posted
How would you feel if your husband decided to practice Polygamy?
We all know its allowed in Islam but the advice these days to men is to avoid it as the taqwa isn't there to treat two wives equally. Furhtermore taking care of one wife seems to be hard enough for everyone..
But say your husband came home and one day said "meet my new wife" How would you react or perhaps he gave you a weeks notice so you could get ready for his Big Day 2 (lol).
let me know. (CHIMPS)
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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Well if my husband came home and said meet my new wife I would clip him round the ear hole. That is insensitive and nasty.
If on the other hand he decided it would be a good thing for the family and informed me about it and we discussed it, then it would not be a problem.
If you are marrying a Muslim man you should always be aware it was a possibility and I would say you should have discussed it before you got married and in your marriage contract you should have stated what would happen in that situation.
One is polygamy the other is crass insensitivity
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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I wouldnt marry that type of man.... & if by any chance he turned out to be that type of man I'd divorce him. But mind you that not all Muslim men like it. It is true that one woman is too much for them to handle let alone another..... double trouble
But let's look at polygamy marriage from another perspective...... It could be beneficial in some circumstances for some people. For widows, some divocees...... women who have kids to take care of & have poor source of income & no man to protect her. Provided that the man is wealthy enough to cater to two households.
Why not? Some men can't divorce their first wives because they have a long history & kids together to raise.
No double standards here but I guess some people have the right to do it but it should not be the norm.
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by MY NAME IS NO MORE .....,: But say your husband came home and one day said "meet my new wife" How would you react or perhaps he gave you a weeks notice so you could get ready for his Big Day 2 (lol).
let me know. (CHIMPS)
He wouldn't be able to just come home and say that. Under Islamic law the first wife needs to give permission for any subsequent wives. Otherwise it is cause for divorce.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by doodlebut: He wouldn't be able to just come home and say that. Under Islamic law the first wife needs to give permission for any subsequent wives. Otherwise it is cause for divorce.
I don't know what Islamic law or Egyptian law is in that regard (notification), but I know two Egyptian men who each have two wives..and the first doesn't know about the second. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Left.Side.Lying.State.Of.Mind:
quote:Originally posted by doodlebut: He wouldn't be able to just come home and say that. Under Islamic law the first wife needs to give permission for any subsequent wives. Otherwise it is cause for divorce.
I don't know what Islamic law or Egyptian law is in that regard (notification), but I know two Egyptian men who each have two wives..and the first doesn't know about the second.
yeah, dont we hear about that alot?
Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Left.Side.Lying.State.Of.Mind:
quote:Originally posted by doodlebut: He wouldn't be able to just come home and say that. Under Islamic law the first wife needs to give permission for any subsequent wives. Otherwise it is cause for divorce.
I don't know what Islamic law or Egyptian law is in that regard (notification), but I know two Egyptian men who each have two wives..and the first doesn't know about the second.
Ma sha Allah 2 wives, Lucky man
I am happy to hear about this man who manipulate 2 women
ya bakhtak ya 3am
Posts: 2728 | From: جمهورية مصر العربية | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by MY NAME IS NO MORE .....,: But say your husband came home and one day said "meet my new wife" How would you react or perhaps he gave you a weeks notice so you could get ready for his Big Day 2 (lol).
let me know. (CHIMPS)
He wouldn't be able to just come home and say that. Under Islamic law the first wife needs to give permission for any subsequent wives. Otherwise it is cause for divorce.
Hi doodlebut!
This is a common misconception, but this isn't actually a condition under Islamic law; a Muslim man does not have to ask his wife's permission to marry another woman, the only people he has to ask the permission of is the potential new wife and her guardian.
If you have written a condition in your marriage contract that the husband will not take another wife, he still does not have to ask for permission to marry again. However, if he does it means that he will have broken a condition of his marriage contract. The first wife can either then choose to waive the condition and carry on in the marriage, and accept that the continuation of her contract along with that of the co-wife, or she can claim her right for a divorce as he broke his contract with her. She has no legal right to ask him to divorce his new wife, as that contract is legally made.
Under Egyptian law however, the first wife will be informed by post by the registrar that her husband has married again, if her address is the same as the one the husband used when registering his new marriage. I think she then has within a year of the new marriage to decide what she wants to do.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:Originally posted by MY NAME IS NO MORE .....,: But say your husband came home and one day said "meet my new wife" How would you react or perhaps he gave you a weeks notice so you could get ready for his Big Day 2 (lol).
let me know. (CHIMPS)
He wouldn't be able to just come home and say that. Under Islamic law the first wife needs to give permission for any subsequent wives. Otherwise it is cause for divorce.
exactly that is what i thought.
Posts: 2410 | From: Indiana, USA | Registered: Mar 2005
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Id say No. Not ever. A woman who can handle her husband taking a second wife is a very interesting woman. I cant even imagine. The only Muslim family i know that this ever happened to was my mother great uncle. After trying to have kids for 10 years, they found out for sure that the wife was stirile. The husband told his wife that he wanted children, and the wife asked him not to divorce her, that she would rather he take a second wife. So he did, but she doesnt live with them. At her request, he bought her an apartment and she lives by herself :-( . I like her alot more than the 2nd lady, shes nuts.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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Well in any case my response to a husband who comes home and says guess what I got another wife would be, "don't let the screen door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!"
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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NO WAY!! I would not stay with him I would leave at that moment!!!
-------------------- Often Times the Greatest statements are made in silence...listen with your Heart. Posts: 334 | From: kentucky | Registered: Jun 2006
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I've talked to my husband about this. I told him he's free to marry another woman if he likes...he just won't be married to me anymore.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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My husband is the son of a 4th wife! Each previous marriage was happy and fruitful with children, each wife enjoyed some years living with her husband alone and travelling abroad. In the end, his Father chose to live in Alexandria alone, and visit with his many wives, as well as have them and his MANY children visit with him. he was a business owner in Alexandria, and an Engineer. All I can say is it wouldn't work for me, and it certainly raises sons with interesting perspectives on how a marriage works.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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quote:Originally posted by hibbah: Id say No. Not ever. A woman who can handle her husband taking a second wife is a very interesting woman. I cant even imagine. The only Muslim family i know that this ever happened to was my mother great uncle. After trying to have kids for 10 years, they found out for sure that the wife was stirile. The husband told his wife that he wanted children, and the wife asked him not to divorce her, that she would rather he take a second wife. So he did, but she doesnt live with them. At her request, he bought her an apartment and she lives by herself :-( . I like her alot more than the 2nd lady, shes nuts.
I'm wondering what happens if the man is sterile and the wife wants children?
Posts: 1414 | From: far away | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Madame M.: I've talked to my husband about this. I told him he's free to marry another woman if he likes...he just won't be married to me anymore.
ILMFAO excatly what i said haha.... Posts: 712 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Aug 2006
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Yes I would also be gone before the new marriage would be signed - together with kids and anything of value smiling like a devil
Posts: 1215 | From: Nowhere | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Madame M.: I've talked to my husband about this. I told him he's free to marry another woman if he likes...he just won't be married to me anymore.
yes thats pretty much what I said
I do understand and accept he has a right to do that and I do know of at least 2 women which are 2nd wives and are very happy, one muslim and one Christian. However, im a jealous cow and i couldnt accept it Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Never in his wildest dreams ever! Each to their own but for me there is no way I would accept sharing my man. I understand in some circumstances that is would be beneficial as you say widow etc but not for me.
Posts: 1500 | Registered: Dec 2005
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I honestly don't think my husband would have courage to come and grace me with this kind of news.. I mean, he has too much class... or me too much temper when one least expects it...
I probably wouldn't mind being a 2345 wife of an old rich guy who does not remember my name but I do his credit cards' numbers, come to think of it. I mean it! Posts: 2238 | From: Mother Earth | Registered: Jun 2004
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our wedding vows and on our marriage license it says, we will not touvch another person but each other to death do us part. and we both mean that.
Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: Well if my husband came home and said meet my new wife I would clip him round the ear hole. That is insensitive and nasty.
If on the other hand he decided it would be a good thing for the family and informed me about it and we discussed it, then it would not be a problem.
If you are marrying a Muslim man you should always be aware it was a possibility and I would say you should have discussed it before you got married and in your marriage contract you should have stated what would happen in that situation.
One is polygamy the other is crass insensitivity
Akshar you never mentioned if your husband had told his first wife in advance of marrying you. I have wondered about this.
When you had married, did you put that stipulation in your marriage contract, that you could withdraw and divorce if he was to marry again?
Besides claiming that "when you marry a Muslim" excuse, well its bull. There is a greater chance of marrying a Polygamist who isn't Muslim than when you are marrying a Muslim.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Tibe: Yes I would also be gone before the new marriage would be signed - together with kids and anything of value smiling like a devil
posted
There's also the chance of any husband claiming to be 100% faithful to the one wife, isnt always 100% faithful in reality
Posts: 1056 | From: UK, Middle East & Europe | Registered: Jun 2006
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i think that applies to ALL men AND women dawn
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: Well if my husband came home and said meet my new wife I would clip him round the ear hole. That is insensitive and nasty.
If on the other hand he decided it would be a good thing for the family and informed me about it and we discussed it, then it would not be a problem.
If you are marrying a Muslim man you should always be aware it was a possibility and I would say you should have discussed it before you got married and in your marriage contract you should have stated what would happen in that situation.
One is polygamy the other is crass insensitivity
Akshar you never mentioned if your husband had told his first wife in advance of marrying you. I have wondered about this.
When you had married, did you put that stipulation in your marriage contract, that you could withdraw and divorce if he was to marry again?
Besides claiming that "when you marry a Muslim" excuse, well its bull. There is a greater chance of marrying a Polygamist who isn't Muslim than when you are marrying a Muslim.
Sono just to make it clear I will not provide you with any ammunition to use against me as you have in the past. Your motivation asking me the question is at best dubious. You just love to add to your database of the people on ES and then attack them.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by MY NAME IS NO MORE .....,: How would you feel if your husband decided to practice Polygamy?
My experience in Luxor taught me that ALL men coming from Upper Egypt who marry tourist wives, either keep their first Egyptian wives hidden back home, or marry them while still being married to the tourist wives.
Another point is that men in Egypt (especially Upper Egyptians) see women as either mere sexual objects and/or baby machines. Foreign wives come with a bonus, which is money and visa.
Morale of my post? If you marry an Egyptian man, there is always a possibility he's practicing polygamy with or without you knowing it. Especially if he has enough money.
Posts: 8756 | From: Tax-Free Zone | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I would give my husband another chance on almost anything, but if he got another wife, I would divorce him on the spot. I don't care if there are circumstances that allow a man to take a second wife, such as a widow with kids and a poor income with no man to protect her, there is welfare or government programs or a good job to support kids without a man. So praticing polygamy with the excuse that you are protecting or giving her support does not cut it! I would put cement in his car engine for revenge.
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Akshar, I am not attacking you, but I will ask you a question. How do you make your marriage work with another wife?
Posts: 935 | Registered: Mar 2006
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Morale of my post? If you marry an Egyptian man, there is always a possibility he's practicing polygamy with or without you knowing it. Especially if he has enough money
it could always be the other way round with out telling him the woman has the best of both worlds ..hehe
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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chimps thats true, there are examples of it happening the other way round.
kosh you sound just like someone else i know
I know of many Luxor men who dont have more than one wife, even if that one wife is foreign, and not all us foreigners have money
I do know of many that DO though but certainly not ALL upper Egyptians want, need or take another wife. I know of some who have more than 1 and juggle each one as none know a thing about the others, I also know of some who have been married to ONLY a foreigner for many years and have never considered taking another wife foreign or Egyptian. I also know of foreign women who have married Egyptians and are also married 'back home' and thats not as rare as you might think.
I think it all comes down to the individual man (or woman) and what they see to be 'marriage', whether it be a commitment for life or a commitment for a while.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by concernedforwomen: Akshar, I am not attacking you, but I will ask you a question. How do you make your marriage work with another wife?
I know it doesn't work like this for everyone but for us it does.
We live in two separate flats but we visit each other and the children are always in and out of the various flats. Her flat is part of the family home so she is with my MIL, FIL, BIL, BIL wife, their child. I am with my daughter in the block with our tourist guests. We have our privacy which we don't invade, even mentally.
When we are together we are like sisters teasing each other. She loves to take the mickey out of my Arabic. When she knows I have been super busy guiding guests she will cook for me and send me food over, while I was on holiday in UK I had her shopping list. She looks after my daughter as though she were her own and I do the same with her children. When I was sick once she came over to nurse me. when we are trying to entertain guests I will get her to help me.
We are one big family all helping each other and supporting each other. That includes my parents in law, and my brothers and sisters in law and their families. And even extends to uncles, cousins etc. We have our differences and arguments but the support and love between us all is strong. This year we all got together to make my MIL dream of going to Hajji
To be part of a warm loving Egyptian family is a wonderful privilege, whatever your role.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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I believe that if you can make it work in such a manner, then it must be a fantastic experience. And very comforting to know what a large support network you have. Although it has to be very special people who can make it work, to be able to see beyond the jealousy.
I don't think I would be capable!
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by MyKingdomForATaba2Koshari:
quote:Originally posted by MY NAME IS NO MORE .....,: How would you feel if your husband decided to practice Polygamy?
My experience in Luxor taught me that ALL men coming from Upper Egypt who marry tourist wives, either keep their first Egyptian wives hidden back home, or marry them while still being married to the tourist wives.
Another point is that men in Egypt (especially Upper Egyptians) see women as either mere sexual objects and/or baby machines. Foreign wives come with a bonus, which is money and visa.
Morale of my post? If you marry an Egyptian man, there is always a possibility he's practicing polygamy with or without you knowing it. Especially if he has enough money.
I am sorry then you must have missed people i know who are married to foreign women and do not have an Egyptian wife, including the owners of 3 hotels here on the West Bank which would suggest that finances do not play a role in this. I also know other long standing marriages where there is no Egyptian wife and no children. Yes some men do but some men don't Same as in the West soem men commit adultery and some don't. Please do not generalise.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by soozi: I believe that if you can make it work in such a manner, then it must be a fantastic experience. And very comforting to know what a large support network you have. Although it has to be very special people who can make it work, to be able to see beyond the jealousy.
I don't think I would be capable!
Thank you yes it does take special people but that is not just me, that is my wonderful hubby and my equally wonderful co-wife. And you are right it is a fantastic experience, one I would not have missed for the world.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by concernedforwomen: Akshar, I am not attacking you, but I will ask you a question. How do you make your marriage work with another wife?
I know it doesn't work like this for everyone but for us it does.
We live in two separate flats but we visit each other and the children are always in and out of the various flats. Her flat is part of the family home so she is with my MIL, FIL, BIL, BIL wife, their child. I am with my daughter in the block with our tourist guests. We have our privacy which we don't invade, even mentally.
When we are together we are like sisters teasing each other. She loves to take the mickey out of my Arabic. When she knows I have been super busy guiding guests she will cook for me and send me food over, while I was on holiday in UK I had her shopping list. She looks after my daughter as though she were her own and I do the same with her children. When I was sick once she came over to nurse me. when we are trying to entertain guests I will get her to help me.
We are one big family all helping each other and supporting each other. That includes my parents in law, and my brothers and sisters in law and their families. And even extends to uncles, cousins etc. We have our differences and arguments but the support and love between us all is strong. This year we all got together to make my MIL dream of going to Hajji
To be part of a warm loving Egyptian family is a wonderful privilege, whatever your role.
And could your MIL ever make the Hajj unless you and orfi married her son? Since your MIL is doing Hajj is your FIL doing Hajj as well? I mean since you've married their son, Mahmoud's father has come home from a several year absence, very good timing for him.
And you didn't bother to respond whether your Egyptian co-wife was in on Mahmoud marrying you. Did she know in advance? Because you certainly didn't know he was already married when you signed that Orfi paper.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Everyone's_a_Pascha: And you didn't bother to respond whether your Egyptian co-wife was in on Mahmoud marrying you.
I did respond, I told you sonomod I don't answer your questions. They are designed to cause fights and trouble.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Everyone's_a_Pascha: And you didn't bother to respond whether your Egyptian co-wife was in on Mahmoud marrying you.
I did respond, I told you sonomod I don't answer your questions. They are designed to cause fights and trouble.
But you can't claim that your situation is honest, innocent and works for everyone. Framing your situation as "ideal" or "functional" or in your terms "happy family" is misleading.
Denile does flow through Egypt.
Yeah we might argue about this topic, but its because you want people to see your situation for what it is not. You want other English older women to join you in your self-destructive lifestyle.
I can't understand why you want to encourage others to take the path you have.
I am constantly being reassured by former in-laws that not all Egyptian men view foreign wives in the manner that Saidis do. And most of the lower Deltans have a healthy non-greedy view of Foreign wives. But for Saidis this is the few avenues to improve their lot. There is no development for Upper Egyptians, no investment possibilities besides marrying a tourist.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: You may not have noticed I said
quote:Originally posted by akshar: I know it doesn't work like this for everyone but for us it does.
No akshar it works for you, and you are speaking for others in your "extended family".
You never remarked that it works for your co-wife in any other form than in monetary means. This might explain why Mahmoud is in such a hurry to breed every single ripe egg that passes through your co-wife's fallopian tubes.
By implying that your co-wives needs are covered by monetary means, this voices a prejudice that Egyptian women can be bought off in this situation.
Like another overly positive and basically absurdly in denile English co-wife, "it was difficult in the beginning, my co-wife washed her dishes in the communal shower because they didn't have a private kitchen or bathroom. It took years for them to be able to afford living quarters with the same immenities as my own."
Anyone who has a heart toward's their co-wife and step children wouldn't expect or demand that his "other family" live in depravity while she lives in luxury. At a certain time your generousity has to extend past yourself. And indeed its unIslamic for a man to receive his wealth from a older wife, its also inhuman to expect your co-wife and step children to live below the poverty line while you live in luxury.
No one really wants to put the facts in these print. Very few khawagaas want to address your fragile egos. Its pity not politeness that keeps people from rocking the boat.
Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by akshar: Sono just to make it clear I will not provide you with any ammunition to use against me as you have in the past. Your motivation asking me the question is at best dubious. You just love to add to your database of the people on ES and then attack them. [/QB]
Right..... Sono never stops b!tching. Does she?
A sick person would keep a database of other people & that'd be Sono Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
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Is there a rule somewhere that all relationships must follow a specific canon? Is is really a golbal offense to create extended relationships where everyone benefits? I'm not a orfi anything, and my marriage is far from perfect, but who am I to think to ascribe MY sensibilities of what is true and right to ANYONE other than myself? If and when I am appointed Empress of the World, I'll just say, "Love one another" I won't condemn you for how you find it. I SUPPORT women who are making their lives work, and who are empowered to DECIDE HOW THEIR MONEY AND FUTURE ROLL. That said, I do hold to a cold hard wall women who simper and whine and allow fantasy to lead the way. I imagine the emotional inner work of being a second or subsequent wife is enormous, moreso than that of the first. I doubt anyone would enter into that arrangement without eyes open and reality in place, and if someone is "suprised" by other wives, then there is a level in the relationship that is wrong, and that is NOT the fault of only one partner. If you agree to it, and it fits, good on you!
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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I understand in some circumstances that is would be beneficial as you say widow etc but not for me.
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