The psychology of the harasser and how to fight back
CAIRO: As 17-year-old Layla is walking down a main street in Maadi, she notices a man straddling a bicycle on the corner. As she gets closer, she sees some unnaturally rapid movements underneath the man's galabiya as he hisses indecipherable words at her. A moment later Layla realizes what she's seeing; the man is masturbating.
On-the-street sexual harassment, whether auditory, visual or sensual, is more than common. This and other such incidents map out a widespread and frequent attitude toward women; Layla is not the first woman and obviously will not be the last to have her visual sphere spoiled and violated in such a manner.
In this incident, Layla shouts at him "You're filth! Would you like someone to do that to your sister? Or your mother?" then she bolts into a nearby shop, shaking with shock and anger, while the man calmly pedals off down the street.
One and a half years later, Layla maintains a phobia. The young girl still feels her heart palpitate and crosses the street to avoid anyone on a bicycle.
The stories are many: Dina, another girl, who walks down the same street as Layla, almost every day passing the trendy coffee shop on her right to catch a taxi to university, suddenly feels a swift pinch on her left hip and almost simultaneously a bicycle rider zooms by her as she passes a corner. Realizing what just happened, her mind races from "How embarrassing!"; "Who saw that?"; "Should I just go home now?” to thoughts like "Is everyone on the street looking at my rear?" and "Why didn’t I just swing my bag at him? Push him off his damned bike?" Surprisingly, nobody probably saw it happen. But to Dina, she felt she was under a microscope and the whole neighborhood was focusing “on her rear end,” as she puts it.
Even though the offense might be fleeting, the reaction to it might not be. As demonstrated in these two true stories, the thoughts that follow are often haunting and drenched in self-blame. Initially, there is disbelief about how long the person takes to react to harassment, as in Dina’s case. Usually, a few moments of shock triggered anger. Often women experience an exaggerated sense of self-blame more than anything else, but sometimes it dies down when they allow themselves to realize that those seconds of paralysis are normal.
Women everywhere encounter sexual innuendo on the street, but what sets this kind of behavior firmly in the category of harassment in Cairo? In the West, comments and catcalls on the street are considered more “flattering” so to speak. If a guy calls out to you, “Hey baby,” it feels more like a compliment. Women usually think, “Oh, I must be looking good today.” It is sexual and it habitually means, “You’re looking sexy.”
In Cairo, on the other hand, similar comments make a woman feel self-conscious, stripping her of her ability to blend in. It is the equivalent of someone in the West yelling from across the street, “Hey white girl.” It is stereotypical and it makes women feel singled out of the crowd.
When walking on busy streets, especially among heavy crowds, people naturally assume a kind of anonymity. If someone takes this anonymity away, he leaves his victim feeling vulnerable, particularly if she is a woman. It leaves her feeling suddenly naked and completely exposed. Even very independent women unexpectedly find themselves feeling in need of protection, combined with a sense that she is not sufficient in and of herself.
This feeling of insufficiency is why foreigners residing in Egypt or very self-confident Egyptians are typically bothered more intensely by the feelings that harassment brings out. Women who are not brought up to feel that that they’re the weaker sex suddenly find that harassment brings them down, reducing the equation to one of more primitive muscle power. Harassment completely annihilates the status achieved from mental power, financial position, or even family name. That power is pulled out from under women when they are publicly harassed.
In order to avoid harassment, prepare for it and deal with it if it occurs, first, one has to recognize the process of harassment. What is really going on? It’s interesting to notice that sexual harassers are usually people who are oppressed. Good examples of this are soldiers on the streets with their uniforms and rifles (that they are not trained how to use). They’re given a title, stripes on their shoulders and access to very authoritative symbols, yet they don’t receive a salary that can feed their family at the end of the day. In reality, they don’t have authority, so they are in constant frustration. When there is a wide gap between image and reality, this frustration becomes the dominant factor in harassment (being their reaction to frustration).
Unsurprisingly, you don’t find lucrative happy men harassing people. And that’s key to understanding why sexual harassment is so predominant on Egyptian streets and how it has become more and more common by the year. Statistically most of the harassment that we see is coming from frustrated people targeting women who look comfortable.
Veiled girls get harassed as much as the unveiled, so it’s not necessarily about the body parts that women are showing. It is important to recognize that sexuality so to speak is not the dominant theme in harassment.
It is more about the frustrated reaching out to the non-frustrated. We are talking here about people who are hurting and have no outlet. It might seem to the passing woman that harassers are simply passing time, but in reality the act stems from deep hurt and antagonism directed at society.
Therefore, we must realize that the more aggravated the state of the harassers’ frustration, the more they allow themselves to violate others. The more wronged they feel, the more they feel they should wrong others, a common human reaction. When we look at the psychology of hate and anger, it all stems from the seed: “If I’m hurting, I’m going to lash out.”
What happened in the Eid holiday, though, is not typical of what we have seen in past decades on Cairo streets. Rather, the incident seems to represent a new generation reaching a whole new caliber of harassment.
The young adults and the teens — some no more than 12 years old — involved in recent Eid incidents may very well be the consequence of a series of societal changes that are disturbing the average Egyptian parent.
Public schools and their ill-planned attempts to become secular by eliminating religious teachings in 2002 and replacing them with a highly ignored and low-graded “ethics and values” studies have not helped.
Another factor could be the gradual neglect of police adaab and police ahdaas to control perverted behavior; the police ahdaas had always been a force that treated seriously the real threat of delinquent teenagers and those performing public acts of “rude behavior.” The police systems are still there, but they have noticeably pulled back their involvement.
While these extremely limiting influences have been undermined, in their place we find emerging influences of an equally extreme and opposite direction: easy access to sexually explicit material — from bigger-than-life seductive billboards all over Cairo to the inevitable satellite TV programming and Internet.
The influences are extreme and are leaving behind a generation of youth who are both confused and frustrated. So we get guys forming a posse to lash out at girls; we get girls covering their hair with a veil but simultaneously wearing skin-colored, fitted spandex shirts and trousers. Where is the normalcy? Apparently it is becoming a minority in this generation of youth.
The harassment in the Eid, however, was not targeted specifically at either conservative women or those who are not. Notably, an equal amount of offense is generated from harassment whether a woman is veiled or dressed conservatively or not, since it is the idea of being imposed upon that is dominant here. It is very much like rape. Rape would be humiliating to anybody.
While all harassment is an infringement on personal space and comfort, there are degrees of severity. If harassment is only internalized visually where a woman can control it by shifting her gaze, she maintains a certain marginal amount of control. The worst kind of harassment is tactile, when she’s touched.
Assertive people probably feel much more violated than people who are normally submissive (practicing submissive dynamics on a daily basis).
Fighting back against harassment starts with empowerment. Women on Cairo streets can play a role in avoiding harassment or at least in minimizing its effects. How should a woman avoid harassment, putting in mind the mindset of the harasser and placing the behavior in a larger context?
Women have to realize that it’s out there, regardless of where you are and what you’re wearing. It’s true that a woman who dresses provocatively will get attention, triggering people’s gaze (probably from women as much as men), but that does not normally result in harassment. The frustrated mind will act. The comfortable person will notice it, look at it, but not act on it by imposing himself on another.
At the same time, just because there are harassers, doesn’t mean that going out on the Cairo streets involves a whole elaborate ordeal. It’s important for a woman to avoid harassment, but also to do it in the least disruptive way to her.
Preparedness is key. When a woman is prepared, the damage is limited and she can react immediately. The window of opportunity that the harasser normally has (where he can escape without any consequence) may not even exist.
One of the best steps to take is to purchase a whistle. Use it, as opposed to your voice. A long high-pitched siren will bring a lot of attention. And that’s exactly what the harasser does not want.
Basically don’t loiter on the streets, move like a man on a mission with wide strong strides, head up and facing straight ahead, without smiling (unfortunately). Like a soldier’s march, if you will.
Think ahead so as not to be surprised when you are in a harassment situation.
A lot of women like to walk down the street in a self-contained bubble, wearing dark glasses, earplugs or even talking on the phone. This approach has not proved to be very effective or useful because it further reflects a state of comfort, which triggers and exacerbates the frustration.
Definitely if you have the choice to avoid walking alone, take it. Most of the time when you are with your friends, you have more group courage. You are more likely to act defensively and act quicker.
To the foreigners out there, when you walk by the kiosks with three or four soldiers standing around say in a loud assertive voice “Al-salamo aleikom,” to which they must reply. Having exchanged this comment of peace, they will recognize that you’re not so foreign to the culture. At this point, they’re more likely to perceive you as more equal or closer to them.
Abier El-Barbary is a Cairo-based Canadian psychotherapist of Egyptian origins. She is currently a member of the American University in Cairo (AUC) faculty, and a psychologist at the AUC-run Counseling Center.
To all the women living in Egypt, especially the ones that have been raised there and can easily tell the differences between classes, do you agree that those being offensive are of the unemployed, socially frustrated type? In my personal observation I see those types being more obviously obnoxious with women, but I see the visiting wealthy Gulf Arabs being more dangerous in terms of following women, trying to get them into cars, groping, harassing women at hotels, etcetera. Just wondering how it looks from the side of the ladies here.
Posts: 345 | Registered: Aug 2006
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"Women everywhere encounter sexual innuendo on the street, but what sets this kind of behavior firmly in the category of harassment in Cairo? In the West, comments and catcalls on the street are considered more “flattering” so to speak. If a guy calls out to you, “Hey baby,” it feels more like a compliment. Women usually think, “Oh, I must be looking good today.” It is sexual and it habitually means, “You’re looking sexy.”"
This is one of the many things I disagree with in this article. Every man that has "cat-called" me in my life has done so with the somewhat detached, almost joking, very obviously unthreatening manner that you might see in a commercial. Woman in red dress passes men working on the street with jackhammers, men stop, stare, whistle. The End. In worse neighborhoods one might get a "Hey baby, where you going, come on, talk to me." But, again, never threatening. You know, men actually MASTURBATING in public would be regarded here as being literally retarded. A normal man of normal intelligence would not do that. It has nothing to do with sexy images on billboards, or in magazines. Aggressive assaults on women are just that - assaults. They are acts of VIOLENCE, not sex. So the problem is something else. Imbalance of power? The weaker women are the worse it will be.
Posts: 1161 | From: wo xiang xiao bian ji si le | Registered: Oct 2005
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As a regular visitor to Egypt, I know that sexual harassment is an unavoidable reality. Dressing and behaving modestly, it irks me to show respect for a culture, yet be shown so little by men, when shopping or in public. I used to think that harassment was something directed only at foreign women. How wrong I was. Egyptian women seem to suffer even more. It matters little if she is veiled or unveiled, despite the tenuous link often made between virtue and dress.
How ironic that a country claiming to have such great respect for women is known for its harassment of women. Sexual harassment exists everywhere in the world but in Egypt, women seem to have little means of redress. Legislation affords few rights to Egyptian women, even in matters of divorce. Raping your wife isn't even regarded as a crime, so is it any wonder that issues like abuse and harassment barely register on the scale?
As a foreigner, I have learnt how to deal with the frequent harassment. I know that a few sharp words and the threat of the tourist police is an effective last resort. The Eid incident demonstrated that Egyptian women are not as confident in reporting matters to the police. Given their failure to react (and corruption within), I can see why. There is something very wrong with a system that allows women to be classed by degrees of respectability, according to dress and if they are alone or accompanied in public.
Clearly, there are many reasons why gender equality is so far behind in Egypt. Women are second class citizens in law. The education system leaves a lot to be desired and the lack of involvement of women in public life are just a few points that contribute to this malaise. The situation of men and the state of the economy means that there is little sympathy for women, in the grand scale of things.
There are of course many decent, responsible men in Egypt (our family friends confirm this). How sad it is that the unacceptable behaviour on the streets of Egypt by some men, taint the country.
As a British woman, I can go shopping and conduct everyday business without being harassed, in the UK. Of course people flirt and harassment is an issue in Europe too but there are measures to protect women and the desire to do so.
In Egypt, it is almost as though no one really cares. The harassment is constant, considerable and a fact of life there. Is this something that a great nation like Egypt should allow to continue? That is entirely up to the Egyptians but allowing things to remain unchanged doesn't look like a wise option.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Graf_Genn: To all the women living in Egypt, especially the ones that have been raised there and can easily tell the differences between classes, do you agree that those being offensive are of the unemployed, socially frustrated type?
No, I don't agree. Harassment is committed by guys of all ages and classes. It's true that you get more harassed by lower class guys, but that's simply because they make up a higher percentage of the population.
quote:Originally posted by Graf_Genn: In my personal observation I see those types being more obviously obnoxious with women, but I see the visiting wealthy Gulf Arabs being more dangerous in terms of following women, trying to get them into cars, groping, harassing women at hotels, etcetera.
I agree with that observation, although I wouldn't say it's limited to Gulf Arabs. There are lots of upper class Egyptian guys doing the same thing.
Interesting article, Tigerlily. There are some statements I don't agree with, but some of it is spot on.
Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Tiger, as usual thanks for the article. I agree a lot with Queenbee, while there are cat calls from all types of men (doesn't matter the economic status), one must be 'disturbed' to consider masturbating in public as someone passes in the first place. What I can't figure out is why a girl would stand there and shout at the man and yell? Why not keep walking like you don't notice a thing? Obviously he wants to know that she's noticed him, that's probably part of his sick and twisted goal right? Anyone ever heard of these behaviors from women? Could you imagine reading about a woman maturbating in public as men passed by? Weird~
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: Why not keep walking like you don't notice a thing? Obviously he wants to know that she's noticed him, that's probably part of his sick and twisted goal right? [/QB]
I read a book about those perverts..... masturbating in pubic or flashing their private parts is called exhibitionism..... & those guys get thier excitement & thrill when they see the "shock" on their victim's face or hear their screams.
You dont give him what he wants when you dont react & walk away...... but you need to train yourself not to react, I know it is hard not to be shocked
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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Think about what many Egyptian women have to endure daily in overcrowded busses.
I only used this kind of transportation while I lived in Egypt and never again! I was starred at by everyone - men and women alike - and a guy just came too close with his *thing* near me. The whole bus ride felt like an eternity, it was disgusting. I was mad afterwards that I didn't say anything, didn't jump out, but I was new in town and didn't know how to react to this kind of behaviour anyway.
Thankfully I always had enough money to use taxis from that point on....
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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You know, I went skiing back in my teens with the family and encountered a 'flasher' with my aunt. We were in a kind of remote area and there was this man sitting on a railing with his pants undone and stuff just HANGING out ! I was the first to notice and I grabbed my aunts arm and started to laugh so loudly, and she kept hushing me and making us walk by faster without looking at him. I was just a teen, maybe my reaction was not the best, I would probably handle it differently now, but at the time it was hilarious, the pathetic-ness (is that a word?) of it. He must have been soooo cold !! BURRR !
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Think about what many Egyptian women have to endure daily in overcrowded busses.
I only used this kind of transportation while I lived in Egypt and never again! I was starred at by everyone - men and women alike - and a guy just came too close with his *thing* near me.
My roommate was harassed by a guy putting his hand between her legs on the microbus a few weeks ago. Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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I also got touch in an undecent way by a male family friend years back. I must have been 10 or 11 and I understood what was going on. We went every year to spend two weeks at one lake and then one day uncle S. took me along on the boat to go fishing. I never told anything to my mother (usually I am very open with her) and hell, I stood away from this man from that point on. Thanks god, he is not aquainted with us for quite some time.
Does anyone else of you girls experienced sexual harassment and worse?
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Think about what many Egyptian women have to endure daily in overcrowded busses.
I only used this kind of transportation while I lived in Egypt and never again! I was starred at by everyone - men and women alike - and a guy just came too close with his *thing* near me.
My roommate was harassed by a guy putting his hand between her legs on the microbus a few weeks ago.
Oh my, this reminds me of what happened to me in autumn of '94, I lived only for a couple of months in Cairo and just moved to Mohandseen. Well, it was hot, afternoon, not much traffic or people on the street compared to other busy roads around the same time. I wanted to tie my shoelaces so I bent down. Of course I never thought of what would happen the very next moment. A guy passed by and touch me from the back between my legs and ran off. I was shocked and tried to follow him but I lost him. I was so so mad about that incident. But I've learned my lesson. I'd always sit down somewhere to tie my shoes from that time on and most of all - watch my back.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: I also got touch in an undecent way by a male family friend years back. I must have been 10 or 11 and I understood what was going on. We went every year to spend two weeks at one lake and then one day uncle S. took me along on the boat to go fishing. I never told anything to my mother (usually I am very open with her) and hell, I stood away from this man from that point on. Thanks god, he is not aquainted with us for quite some time.
Does anyone else of you girls experienced sexual harassment and worse?
yes.......... I was sexually harassed when i was 9 years old by a male servant who worked for my aunt, he touched me in my private part Thank god i was kinda smart & was aware of what he was trying to do & I stopped him..... 6 momths later i finally opened my mouth & my dad beat the crap out of him & fired him
Harrassed a few months ago in a casting call.... i mentioed that here before
Harrassed several times in the streets, in university, in concerts..... getting my ass & boobs grabed
God, it doesnt end. does it? Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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Hasn't ever gone beyound putting his arm around my shoulder.
For the most part men are too afraid of me to try something like this.
Verbal propositions, but nothing physical.
But a suit tried to verbally proposition me when I was 14 at a menards parking lot.
My dad went over to his car and did about $5,000 worth of damage with his bare hands.
I think knowing that someone loved me that much and would do anything for my protection and honor instilled in me a sense of self-protection.
Made me fierce, and made me understand I had something worth protecting.
My dad is a gentle giant, but don't ever piss him off.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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In Egypt, I have heard some horror stories. Men rubbing themselves against women tourists in shops, men making obscene gestures at women, lewd comments, etc.
The cheek of some Egyptian men never fails to astound me. Once on small bus, with my husband, I could feel something brushing my hair. At first, I thought it was the wind/open window catching the tips of my hair - then it dawned - it was a man's hand. I didn't want to create havoc, by telling my husband, so I shrugged my shoulders to try and warn him off. Also, there is an element of doubt and disbelief that creeps in. The last thing you don't want to falsely accuse some innocent guy of hair stroking!
The hand then moved up to my shoulder. This time I knew it was no accident. Outraged. I turned round and slapped him smartly on the hand. My husband looked astonished at me and before I could explain, the guy jumped off the bus. Needless to say, we never tried this mode of transport again.
I had completely forgotten about this incident until I read the comments above. I would hate to have to use those crowded little buses on a daily basis.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Also, there is an element of doubt and disbelief that creeps in. The last thing you don't want to falsely accuse some innocent guy of hair stroking!
exactly......... this is the feeling I get when i am being harrassed in the beginning before the abuser escalates his assualt
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by *The Dark Angel* aka CAT:
quote:Originally posted by SayWhatYouSee: Also, there is an element of doubt and disbelief that creeps in. The last thing you don't want to falsely accuse some innocent guy of hair stroking!
exactly......... this is the feeling I get when i am being harrassed in the beginning before the abuser escalates his assualt
'CAT-DARK-ANGEL/Shebin's angry midget-lesbian-name-changer extrodinaire.' I'm glad you understood my point, which should have read :
'' The last thing you want to do is falsely accuse some innocent guy of hair stroking !''
Women have a tendency to want to give people the benefit of the doubt. Abusers know this and exploit it.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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This is the Egypt I've known and grew up in. All those stories are nothing to what I have seen and experienced first hand while growing up there. I has been going on for as long as I remember and still there are millions of Egyptians who would be shocked and horrified to hear these stories.
Posts: 164 | Registered: Apr 2006
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Are woman allowed to carry pepper spray or whistles in egypt? I learned about this when I took a self-defense course and i always carry on my keychain. I've never had to use because most american men in general dont behave like that. I've never been grabbed by any man in public, i've had men make comments but nothing really disgusting or derogatory. I've never had to use either but you never know. Could woman empower themselves like that in egypt? I know it is a male dominant society, but I would think the men would like this idea so they wouldnt have to worry about their wifes, mothers, or sisters getting harrased in public.
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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i love my pepper spray. I had a yemeni friend, who was on a bus to her university in yemen. a guy sat down next to her, unzipped his pants, and started to masterbate ( BTW, she was wearing full niqab). She took out her pepper spray, and sprayed it in the direction of his penis.
I love her for that.
Anywayz, this post really makes me hate men. these guys are no better than dogs.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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I've been many times in Cairo and, fortunately, I was never touched by anyone. I certainly didn't use the metro or the stuffed with people buses and I preferred to walk no matter the distance. Only one time there was a guy who approached me in the Corniche and started saying something in arabic. My knowledge of the language was limited then and I did not understand a word, however I knew what this was all about. So I started talking in my mother tongue until he was bored and walked away. On the other hand I cannot say I have never been harassed, it was a frightening experience indeed. I felt awful in the beginning and so mad at my self because I hadn't hit back. I believe the harassers feel so good to see women shocked and in guilt, but I think the best answer to all this would be laughter. It is something they don't expect and makes them stressed. Of course that pepper spray is amazing, too I think I will get one next time I go to Cairo Posts: 327 | From: balad alnour | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by annie_81: Where can I get pepper spray in Cairo?
Good question. I also need to know. I would like to buy boxes and boxes of it and give it away to the women in malls!
Posts: 8756 | From: Tax-Free Zone | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Auto Matic For The People: This is the Egypt I've known and grew up in. All those stories are nothing to what I have seen and experienced first hand while growing up there. I has been going on for as long as I remember and still there are millions of Egyptians who would be shocked and horrified to hear these stories.
These stories are nothing compared to what you knew?
Come on, share them
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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I'm afraid if men here got ahold of pepper spray they would use them against the women to feel them up Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
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I was the first to notice and I grabbed my aunts arm and started to laugh so loudly, and she kept hushing me and making us walk by faster without looking at him. I was just a teen, maybe my reaction was not the best, I would probably handle it differently now, but at the time it was hilarious, the pathetic-ness (is that a word?) of it. He must have been soooo cold !! BURRR !
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![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I think I will get one next time I go to Cairo ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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