posted
My story tells you about the risks involved in so called "arranged marriage". I invited my husband to be (engineer), to my home country in Skandinavia, met him for the first time at the airport. He moved into my home the next day, at times feeling uneasy due to us not being married and living in sin. Pressure from guilt as well as from his Egyptian parents, pushed us to marry before his 3 month tourist visa expired. He knew that I wasnīt able to have children, 10 year age difference as well as everything else from my past - no secrets at all. He accepted the reality of life without children. He was a muslim - praying 5 times per day, reading the Holy Quran, going to the Mosque on Fridays etc. During the first year he learned my language, but was not working yet, living entirely on my income as he arrived with only some pocket money and no savings. Then started to work at his cousins restaurant earning less than other workers. There he started to meet other women, who offered theirselves to him, he started to be late coming home from work explaining all kinds of reasons for this. Life went on like this with the usual ups and downs.
Suddenly no more praying, reading the Quran or going to Mosque. After 4 years of marriage, he said that he will be going to visit his parents alone in Alexandria. He went and later on returned and seemed somehow different and always bad tempered, not telling me why. I kept pushing him to open up and tell me what was disturbing him so much. Then the truth eventually came out - he did not go to Alexandria alone - his girlfriend went there with him, expecting triplets at that time, my husband being the obvious father to these 3 unborn babies. The reality of what was about to happen to them became unbearable, they did not know how to break the news to me. They decided that abortion was the only answer to them - this happened one week after arriving back from their holiday. They stopped seeing each other for a while, our marriage continued - not anymore in the same way as before, he started abusing me, hitting me, kicking me like a football, being jealous withoug any reason whatsoever - the abortion was tormenting his mind, he wanted us to become parents in any way possible - hoping that this other woman would one more time get pregnant by him and after giving birth to this baby - give him/her to us to bring it up by staying half of the week with me & him and the rest of the week with the biological mum & him. I couldnīt accept this plan and wanted to end our marriage - he didnīt want this and the violence became even more unbearable.
He started blaming my sister and my parents for my intention to divorce him. He threatened to kill my sister, started making abusive phone calls to people close to me and one more - the last time, he started kicking me - breaking my ribs. Much to my surprise, I woke up alive the next morning, hurried up with the divorce application and forced him to leave our home with the help of Police.
Now, years later - Iīm free - I donīt have to be frightened anymore when I wake up in the mornings. He still lives here somewhere, not married, but has a son with this very same woman.
Life goes on - happily.
This story is not unique - I know many more similar stories like this in Skandinavia - unfortunately.
Posts: 2 | From: Helsinki Finland | Registered: Mar 2004
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Thank you very much for sharing your story. Honestly, it is very sad. Good thing is that it is all over for you and you are fine now. Could you see any of the signs of brutality before you got married to this man? Where is he from in Egypt? What did he do before coming to your country? How did you meet him? Were you actually "arranged"? Sorry for the questions. Good luck to you
Posts: 3 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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No, there were no signs of brutality - until I told him that I didnīt accept his immoral behaviour.
I knew his cousins family, who told me about him being interested in coming to stay in my home country for a visit lasting 3 months. So I sent him an invitation to come and he later on got a tourist visa for 3 months.
He was born in Alexandria and worked there in civil engineering.
By arranged marriage - I actually mean, that I myself invited him here after his cousins initial introduction - with the possibility of finding out, if we were suited to each other.
Posts: 2 | From: Helsinki Finland | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Leena, why did you do this???? Why marrying a man you don't even know in this way ????
I can not believe that he wanted a child by a surrogative mother. This is not in the Egyptians to think that way. Well he was unfaithful in his marriage to you by adultery, he was fathering children out of wedlock, he wanted to do it all again (just for the sake of himself) - of course somewhen it hit him that his actions were not the ones of a faithful and respectable Moslem man.
I also believe he had a psychological problem - thanks to God you survived him. What a nightmare!
[This message has been edited by Tigerlily (edited 22 March 2004).]
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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how very sad your story, I'm very sorry that you had to go through so much pain because of another man, who does not know his duty to God and to mankind.
May God help you overcome this part of your life and lead you to the one person, who'll definetely deserve you as much as you deserve him, Amin.
posted
another older woman / younger man story. there are plenty of older women in scandanavia. c'mon, this is becoming a tired cliche. you know how loose older miscegenetic women can be when they find a younger man from outside their culture. did you really think he would stay true to you?
quote:praying 5 times per day, reading the Holy Quran, going to the Mosque on Fridays etc
This is typical thing c I heard many stories about "committed Egyptians" Moslems be they or Christians who lose such committment once you are open to the outside world c This is one of the results of non-openness in their homeland. They don't face normal life experiences and they seek refuge in religion.
Leena, sorry for you experience c hope you get over it by time.
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