posted
to be more specific: i am asking about a Muslim guy and other religion wife were both kept there religion how does that work? what about kids? specially the mother is the 1st school of life
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posted
its the same for both spouces of the same faith but of different cultures entirely and very different can be very hard as well.and can cause certain issue problems ,..
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Guest Of Life: to be more specific: i am asking about a Muslim guy and other religion wife were both kept there religion how does that work? what about kids? specially the mother is the 1st school of life
I always wondered about that myself. Islam follows the father, but the mom is the one who is present more to actually teach the child.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Guest Of Life: specially the mother is the 1st school of life
Yeah which explains why I over hear Arab father's always blaming the mother when the child disappoints him.
So does it really matter what her faith is if she is always to blame for disappointments while the father is always the responsible parent when the child delights?
And there are universal values that Islam and Christianity share. I think those would be more important.
But what Guest of Life is getting at is that its culturally mandatory for a mother of a Muslim child to revert. Totally disregarding the words of the Final Prophet himself.
Got to grab the upper hand by the most unlogical and emotionally abusive stance right away. Parenting and marriage isn't supposed to be equal. Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
I'd also be very interested in anyone who has made this work... and how you did it. This is a question we are facing every day, the one I love, and I. We both are very grounded in our beliefs, and wouldnt see the other change for all the tea in china, but we are working to find common ground and understanding. Though i dont think the word "compromise" is in our dictionary... with regard to this... nor should it be. Its just some of the practicalities that are tripping us up. We are both very *very* logical people and are actively trying to find solutions to all of these "contradictions" (as he calls them). Anywhoo... anyone who has made this work... I'd love to hear how. Thanks in advance.
Posts: 120 | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
well, if you're both grounded in your beliefs, how do you expect to teach your children certain values and essential beliefs if they contradict?
The only way I've seen this work is if one of the parents doesnt actually "Care" or practice their religion as much as the other, and lets the children be raised as the other parents faith. For example, one friends dad was baptist, mom was catholic, dad didnt care, kids are catholic. I know a kid whose father was an irani muslim, his mom was a baptist, dad couldnt care less about islam, kids are die hard baptists like their mother. Dont know a single concept about islam. I've known ppl who dont care about their religion before they get married, but once they have children, all of a sudden THEIR faith is the correct one, and they run into alot of problems. Those kids who come from the two religious parents usually end up confused, and not having an actual grasp of either faith. My friends father is a pali muslim, and her mother was a 1/2 pali, 1/2 columbian catholic. The mother converted to christianity when the kids were very young, and my friend has the most jacked up view of islam, has a crucifix over her head, got pregnant at 15 outside of marriage, but calls herself a muslim...
Are you going to teach your child that consuming alcohol is a sin, or are you going to use alcohol in your lives?
Are you going to teach your child to believe in the Quran as the word of God? Or will you teach him from the Bible? Teaching universally accepted morality in the begining when the children are young may work then, but when they get older, and want a more advanced understanding of their faith, dont you think you will have set them up for many obstacles?
I think in the end, if you dont care about your childs religious convictions - if you're telling yourself im going to let them figure it out for themselves- then ur fine. but if u do find a strong foundation in religion is important, than you need to think this through.
One more thing. Muslim men are permitted to marry christian and jewish women. The catch is though (that MANY muslim men like to forget) is that this should ONLY be done if you are living in a country that is of a Muslim Majority. The reasons for this are obvious; if its not done like this, you will most probably end up with the confused individuals i have come across.
I really do hope everything works out for your guys though, maybe you'll be an exception.
Posts: 140 | From: TX | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Guest Of Life: to be more specific: i am asking about a Muslim guy and other religion wife were both kept there religion how does that work? what about kids? specially the mother is the 1st school of life
everyone will have their opinions on this..
He should marry a Muslima- so, he wouldn't have any problems..
although he can marry out and that is his right- and in that case he will have to do the teaching him self since i don't think the wife will. (why would she? its not her faith- and perhaps she doesn't have much knowledge in Islam)
He is still accountable for his family before God regardless of her religion..
If a muslim man decided to marry out then he can't/shouldn't blame his wife for her not teaching what he believes- when he knows very well its not her faith - He choose that path when he said ( I DO ) and took her as his wife.
As for the marriage working- I guess it can- with ALOT of compromising from both sides.
In my case- my ex-husband refused to compromised- He demands/Expects Our Children to be Christians and marry only Christians with the same Doctrine.
He has a fit when he knows i have shared anything to them on Islam- As a mother its also my duty to teach and share what I believe as well, and I will Regardless what he says to me..
Posts: 2068 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
I am writing an article on mixed marriages in Egypt for a magazine. In this case, I would love to hear your experiences, especially as regards cultural, social and religious differences. The article won't be a vehicle to advocate mixed marriage or denigrate it, but hopefully will give both sides of the story.
Please do share your sad stories,happy accounts, amusing incidents. If you don't want your real name used in the article, that's fine.
The more fundamental and literally taken ones belief is the more problems you will encounter I guess. Rigid thinking will always pay off. When an Egyptian aunt died some time ago, the sister of dh's mother that would live as two couples in one home with kids for all their lives, I would 'create' a mourningritual, there are so many things one can do, sing, pray, wheep, hold each other. We mourned as a family. My dad came to pray with us and read some poems. The muslimkids of my friend want to pray at the dinnertable too, so when they are with us they pray a christian children's prayer and when we are with them we pray Bism'alla. Religion can be a creative force in ones live. Sunday after his aunt died dh would sit down with the churchfather and he would pray for his aunt, lit a candle and do all the things that are important to him, like coptic ritual praying, and included us in it.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Another friend is having an issue with her dh who believes that removing ones bodyhair is compulsery in Islam. Both sons want do it. It is difficult to relate to such things to me. The wife should respect the believes of her husband, but she would never force her sons to this habit, since she believes they are entitled to control over their own body. Dad probably could not persuade them in the past, or they stopped liking it. I could not take such things as a serious religious problem. You can only offer your guidance but when they grow up they have to be their own man.
posted
Damiana, what's the right way you see right? follwing God waay or following the traditions.
Posts: 2728 | From: جمهورية مصر العربية | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptian_batman: Damiana, what's the right way you see right? follwing God waay or following the traditions.
How do you know the way of God Batman? No use 'mimicking' your predecessors, even when in your holy book, live changes all the time. I believe I can learn in my tradition from all there is in my tradition and be guided in it and live it.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptian_batman: Damiana, what's the right way you see right? follwing God waay or following the traditions.
How do you know the way of God Batman? No use 'mimicking' your predecessors, even when in your holy book, live changes all the time. I believe I can learn in my tradition from all there is in my tradition and be guided in it and live it.
The way of God is the rules that God wants us to lead life. i.e.the bases. after you know the bases live your life freely within this bases. have your tradition within the bases. this is my view we have bases in islam 5 pillars the most important is the fisrt one and the other is completing it
Posts: 2728 | From: جمهورية مصر العربية | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Egyptian_batman: Damiana, what's the right way you see right? follwing God waay or following the traditions.
How do you know the way of God Batman? No use 'mimicking' your predecessors, even when in your holy book, live changes all the time. I believe I can learn in my tradition from all there is in my tradition and be guided in it and live it.
Damiana, actually following your religion is not mimicking. I'm often amazed at peoples criticism of Muslims for ACTUALLY FOLLOWING THEIR RELIGION. The reason we have the Quran is for us to have a guide; why the hell should we go by your standards? or any other persons standards? The only way I stay sane is by going by Islams standards, not peoples. people are filled with quirks, their own bias, even their own stupidity. And people do NOT have the mental capabilities of knowing what consequences we will face with what we "think" is right. And what tradition? Tradition is not what one should be guided by. Let me give you an example. In a very remote part of pakistan, a womens younger brother was caught speaking to a woman from another tribe. this was considered dishonorable by the tribes people. so they were going to stone the boy and the girl to death. The boys sister offered herself instead, and the punishment decided on by the council was for her to be gang raped, so that she too would be dishonored. now this doesnt make any F***ing sense, b/c its a bunch of ignorant, pre-islamic, tradition. And it is these peoples tradition. Now you tell me, should these people hold their tradition over what Islam tells them. If they had held to islam, nothing would have happened to the woman, and nothing would have happened to the guy or the girl considering all they did was TALK. traditions are good and gravy as long as they do not contradict islam. Atleast thats my opinion, I dont know if you're Muslim.
Posts: 140 | From: TX | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Sumbula2, I go by human rights and civic law. I believe God does lead us to respect our fellow men and agree upon social rules. Rules are a tricky thing to follow literally, rules should be evaluated and interpreted since life changes. Before you know it you beat people around the ears with your rules. A sense of selfworth and a sense of the Godly light in every person can help us improve and come out of such darkness as gangraping for punishment.
quote:Originally posted by Sumbula2: well, if you're both grounded in your beliefs, how do you expect to teach your children certain values and essential beliefs if they contradict?
The only way I've seen this work is if one of the parents doesnt actually "Care" or practice their religion as much as the other, and lets the children be raised as the other parents faith. For example, one friends dad was baptist, mom was catholic, dad didnt care, kids are catholic. I know a kid whose father was an irani muslim, his mom was a baptist, dad couldnt care less about islam, kids are die hard baptists like their mother. Dont know a single concept about islam. I've known ppl who dont care about their religion before they get married, but once they have children, all of a sudden THEIR faith is the correct one, and they run into alot of problems. Those kids who come from the two religious parents usually end up confused, and not having an actual grasp of either faith. My friends father is a pali muslim, and her mother was a 1/2 pali, 1/2 columbian catholic. The mother converted to christianity when the kids were very young, and my friend has the most jacked up view of islam, has a crucifix over her head, got pregnant at 15 outside of marriage, but calls herself a muslim...
Are you going to teach your child that consuming alcohol is a sin, or are you going to use alcohol in your lives?
Are you going to teach your child to believe in the Quran as the word of God? Or will you teach him from the Bible? Teaching universally accepted morality in the begining when the children are young may work then, but when they get older, and want a more advanced understanding of their faith, dont you think you will have set them up for many obstacles?
I think in the end, if you dont care about your childs religious convictions - if you're telling yourself im going to let them figure it out for themselves- then ur fine. but if u do find a strong foundation in religion is important, than you need to think this through.
One more thing. Muslim men are permitted to marry christian and jewish women. The catch is though (that MANY muslim men like to forget) is that this should ONLY be done if you are living in a country that is of a Muslim Majority. The reasons for this are obvious; if its not done like this, you will most probably end up with the confused individuals i have come across.
I really do hope everything works out for your guys though, maybe you'll be an exception.
Wanted to say thank you first of all. Even though I wasnt the one that started the post, it really has great significance to me; and I am very grateful for the response. As for the only way having seen it work being that the one doesnt care... I agree that is the majority. Truely that is sad. However in our case... that is very much not the case. He is *very* grounded in his beliefs... as I am in mine. The questions that you mentioned : "Are you going to teach your child that consuming alcohol is a sin, or are you going to use alcohol in your lives?" Well I think we lucked out on this one (lol)! Of course he doesnt drink due to religion... and for me, neither do I. Never have, not for religion but for social and moral reasons. Will teach them both, because I beleive both. (How i rationalize that with Purim... well thats a long complicated story... but suffice it to say we did manage to sidestep this landmine).
#2. "Are you going to teach your child to believe in the Quran as the word of God? Or will you teach him from the Bible?" Well... and this goes to the person who said would she teach the child a love of Islam... why should she if it isnt her faith... yes, I can say that I will do my best. Why? Well... Though it may not be my belief... my faith, I am reading, seeking to learn, and know. Specifically for them... the kids I mean. If they are going to be held to a standard... I (and yes I know this is a western mindset... but to me it is right) If they are to be held to a standard... I cant expect to hold them to a lesser standard, or a different set of rules than I would obey. So far... I havent found anything outside a few differences in status of main characters, and a few new ones added in that is so terribly different from how I was raised. Perhaps it is a blessing that my parents were so scripturally based, and held me accountable to them. Back to the Q... What will we teach them... well last I checked the Bible, Old Testiment and New Testiment are both regarded as previous word of G-d yes? In this case I am activey reading the english translation of the Quran... in order to quench any doubt in my mind that it is a good and right thing, but to this point I have found nothing to think the contrary. (Yeah, I know... what does that make me... *shrugs* I honestly dont know). What I will do is teach them a love of G-d and all His words... and do the best that I can with G-ds help, and hopefully His familys as well (if they approve of us ... which has yet to be seen) to impart in them the same passion that we both have and the same conviction for G-d and His law. As well a respect and love for ALL His children.
As for the ONLY in a country with a Mouslim majority... well this is ES isnt it lol... *smiles*... yes He is from there.
Its not the general concepts that are throwing a stick in the sears... its the practicality of some things... nothing of his belifs will be compromised... it is only integrating or making allowance for mine that is the glitch. And no... that does NOT bother me lol... if it did... well I dont think I would be here. Things like... ok so the mezzuzah we finally worked out... I will wear one as a pendant and then i can touch it as I enter the house, it will not be affixed to the door, as he can not be ok with that... (that made me a lil sad... but it is a good solution). Friday nights are a big ??? ... yes I will light candles and do as I must... but where? In private? Hidden from the kidos sight? Not like they wont ask when they are older... or should We enven bother hiding it? Its all in the practicality.
Thanks again for the reply... I do very much appreciate it. I am really looking for any ideas on how to make these practicalities work, as we are both very much committed to this relationship.
Posts: 120 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Demiana: I can see that Batman, Muslims around the globe keep to the five pillars and are very different otherwise. Sounds good to me.
:)ok طيب Posts: 2728 | From: جمهورية مصر العربية | Registered: Sep 2006
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hmm? Didn't the Final Prophet (PBUH) state that Muslims need to respect the other two faiths of the book?
Or are you one of those so-called believers that discard according to convenience what a Prophet commands?
Posts: 991 | From: My daughter is a stalker | Registered: Jul 2006
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