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Hi Everyone just looking for any one who can help, i met my Egyptian Husband 16 months ago and we married in May this year in Cairo, My husband got his visa for 2 years great!! we both came to England in June again Great!!! until now he really is strugiling here he hates the life he hates his job he feels that he has taken a step down he keeps talking about just leaving and going back to Egypt but i really dont want to go its such a hard time my dad died just 3 and half weeks ago and i need to be with my family i know he left everything for me but i feel he needs to be patient, to me 2andhalf months is not enough time to say you really gave it your best shot am i wrong? I know he misses everything his friends speaking arabic his life, where we live in surrey doesnt have a very multi cultural comunity so it hard for him to even meet new arabic friends to make him feel a little more at home, i think i know the final result will be that we will go to Egypt but if anyone has any idea please let me know your thoughts
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
I was married for 12 years to a Syrian living in the UK. We lived at Morden, then Hounslow and then Ealing. All pretty multicultural places. He had Arabic TV, food, friends, culture, my daughter learnt Arabic at main stream school (she went to the international school at Ealing).
However he could not get work, certainly not enough to even cover childcare costs and i had a super well paid job.
It tore him apart, I remember him saying how he used to cry when he dropped me at the station to go to work when I was pregnant. He was demoralised that he could not support his family. He missed Syria so much, he had a friend who worked on the airlines and he would bring him seasonal fruits and he would be so sad he could not go and buy them.
After 12 years he died of cancer and I sometimes wonder if he would have lived if he had never left Syria.
I swore to myself when I met my Egyptian husband that I would not bring him to the UK. I had seen what it did to Ayman although I was not responsible for his being in the UK and I would not contribute towards that.
I think that was the right decision. In Egypt my husband is a big fish in a small pond, he is somebody, he has respect, he can support his family, he has his friends, people come to him for advice. In the UK he would probably be stacking shelves.
I agree 2 months is not giving it a proper try but I personally think that if he gave it years he would still not be happy. Arabs do not travel well.
I think it is easier for me to be here in Egypt than it ever would be for my Egyptian husband to be in the UK. We just recently returned from his first holiday and visit abroad and he was talking about people he knew who lived in the UK. He thought they were mad, how could you be away from Egypt, he even heard of someone who died in the UK and was buried there. He thought it was so pointless that he never returned back home. In my husbands view you only come to the UK to make enough money and gain experience so so can have a great life back in Egypt.
Those are my thoughts for what they are worth. Probably not what you wanted to hear
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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let him visiy Egypt for a time, and then he will get bored and be back to uk. This is my solution
Posts: 2728 | From: جمهورية مصر العربية | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Not Long Now: Hi Everyone
I know he misses everything his friends speaking arabic his life, where we live in surrey doesnt have a very multi cultural comunity so it hard for him to even meet new arabic friends to make him feel a little more at home, i think i know the final result will be that we will go to Egypt but if anyone has any idea please let me know your thoughts
If he desparately needs a dose of arabic culture, why don't you visit the Edgware Road region of London which has many arabic cafes and businesses, and even shows arabic films at the Odeon, or there's the part of London I come from where we have numerous arabic cafes you could maybe visit, smoke shisha, eat schwarma.
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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^^ 2nd that! Edgware Rd.. its a crap hole.. but i love it!
Posts: 5642 | From: hellonearth.myfastforum.org Forum Index | Registered: Feb 2006
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Husband is in Europe for so long now, he can't go back although he hates life here sometimes too, it has to much advantages for him to leave. He has also changed in behaving and thinking and whenever in Egypt he enjoys it but is happy when he can go 'home' again. He really is something in Egypt but the belongings and the family, lawsuits, everyone looking at him gets on his nerves at some point. And no, he also does not have a job that would fit his potential but at least he does have a job and is in school again since you need western papers. I am very proud of him, if it would be me I doubt if I would have made al the courses he did in arabic!:-)
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Church is a 'homecoming' to him, that is to our benefit, he gives classes in 'coptic' and can talk to friends and we live in a multicultural area, he can see friends on a regular basis, and he is very open to all sorts of people and made friends out of his nationality. He is also getting along very well with my brothers and their families as with my parents. He isn't all that happy to go around Egyptians in the neighbourhood or at work though, he sometimes introduces himself as being Turkish, can go very far in it, having Turkish music in his car and stuff, not talking arabic. Especially with Ramadan coming up, he is bored with people that can't believe he is a christian and does fast some other way.
posted
Not Long Now - I've been there too - our stories sound spookily similar in more ways than one… All your waiting to be together, all the lonely weeks apart, and you're looking forward so much to beginning your life together here, but in reality, it's not a walk in the park, especially if you're living in a less multi-cultural area.
My husband has been here 6 months now and I've had to actively go out and make an effort to make him feel more settled - it's 20 minutes to the nearest mosque where we are, but from the day my husband arrived here, we have had the call to prayer sounding on time on the computer, which helps him to feel like a small part of Egypt is here with him (not sure whether the neighbours here appreciate it quite so much, LOL). I can cook all sorts of Egyptian food now (all learnt in desperation over the last few months) and we do visit edgware Road fairly often, and it does help with the homesickness, as does constant contact with family via phone calls and a web cam.
I'm the expert in seeking homesickness cures, and some of them have worked wonders! Believe me, it does get less gloomy, honest! I've PM'd you
Posts: 172 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2005
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its nice to know i'm not alone, looks like i'll be visiting the lovely Edgeware Road Blue Skies i'v sent you pm
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
Hi Sounds very familiar. Similar situation years ago. Get your husband to join a college course or something thats what mine did. Computers, met a few people. He should try and get any work, restaurant, anything, once you are employed its much easier to get another job. Then when he gets a job, try and make a few friends, you know english people, there not very fourth coming so he will have initate any outings, down the snooker hall, bowling etc. Also I know people may put you off, but try asking the egypt embassey for any newcomer groups or egyptians in the area. Your husband can then decide if he wants to meet up with them again. It will tke 1 year or so to come to terms with thsi country, but he needs to make an effort , and I know that this can be a struggle for you and will put pressure on you. My husband hs many friends now from all backgrounds, through work, through teh children etc.. It takes time.
Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2004
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Blue skies, Can you tell me how you got the call to prayer on your computer. Many thanks,
Posts: 66 | From: London | Registered: Jun 2006
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not long now, my husband had trouble adjusting to life in the UK, he had a large circle of friends in Egypt and when he came here he only had me and one other mate who lived near by and I was seriously worried he would become depressed. However he made the decision we would stay here, buy a house and that is 4 years ago, now he runs his own business and has made loads of friends at the mosque and from his last job, who he still sees. Now when we are going to Egypt it's me who is counting the weeks (I fell in love with Egypt long before I met him!) he is not so bothered and once he has seen his family and his friends he is ready to come home to the UK, he hates the 'routine' in Egypt and is really English now! There is no miracle cure and it may be that your husband will never settle but I agree with you he hasnt given it much of a chance, if you want my husbands phone number give me a PM he is always willing to talk to anyone from Egypt about settling in! We are a long way from you but the offer is there.
Posts: 7 | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by sawny: Blue skies, Can you tell me how you got the call to prayer on your computer. Many thanks,
Hi Sawny, Chimps has given you the link to the site we use too (great minds think alike ) - the free download is here http://www.islamicfinder.org/athanDownload.php and you can set it to your town, wherever you are in the world.
Posts: 172 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Not Long Now: Hi Everyone just looking for any one who can help, i met my Egyptian Husband 16 months ago and we married in May this year in Cairo, My husband got his visa for 2 years great!! we both came to England in June again Great!!! until now he really is strugiling here he hates the life he hates his job he feels that he has taken a step down he keeps talking about just leaving and going back to Egypt but i really dont want to go its such a hard time my dad died just 3 and half weeks ago and i need to be with my family i know he left everything for me but i feel he needs to be patient, to me 2andhalf months is not enough time to say you really gave it your best shot am i wrong? I know he misses everything his friends speaking arabic his life, where we live in surrey doesnt have a very multi cultural comunity so it hard for him to even meet new arabic friends to make him feel a little more at home, i think i know the final result will be that we will go to Egypt but if anyone has any idea please let me know your thoughts
invite him to visit home for a month or two and watch him run back. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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