After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you: * begin with a good greeting. * Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well. * Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!
2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations
* Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones. * Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks. * Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands. * Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
3. Friendliness and Recreation
* Spend time talking together. * Spread to her goods news. * Remember your good memories together.
4. Games and Distractions
* Joking around & having a sense of humor. * Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever. * Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment. * Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
5. Assistance in the Household
* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired. * The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work.
6. Consultation (Shurah)
* Specifically in family matters. * Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you. * Studying her opinion carefully. * Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better. * Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.
7. Visiting Others
* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!) * Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits. * Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.
8. Conduct During Travel
* Offer a warm farewell and good advice. * Ask her to pray for him. * Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence. * Give her enough money for what she might need. * Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.. * Return as soon as possible. * Bring her a gift! * Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night. * Take her with you if possible.
9. Financial Support
* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful). * He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith). * He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.
10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms. * Always being clean and neat. * Put on perfume for her.
11. Intercourse
* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.) * Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a. * Enter into her in the proper place only. * Begin with foreplay including words of love. * Continue until you have satisfied her desire. * Relax and joke around afterwards. * Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram * Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while he is looking on. * Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy. * Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.
12. Guarding Privacy
* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua). * Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer. * Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening. * Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale. * Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents. * Invite them to visit her and welcome them. * Give them presents on special occasions. * Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.. * Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition
This includes * The basics of Islam * Her duties and rights * Reading and writing * Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs * Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women * Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library
16. Admirable Jealousy
* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house. * Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men. * Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are: 1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean 2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just. 3- Preventing her from answering the phone. 4- etc.
17. Patience and Mildness
* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown. * Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.. * Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18). * How can you best correct her mistakes? 1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times. 2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her. 3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the hsuband should consider the following: - He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant. - He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.. - It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an . - He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body. - He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.
18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
* Accounting her only for larger mistakes. * Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.. * Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake. * Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing. * Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment. * Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations * Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings. * When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others. * Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words. Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by r.i.p.R: * How can you best correct her mistakes? 3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the hsuband should consider the following: - He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet PBUH never beat a woman or a servant. - He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently,
This type of mentality really disturbs me. If i tell you no then its no and I dont expect to be 'hit lightly' because you feel that I am 'frequently refusing intercourse without cause' Posts: 87 | From: UK | Registered: May 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Sweet Pea: This type of mentality really disturbs me. If i tell you no then its no and I dont expect to be 'hit lightly' because you feel that I am 'frequently refusing intercourse without cause'
Yeah, I find that quite disturbing as well ... as if the woman is nothing but an object with no right to her own feelings and none whatsoever to her body. But I've seen this list many times before and always found it quite bizarre anyway. Do they assume women are mentally challenged, so that the man has to speak with her "with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands"?
And who actually needs written rules in order to know that it's recommendable to greet your wife in a friendly manner when coming home? An emotional retard? Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Do the majority of male younger generation Egyptians still have this mentality or did statements like this mostly come into play in the old days?
Posts: 87 | From: UK | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Quick someone tell me do younger men think this way too? I will be danged if he is gonna "lightly" hit me for ANY reason!!!
Posts: 68 | From: San Antonio Texas | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
heheheheh im finding this so funny and be careful im not mental do u thinkin amillion years i ever comply to this i find i so bizzare ,if i dont want friggen intercourse he can go and find the nearest ROLL TUBE i just loved the thread
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Thanks god I am married to just a normal American guy!!!
I believe this thread was posted by GermanSara a good while ago here on ES and it caused immense controversy.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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What has hitting to do with 'how to please your wife'????? Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
this is soooo funny especially the sex part LOL! do Egyptian men really think this way?
Posts: 25 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by charm el feikh?: so, what should a man do if his wife refuses intercourse frequently?
a good spanking might be just what she needs!
well? i see lots of negative remarks, but no constructive advise....
i feel sorry for men.. im a highly sexed female, so i know what it feels like to be frustrated while a perfectly good male specimen sleeps 8 inches to your right...
i only have to suffer it once in a while... but the male of the species has to deal with that **** every other day!!!!
my deepest sympathies!
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by TexasGirl: Quick someone tell me do younger men think this way too? I will be danged if he is gonna "lightly" hit me for ANY reason!!!
everyone is different.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
r.i.p.r., If I refuse sex and he will beat me, maybe a shove in the balls with my foot will do nicely!!! A VERY hard shove at that at!!! Some of this stuff is okay, but that is wrong.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
want 2 please the wife stop keeping score, who says this or that, just focus on making her happy and you will be 2
Posts: 3 | From: T exas USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by concernedforwomen: r.i.p.r., If I refuse sex and he will beat me, maybe a shove in the balls with my foot will do nicely!!! A VERY hard shove at that at!!! Some of this stuff is okay, but that is wrong.
dono cud be enjoyable if your sadistic Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
NOT SHOVE COZ THAT IS UNISLAMIC BUT MEN RESPECT WOMEN THATS THE THE WAY IT.ISLAM RESPECT 4EVERYONE.
Posts: 42 | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by concernedforwomen: r.i.p.r., If I refuse sex and he will beat me, maybe a shove in the balls with my foot will do nicely!!! A VERY hard shove at that at!!! Some of this stuff is okay, but that is wrong.
dono cud be enjoyable if your sadistic
I'd enjoy it I am sadistic. Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
If r.i.p.R's post didn't sound earnest, it would be easier to laugh at. Treating women as delinquent children doesn't strike me as the best route to a great love life (unless they are a tad kinky).
''* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted''
Does the woman ever get to choose a suitable time?
The whole tone of this is patronising, disturbing, bordering on scary.
If this is r.i.p.R's best shot at seduction, he is going to find that his wife has a lot of headaches. My advice would be for him to give his wife the best present she could wish for, when he next travels...by never returning home.
Posts: 2953 | From: Slightly south of Azkaban. | Registered: Aug 2006
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