The communication problems which we had really noticed when we met in Cairo a couple of weeks ago were getting so that there have been some big misunderstandings and as today went on (I'm helping him with some computer stuff for something as he hasn't got a computer) it just got worse and worse.

I'm very sad about it but I know deep down its for the best. I expect I'll shed a tear or two tomorrow but I'm feeling drained now - partly because I have also had to stop the two long-time friends falling out with each other over it. M seemed to think for some reason that me & C had 'got married' (orfi) in Cairo - but we hadn't at all - just held hands!

They were phoning each other arguing over it while I was texting one to tell him not to be angry with the other because it wasn't anyone's fault. I think they've calmed down now.

We have been very special to each other though so I hope we will stay in touch.

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Originally posted by catlover:
After a rather trying day of text messages, phone calls and his best friend Mohammed acting as go between (for translation purposes), Cheffie and I have split up.

The communication problems which we had really noticed when we met in Cairo a couple of weeks ago were getting so that there have been some big misunderstandings and as today went on (I'm helping him with some computer stuff for something as he hasn't got a computer) it just got worse and worse.

I'm very sad about it but I know deep down its for the best. I expect I'll shed a tear or two tomorrow but I'm feeling drained now - partly because I have also had to stop the two long-time friends falling out with each other over it. M seemed to think for some reason that me & C had 'got married' (orfi) in Cairo - but we hadn't at all - just held hands!

They were phoning each other arguing over it while I was texting one to tell him not to be angry with the other because it wasn't anyone's fault. I think they've calmed down now.

We have been very special to each other though so I hope we will stay in touch.

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Originally posted by Automatic For The People:
Who's "M" and "C". And more importantly, who the hell are you?

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English woman meets egyptian guy story. Some people have been following my story on here which started in May (Kissing thread was the start of it on here) so I just thought I would update them.

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Originally posted by Automatic For The People:
And more importantly, who the hell are you?

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But let me ask you something: His English wasn't surely the greatest but did the other guy had to get involved? I mean what is HIS business what you and Cheffie did?

Its such a shame and I really wished for a happy ending for both of you. Well, keep you head up and share the memories you had together. And I am sure you will never forget your trip to Cairo. Take good care of yourself!

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:

Catlover, I am also very sorry about the splitup of you and your Egyptian boyfriend.

But let me ask you something: His English wasn't surely the greatest but did the other guy had to get involved? I mean what is HIS business what you and Cheffie did?

Its such a shame and I really wished for a happy ending for both of you. Well, keep you head up and share the memories you had together. And I am sure you will never forget your trip to Cairo. Take good care of yourself!

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Thank you everyone and TigerLily. I promised to help Cheffie with some paperwork to do with jobs (to put his details in English on job sites) and I had to ask him a lot of questions and he didn't understand me so he asked his friend to translate everything and convey the answers.

It really brought home to me how difficult communication would be and I was kidding myself if I thought it wasn't a major problem.

I didn't understand why his friend got so upset but I do now. Its very complicated and to do with being a good muslim and some bullying at work that was going on, but I know it all now.

When we were in Cairo we did have some big difficulties - when we were trying to make our arrangements on the phone, a couple of times I had to grab complete strangers off the street to do the talking because I couldn't understand him or he couldn't understand me (and my mobile phone went wrong so his texts were coming out 'chinese' so I couldn't read them).

Also I managed to upset him because I was telling him something about someone elses father and he thought I was talking about his (who died a while ago and he is still very upset about it) but I wasn't able to explain to him the misunderstanding.

Its been a week now, and we have texted a couple of times, and I finished doing the help I said I would for him on Monday, but I am leaving him alone for a while. I hope we can be friends, but we need to lick our wounds in private first I think. I will text him on his birthday next week if I don't hear from him but I don't want to push it.

I told him I will always be a sister to him because I have been so happy for the last 3 months, and because he caused such a big change in me and how I look at life.

Twice today I read 'if you love someone let them free, if they come back to you they were always yours and if they don't they never were' so part of me is hoping that we can somehow find some way round it but it will be very difficult so I must not expect it.

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Originally posted by egyptian-guy:
catlover !! r u ok ??

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Yes I'm ok thank you for asking.

I miss Cheffie, and I wish I could talk to him (even if we do have to ask each other 7 times to explain it!) and say what has happened doesn't matter - I love 'real cheffie' not 'saint cheffie' and am happy to be his friend.

His friend has phoned me several times to let me know whats happening, and told me that Cheffie thinks I am beautiful and kind and have a 'strong body' (this is apparently a major selling point!) and talked about me all the time (they shared a room in the hotel they worked in until 3 weeks ago) but was in a big dilemma over this 'girlfriend' thing because as far as he is concerned, if I am 'girlfriend' then we 'must marry' (this discussion was never had with me and I didnt really understand why being girlfriend has to mean marriage until I did a bit more reading around on this forum! He's never dated before and is 26) but his family have got other ideas. A letter I sent him was intercepted and he never got it and 'steps were taken'. Apparently he tried to tell me some of this when we were together, but I just didn't understand what he was trying to tell me. Without giving out personal details, there are things I would have had to tell him next time before we got further into a relationship which would probably mean he would not be able to marry me (unless he has very different expectations from most egyptian men which I have gathered from this forum - though he knew I wasn't a virgin but said it didn't matter to him as it had been a couple of years - we never had sex and he is a virgin) - so I accept that as a love relationship it would have to end at some point, but in english fashion I am happy to be a friend to him - I owe him a lot for the changes he made in my life.

Shortly after we split, his life went pear-shaped in a couple of other ways, and I think being 'just friends' is probably too difficult for him right now because of (a) being an egyptian man so man-woman friends isn't usual and (b) he has many more difficult things to think about.

And there is a further complication thrown into the mix - his friend who he relied on a lot for translating has since proposed to me (I said no) so I am not sure what has been said at the other end.

I still think I will make the return visit to egypt which we had planned last time and see if he will come and talk to me (I've got other friends to see if he doesn't). If not, I'm just going to make sure he knows that I'm always his friend and he can get in touch with me anytime he wants.

My advise to you is to check and balance what you want.

If you think its better for you both to not get back together so accept it.

But if you still feel after some time that infact there are strong feelings for him (and he feels the same way) then pursue again to meet. Is he still in contact with you? I mean sending you sms and so on?

Believe me, you need to be really careful of certain friends of your ex. I had the same problem in the past. These people are envious, trying to break you apart and want your attention so you might turn to them. And his friend will do everything that your relationship with Cheffie doesn't have a happy ending.

I also see the language barrier as a major problem. Did he start to take up English lessons? How about your Egy Arabic?

My, it might get interesting again how things develop....... and if they don't keep it all as a nice memory. It wasn't meant to be.

Btw, forget about a friendship to him. To be a woman and have a true friendship to a male is not existing in Egypt. People would question and judge and it would also bring problems for him, at least when he will get married one day.

Take care.

I remember you.
Sorry about what happen to you 2.

Life goes on whether you like it or not.
When one door close, another door opens into your life. Be strong and move on.

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:
Catlover, glad to hear from you and to see that you are still around on this forum.

My advise to you is to check and balance what you want.

If you think its better for you both to not get back together so accept it.

But if you still feel after some time that infact there are strong feelings for him (and he feels the same way) then pursue again to meet. Is he still in contact with you? I mean sending you sms and so on?

Believe me, you need to be really careful of certain friends of your ex. I had the same problem in the past. These people are envious, trying to break you apart and want your attention so you might turn to them. And his friend will do everything that your relationship with Cheffie doesn't have a happy ending.

I also see the language barrier as a major problem. Did he start to take up English lessons? How about your Egy Arabic?

My, it might get interesting again how things develop....... and if they don't keep it all as a nice memory. It wasn't meant to be.

Btw, forget about a friendship to him. To be a woman and have a true friendship to a male is not existing in Egypt. People would question and judge and it would also bring problems for him, at least when he will get married one day.

Take care.

[This message has been edited by Tigerlily (edited 08 October 2005).]

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Thank you for this Tigerlily.

Deep down I don't believe its over - particularly since neither of us actually finished with the other - it was constructed from the words of Friend who is a complete control freak (and who has just proposed to me AGAIN as I write - why would a supposed friend do this - you say you have also experienced it - these two have been friends for years - Friend has even lent him a lot of money so he can travel to his new job abroad).
I still keep his photo by my bed and in my wallet. There are complications to be overcome (especially it turns out that no matter what parents say to your face, when the chips are down neither side are very enthralled with the idea of this relationship. My mother can barely conceal her delight at the thought that its over, and his mother who seemed to be encouraging it has obviously been working behind the scenes to mess things up.)

I had a text from Cheffie nearly 3 weeks ago, then a further bad thing happened in his life, so I let him alone for a week to give him some space. In the past 2 weeks I sent 3 texts - is he ready to be friends yet, happy birthday, happy ramadan - and got no answer.

After reading your post, I sent him one yesterday saying I was coming to Egypt would he see me and 2 minutes later got a text from him saying he misses me. So at least the silence is broken and I'll take that as a yes then (as long as he isn't starting his new job abroad before I get there).

I think it helps that he is no longer sharing with Friend (who has done a spectacular job of trying to convince both of us that cheffie is incapable of texting without Friend to help him with the spelling - which I know is complete rubbish - I can tell when Cheffie did it himself (eg 'votis' and 'hoob') and when he got help (phots and hope) and I have to let Cheffie know that I would rather have his rotten spelling than nothing at all!

I started my arabic classes but he won't have had opportunity to start english classes yet and probably won't now - he is going to a non-arabic country to work so he might have to learn that instead. At least if we decide to continue, I can go there and see him. I will keep you informed!

Where is he moving for work reasons?

No matter what, its great that you started with Arabic lessons (it looks and sounds very difficult in the beginning doesn't it? ) and I hope you will be able soon to better communicate with each other. And it is really important that he learns more English.

I sincerely wish that he still has the same feelings for you and I hope you understand that it is maybe even more difficult now to meet each other again as he will be moving soon to another country.

I just don't want that you run after something what looks hopeless, you spend many feelings, time and money on something what will not might work out anyway. I don't want to sound disappointing but this whole thing obviously affected you more than you thought earlier (see your first posting). I know you are probably trying to get your mind off him and try to occupate yourself with many things during the day and it still doesn't work out.

I think its his turn to step up and do something. I am sorry for you, Cat, if it doesn't work out. Hope you have a wonderful friend close to you who can you give lots of support during this tough time. I've been through that with my ex-fiance (no language barrier though), problems in the relationship, living in different countries didn't make it better.

Please let us know how everything is going, how you are doing. Keep your head up, girl.