posted
Seems like every thread here end up with a cat fight, and very negative comments about eachother so herea a thought..
Write the most embarrising thing u ever did, the best thing that ever happend to u, a funny joke or anything else u think might brightend someones day, make someone inhere smile or even laugh.. just a thought...
ill start with some truths about girls drinking.. hope to make someone smile:
WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............
1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.
4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO
5.WE START CRYING AND! TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Hi, imagine, your posting brings many memories back into my mind. You put a big smile on my face, thank you!
PS: Great idea of having this kind of topic. I'll see what I can contribute.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
very happy i could put a smile on someones face :-D Hope you will have a very good day ;-)
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
lol, no we really dont haha... and somehow we allways believe that if we just smack on some more lipstick and fix our hair with water we look amazing again ilmao
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
ohhh sorry to burst your bubble bb hahahaha :-p
I dont know why but just feel like making people smile today.. heres a little joke.. (children are so much fun)
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. "It's a period," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so 'exciting' about a period?"
"Darned if I know," he said, "but this morning my sister was missing one. Mommy fainted; daddy had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy."
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Now, let's have some comments...(not mine though)
1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.
(Did we bring a purse or did we try to shove our ID, lipstick, money, and condoms into a pocket, our shoes, or our bra?)
2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and jiggling our butt while yelling "woo-hoo" is truly the sexiest dance move around.
(I would argue that it is. As is dancing by yourself with the mirror. I don't think I have ever actually yelled "woo-hoo" while dancing, but I am quite sure I tried to dance like a stripper. And I am also quite sure I thought I looked good doing it when in fact I did not.)
3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe we could do it too.
(Not only can I kick someone's ass, but when I am drunk I am both Cindy Crawford and Albert Einstein.)
4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we were just four hours ago.
(I sweat just standing still. So when I am dancing like a stripper by myself in the mirror (see number 2), my hair gets matted, my lipstick and eyeliner run, and I may stink.)
5. We start crying and telling everyone we see that we love them soooo much.
(I don't really think I do this. I don't remember telling everyone I love them. I do remember making out with random people, but I am sure I never told them I loved them.)
6. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because "oh my god, I love this song!"
(Amen.)
7. We've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to us.
(I love the geek and always find his spiritual side. My story might be that I find a deep spiritual connection to the beefcake next to me. For some reason when I am drunk, hearing about weight lifting and Nascar sounds like intellectual banter.)
8. We've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.
(When I get really drunk, I often bum a smoke from a friend and then chastise her when I realize why I quit. It tastes just god awful. And I can't imagine anyone doing it. But I smoke the damn thing.)
9. We yell at the bartender, who we believe cheated us by giving us just lemonade, but that's just because we can no longer taste the gin.
(I don't give a crap about the bartender, to be truthful. Unless they are smoking hot and talking to me as if I am Cindy Crawford - which I am if you read number 3. I did once have an incident with a bartender. I had given him a $20 bill and he gave me change as if I had given him a $10 bill. Now, as anyone who has been drunk will tell you, especially if that person is also a cheap bastard/bitch, you know what money you are giving up and you know what you should get back. So I drunk-politely told him. He laughed at me but checked his drawer. Sure enough I was right. Because I am Einstein -see number 3- and I can do the math. I can also kick his ass -see number 3- and I do not think I have a spiritual connection with this moron -see number 7.)
10. We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor or the mop.
(Or the dog, or the wall - if leaning from the toilet.)
11. We fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when we sit on it.
(Toilet lid?)
12. We take our shoes off because we believe it's their fault that we're having problems walking straight.
(Actually I take my shoes off to look like a supermodel taking off her clothes. I am cool without shoes.)
Feel free to add your thoughts. Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much smarter than men.
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her. Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know. Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Sadeeqy: One tequila, two tequila, three tequila... floor.
Oh, Tequila is such a strong stuff. You don't feel right away its effect on your body..... Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Life with a man is like a pack of cards...u need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to bash his head in and a spade to bury him! Posts: 1744 | From: Romania | Registered: Dec 2005
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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
>>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? >>WITNESS: No, I just lie there. >>________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? >>WITNESS: July 18th. >>ATTORNEY: What year? >>WITNESS: Every year. >>______________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at; all? >>WITNESS: Yes. >>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? >>WITNESS: I forget. >>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? >>_____________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? >>WITNESS: We both do. >>ATTORNEY: Voodoo? >>WITNESS: We do. >>ATTORNEY: You do? >>WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. >>______________________________________ >>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? >>WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? >>______________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? >>WITNESS: Yes. >>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? >>WITNESS: Uh.... >>______________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? >>WITNESS: Yes. >>ATTORNEY: How many were boys? >>WITNESS: None. >>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? >> ______________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? >>WITNESS: By death. >>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? >>______________________________________ >> >>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for >>a pulse? >>WITNESS: No. >>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? >>WITNESS: No. >>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? >>WITNESS: No. >>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you >>began the autopsy? >>WITNESS: No. >>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? >>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. >>ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? >>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and >>practicing law.
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
It's good to be a woman, indeed Sadeeqy! Wonderful contribution! Thanks! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Johnny wanted to have fun with a girl in his office but she had a boyfriend...
One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you $1000 dollars if you let me make love to you" but the girl said "NO WAY!"
Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, You bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up!"
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend ...
So, she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down!" So she agrees and accepts the proposal.
Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "What Happened?"
She said "The bastard used coins!!"
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Sadeeqy: Life with a man is like a pack of cards...u need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to bash his head in and a spade to bury him!
OK... im sick and twisted.... i really should NOT have laughed at that..
but i did!!! Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
lol me 2 charm.. me and my friends have a tendancy to "dare" eachother to do wierd things when we are drunk.. tattoos are deffinately among those things lol
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
good reason sadeeqy.. drinking and needles are allmost allways linked together in 1 way or the other ;-)
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
A 65 year old mother came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator. "What on earth are you doing?", asked the Mom.
"Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me, I am ugly, I will never get married, so this is pretty much my husband."
The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head in disgust. A couple of days later, the father comes home from work. He also hears a strange noise coming from the bedroom. Upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?", he asked.
His daughter replied, "I already told Mom, I am 40 years old now and ugly, I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband. The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
On Sunday, the mother came home to find her husband watching the Super Bowl. He had a beer in one hand, and the vibrator in the other hand.
"For Chrissakes, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law.
Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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maybe i should get one.... 
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