posted
What do you have in common with your husband? Similar social background? Similar level of studies? Same hobbies? Same values? About the hobbies, did you already have them before you get married/met your husband? Or did you start to be interested in them later? I'm asking you because with my fiance, we have very few hobbies in common. Similar social background and level of studies, same humor, same values, but I don't like the places he goes to, and same for him. Do you think it's something important, that at some point, it can be a problem? It's not that we refuse to share each other's hobbies, no, we do go together to some places he or I like, but we don't really enjoy it. And what about money? Me, I like to save -I come from a family where money wasn't present all the time, so I think I know what having some, now, means, and I thank God for this. My fiance sometimes expenses way much he should -money has never been a problem for him. Do you face the same problem in your couple? I know, many questions...I usually prefer answering posts, but this time, I have been thinking about this question a lot, so I needed to share! Thank you!
Posts: 531 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Interesting question, Barbapapa. As far as *activities and hobbies,* I have almost nothing in common with my Egyptian husband. He's actually a work-a-holic and if he's not at the office or travelling, he's at home resting and relaxing. I on the other hand, don't like to work that much, love things like art galleries, movies, gardening, swimming, biking (will *never* get him to do any sports activity), happy hour with friends, and reading.
I thought this would cause a problem, but it hasn't. I do stuff with my friends and sometimes I can coerce him into going to see a movie or a concert.
While Americans are often taught to look for a partner with similar interests, I find that what I *do* have in common with my husband seems to be more important for having a harmonious, fight-free relationship. He and I have very similar temperments and outlooks on life. We care about the same things to the same degree. Family is important to us. Ethics/values are important to us and we have similar ones there. We are both very emotional and caring. We are both very altruistic. He lets me be *me,* and I let him be *him.* We don't try to change one another.
We talk for hours about everything. Agree on most, disagree on some. And we both love to travel to other parts of the world. This activity is key to me.
While we don't run all over the globe all the time, I really look forward to going different places and know that I can go with my husband. I know many couples where only one spouse has the travelling bug and it can be difficult sometimes.
I guess we don't *do* many things in common. But we *are* many things in common. Does that make sense? It's the easiest, most conflict-free relationship I have ever had. And I am very grateful for it. ______________________
As far as money, that is one of the primary contentious issues in a couple. I think you can come to some sort of agreement where you save enough to make you happy and allow him to spend enough to make him happy. Money issues are a lot easier to deal with when there is a lot of money in the household.
We just blended our incomes and savings recently and haven't worked out all the kinks. We still have separate accounts. I ask him for 1/2 of the monthly expenses and he writes me a check. I manage all the money. Because I now have his income to help with costs, I am saving more of my own money, which makes me happy. I don't know what his savings habits are. He has retirement accounts and life insurance policies in case something awful happens (God forbid). But other than that, we haven't discussed really long-term plans yet.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Thank you very much for your post Snoozin! I really appreciate your contribution. You and your husband are like us I think, I really recognized us in the portray you made of him and you! What you say is very reassuring. Actually, I have learned to give him his freedom: there are things he will always do alone, and he does the same with me. I was a bit confused about this, because my friends are more "fusioning" with their husband, always going out together, enjoying the same things. But I like the special relation we have, just like you and your husband. We really have the same outlook on life, same ethics. And we do value eachother's freedom. Maybe if we had had the same hobbies, we would have been more "glued". As for the money thing, well, we will see what solutions we can find once we are married. Thank you very much again Snoozin!
Posts: 531 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Every relationship is different and what works for some isn't going to work for others. I think as long as your relationship gives you room to be *you* and to continue to do the things you enjoy, everything will be fine. Yes, it would be *great* to have a partner who has the same temperment *and* hobbies...but I have never met someone like this for me... It is very important to me not to have too much conflict and arguments, and I have found that, thank God.
I think I know what you are feeling, and I felt it as well. But all my fears are gone now. I hope, God willing, you find exactly what you want as well. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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I just wanted to comment on these posts by snoozin and barbapapa. They definately have the aaaaah factor. Very sweet, and I'm glad to hear a new spin on how relationships can be.
Thanks
Posts: 58 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
While Americans are often taught to look for a partner with similar interests, I find that what I *do* have in common with my husband seems to be more important for having a harmonious, fight-free relationship. He and I have very similar temperments and outlooks on life. We care about the same things to the same degree. Family is important to us. Ethics/values are important to us and we have similar ones there. We are both very emotional and caring. We are both very altruistic. He lets me be *me,* and I let him be *him.* We don't try to change one another.
Snoozin has hit it well. It's not what you have in common it's your basic beliefs, values and morals. Do you handle problems in a similar way? Snoozin is obviously her husbands best friend and him hers. This is what makes it work. Not if you like the same types of books or places to go. Hobbies change. What we have in common on the outside, changes. What doesn't change is the inner soul. The basic belief and value system of a person. Stick with finding a compatible person that way..and your chances of success increase 100 fold.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Hey !!! Bonjour Barbapapa ! Je m'infiltre insidieusement car j'ai vu que tu étais de France. Moi aussi ! Et c'est un plaisir ! J'espère que nous aurons l'occasion d'échanger sur ce forum quelques points de vue. Pour ma part, j'habite Grenoble en Isère. Au plaisir de te lire, Sincèrement, Flo
quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: What do you have in common with your husband? Similar social background? Similar level of studies? Same hobbies? Same values? About the hobbies, did you already have them before you get married/met your husband? Or did you start to be interested in them later? I'm asking you because with my fiance, we have very few hobbies in common. Similar social background and level of studies, same humor, same values, but I don't like the places he goes to, and same for him. Do you think it's something important, that at some point, it can be a problem? It's not that we refuse to share each other's hobbies, no, we do go together to some places he or I like, but we don't really enjoy it. And what about money? Me, I like to save -I come from a family where money wasn't present all the time, so I think I know what having some, now, means, and I thank God for this. My fiance sometimes expenses way much he should -money has never been a problem for him. Do you face the same problem in your couple? I know, many questions...I usually prefer answering posts, but this time, I have been thinking about this question a lot, so I needed to share! Thank you!
Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: What do you have in common with your husband? Similar social background? Similar level of studies? Same hobbies? Same values? About the hobbies, did you already have them before you get married/met your husband? Or did you start to be interested in them later? I'm asking you because with my fiance, we have very few hobbies in common. Similar social background and level of studies, same humor, same values, but I don't like the places he goes to, and same for him. Do you think it's something important, that at some point, it can be a problem? It's not that we refuse to share each other's hobbies, no, we do go together to some places he or I like, but we don't really enjoy it. And what about money? Me, I like to save -I come from a family where money wasn't present all the time, so I think I know what having some, now, means, and I thank God for this. My fiance sometimes expenses way much he should -money has never been a problem for him. Do you face the same problem in your couple? I know, many questions...I usually prefer answering posts, but this time, I have been thinking about this question a lot, so I needed to share! Thank you!
Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Je réponds à tes interrogations, aussi, mais en français !
Pour ma part, je trouve qu'il n'est pas nécessaire d'avoir une quirielle de points communs avec son fiancé pour s'aimer et être aimé. Cela implique néanmoins de savoir faire des concessions afin de respecter les goûts et les envies de l'autre. Trop de points communs nuit à l'épanouissement du couple, car les différences peuvent apporter à chacun de nouvelles découvertes...
Toutefois, il ne faut pas être non plus trop foncièrement différents, au risque de créer un fossé... Car le but est aussi de faire des choses ensembles...
En bref, il faut savoir trouver un juste équilibre pour que l'harmonie dure... Je te souhaite beacoup de bonheur dans tous les cas .
Flo
QUOTE]Originally posted by Barbapapa: What do you have in common with your husband? Similar social background? Similar level of studies? Same hobbies? Same values? About the hobbies, did you already have them before you get married/met your husband? Or did you start to be interested in them later? I'm asking you because with my fiance, we have very few hobbies in common. Similar social background and level of studies, same humor, same values, but I don't like the places he goes to, and same for him. Do you think it's something important, that at some point, it can be a problem? It's not that we refuse to share each other's hobbies, no, we do go together to some places he or I like, but we don't really enjoy it. And what about money? Me, I like to save -I come from a family where money wasn't present all the time, so I think I know what having some, now, means, and I thank God for this. My fiance sometimes expenses way much he should -money has never been a problem for him. Do you face the same problem in your couple? I know, many questions...I usually prefer answering posts, but this time, I have been thinking about this question a lot, so I needed to share! Thank you! [/QUOTE]
Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Merci Flo pour ta réponse! Et en français Es-tu aussi fiancée/mariée à un Egyptien? Je suis allée une fois à Grenoble, superbe ville! Au plaisir de te lire!
Posts: 531 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Merci de ta réponse à toi aussi. Oui, je suis avec un Koweitien pour être exacte !!! Je l'ai rencontré en Egypte ou il terminait des études d'ingénieur. Maintenant il est rentré chez lui et nous allons pouvoir nous occuper de nous... Toi aussi ? Et ou vis-tu ? Merci pour Grenoble, mais la ville en elle même n'est pas terrible... Ce sont les montagnes qui font tout le reste... Pour ma part, je me languis simplement de partir vivre au soleil du moyen orient et goûter à cette douceur de vivre que j'ai découverte en Egypte Flo
quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: Merci Flo pour ta réponse! Et en français Es-tu aussi fiancée/mariée à un Egyptien? Je suis allée une fois à Grenoble, superbe ville! Au plaisir de te lire!
Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Flo: Pour ma part, je me languis simplement de partir vivre au soleil du moyen orient et goûter à cette douceur de vivre que j'ai découverte en Egypte Flo
quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: Merci Flo pour ta réponse! Et en français
Quesque c'est cette douceur de vivre dont tu parles? Est-ce les gens, le climat, la mode de vie?
Posts: 143 | From: Silicon Valley | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Nantes ici!!!! La chance, tu viens du Sud Anissa! Je suis quant à moi fiancée à un Egyptien, je l'ai rencontré alors que je travaillais au Caire. J'avais l'habitude de passer mes mois d'été en Egypte, mais je ne pensais pas vraiment m'y installer un jour. Et puis voilà... J'espère que nous pourrons nous marier prochainement. J'aime beaucoup Le Caire, ma vie là-bas, même si souvent la liberté me manque. Mon fiancé voyage beaucoup pour son travail, il oscille souvent entre Dubai et la Chine. Je me vois bien vivre à Dubai, ou pourquoi pas en Chine? A voir peut-être! Mais mon coeur reste attaché à l'Egypte, ma belle-famille y vit, et je m'y sens de plus en plus comme chez moi. Et vous Annouk et Anissa, parlez-nous de vous!
Posts: 531 | Registered: Jan 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Flo: Pour ma part, je me languis simplement de partir vivre au soleil du moyen orient et goûter à cette douceur de vivre que j'ai découverte en Egypte Flo
quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: Merci Flo pour ta réponse! Et en français
Quesque c'est cette douceur de vivre dont tu parles? Est-ce les gens, le climat, le mode de vie?
C'est un tout... Le climat, les gens, les couleurs, les odeurs... Ca été pour moi une véritable révélation. Puis c'est tellement agréable de rencontrer des gens qui ne te jugent pas, qui t'acceptent sans conditions, qui t'ouvrent leurs bras sans restrictions... Je peux te dire que le contraste a été fabuleux. J'aime la France. Je l'aimerai toujours car elle représente mes racines. Mais j'ai besoin de cette expérience là-bas... Comme si la terre "m'appelait"... je me sens bien, heureuse et sereine.
Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: Nantes ici!!!! La chance, tu viens du Sud Anissa! Je suis quant à moi fiancée à un Egyptien, je l'ai rencontré alors que je travaillais au Caire. J'avais l'habitude de passer mes mois d'été en Egypte, mais je ne pensais pas vraiment m'y installer un jour. Et puis voilà... J'espère que nous pourrons nous marier prochainement. J'aime beaucoup Le Caire, ma vie là-bas, même si souvent la liberté me manque. Mon fiancé voyage beaucoup pour son travail, il oscille souvent entre Dubai et la Chine. Je me vois bien vivre à Dubai, ou pourquoi pas en Chine? A voir peut-être! Mais mon coeur reste attaché à l'Egypte, ma belle-famille y vit, et je m'y sens de plus en plus comme chez moi. Et vous Annouk et Anissa, parlez-nous de vous!
Waouh !!! Je trouve ça merveilleux. Si cela ne te dérange pas, je serai bcp intéressé pour parler avec toi de ton intégration. je compte partir m'installer au Kowait et j'avoue avoir quelques peurs, malgré ma détermination et mon envie. Il est aussi à moité Egyptien par sa mère et une partie de sa famille vit au Caire. Ils m'ont tous accueilli avec chaleur et me considèrent comme un membre à part entière de leur famille. Mais quel changement pour moi qui n'ai jamais quitté ma ville et encore moi moins mon pays Si un jour tu as le temps... Merci, Flo
Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Anissa agnes: Il y a beaucoup de Francais a ce que je vois, c'est bien, hey les filles moi je viens du sud Ouset a pres de Biarritz, et vous?????
French conection
Je suis de grenoble, encore pour quelques mois !!! Et toi, vis-tu en France ou en Egypte ? Et oui, c'est drôlement bien de trouver quelques français ici... Enchantée de vous connaître en tt cas toutes Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Anissa agnes: Il y a beaucoup de Francais a ce que je vois, c'est bien, hey les filles moi je viens du sud Ouset a pres de Biarritz, et vous?????
French conection
Je suis de grenoble, encore pour quelques mois !!! Et toi, vis-tu en France ou en Egypte ? Et oui, c'est drôlement bien de trouver quelques français ici... Enchantée de vous connaître en tt cas toutes
Aussi je ne suis pas une fille! Je suis né en Alexandrie et je vis aux Etats Unies. Mon père a fait ses études de doctorat à Grenoble. J'ai jamais mis mon pied en France à part quatres jours à Paris.
Enchanté de vous connaitres toutes.
Ce n'est pas tellement étrange de recontrer des francophones en Egypte. La loi égyptienne est fondée sur le code civil Français. Jusqu'à tout recemment la plupart des filles "comme if faut" en Egypte devraient jouer le piano et apprendre le Français.
Posts: 143 | From: Silicon Valley | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anissa agnes: Il y a beaucoup de Francais a ce que je vois, c'est bien, hey les filles moi je viens du sud Ouset a pres de Biarritz, et vous?????
French conection
Je suis de grenoble, encore pour quelques mois !!! Et toi, vis-tu en France ou en Egypte ? Et oui, c'est drôlement bien de trouver quelques français ici... Enchantée de vous connaître en tt cas toutes
Aussi je ne suis pas une fille! Je suis né en Alexandrie et je vis aux Etats Unies. Mon père a fait ses études de doctorat à Grenoble. J'ai jamais mis mon pied en France à part quatres jours à Paris.
Enchanté de vous connaitres toutes.
Ce n'est pas tellement étrange de recontrer des francophones en Egypte. La loi égyptienne est fondée sur le code civil Français. Jusqu'à tout recemment la plupart des filles "comme if faut" en Egypte devraient jouer le piano et apprendre le Français.
Bien enchanté de te connaître aussi, même si tu es un garçon !!! Je ne parlais pas d'étrange lorsque je parlais de la joie de trouver quelques français ici... Simplement parce que j'ai aussi constaté qu'il y avait bcp de gens des US, c'est tout . Alors même si je ne suis pas particulièrement "patriote", c'est agréable de pouvoir glisser quelques mots en français Posts: 80 | From: France - Grenoble | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Barbapapa: What do you have in common with your husband? Similar social background? Similar level of studies? Same hobbies? Same values? About the hobbies, did you already have them before you get married/met your husband? Or did you start to be interested in them later? I'm asking you because with my fiance, we have very few hobbies in common. Similar social background and level of studies, same humor, same values, but I don't like the places he goes to, and same for him. Do you think it's something important, that at some point, it can be a problem? It's not that we refuse to share each other's hobbies, no, we do go together to some places he or I like, but we don't really enjoy it. And what about money? Me, I like to save -I come from a family where money wasn't present all the time, so I think I know what having some, now, means, and I thank God for this. My fiance sometimes expenses way much he should -money has never been a problem for him. Do you face the same problem in your couple? I know, many questions...I usually prefer answering posts, but this time, I have been thinking about this question a lot, so I needed to share! Thank you!
respect for each other and a dedication to always be open and honest.
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