posted
Attention all ladies, Western and Egyptian! My Egyptian guy story is going to sound a little different, but i am worried it might have the same tragic ending as many cross-cultural relationships described here. Okay here goes, and I'll try to be brief: I am a canadian woman living in London. I met my Egyptian guy in Cyprus in 2003. We were both on vacation and had our mediterranean holiday romance. To my surprise, he called me up a couple of months later, to tell me he is gonna be in London and asked to meet me. We met up, went out for 3 weeks, he left to Cairo and invited me to go visit him around Xmas, which I did, and stayed at his apartment for a month. Pls. dont accuuse me as I did not know how this is so unrespected in Egypt. Now let me describe him: 1. He comes from a wealthy family in Cairo, drives a nice car; nice apt. etc... 2. educated (american University of Cairo), speaks fluent English. Seems different from guys described on this website. Does not use dumb pick up lines like i heard in cairo shops. Corniest thing he said to me: "God, U r a total babe" ! 3. Fun-loving kind of guy, very funny, social, AND best boyfriend I ever had, so PLEASE dont just tell me to break it off. BUT HERE IS WHY I AM SO ANXIOUS: 1. In Egypt , I found out he does not speak to ANY members of his family including his Mom and sister. (Father deceased).The only one he speaks to is his aunt whom I met. She told me the reason for the family strife is a dispute years ago, but gave no details. The situation does not bother him at all, and he takes it very lightly. Now: Will he take our reltionship as lightly?? 2. Fact is: even though he treats me always with repsect, he is hardly ever serious. the only things he is serious about are: his workand the Arab-Israeli problem!!Donates money to the Palestinian Embassy and I believe other palestinian groups. In his apartment there is a big photo of his baby cousin with Yasser Arafat. His uncle is a diplomat. 3. At the end of my visit he did ask me to marry him but the proposal was not really romantic.when I said i do not wonna cohabit he answered: " So let's get married or something!!"!! Now please tell me: Will there be a mean Arab guy beneath this fun exterior? Is it likely that one day he will prefer an Egyptian mother for his kids? will I one day simply be his western mistress second to the Egyptian wife? Is he likely to be anti-western as he is anti-israeli?? Again, pls dont tell me:end it.But advise me on how to take precautionary steps and protect my pride, my independence and MY heart. thank u for listening.
[This message has been edited by CanadianBabe (edited 09 June 2004).]
posted
Are you sure really want advice from us lot?
Ok well IMHO go for it.
From what you have said the guy is cultured, well travelled, educated and Westernised: nothing like the stories on these forums. The fact that he is Egyptian won't make any difference to the outcome. You stand as much chance as if he was European.
Good luck to you
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
I have to agree. Your guy is very different from the norm. Go with your best instincts. One thing you obviously have on your side is a guy that doesn't seem to need your money for anything and has a passport that can get him into the western world for business or pleasure. Enjoy! Sounds like you might have found a fun one.
[This message has been edited by Debbie (edited 08 June 2004).]
posted
Hounestly,there is one thing that i didnt like from the beginning off your story.Even if your love has a good life in Egypt and has a lot off money their, normally Egyptian men have no problem with moving to another country when they have no problem with European lifestyle.I can be wrong but watch out if you agree on living in egypt you keep your freedom cause you wouldnt be the first to go to their and after 3 months you are locked in the appartment and being his slave for the rest off your days.
And because he told you that he would have no problem being married to both off you he is more radical moslim than he wants you to know.
Maybee this is something you dont know but for an egyptian the more women you marry the more your status in the community grows cause that means you have the money to take care off 2 women in the same time and in most off the places everything is about the money.
Good luck and last advice, write everything down for yourself in a book or paper and reed it afterwords like you were reading somebody else his story.Please use only your mind.
quote:Originally posted by citizen: "locked in the appartment and being his slave for the rest off your days."
where did you get that from???
I don't know but it panders to all my wildest fantasys. Rudolph Valentino and the Harem, thrown across the saddle of a white horse, eating Turkish Delight in a a silk hung tent, the slave market and the cruel master, the perfumed bath of 100 concubines. How delightful
How come Mahmoud has never done this, I feel deprived.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
quote:Originally posted by akshar: I don't know but it panders to all my wildest fantasys. Rudolph Valentino and the Harem, thrown across the saddle of a white horse, eating Turkish Delight in a a silk hung tent, the slave market and the cruel master, the perfumed bath of 100 concubines. How delightful
How come Mahmoud has never done this, I feel deprived.
quote:Originally posted by kimo_the_maniac: Well, I am really keen on letting my inner nasty typical Arab come out y'know, any volunteers? My new fetish kit really needs some warming up.
I wonder if Shehirazad had khol3, because that could really have spoilt the mood.
posted
Thanx to everyone for replying. But let me clarify my questions: 1. If we do get married, is it likely that one day he opts for an Egyptian 2nd wife? Can I legally prevent him? like a pre-nuptial? 2. Is his anti-Israeli stance also anti- western? He once went furious in London when i suggested an Israeli restaurant. 3. He is completely detached from his family, and does not care. Isn't that abnormal in Egy? His behavior in Egypt was so different from that in Europe.In cairo he was more aggressive,and too class-conscious. Also he doesn't want kids..
[This message has been edited by CanadianBabe (edited 09 June 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: Thanx to everyone for replying. But let me clarify my questions: 1. If we do get married, is it likely that one day he opts for an Egyptian 2nd wife? Can I legally prevent him? like a pre-nuptial? 2. Is his anti-Israeli stance also anti- western? He once went furious in London when i suggested an Israeli restaurant. 3. He is completely detached from his family, and does not care. Isn't that abnormal in Egy? His behavior in Egypt was so different from that in Europe.In cairo he was more aggressive,and too class-conscious. Also he doesn't want kids..
You really shouldn't think of him in these sterotypes. He is so untypical of an Egyptian man that none should or would apply. Get to know him better and answer these questions yourself. How can we possible guess his personality.
1. That depends on him, why don't you discuss it with him. He doesn't want children so I can't see what reason he would do this. Yes you can have this in your marriage contract.
2. Although Israel is heavily suported by the West both with money and influence I don't make the leap that you do that being anti Israel means anti West. I think you should educate yourself on Arab attitudes towards Israel and you might better understand. Try reading a news station like Al Jezera for an Arab slant on world affairs for a start. I must admit I used to boycott Israeli food when I lived in the UK because of their treatment of the palestines which is akin to the treatment Hitler did to the Jews. I am persoanlly disgusted that having experienced it they should then hand it out. But I know my feelings are tiny compared to those of Arabs all over the globe.
3. Yes it is abnormal for an Egyptian man to be anti family, it is also abnormal for an Egyptian man to be wealthy and to travel abroad easily. He is abnormal not in a nasty way but he is not the normal Egyptain. So we couldn't possible guess what he might feel.
How do you feel about no children? If both you and he feel the same then whats the problem.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
Re Jane's suggestion on reading to understand the Arab attitudes to Israel....
try reading Leap of Faith by Queen Noor. Her description of the history that lead up to Isreal/Palestinian situation is excellent. It's also a wonderful book to read to get some insight into the region and Arab mentality.
posted
Dear Babe, I dont blame you for looking for answers to your man's behavior thru these threads. Since there are so many differences in culture sometimes people's behaviors are just simply do to this(the culture). But I wanted to know if you are able to approach him with some of these questions yourself? Can you point out to him the fact that you noticed a difference in his attitude when he was in Cairo? If you want to know more about his political views cant you just ask him? Ask him to explain things to you, not just politically but his deep feelings towards these issues. It really comes down to this, if you are really considering marriage to this person you have to watch out for yourself and open those lines of communication. You wouldnt want to end up with surprises. I wish you well...
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Posts: 62 | From: San Diego, Ca USA | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Whats his name? A couple of people on this board are AUCians and might know who are talking about.
Posts: 94 | From: Boise, Idaho, USA | Registered: May 2004
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posted
You failed to mention here if you have a citizenship in Canada, but I assume that you do.. He sounds to me like the notorious Mohammed Atta that was flying one of the Jets into those buildings on 9/11.. Excuse me if I am speaking out of ignorance, but it seems to me he is cold and calculated.. I would fear he is one of the extremists trying to get into the USA/via your Canadian roots, as it will be much easier doing so.. I would be very cautious in the relationship and very mistrusting till I know more about him, but the fact is.. his family thing, I smell a rat here.. And I hope you sincerely give this much thought and prayer also.. Oh God, help we stupid women.. we seem to rely on our hormones!
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: Attention all ladies, Western and Egyptian! My Egyptian guy story is going to sound a little different, but i am worried it might have the same tragic ending as many cross-cultural relationships described here. Okay here goes, and I'll try to be brief: I am a canadian woman living in London. I met my Egyptian guy in Cyprus in 2003. We were both on vacation and had our mediterranean holiday romance. To my surprise, he called me up a couple of months later, to tell me he is gonna be in London and asked to meet me. We met up, went out for 3 weeks, he left to Cairo and invited me to go visit him around Xmas, which I did, and stayed at his apartment for a month. Pls. dont accuuse me as I did not know how this is so unrespected in Egypt. Now let me describe him: 1. He comes from a wealthy family in Cairo, drives a nice car; nice apt. etc... 2. educated (american University of Cairo), speaks fluent English. Seems different from guys described on this website. Does not use dumb pick up lines like i heard in cairo shops. Corniest thing he said to me: "God, U r a total babe" ! 3. Fun-loving kind of guy, very funny, social, AND best boyfriend I ever had, so PLEASE dont just tell me to break it off. BUT HERE IS WHY I AM SO ANXIOUS: 1. In Egypt , I found out he does not speak to ANY members of his family including his Mom and sister. (Father deceased).The only one he speaks to is his aunt whom I met. She told me the reason for the family strife is a dispute years ago, but gave no details. The situation does not bother him at all, and he takes it very lightly. Now: Will he take our reltionship as lightly?? 2. Fact is: even though he treats me always with repsect, he is hardly ever serious. the only things he is serious about are: his workand the Arab-Israeli problem!!Donates money to the Palestinian Embassy and I believe other palestinian groups. In his apartment there is a big photo of his baby cousin with Yasser Arafat. His uncle is a diplomat. 3. At the end of my visit he did ask me to marry him but the proposal was not really romantic.when I said i do not wonna cohabit he answered: " So let's get married or something!!"!! Now please tell me: Will there be a mean Arab guy beneath this fun exterior? Is it likely that one day he will prefer an Egyptian mother for his kids? will I one day simply be his western mistress second to the Egyptian wife? Is he likely to be anti-western as he is anti-israeli?? Again, pls dont tell me:end it.But advise me on how to take precautionary steps and protect my pride, my independence and MY heart. thank u for listening.
[This message has been edited by CanadianBabe (edited 09 June 2004).]
posted
Hey Lady ... In my experience, it takes a long time to fully know a person. One must observe the other in a variety of day-to-day life situations - and your relationship thus far is still very much in the "best behaviour", "young love" phase.
If you have not been able to discuss all of your questions and concerns with him at length, and in person, eye-to-eye, then you are absolutely not ready to marry. (I do not suggest an antagonistic "intervention" interview, whereupon you tick off questions on some list. These conversations should be able to flow like the Nile - until you have no further doubt.) Time is needed. And you are young.
Also be aware that there are a variety of marriage types in Egypt, and that they are not necessarily recognised in other countries. Like Canada, for example.
I have given the same advice to couples who grew up in the same city. Odd, that.
posted
shanierae that has to be the most bigoted remark I ever heard. You disgust me.
Posts: 94 | From: Boise, Idaho, USA | Registered: May 2004
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quote:Originally posted by shannierae: You failed to mention here if you have a citizenship in Canada, but I assume that you do.. He sounds to me like the notorious Mohammed Atta that was flying one of the Jets into those buildings on 9/11.. Excuse me if I am speaking out of ignorance, but it seems to me he is cold and calculated.. I would fear he is one of the extremists trying to get into the USA/via your Canadian roots, as it will be much easier doing so.. I would be very cautious in the relationship and very mistrusting till I know more about him, but the fact is.. his family thing, I smell a rat here.. And I hope you sincerely give this much thought and prayer also.. Oh God, help we stupid women.. we seem to rely on our hormones!
oh GOD...i really was hoping I'd click on your profile and it would say "canada".
USA. thank you SO much for showing all the intelligent, cultured, and tolerant egyptians on this site the bottom-of-the-barrel in stupidity of the US citizens.
I am ashamed of you....for you..both, I think.
Why don't you use the internet to learn and expand your views instead of spreading such vile, ignorant, hateful remarks on this site.
People here like Egypt and Egyptians. And the ones who post talking about the "bad sharm" boys like Egyptians a little TOO much.
Indeed, god help YOU.
[This message has been edited by ExptinCAI (edited 21 June 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by shannierae: Excuse me if I am speaking out of ignorance,
No you are not excused. You knew your post was ignorant and you still went ahead and made it. please don't post again until you have corrected your ignorance, bigotary, prejudice and down right stupidity. This is is fairly tolerent of different views but without question rejects the crass ignorance you have displayed here.
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
posted
Hey Canadian lady . . My advise for you is as simple as like this. You should discuss this with him, if he could marry another one over you, you should also ask him if he is really sincere or not. And to answer a question of being anti Israel is being anti Western, well I am an Egyotian girl in the american university in cairo what i can say is come and watch us when we protest against Israel or America itself but that doesn't mean we are aggressive we show our feelings and being anti israel is not necessarily being anti western. I am anti Israeli but I am not anti western and getting my education in an american institute demonstrate that. Another advise if you are going to get married and want to protect yourself you can register the contract of marriage in a governmental organization called El Shahr El 'akary (I don't know the name in English) in which you can condition if he gets married without telling you or getting married over you, you get divorced automatically. But what i can say is that i know many who are married to foreigners women and have children and are well off. Just trust your senses and your mind. It's also important that your family takes part in this marriage they should be there with you as him for the Egyptian guy to know that you have a family that support and is behind you.
Posts: 2 | From: Egypt | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
I think the saying is: when in Rome, do like Romans? Well, in Cairo, when someone proposes officially, we do ask around him..No one really likes it, but it is common practice and totally accepted..it is non official of course, just fishing for information about his background..and u will be amazed of what u hear..as Saladin said, he is AUCian too, so what was your name of your name and he can check for u..just find someone u trust and ask him to get info for u..sorry, Europeans on the forum, u may think that this is a very sleazy and untrustworthy thing to suggest but this is the way we do it in Egypt!! To be able to get down to the true standards and culture of someone u have to ask his equals and not foreigners, because they have totally other standards..For u, may be it is good that he speaks English..that means he is educated, but for me, if someone starts to mix the B with the P, no matter how good his vocabulary is, then that figures about his former school!..If someone askes u over to stay in his apartment, and not take u in a pirvate apartment, then that says a lot about him..because a normal Egyptian male would not want to show he is hosting a woman among his neighbours..Another thing, it is not normal for a man to live alone before marriage..so was he married before??..does he have children? what is his job? or is he a "businessman"..have u seen his friends? how did he introduce u to his aunt ? Bottomline, it takes an Egyptian to know an Egyptian.
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: Thanx to everyone for replying. But let me clarify my questions: 1. If we do get married, is it likely that one day he opts for an Egyptian 2nd wife? Can I legally prevent him? like a pre-nuptial? 2. Is his anti-Israeli stance also anti- western? He once went furious in London when i suggested an Israeli restaurant. 3. He is completely detached from his family, and does not care. Isn't that abnormal in Egy? His behavior in Egypt was so different from that in Europe.In cairo he was more aggressive,and too class-conscious. Also he doesn't want kids..
[This message has been edited by CanadianBabe (edited 09 June 2004).]
posted
Thanx to u all for all your help, EXCEPT for Shaneirrae...that was a bit over the line! TATTY AND FRIDAIES: I did actually ask about him, the way egyptians do....did not hear anything weird, except that most agreed that his lack of contact with his family is a seldom case in Egypt...... the Canadian embassy assured me that we can include a condition in the marriage contract that would prevent him from marrying a 2nd wife....... About hosting me in his aprtment: he did say that it is not normal in Egypt,, but added: "we do not need anybody's approval"... and his aunt told me that it is not accepted in Egyptian society for men and women to cohabit.. (i guessed that anyway), but she also told me that his lifestyle is a bit unique in egypt..which i noticed ...But his stance is: "we do not need anybody's approval..".. Anyways: the bottom line is : I SHALL GO FOR IT!!!...DESPITE MY SUSPICIONS OF HIS SOCIETY, HE RESPECTS ME GREATLY.., WE HAVE GREAT FUN TOGETHER !!! He promised me an engagement ring, but only if i get him a bottle of Jack Daniels from the Duty Free!!!!!! The embassy assured me that i can be protected in the marriage contract, (they have seen hundreds of cases gone crazy) I WILL LET U ALL KNOW OF ANY DEVELOPMENTS!!thanx again..
[This message has been edited by CanadianBabe (edited 01 July 2004).]
posted
hi egypt girl,im a bulgarian girl which likes the way u think and would like to keep in touch with you!u can mail me on dianaivanova1983@hotmail.com if u like to talk better )))
Posts: 1134 | From: NoNe oF uR BuSiNeS | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
The truth is...at the end of the day,when they grow older they grow more religious...the crazier they are when they are young the more religious they become when they get older....Osama Bin Laden is a very good example!...This is not a joke or to scare the crap out of you...thats just the way things are.
Posts: 723 | From: South Africa | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Natashiah: The truth is...at the end of the day,when they grow older they grow more religious...the crazier they are when they are young the more religious they become when they get older....Osama Bin Laden is a very good example!...This is not a joke or to scare the crap out of you...thats just the way things are.
Very true....but their imaan only grow when they half dead!..then we already damaged!!!!
quote:Originally posted by fridaies: I think the saying is: when in Rome, do like Romans? Well, in Cairo, when someone proposes officially, we do ask around him..No one really likes it, but it is common practice and totally accepted..it is non official of course, just fishing for information about his background..and u will be amazed of what u hear..as Saladin said, he is AUCian too, so what was your name of your name and he can check for u..just find someone u trust and ask him to get info for u..sorry, Europeans on the forum, u may think that this is a very sleazy and untrustworthy thing to suggest but this is the way we do it in Egypt!! To be able to get down to the true standards and culture of someone u have to ask his equals and not foreigners, because they have totally other standards..For u, may be it is good that he speaks English..that means he is educated, but for me, if someone starts to mix the B with the P, no matter how good his vocabulary is, then that figures about his former school!..If someone askes u over to stay in his apartment, and not take u in a pirvate apartment, then that says a lot about him..because a normal Egyptian male would not want to show he is hosting a woman among his neighbours..Another thing, it is not normal for a man to live alone before marriage..so was he married before??..does he have children? what is his job? or is he a "businessman"..have u seen his friends? how did he introduce u to his aunt ? Bottomline, it takes an Egyptian to know an Egyptian.
Thank you very much...that is what I have been trying to say but it seems like some people think I live in another world!!!Also there is another saying...live with someone long enough,you will either become like them or they will become like you!...Although I am not Egyptian I do understand your culture, although there are some slight differences,here it is the same.We are more concerned with your "asal" your roots,"adap",habits,family etc. then anything else because at the end of the day that is what will bring you through...not how well you speak a foreign language.It is about compatability and family ...whether we want to admit it or not it plays a major role in choosing a partner.Afterall you do marry the family as well...anyway just wanted to say i agree with your comment although some people may think its not right or fair or whatever.
Posts: 723 | From: South Africa | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
hi am married with one palestinian man who live in egypt and he is anti israel but thise not mean he is not a nice husband that problem from palestine is out from our home so dont be afraid to much from thise take care
Posts: 4 | From: romania | Registered: Jul 2004
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Hey Akshar, and everybody.....I've been in Cairo for 4 weeks now....Been engaged 2 weeks..........What a crazy culture here!! We had a small engagement party..we go out all the time...He is a total party animal!!.and he told me we could get married whenever i decide..I am staying with him at his aparment...He says we r likely to be the only unmarried couple living in Egypt!!!...None of his family members talk to him and none of them want to see his "Western slut"!!!..To be honest, I tried contacting them behind his back, but they rejected me bluntly... Bad news: We have had our initial "clash of cultures"...1.He does not want me to work!! But i did get a good job as a teacher in cairo int'l school 2.he refuses to go to Canada to see any of my family. says he does not wish to visit N.America ever again because he expects to find anti-arabism... 3. He has already asked me to dress conservatively while in egypt, which i am glad to do.....but there really seems to be nothing conservative enough 4 this society..except a veil !!! Posts: 11 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ExptinCAI: the advice on this site does not apply to your guy.
treat him like you would any guy you met in canada or london and trust your instincts/do what you feel is right for you.
and what is the norm ?? all egyptian guys are ediots ???!!!
and what is this thing about BENIETH All this kindness an arab ??? you dont like arabs, then you should have not even have the medeterainan romance with him to start with , other than that < he seems like a normal person to me, ( althought I dont care for him being WESTERNIZED ) the problem that he have with his family could be something to his benifit< you dont know why they had the problem and what the dispute was all about< maybe he have decided that they are not worthy of being his family < you shouldnt worry about that att all, if you marry him it will be you and him ,and you will start your own family and when the future is present, the past is only past ( what the heack was that ?? is that even english )
you ware talking about him thinking after a while that he needs an egyptian mother for his kids< and I dont think so, any man, even an egyptian one, only needs a good mother for his kids, if you ware the good mother he dreams for his kids, you will be the only woman that satisfy him, and he will feel no need to another one, and it will never matter if you are egyptian, canadian, or even from march. and if you proved to him that you cannot be a good mother, he will automatically think of the alternative, and unfourtunatly for this argumment that the only alternative is to undo the mistake ( in his mind) and never even think of non egyptian again , trust me , there is nothing you should feer, if he wanted a mistress, then he wouldnt have asked you to marry him, and if he wanted a servent, he could have hired someone, from what you said, you have nothing he cannot get somewhere else, without turning your life into missory, and the onlything he wants from you, is YOU
[This message has been edited by welsafty (edited 14 August 2004).]
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: 1. If we do get married, is it likely that one day he opts for an Egyptian 2nd wife? Can I legally prevent him? like a pre-nuptial? 2. Is his anti-Israeli stance also anti- western? He once went furious in London when i suggested an Israeli restaurant. 3. He is completely detached from his family, and does not care. Isn't that abnormal in Egy? His behavior in Egypt was so different from that in Europe.In cairo he was more aggressive,and too class-conscious. Also he doesn't want kids..
to answer your first question< no you cannot ( or should I say , you should not)deny him the write to excersise what His God have granted him, but you can do something else, according to islam marriage is a contract as in any other legal agrement, it is based what both sides have agreed on you can make him promiss that he doesnt, and still he can go ahead and do it inspite you ( in this case he will still not be lyable legally, but he would have committed a sic by not honoring his word, you can make it a condition for marrying him, and in this case he is obligated under the eyes of God to fulfill his promiss, ( honistly I doubt he will agree to make such a promiss, and I can tell you why if you want to know ) and you can also ask him the right to devorce yourself from him if he did marry someone else, and if he agreed to that, he is forced to devorce you the moment you ask him to, both legally and under God
the seound question you had about his anti-israielesm. you also sholdnt worry about that, because poeple who have pasion , are honist with themselves, he is not welling to accept something he doesnt like, and cannot pretend otherwise ( that would give you an idea of what kind of a man he is - good I hope ) I dont like israiel and I dont make a secrit out of it, but when I was back in michigan , the only store I bought my food from was an israieli store, I go inside and say Shaloom to shimone, the store clerk , and he greats me back with < w alikom alsalam, we both may not like each other politically, but there is mutual respect, I will not eat food from someone else, because I know the source of his< and he will not accept a dinner invitation from someone else, because he knows I will never mis Milk with meat on the meal I cook for him, and I need his products, and he needs my money, we could be friends, and never talk about politics or religon , not everyone like that < but still doesnt make him a teroristto disslike israiel the thired par of you question about his family, as i told you before, you never know < maybe they are very bad poeple and you woud have said that if you know them
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: Hey Akshar, and everybody.....I've been in Cairo for 4 weeks now....Been engaged 2 weeks..........What a crazy culture here!! We had a small engagement party..we go out all the time...He is a total party animal!!.and he told me we could get married whenever i decide..I am staying with him at his aparment...He says we r likely to be the only unmarried couple living in Egypt!!!...None of his family members talk to him and none of them want to see his "Western slut"!!!..To be honest, I tried contacting them behind his back, but they rejected me bluntly... Bad news: We have had our initial "clash of cultures"...1.He does not want me to work!! But i did get a good job as a teacher in cairo int'l school 2.he refuses to go to Canada to see any of my family. says he does not wish to visit N.America ever again because he expects to find anti-arabism... 3. He has already asked me to dress conservatively while in egypt, which i am glad to do.....but there really seems to be nothing conservative enough 4 this society..except a veil !!!
to be conservative in egypt is very simple< my brother is married to an american irish ( oh and by the way if you dont know I am egyptian american ), and my sister in law is the sweetest young femail in our family, she have found the secrit of modesty and conservatizm , in egypt, when she come to visit egypt, she acts and dresses the same way she does in the states, she doesnt ware to short cloth , and try to keep her beauty out of the eyes of others, and dre4ss up according to every place she goes to, she could ware a baithing sute on the beach, but she doesnt when she is sitting with us in a resturant, you dont have to cover yourself with a BIG BLACK TENT, just dont reviel too much of your body , and you will be fine and always understand that conservative is determained by the society you are living in,
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: Hey Akshar, and everybody.....I've been in Cairo for 4 weeks now....Been engaged 2 weeks..........What a crazy culture here!! We had a small engagement party..we go out all the time...He is a total party animal!!.and he told me we could get married whenever i decide..I am staying with him at his aparment...He says we r likely to be the only unmarried couple living in Egypt!!!...None of his family members talk to him and none of them want to see his "Western slut"!!!..To be honest, I tried contacting them behind his back, but they rejected me bluntly... Bad news: We have had our initial "clash of cultures"...1.He does not want me to work!! But i did get a good job as a teacher in cairo int'l school 2.he refuses to go to Canada to see any of my family. says he does not wish to visit N.America ever again because he expects to find anti-arabism... 3. He has already asked me to dress conservatively while in egypt, which i am glad to do.....but there really seems to be nothing conservative enough 4 this society..except a veil !!!
Well 1 and 3 are a clash of culture but 2 is a personality thing IMHO
Conservative dressing for me means down to elbows and knees up to neck.
The job thing is a fairly normal for an Egyptian, they would hope not to have their wife working. Especially a wealth upper classe man, it is a dishonour that he can't support his wife.
Well done for trying to get in touch, it will stand in your favour in future. Inshahallah with time they might consent to see you and they will remember you did try with them.
Good luck
------------------ Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor
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My God.....U guys r not gonna blieve what i discovered about my "normal" Egy boyfriend! 1. his family do not speak to him because he refuses to help (financially) the poorer branch of the family....and does not give them jobs in his company......BUT he does donate crazy money to HAMAS!!!!! 2. I found out that before I applied for the teacher job in Cairo, he contacted the ministry of education and told some big guy there to make them hire me without an interview or even see my papers!!i believe he bribed them.. 3.turns out he has few business enemies...few yrs back he hired goons to destroy competitor;s office!!! Of course he is very secretive about all this...i did confront him..he was annoyed..said i should speak to him directly...he did not deny anything
NOW I AM THINKING: IS IT TIME 4 ME TO PACK UP AND GO BACK TO lONDON????
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: My God.....U guys r not gonna blieve what i discovered about my "normal" Egy boyfriend! 1. his family do not speak to him because he refuses to help (financially) the poorer branch of the family....and does not give them jobs in his company......BUT he does donate crazy money to HAMAS!!!!! 2. I found out that before I applied for the teacher job in Cairo, he contacted the ministry of education and told some big guy there to make them hire me without an interview or even see my papers!!i believe he bribed them.. 3.turns out he has few business enemies...few yrs back he hired goons to destroy competitor;s office!!! Of course he is very secretive about all this...i did confront him..he was annoyed..said i should speak to him directly...he did not deny anything
NOW I AM THINKING: IS IT TIME 4 ME TO PACK UP AND GO BACK TO lONDON????
WOW! Sorry to hear that. Aside from what you discovered, but the absolutely central question you need to ask and answer for yourself (My opinion only) is can you ever trust this guy? If he hid so much till now, do you think he will ever be transparent with you or would you always have to investigate things? Can you live with that? if not, better leave now than later.
quote:Originally posted by CanadianBabe: Hey Akshar, and everybody.....I've been in Cairo for 4 weeks now....Been engaged 2 weeks..........What a crazy culture here!! We had a small engagement party..we go out all the time...He is a total party animal!!.and he told me we could get married whenever i decide..I am staying with him at his aparment...He says we r likely to be the only unmarried couple living in Egypt!!!...None of his family members talk to him and none of them want to see his "Western slut"!!!..To be honest, I tried contacting them behind his back, but they rejected me bluntly... Bad news: We have had our initial "clash of cultures"...1.He does not want me to work!! But i did get a good job as a teacher in cairo int'l school 2.he refuses to go to Canada to see any of my family. says he does not wish to visit N.America ever again because he expects to find anti-arabism... 3. He has already asked me to dress conservatively while in egypt, which i am glad to do.....but there really seems to be nothing conservative enough 4 this society..except a veil !!!
I think the asnwer is pretty obvious. Break the engagement and go back to London. Do you think you deserve all of this?
...... WHY do we always fall for guys like that?????.............
Canadian girl, you asking many questions about your Egy boyfriend which means you are very insecure about your relationship to him. If I was you I would be very very careful for your own sake, he is not honest to you. You discovered some disturbing facts about him ...... and some more things will definitely come up. Are you ready to face them????????
Good luck in making your decision.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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...... WHY do we always fall for guys like that?????.............
Canadian girl, you asking many questions about your Egy boyfriend which means you are very insecure about your relationship to him. If I was you I would be very very careful for your own sake, he is not honest to you. You discovered some disturbing facts about him ...... and some more things will definitely come up. Are you ready to face them????????
Good luck in making your decision.
Right , Tiger! He admitted only what he was busted with. How much is hidden and yet to be discovered?? Besides, CB, you do not deserve to be treated by his family this way. You do not. Really. Posts: 995 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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hey C.B. be careful w/ this guy! How long have you really known him? Have you informed him that in North America they are not out hunting Arab people? That he would be very safe if he visits your family? Just don't move to fast.
Posts: 3 | From: MI, USA | Registered: Aug 2004
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Just a few comments about your latest message. You seem to have found out this information all of a sudden; before you make any decisions I would suggest that you have a good look at the person/people who told you all this information and try to work out why they felt the need to tell you all this in the way they did, and what their motivation could have been to tell you all this. Was it purely out of the kindness of their heart to let you know who you were planning to marry?
Then I would talk to your fiancé in a calm way to find out his side of the story, there are always two sides to every story and you need to find the best way to be able to get his side.
1. Nepotism is very common here in Egypt and families do often employ their relatives in their businesses. You need to find out why your fiancé didn’t. As to his support of Hamas, you told us in your first post that he supported the Palestinian cause, and Hamas is seen by many people as an organization that does a lot of charity/welfare work in Palestine. 2. You said at first that he didn’t agree to you working, so now he has agreed to that. Putting in a good word to get you a job is also a common practice here, with or without bribes. People see that as helping people they care for to get what they want; a kind of reference. I know it is different from the independent West, but this is Cairo. 3. On the last point, it sounds like you need to find more out about that.
You said he was annoyed when you confronted him, was that because of the way you confronted him, that fact that you had been discussing him with other people, that you had found out some things he felt didn’t involve you or that he didn’t feel the need to discuss with you, or that you had found out secrets he was trying to hide from you? I would try to work out a good way to discuss all of this with him to get his side of the story. You say that he didn’t deny it and said you should talk to him directly about it, so he has given you the way to find out the truth from his point of view. I would do that first before you make any decisions based on what strangers tell you. Maybe it was true and you won’t want to continue with him when you hear his story, but it’s not a good idea to make decisions based on what someone else has told you without understanding why they might have told you or his side of the story.
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