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Is it normal for a man to fight physically in Cairo with another man if that other man insults his wife and children?
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: Is it normal for a man to fight physically in Cairo with another man if that other man insults his wife and children?
yes
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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Yes, they fight for less then an insult:) In fact there are fights everywhere, and sometimes the men don`t even know why they are fighting. They just pass, see a friend fighting and they join the gang...lol Rather primitive, isn`t it?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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-------------------- Learn from the past. Live in the present. Hope for the future. Posts: 1474 | From: in my own paradise | Registered: Sep 2006
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Well it's a bit serious now. We were chatting via webcam and he was at an internet cafe talking to me and my daughters. They were sitting on my lap and this idiot was watching from behind him. He got very upset and yelled for the guy to stop looking at us, which he wouldn't. Not only that apparently he said very nasty things about me and my daughters, so my guy said he had to get offline to fight the guy. I"m like whaaa??? We just don't do that here...we complain to the owner or whatever but fighting isn't in most men's vocabulary ordinarily unless it's like the wee hours of the night and they're drunk, which he wasn't.
Anyhoo I called about an hour later and he was totally telling me that he is not good enough for me blah blah blah because apparently the guy fought dirty. I fretted for a few hours and then went to sleep, called this morning and he and a few friends are going to find the dude and beat the crap out of him now. He's still talking nonsense about how he cannot be with me until he protects my and my daughter's honor.
I just don't get it. I mean I don't want to marry him because he can protect me...that's what the police are for!! I'm so scared that he's either going to get extremely hurt or put in jail or something. He wouldn't press charges last night because he said that is not how it is done. WTF. I'm dying all day today and I know he won't be able to talk sense until tomorrow so I'll have to sit in the dark here in Boston for a whole day until I can finally find out what the heck the deal is.
Why do they act this way????
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Because that`s the way they think.:)It`s not unusual at all. It`s also like this in real. When a guy only looks at you, he can start a fight. And if you want to marry him you have to be prepared on that. It`s a culture-difference. One of the many...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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He did warn me that he is very jealous when it comes to other men looking at me. I guess this is my first taste of that and I'm not even there yet.
I was prepared for him to perhaps get into yelling matches and such and maybe even a punch fight but I was not prepared for him to tell me that he cannot be with me if he is not able to protect my honor.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Not in person. WE have chatted via the webcam three hours/ night and talked on the phone a few times a day each day for many months.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Have you ever met your friend in Egypt?
I was just thinking the same question myself ????. From my experience they are very jealous, possessive men and at times it can be very frustrating. When I have visited my guy in Sharm and we have walked down Nama Bay I have felt that it is to let others know I am with this girl, and I am just letting you other guys know so if you go anywhere near her you will have me to deal with! We have even gone to a nightclub when I was there and I met some english guys from my home town whom I began speaking to, he was even jealous of that because I think that he thought that when I get back home to the UK maybe I will contact them and arrange to get together! It is quite hard for me to deal with this insecurity thing because even though I consider myself to be a very friendly person, there is no way that I would ever be unfaithful to anyone no matter what situation I happen to be in.
Posts: 1244 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: Not in person. WE have chatted via the webcam three hours/ night and talked on the phone a few times a day each day for many months.
Never met him?
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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For western women, "Male Protection" is a very foreign concept. When he says he must protect you, he does not only mean protect you from physical assault. I dont know how to explain but protection in this culture includes much more than that.
The way your husband or a male family members would protect you here cannot be equivalent to the type of protection the police can offer you. beside, as a foreign woman in Egypt (if you come here one day) you shouldnt walk into a police station alone and ask for "protection" like you would in the USA.
When you come here, you will be grateful to have male protection. Of course you can live without but life is easier if you have it. And again, Egypt is a very safe country so dont think of protection as "free from physical violence" this is not much of a concern, much less than in the USA. "Male protection" is much broader than that.
Posts: 370 | From: Montreal, Canada + World expat | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: Not in person. WE have chatted via the webcam three hours/ night and talked on the phone a few times a day each day for many months.
Never met him?
which word are you having a problem with?
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Miss Sharm, that jealousy issue is not going to become less once you are married to him.
I've been going out with Egyptian guys for one time and they would think they own me already. It can be really too much; simply annoying!!!
And yes, the fighting thing is pretty normal with young Egyptian men. Dunno if they stay that way once they reach the 50's! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I think that one some level, jealousy is a good thing. I'm just not too fond of the physical fighting part of this whole deal. Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: Not in person. WE have chatted via the webcam three hours/ night and talked on the phone a few times a day each day for many months.
Never met him?
No not in person as I said above. We met in a religious chat site and started off as friends debating religion. We were friends for a while and then we started having feelings for each other. He talks to my kids every night, sends them little presents in the mail, sends me books about Islam every so often and we talk constantly every single day. I know your opinion on these types of relationships but I am making a go of it because I truly believe we were meant to be. I have prayed about it and feel that this is the right decision for me. If when I get there for some weird reason I don't think it will work then we have discussed this and we will just be friends, but I seriously don't think that will happen. I am excited to meet his friends that I have met via webcam and his aunt and cousins who are waiting for me to come.
First though I have to make sure he's alive after this mega fight he's getting into today. Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Okay, tell him, that in your culture a fist fight in public brings problems ahead and can put him easily overnight into a prison cell.
Just let him know, you appreciate that he's looking out for you and your daughters - but he should not get so heated up.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Okay, tell him, that in your culture a fist fight in public brings problems ahead and can put him easily overnight into a prison cell.
Just let him know, you appreciate that he's looking out for you and your daughters - but he should not get so heated up.
Tried that and he's having none of my advice at this point. He was in tears last night because of the things this guy said to him about my daughters and me and because he thinks he has brought shame on himself by not winning the first fight. He will not under any circumstances listen to reason at this point. I'm just glad he is with his friends right now and not acting on his own, though I'd much rather they convince him to stop this nonsense instead of helping him beat the crap outta the guy.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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I don`t think you can imagine what it is to live in this culture.Protection includes a lot indeed. At the same time it means restriction. And it`s going far beyond limits you have ever can imagine. What about stay in the surgery when your male protector must have treatment, because he doesn`t want to leave you in the gangway? What about people who are not allowed to look or talk to you without permission given by the male protector? What about a male protector that becomes desperate because you, as a women, laughs about it and doesn`t listen? He is not able to protect you without your cooperation... He will have loss of face... And that`s humiliating for a man... What`s he gonna do, you think?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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doods, just go along, check everything out, and see how you feel, These guys are really jealous, if a guy looks at you, Im a really friendley person, and chat with anyone, its normal for be to be nice to people, male or female, and im not going to stop, but when i was with guys there, they kept telling me i was being to friendley, i didnt like this, i like to be friendley, and i wasnt giving these guys the come on either, i was just living a normal day, ordering coffe, food, shopping ect, but be friendley along the way, men dont like this, go along and meet him, but always be on youre guard, and whatch for signs, and make it clear you dont like a man to be so jealous, it can break a relationship, i agree with tiger, it will get more stronger the jealousy once you are married, just state in the begining what you want, and what you dont like, i would, good luck huni with youre trip xxxxxxxxxxxxx
quote:Originally posted by ?????: I don`t think you can imagine what it is to live in this culture.Protection includes a lot indeed. At the same time it means restriction. And it`s going far beyond limits you have ever can imagine. What about stay in the surgery when your male protector must have treatment, because he doesn`t want to leave you in the gangway? What about people who are not allowed to look or talk to you without permission given by the male protector? What about a male protector that becomes desperate because you, as a women, laughs about it and doesn`t listen? He is not able to protect you without your cooperation... He will have loss of face... And that`s humiliating for a man... What`s he gonna do, you think?
Oh I would never in a million years laugh about being protected. I'm far from laughing now in fact I've been crying from worry all night long.
Actually I don't want a man to talk to me without first getting my husband's permission. I won't get into details but I have been seriously wounded in my past and never talk to men anyways unless I have to. I always keep my gaze lowered and dress modestly, and have done this even before I became muslim because I'm scared of most men.
He knows this and that is one of the things we have spoken about. I have agreed to not let men in the house that are not my relatives, which isn't a change since they're never in the house anyways. The only men that have been in my house that are not related to me are 5 yr olds looking for a popsicle in the summer when they were playing with my girls. lol.
The protection factor is one of the things that endeared me to him. That part I am ok with. I don't socialize much at all and in fact I used to not like to go out at all because I had too much fear. What I didn't bargain for though are the feelings of fear for him when he gets into fights. I guess I'll have to get used to this feeling while in Egypt.
I am going to chat with him once this is all over with when he's calm and talk about the differences of life in the US v. life in Cairo, i.e. the fact that you can be jailed for this type of action and that it's looked down on here, not revered in the least bit.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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You`re a woman with a past that has made you afraid of man. Now you want to visit a man you have never seen before, in a country where you have never been before, in a culture that is completely different. Take care, Doodlebug. You are a devorced woman, that has been hurt before. Don`t let it happen again. You know what`s the common opinion about devorced women with children, in relationship with Egypt. Take care a lot....
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by yorkshire rose: doods, just go along, check everything out, and see how you feel, These guys are really jealous, if a guy looks at you, Im a really friendley person, and chat with anyone, its normal for be to be nice to people, male or female, and im not going to stop, but when i was with guys there, they kept telling me i was being to friendley, i didnt like this, i like to be friendley, and i wasnt giving these guys the come on either, i was just living a normal day, ordering coffe, food, shopping ect, but be friendley along the way, men dont like this, go along and meet him, but always be on youre guard, and whatch for signs, and make it clear you dont like a man to be so jealous, it can break a relationship, i agree with tiger, it will get more stronger the jealousy once you are married, just state in the begining what you want, and what you dont like, i would, good luck huni with youre trip xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I do agree with you Yorkshire Rose, I too am a very friendly person and sometimes it can be taken the wrong way! I think that is what my guy finds hard to understand that you can have male friends and the sex thing does not come into the equation. When I 1st met him I was quite shy and would not talk, I had previously been warned by friends that egyptian men only wanted 1 of 3 things or maybe all 3, visa, money or sex! However, he eventually won me over and I am now in the situation of being in love but dealing with many issues and complications along the way. It appears that there is 1 rule for the women and another for the men, a woman becoming jealous of their mans actions is just something that they don't seem to be able to comprehend with.
Posts: 1244 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
doodle you said this other guy said some things to your man about you and your kids. Hes protecting your honour. This is a good thing, means he wont stand by and let people call you names. It doesnt mean he is any more jealous than any other man in the sense you seem to be worrying about, its an honour thing not a jealous thing. Means he respects you enough to not have anything bad said about you.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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yes absolutly, i agree, its ok for them to be jealous but not us right, im also a jealous person, but i think when love is involved we are a bit jealous, but when it is to much, it totally distroys things,
Sharm dont change youre friendliness for anyone, If you are naturally friendley its a gift, cause i can go anywhere , make a chat and have a laugh, and get on with anyone, and im pround to be ths way, i meet so many miserable people in life and live in a country where people are rude with no manners, it makes me angry, it costs nothing to be nice and show some respect to others, take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i think charm its our british ways, we are brought up this way, but it isnt nice to be told, were to friendley or be taken the wrong way for it
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: Well it's a bit serious now. We were chatting via webcam and he was at an internet cafe talking to me and my daughters. They were sitting on my lap and this idiot was watching from behind him. He got very upset and yelled for the guy to stop looking at us, which he wouldn't. Not only that apparently he said very nasty things about me and my daughters, so my guy said he had to get offline to fight the guy. I"m like whaaa??? We just don't do that here...we complain to the owner or whatever but fighting isn't in most men's vocabulary ordinarily unless it's like the wee hours of the night and they're drunk, which he wasn't.
Anyhoo I called about an hour later and he was totally telling me that he is not good enough for me blah blah blah because apparently the guy fought dirty. I fretted for a few hours and then went to sleep, called this morning and he and a few friends are going to find the dude and beat the crap out of him now. He's still talking nonsense about how he cannot be with me until he protects my and my daughter's honor.
I just don't get it. I mean I don't want to marry him because he can protect me...that's what the police are for!! I'm so scared that he's either going to get extremely hurt or put in jail or something. He wouldn't press charges last night because he said that is not how it is done. WTF. I'm dying all day today and I know he won't be able to talk sense until tomorrow so I'll have to sit in the dark here in Boston for a whole day until I can finally find out what the heck the deal is.
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: He is in his late thirties.
Ok now that's nor normal......
If he was a teenager or may be in his early twenties I would understand but grown men don't behave this way,not even in Egypt.
Getting upset and even getting in an altercation is one thing but to go get his friends and go back to beat the guy up! that's just childish.
Posts: 164 | Registered: Apr 2006
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Men of all ethnicities get into fights when the women they love are insulted. I have seen this in every country I have spent more than a month in. I saw it recently in the States, where a man was watching football (American style) with his wife and son. Two guys behind him insulted his wife for having a big head that was blocking their view. The guy WAS HOLDING HIS CHILD, and reached over with his free hand to punch one of the guys in the nose. The police broke it up immediately after, and sent the guys to sit in other parts of the stadium. When the game was over, I went to my car and guess who was fighting in the parking lot? The man who was "defending" his wife easily got the better of the two blokes, but his wife was still crying and covering her toddler's eyes. That was the most recent case, since I am in the States (for another few weeks.) I have seen similar in England, Germany, France, Spain, Switzerland(!), Japan, Hong Kong, Italy, Egypt, Russia, and I am sure I am forgetting a couple of places Insulting those that a man loves still can be grounds for a fight all over the world.
Posts: 345 | Registered: Aug 2006
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Ugh, that's why I hate (American) football. I don't know if it's watching guys beat the crap out of each other for hours that gets men all violent or what, but I've never been to a football game where there wasn't at least one fist fight. And heaven forbid you put alcohol in that mix.
Not a place for a toddler, in my opinion.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Auto Matic For The People:
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: He is in his late thirties.
Ok now that's nor normal......
If he was a teenager or may be in his early twenties I would understand but grown men don't behave this way,not even in Egypt.
Getting upset and even getting in an altercation is one thing but to go get his friends and go back to beat the guy up! that's just childish.
I agree 100%. And fighting in Egypt gets you in jail too. Violence is wrong and solves nothing, just leads to more violence and often death. There are stories in Egyptian papers every day about people getting into fights over a couple of pounds and someone ending up dead.
Anyway, how can he get jealous when people look at you, if you haven't met yet? Look at you over the internet? That's a bit extreme, don't you think.
He sounds scary to me. Being violent to someone because he's jealous about you could lead to being violent to you because he's jealous about someone.
Posts: 1039 | From: Cairo | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
I think most men instinctively want to protect the woman they love. Nationality isn't a factor but what is considered insulting, offensive, may be. To me, in Doodlebug's situation, it seems right that her man didn't accept such boorish behaviour.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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No I don't think it's extreme. We are very close and he knows my story and is very very protective of me. That's all he talks about is how he can't wait to make me feel safe, so it's not a shocker to me that this happened. I don't like it mind you but I know that you can't change people.
He's not scarey at all. He has many many good friends and hasn't gotten into a fight in a very long time. This guy was brutally rude and was instigating him from the start. I saw it all on the webcam and there were about five other guys coming to my guy's defense when they heard the things that he was saying. Just wish they had been there when he left the place but it's all over now.
Thanks for talking me through this guys. I really have no one to turn to here since my family is not that close. I really appreciate it.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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hey Doodle.. I'm from Boston too.. and I married a guy from Alex. My DH is SOO jealous.. we were in the middle of getting married at the court and some guy was starring at me. he freaked out and had me turn my Hijab into a Niqab and cover my face.. and when the guys still kept looking.. he freaked out and had the guy get kick out. I came from a crap relationship too.. so when my husband turns into the Hulk.. I get Freak'd the F out but it is the culture
Posts: 431 | From: beantown | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by magnona777: hey Doodle.. I'm from Boston too.. and I married a guy from Alex. My DH is SOO jealous.. we were in the middle of getting married at the court and some guy was starring at me. he freaked out and had me turn my Hijab into a Niqab and cover my face.. and when the guys still kept looking.. he freaked out and had the guy get kick out. I came from a crap relationship too.. so when my husband turns into the Hulk.. I get Freak'd the F out but it is the culture
quote:Originally posted by Auto Matic For The People:
quote:Originally posted by magnona777: hey Doodle.. I'm from Boston too.. and I married a guy from Alex. My DH is SOO jealous.. we were in the middle of getting married at the court and some guy was starring at me. he freaked out and had me turn my Hijab into a Niqab and cover my face.. and when the guys still kept looking.. he freaked out and had the guy get kick out. I came from a crap relationship too.. so when my husband turns into the Hulk.. I get Freak'd the F out but it is the culture
sonomod?
Dude you created that username while I was posting a response.
Try again. Or run with this magnona thing. It'll be interesting.
Besides 777, isn't that one of those KLM jumbo jets that is used for transaltantic flights? And you caught on to my ex being raised in Alex.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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I wasnt in the mood to come up with anything creative.. so SOrry.. and wtf is sonomod.. I'm NEW !
Posts: 431 | From: beantown | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by magnona777: I wasnt in the mood to come up with anything creative.. so SOrry.. and wtf is sonomod.. I'm NEW !
Why are you having this meltdown today Auto? Why today of all days?
and you need to spend more time reading the posts of these women who meet and marry a guy from online, their style and initial first few posts are alot more dramatic and bagagge-laden than this.
Try harder Auto, use your superhero psychological analysis powers.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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haha.. I DO find this amusing.. but I gotta tell you.. I have NO CLUE who Auto is.. and I'm sure the Baggage WILL come out.. but I'm just trying to feel this site out first.. then i will start playing my violin for you all Posts: 431 | From: beantown | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by magnona777: haha.. I DO find this amusing.. but I gotta tell you.. I have NO CLUE who Auto is.. and I'm sure the Baggage WILL come out.. but I'm just trying to feel this site out first.. then i will start playing my violin for you all
Dude, get the vaseline out and pull up some porn from the internet.
Your personality and lack thereof is choking on backed up baby-batter. Auto you are starting to think like a middle aged female divorcee in rebound mode.
Release the baby-batter, and don't hump the matress, use your hand this time.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by magnona777: haha.. I DO find this amusing.. but I gotta tell you.. I have NO CLUE who Auto is.. and I'm sure the Baggage WILL come out.. but I'm just trying to feel this site out first.. then i will start playing my violin for you all
Why the name mognoona?
Posts: 164 | Registered: Apr 2006
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dont know.. trying to come up with a user name quickly.. its been a long day.. and I get called crazy all the time???
Posts: 431 | From: beantown | Registered: Nov 2006
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now if this was a live chat between two different PCs there wouldn't be anything more than 3 minutes between posts.
No more than 3 minutes between the both. Magnoona2magnoon, I can just imagine what his neighbors think of him.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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Nice I've been looking for a more middle eastern neighborhood close to Boston just in case he does not feel comfortable where I live now. I know a long time ago the Methuen area used to be largely middle eastern but I have no idea what it's like now. Are there any masjids in your area?
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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Well Boston (and the surrounding towns) has TONS of egyptians, morocans and Lebanese.. and I go to the Cambridge ISB masjid.. its 15/20 min from my house.. alhamdulillah Posts: 431 | From: beantown | Registered: Nov 2006
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Insulting those that a man loves still can be grounds for a fight all over the world.
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I've been looking for a more middle eastern neighborhood close to Boston just in case he does not feel comfortable where I live now. I know a long time ago the Methuen area used to be largely middle eastern but I have no idea what it's like now. Are there any masjids in your area?
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