One day, the women of the world got together and decided not to work anymore. No more laundry, no more cooking, no more cleaning, etc. So they all went to their respective countries and homes and decided to meet again the following week to report progress.
A week later, the French lady is telling about her experience: I went home and told my husband that I will not do house work from now on. I will not clean, will not cook. The first day I didn't see anything. The second day I didn't see anything. The third day, he brought me breakfast in bed and cooked a delicious meal for lunch.
Then came the British lady's turn: I went home and told my husband that I will not do housework from now on. I will not clean, I will not cook. The first day I didn't see anything. The second day I didn't see anything. The third day, he went to the supermarket and did all our grocery shopping, came back and cleaned the whole house.
Um Sayed the Egyptian came last with her story: I went home and told him: Abu Sayed; I won’t work no more, cook no more, sweep no more, iron no more. She carried on; First day I didn’t really see anything. The second day still I didn’t see anything. Third day, I started to see slightly with my left eye!Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)." sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you play golf with her?" HUSBAND: "I guess so." WIFE: “ use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: "S*it!"
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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The Egyptian Police, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The Egyptian Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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two guys were on a plane... a muslim couple came and sat in the seat in front of them...
the two guys wanted to have a luagh... and star saying things like.. "oh my job sent me to saudi once,,i hate it htere,,,way too many muslim" the other guy" oh dont go to france, more muslims there"... the cuople started to get fidgety... the guys started to get louder to make sure they hear... "ohh indoenisia too,, i wudnt wan go there, there are muslim there too"...
so the muslim gu turned around and said... "why dont you go to hell...i heard there aint many/any muslims there"
-------------------- -- here... [url=http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0955020700/qid%3D1133898517/026-7853042-0414807= Recommended...![/url] Posts: 2457 | From: U | Registered: Jun 2005
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Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Osama bin Laden thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.
In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," said Osama, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama bin Laden.
The devil opened a third door. In it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."
Posts: 2334 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Bill Gates passes away and goes up to Heaven where he is met by God.
"Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused about this one. I, not sure where to send you, to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows.
"i'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "well thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "You take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at hell first?"
"Sure" said Bill, "Let's go!"
Bill was amazed, He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful men and women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
"This is great!" said Bill. "If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven."
God replied, "Let's go!" and so off they went to Heaven. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with Angles drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell.
Bill Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.
"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."
"As you desire," said God
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late Billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill Gates shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by Demons.
"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.
Bill responded with anguish and despair, "This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
"Oh THAT?!" said God.
"That was the screen saver.
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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Mr L and Mr M are two lawyers working together hire a new secretary. A really hot one because these guys are really hot dudes. The two guys have sex with her, despite the woman is married. One day, on a pause, Mr L asks Mr M: "did you ever tried...you know...with Mrs X ?" Mr M :"Man, how can you ask me such a question, she's my sexual slave. She gives me something my wife can't give"
After a short silence :
Mr L :"yeah, she gives something your wife can't give"
Posts: 1473 | From: France | Registered: Oct 2005
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A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.
" The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good !!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing." Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eata breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want to piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma b*tch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on the table, you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know the lady and she calla me sonna ma bitch.
So I go to my room inna hotel and there is no sheit onna my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna sheit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not sheit onna bed, you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know the man and he calla me a sonna ma btch.I go to the checkout and the man at the desk "Peace on you." I say piss on you too, you sonna mabitch. I gonna back to Italy
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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A drunk had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the pub is closing. So the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his home.
When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called...you left your wheelchair there again."
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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A very Beautiful woman was walking on the roof of a building and she falls down.
On her way falling down, an American man catches her, She says: 'Oh thank you, you saved my life; I'll do ANYTHING for you...'
The man says: 'Okay then, sleep with me.' She says: 'You PIG!! NEVER!!' So he says:'FINE!' and he drops her down....
So she's falling and screaming... Suddenly a German man catches her in the air from his balcony, She says:'Oh thank you, you saved me; I'll do anything that you ask...'
The guy says: 'Fraulein, sleep with me.' She replies: 'Oh you nasty pig!!! NEVER!' So the man says: 'Fine!!!' and he also drops her down again.
She's falling and thinking that it was better if she slept with one of those men and now she's going to die.
Suddenly, a man catches the woman from his balcony, She says: 'Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll SLEEP with you!!' The man replies: 'Astaghfar Allah ' and he drops her!!!!!!!!
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
A new Wives Store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
'nuff said ???
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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I had posted this one already in the past, but there are new people around who might enjoy it....
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. The Italian customs officer stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro!"
"Vot do you mean, it's illegal?" asks the German driver.
"Quattro means four!" replies the Italian official.
"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam paperz : Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!".
"You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You havea five-a people ina your car and you are therefore breaking the law!"
The German replies angrily " You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over! Schnell! I vant to spik to zumvun viz more intelligence!!!"
"Sorry" responds the Italian, "He canta comea ... He'sa buzy witha two guys in a Fiat Uno."
Posts: 285 | From: Milano, Italy | Registered: Oct 2005
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Three guys are naked together in a sauna. Suddenly, there is a beeping sound. One guy, Japanese, says 'sorry, that's my pager, it is implanted in my arm'. Moments later, a ringing sound. The next guy, German, says 'excuse me, my mobile. It is implanted behind my ear.' The third guy, [Egyptian - of course] is embarrassed, and leaves to go to the toilet. When he gets back, the German man notices that he still has a piece of paper hanging from his ass. 'Oh ' says the Egyptian, 'someone has sent me a fax.'
Posts: 1399 | From: alexandria | Registered: Jan 2002
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A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it's being born."
The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this., "Why don't you know what color the child is going to be?"
"Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I'm a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is."
"OK", says the doctor, "I'll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?"
"Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman.
"Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?"
, "Yes, doctor he was.", "Wait, now the legs are out and they're brown. Was one of the actors Asian?"
, "Yes, doctor he was." So the doctor pulls the baby free and gives it the traditional slap on the back. The baby lets out a healthy, "Waaaahh" and starts crying.
"Oh, thank God for that!", says the woman, "For a moment there, I expected it to bark!"
posted
The California Governor has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the state, rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, The Terminator's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Austro-English" (or, if nobody will be offended, "Austrionics")..
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "My dearest, you have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck."
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's soo-oo-oo-oo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Three engineers and three mathematicians are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three mathematicians each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a mathematician.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The mathematicians take their respective seats, but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The mathematicians see this and agree it is quite a clever idea, so after the conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed mathematician.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train, the three mathematicians cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the mathematicians are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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and thats the first time ive used that smilie!!!!!
i think we should start a new thread about egyptian/midle eastern jokes.
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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oh yea ....... sub zero, your a legend! and snoozin.... oh so true!!!
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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One guy is driving his BMW on a highway and he hits a crow. Mercyful, he takes the bird home, put it in a cage with some bread and water. The next day, the crow wakes up, look around and says: Sh*t! Bars everywhere, bread, water...i think i've killed the poor bastard with the BMW..."
Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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Maybe only Americans will find this funny, I don't know, but I was on the floor rolling!
Subject: Thoughtful Mate
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Rob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Annette.
When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Annette to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not a reasonable option. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.
I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the Monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.
I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me also.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Annette.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!
Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it waswell worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other... Rob ************************
EDITOR'S NOTE: Rob died suddenly Thursday the 26th. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his backside, with only 2 inches of grip showing...His wife Annette was arrested, the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat down on it very suddenly.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Snoozin: Maybe only Americans will find this funny, I don't know, but I was on the floor rolling!
Subject: Thoughtful Mate
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Rob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Annette.
When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Annette to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not a reasonable option. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.
I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the Monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.
I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me also.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Annette.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!
Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it waswell worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other... Rob ************************
EDITOR'S NOTE: Rob died suddenly Thursday the 26th. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his backside, with only 2 inches of grip showing...His wife Annette was arrested, the all-woman Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat down on it very suddenly.
Who said golf wasn't a dangerous sport?
Posts: 1473 | From: France | Registered: Oct 2005
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A wife wanted to give her husband a birthday gift. Since he was nuts about golf and was crazy about his Big Bertha golf clubs. She decided to tattoo the symbols of Big Bertha (which are two B) one on each buttock.
On his birthday she tells him she has a surprise for him and takes down her underwear and leans so he can get a full view. He takes a look and then asks: Who's Bob?
Posts: 143 | From: Silicon Valley | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
One day, the lion, as the king of the forrest, decided he won't go hunting anymore. Instead, each animal has to bring him something to eat. If they don't obey, they will be severely beaten on the back with his royal big d**k.
First arrived the bear, with a pig as an offering. The lion was very pleased. Then, the fox brought a chicken. Still contempt. Then, the little rabbit came...with two carrots.
The lion scream: "How dare you to bring such a thing to me! I only eat meat!". And the poor rabbit got the beat of his life. The lion hit his back hard over and over and over...
Limping and sobbing, the little rabbit retreats to a corner and suddenly he start to laughs. And he laughs, he laughs... The lion, intrigued, asks him:" Why do you laugh like that, stupid?"
The little rabbit answers..." I've just seen the hedgehog, bringing you two apples... Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies. "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals." "I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten dollars," the guy says. "Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that ****."
Posts: 143 | From: Silicon Valley | Registered: Mar 2006
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Originally posted by Sadeeqy: Three guy take a test. They must use the words GREEN, YELLOW and PINK, in order to describe a fragment of a day. Results:
The french guy: "When I wake up in the morning, I feel fresh and green, I see the yellow sun and I think it will be a pink day."
The american guy: "In the morning, I drink a yellow lemon juice. At noon, I eat a green apple. In the evening, I watch Pink Panther at the TV."
The egyptian guy: "Uen ai ueic ap in za morning, ai hiar za faun ringhing GREEN-GREEN! Sou, ai PINK ap za phone end ai sei "YELLOW?"
Hahahahaha.... u know sadeeqy ? i read all of ur posting in ES and only u make me smile and laughing like now, i guess u r smart girl, sensible and nice too. keep posting sis.... Posts: 46 | From: indonesia | Registered: Dec 2005
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posted
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?", she asked. "Hunting flies", he responded. "Killing any?", she asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 females", he replied. Intrigued, she asked, "how can you tell their sex?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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One little girl wakes up in the middle of the night to drink some water. On her way to the kitchen she hears noises from her parents room, so she stops and peek through the keyhole. She looks once, twice and after that she goes to the kitchen shaking her head. "This is unbelieveable! And when i think that both of them want to send *me* to the shrink, just because i suck my thumb!"
Dirty... Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Sadeeqy: One little girl wakes up in the middle of the night to drink some water. On her way to the kitchen she hears noises from her parents room, so she stops and peek through the keyhole. She looks once, twice and after that she goes to the kitchen shaking her head. "This is unbelieveable! And when i think that both of them want to send *me* to the shrink, just because i suck my thumb!"
Dirty...
Posts: 46 | From: indonesia | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Sadeeqy: One little girl wakes up in the middle of the night to drink some water. On her way to the kitchen she hears noises from her parents room, so she stops and peek through the keyhole. She looks once, twice and after that she goes to the kitchen shaking her head. "This is unbelieveable! And when i think that both of them want to send *me* to the shrink, just because i suck my thumb!"
Dirty...
what's dirty there?
Posts: 1473 | From: France | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Nanouk: One Big Bertha joke deserves another:
A wife wanted to give her husband a birthday gift. Since he was nuts about golf and was crazy about his Big Bertha golf clubs. She decided to tattoo the symbols of Big Bertha (which are two B) one on each buttock.
On his birthday she tells him she has a surprise for him and takes down her underwear and leans so he can get a full view. He takes a look and then asks: Who's Bob?
i have a W on each of mine!!!!
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The Docter took at one look at her, and all his profesionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the Docter began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, " do u know what i'm doing" ?
"yes" she replied, " you're checking for any abrasion or dermatological abnormalities"
"that is right" , said the doctor.
He than began to fondle her breast, " do you know what i'm doing now" ?
"Yes" the woman said, " you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer".
"correct" replied the shady Doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, " do u know what i'm doing now" ?
"yes" she said , " you're getting herpes, which is why i came here in the first place".
Posts: 46 | From: indonesia | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by TheWesternDebt2Islam aka Ki$$ aka K: two guys were on a plane... a muslim couple came and sat in the seat in front of them...
the two guys wanted to have a luagh... and star saying things like.. "oh my job sent me to saudi once,,i hate it htere,,,way too many muslim" the other guy" oh dont go to france, more muslims there"... the cuople started to get fidgety... the guys started to get louder to make sure they hear... "ohh indoenisia too,, i wudnt wan go there, there are muslim there too"...
so the muslim gu turned around and said... "why dont you go to hell...i heard there aint many/any muslims there"
Posts: 46 | From: indonesia | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by M_laila: A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The Docter took at one look at her, and all his profesionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the Docter began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, " do u know what i'm doing" ?
"yes" she replied, " you're checking for any abrasion or dermatological abnormalities"
"that is right" , said the doctor.
He than began to fondle her breast, " do you know what i'm doing now" ?
"Yes" the woman said, " you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer".
"correct" replied the shady Doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.
He asked, " do u know what i'm doing now" ?
"yes" she said , " you're getting herpes, which is why i came here in the first place".
that one is truly dirty
Posts: 1473 | From: France | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night,! he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. " The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."
Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2005
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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half! drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too. Posts: 657 | From: Cairo | Registered: Nov 2005
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a man found an old brass lamp washed up on the shore of the red sea.. thinking of the story of Aladin, he laughed as he gave it a rub.
"i am the genie of the lamp and i grant you one wish"
"just 1"? the man asked "i thought it was 3"
"we are in Egypt are we not"? the genie replied as he flicked his front teeth with his thumb nail..
"ok, in that case i best make it a good one"
............
......
"i want to understand women"
AH HAHA HAaaa... the genie folded his arms and shook his head. "there is nothing on this earth nor in the kingdom of heaven or the realm of magic that can grant you your wish. try again"!
..............
......
"in that case i want peace in the middle east".
the genie narrowed his eyes and thought for a moment...
...
"what was that first one again"?
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
one day an egyptian man was walking down the street when he fell down a deep hole. he tried his hardest to climb up the sides but he just couldnt get out. he shouted for help again and again.... nothing. he could see fellow egyptians walking by and ignoring him.
'why wont anyone help me? whats wrong with egyptians'?
as night began to fall the man began to weep.
'if i ever get out of this hole i will dedicate my life to helping people'... when all of a sudden he heard his wifes voice above him...
'oh habibi, i was so worried when you didnt come home.... here, (she knelt down and reached in to the hole) give me your hand'
"I GIVE YOU NOTHING"
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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