice his vowels....will read the post and respond later..for now ..you have my unconditional support...do what your heart is telling you...yes follow your heart..
posted
Mooneal...whatever you do Just remmember you only can change yourself...can not change others no matter how hard and sensere you try..
I read the post three times and could not understand what is going on??? I do not to sound rude ..but really I di not understand...if someone breaks it down to me..please
can someone tell me what did he or she understood from the post...
I'm so sorry Mooneal! It's hard to watch your friend go down. The first thing that triggered in my head is when you mentioned she has a fiance. Is he controlling or possibly abusive, even emotionally abusive towards her? It seems she's pulled back a bit. Why!?! It sounds like he's a new element in her life, that's why I wondered that. Just something to think about. Also, when you live in a different country it's a bit of a shock at first. If she hasn't travelled much prior then the shock may be even bigger. Don't give up on her. Call her, ask her how her life going, ask her if she is happy, does she feel stuck? London is huge, and although she is surrounded by people, she may feel very lonely. If she's prideful it's possible she doesn't want to admit it to you that London's not working out for her. Now is this right she says she's sick? What kind of sickness? Is it serious? It may be hard for her to open up no matter how close you are. Let her know just what you're concerned about and that the past is the past and you're her friend for life, no matter what. Good luck to you and please keep us posted. Posts: 1063 | From: Oregon | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dear Friends, thanks a lot for ur support even if my post isn’t clear enough. I have to reconsider your answers which have been a great help for me. I thought that my friendship was very strong because we met each other as grow up human beings who don’t have many illusions and expectations any longer. We did achieved the balance in our relationship. I passed the period in my life where I thought I was right and others were wrong. That’s why I’ve asked you for advice what to do. Maybe there is sth what I should change in my perception of what happened between me and her?
I hope I can make the story clearer J We wanted to spend wonderful holidays in London and improve our English. J We also wanted to earn some extra money. Unfortunately, the job market was disastrous and our flatmates were males who caused a lot of problems. They didn’t understand the world “NO”. We had to move to another flat. Also our job was terrible. I had never been treated like that before. We were treated as potential easy girls and when I protested the guys became very malicious. U can imagine. I had a problem with a man. He tried to catch me and when it didn’t work he also became very rude. I don’t exaggerate if I say – he was crazy. When we moved to another house he kept in touch with my friend. One day she told me that there was a cheaper room to rent. So we went there. Can u guess who was the owner of it? This guy. I met him there and told him that it was too much for my patience. I decided to leave. She didn’t understand my decision. I was simply more and more scared of him and tired of struggling in this town. What for? She stayed there for a couple of weeks more. I felt left, hurt and misunderstood. 5 years ago the atmosphere and situation was quite different in London. More human friendly…
It was a shock for me. To see how some ppl sell themselves, treat each other etc. A jungle. August was fatal. For the first month we felt “blocked” and couldn’t believe what we experienced. When we met there was emptiness between us. I tried to accept it, I said myself: “Ok, u’re a grown up girl, life is brutal- take it or leave it”. However, it’s not true. Life is going on but I lost my best friend. I noticed that she also is getting weaker and weaker. And she is so sad. We simply need and miss each other.
Thanks for ur support. I know there are bigger problems but I really needed to tell u this and hear ur point of view.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
You have every right to respect that fear you had of that man...our intuition is powerful and we should listen to it. I am sorry it seems like she picked living in London over your need to stay away from that man. I know that must hurt very much.
However, even though that seems like a betrayal, it might just be that she was not strong enough or mature enough to make the decision to stick by your side in that situation. We are not perfect and friends are not always perfect friends. But that doesn't mean the friendship has to die.
I hope you have the chance to rebuild the friendship, and that it is even stronger. Do you live near one another now, or is she still in London? Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
She came back 2 weeks after me. We meet 3 times a week at college ( we both study and work).Yesterday she send me a message -she feels that everything is pointless now and perhaps we should meet, talk and see what the time will bring. That's why I wrote about it to u...I'm wondering.It's not so easy to overcome pain and forget. I also thought that maybe I made sth wrong.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
People are flawed. Everyone is. Perhaps you can rekindle the friendship without ever putting the two of you in a similar position as the one that hurt your friendship. If you can accept this flaw in her, then you can go on with the friendship. Only you know if it's too big to forgive and forget.
I found that college was the time where adult situations tested my friendships over and over again....and many of the friendships died. Looking back, I was too hard on some of the friends in these situations. Or they were too hard on me. But it is something that takes time, experience, and maturity to figure out.
Save the friendship if you can. But know many friendships fade away during college.
My mother had a group of high school friends she was really close to. They all went off to college, got married, had kids, and lost touch because every day life got in the way. When my mother was about 45 or so, and most of the kids were raised, she got back in touch with these friends. My mother is now 65, and for the past 20 years, her group of friends and she have been travelling all over the country, taking vacations together, and enjoying a much closer friendship *now* than they had even in high school. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
U know, Snoozin, u're right, I'm not going to put any friendship in a similar position in the future. One moment of pleasure etc. can make u lose ur friend.It's not worth of it. That's why I wanted her to come back with me - to save it and think perspectively. I wanted but I gave her a free choice... I hope that we will experience the same what ur mum does Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Sadeegy, nice to meet you. Really! I’m sorry to hear that u also experienced much sorrow and pain. I realize that they are inseparable things in our life but still… Now u precisely know what had happened between her and me. I think that she did sth. She said she would tell me her motives when she would return. There was no opportunity - I wasn’t ready to talk to her. I suppose that it is connected with one man she was emotionally involved in. They became friends. She helped him a lot and he also moved from this awful house. Tiger, I do appreciate ur ATTEMPTS to understand my post, believe me. I’m trying hard to express myself clearly in English but sometimes I seem to fail. KIR, her boyfriend is the calmest man I have ever meet. She’s a boss, believe me. She was abroad twice – once I asked her to go to Denmark instead of me because I was tired of cooperation and she was in London 10 years ago. However, GB before the accession of the former communistic countries, mine too, was quite different……… It was a shock for both of us. Perhaps some ppl attracted her more than me. I was able to resist. And - she didn’t get those problems with a guy who found in me his future wife and threaten me…
By the way, I wrote that August was fatal. Well, it is not so true. I met all of u and it makes me happy.
I think, Sadeegy that this extract of the touching poem u’ve sent can be quote for all of u:
(…) “I came to you when sorrow struck, and you listened to my cries, I came to you when times got rough and you protected me from lies. I came to you to ask for help and willingly you leap, To lend a hand and always made promises you kept.”(…)
(…)”PLease come to me when you cry, I'll always dry your tears. Please come to me when you're afraid, I'll try to calm your fears. Depend on me to be the friend that you have been to me, Trust in me and you will see why in our friendship I believe.”
posted
Thanks Snoozin for ur concern. U are such a thoughtful of others person. I appreciate it. Yesterday I met her and she said: ”This is the first time during this term when I came to our college smiling.” We became relaxed. We decided to meet during Christmas and talk. At the moment we are taking test after test and there is no time to think fully about others things. To make it short, we don’t have to create a wonderful and unique relationship again but this situation made me so sad, so disillusioned that………. we must change it! The same for her. She didn’t have bad intentions because she told me in London that she would back with me…But “Why I want to go? He will leave u, he promised…….”- her words. Then I told her: “I need ur free decision. I can’t stand it anymore. I’m going to rebook my ticket on Monday”. And I stopped talking…….I was so depressed. Anyway, now we are on the best way to clear the atmosphere and I think that we both are ready to take all those problems away.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Paint, I'm so happy u are also answering me. I needed this time. We are grown up ppl.I mean I decided to take another study in order to keep my job...We met there and I have found her the first job. Made her somehow independent. Our world's outlook is really established. ( maybe not my English) She said I'm her master but I don't want to be anybody master! I want to give and receive. That's why when I asked her about make her own decision, she didn't know. It's a very complicated topic. I could rebooked tickets for us and tell:"we are leaving on Monday". I didn't do it. Free choice. I need ppl who take responsibility for themselves.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I must tell u sth. Today we spoke with my friend about London issues. I’ve intuition. I also can’t accept that something like that has happened to me. U know what has happened this week? She told me that our friend from London ( I had 2 there) is in troubles. The Landlord ( this crazy man I told u about) who get used to have power and needs therapy asked police to take my friend away from house! This guy borrowed him money to buy this house! The police checked it and let him go. He was about to leave the police station when the Crazy said ” He takes drugs”. The man answered: “Yes, I take drugs, but he sells them to me”. I’m proud of him. He always blamed himself.
Anyway, isn’t it all ridiculous? How can I help those ppl? How? It's not my world. I don't get it.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I know it's tough Mooneal, but it sounds like you are working things out, slowly but surely..I wish you the best. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh Snoozin, u can imagine how happy I'm because of this!!!!!!!!Now it's not only a difficulty between this guy and me. He showed true himself. He has no scruples. So far it has been treated as a problem of my oversensivity which is not true. Take care. Wish u a wonderful day Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Heh heh. All people, women especially, should trust their intuition about other humans...I'm glad you did...and see, you were right. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I can't agree more I'm thinking about creating a new theory: "Intuition- the greatest intelligence". Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
My friend told me that THE MASTER appologised to our friend many times. He refused. I asked her: " Don't u think that u like weaker men than u and I always choose stronger, who teach me?" She answered: " Oh, yes- I always complain that I can order them and u always complain they want to control u". Life..........
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I must share it with u! Yesterday I spent almost … 10 hours discussing what had happened between us ( I mean my friend). We solved all our problems and forgave each other. I feel so light, so clean and am so happy that a bond between us still exists or is even stronger. Perhaps - if u have never ever quarreled with ur sister – she is not ur real friend J I know that sometimes bad experience destroys relationship. This time it made it even stronger. All in all, I’m saying good bye to 2005 with a smile and a clean, calm heart. There are 2 things left which I have to work out but I believe that if ppl want to be together they always find the way and the key. All the best for u, my dear friends. Happy New Year. I hope that all ur dreams will come true!
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Happy New Year, Mooneal! I'm glad that you've solved all the misunderstandings between you and her. Sometimes, this kind of pain is unbearable.... I hope you'll be always blessed and peaceful in your heart! Take care, my friend! Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I had been waiting for solving it for months. I wasn't ready for doing it and felt pain.It happened finally and is like a spring water for my soul especially when I realise that London's experience was revolution in her life much more than in mine. She has just opened her eyes. Take care, my dear Sadeegy, too :)Thanks for being with me.
Posts: 810 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I know that must hurt very much.![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic