I write my story here looking for your advice…….Specially those involved in inter-cultural , inter-religious marriages…..
I'm a 28 years old Egyptian man . I'm highly educated and work as a stock market analyst in a big company based in Cairo . I'm this kind of guys who has always been focused on his work and pursuing higher studies , career , etc……Never thought that much about marriage or been involved in many relationships , etc……..
3 months ago , I was in a business trip in Bucharest , Romania when I met that wonderful lady…….It was love at first sight…… Well , it was something like in movies …..To make a long story short , I approached her , she blushed , we talked for some time and I was surprised to know that we have much in common , even career…….She is an assistant professor of finance , with a Master's in financial markets !!!! She's 25 years old……
She was hesitant in giving her phone number , but I got her email and she got my mobile phone number……I left , but couldn't bring her out of my mind !!! I even extended my visit 3 days more despite my busy schedule , hoping that I'll be able to meet her again………On my last day in Bucharest , I decided to find her , I decided to go to the academy where she worked , and while I was in my way , I surprisingly received a message from her telling me that she wanted to meet me if it's not too late……I agreed and we met that evening……
We went to a park , and we spent hours talking and knowing more about each other…….We shared much in common , study , career , hobbies ( even love for nature and classical music ) And I can say for sure that she liked me , too…..
Now , the problem is that she is a very religious person ( she's a Protestant Christian )……And she's afraid that marrying someone from another religion will be something like a " guilt "……..I come from a Muslim family , but I personally DO believe in God , but I DON'T believe in a special religion……….Yet , I have no problem with her being Christian or observing her faith !!!
But she is really this kind of " Church girl "……Even when I was talking about Egypt and mentioned " Nile " , she told me that she read about it in the Bible )
Anyway , I can say we have much in common……She's very kind and polite , and comes from a kind family , too ….She's also prude which I like about her , too…..
The only problem is that she's afraid of " religious " differences and " cultural " differences !!!!!!
For me , I don't see big cultural differences , since life in Romania is not much different than life in Egypt !!! At least for me !!! Also , I have no problem about religious issue…….I respect her religion and how she is……
I came back to Egypt , and we continued to email each other and chat on messenger , etc……..And once I got angry of her talk about cultural and religious differences and all this…..She got really sad and told me that she liked and respected me , but she is afraid to do something wrong in the eyes of God…….Even when she met me the first time , she kept telling me that she was afraid that by meeting me she is doing wrong in the eyes of God !!!! and kept talking about differences in religion !!!
But I think she is exaggerating these differences ………..So , now I'm looking for your advice…….
What should I do ??? Should I just forget about her – although this would really hurt me ??? Should I try to convince her ???
Also , please advise me honestly : do you think that there are really big cultural and religious difference that would prevent us from having common future together ??? Am I extremely romantic ?? Or is she extremely pessimist ???
And to non-Egyptians married to Egyptians : Do you have big problems in your daily life being from different cultures or religions ???
For me , I believe that cultural and religious differences can enrich the life of the 2 partner !!! But I need your advice……..
Boy, where is Sadeeqy when you need her? (She's Romanian, maybe I can find her and she can give you more insight into this).
I think you need to iron out your religious differences more. Find out what precisely is important to her, what beliefs she has that are guiding her opinions about the two of you. Also, if she's very religious, she will probably want your children to be raised Christian - is that OK with you? And I think if one person is much more religious than the other, it can cause problems along the way. Insurmountable problems? I don't know.
And I don't know enough about her denomination of Protestant Christianity and how it is practiced in Romania to know whether it's against her religion to marry someone outside of it.
So the only advice I can give you is to talk, talk, talk it out.
Best of luck.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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What a difficult problem and whilst I don't think it is insurmountable I do think you have some issues.
It sounds like you are the flexible one, the one able to bend but if she came and lived in Egypt you would not be able to be that flexible because Egypt is a very rigid society. For example when I enrolled my daughter in school they did not ask what her religion was (or even what my religion was) but what her fathers was even though he is dead. That decided what religion my daughter was.
So even supposing you and your girl resolved the upbringing of your children and you were happy for them to be raised christian in Egypt that would not be possible.
So personally I think you could work things through between yourselves and find the areas you needed to resolve and where compromise could be made but you could not do this in Egypt. You would have to live outside Egypt. You sound a very liberal and thinking person but could you stand a life away from Egypt. I guess that is what you have to ask yourself.
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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I completely agree with Leftside and Akshar here. I am surprised to find this being the other way around what we see mostly here, where the Egyptian partner is 'magically' attached to their religion and the western partner has to live with that. And I am sorry for it. The best way to proceed is to talk and get acqainted. You may want to be invited to her family and most of all her church, to see what they are about, and if you can live with that. Church can be like a family, comforting and controlling at the same time, a great environment for children to grow up, but a pain when you differ also. Protestant churches can differ immensely. My parents attend a liberal church, where they get enlightened and learn and try to broaden their minds about the world around them and be open and compassionate, live a happy life and add to it in your community and elsewhere. But some part of my protestant family attends more 'evangelical' churches, with more rules, being more conservative and to my opinion narrowminded views towards life. An aunt of mine forbid her daughter to marry her love unless he joined the church. And he did. They have a great marriage. But sometimes I am wondering what he might be thinking. I attend those churches sometimes when there are weddings or funerals in the family and my toes curl up in my shoes for the silly things they call a sermon. But when I confront my uncle about this, he says this church has always been great for familylife and childrens upbringing, you will have to comment on the side. And it is very difficult to leave this environment as one should sometimes, differing, like being homosexual, or getting divorced, or having other different events of life, the church cannot handle well. Even nationalist or sometimes racist believes can thrive in these type of churches. Most are of a patriarchal type, so there is not much discussion on these topics, and sometimes there are major problems becaus of the lack of opposition, like reverends who are adulterers, or a moneyscheme. Some of it happened in the American churches of this type (Billy Graham and the crystal Palacetype of things) and though they can be very stimulating and productive, they can also make you feel very alienated from society. If this is the case, I can imagine why your friend is upset about proceeding. And I am still not talking about the believesystem that can be very rigid. I may be wrong but take it up with her and you will know what is bothering her in this sense. I almost believe one may be better of getting orthodox (as I did), since most of those churches are more academic and less forcefull, more enhancing of growing in your spiritual life, and there are differences in the church you can go by.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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The better thing to do though for the both of you would be to find your own more enlightened community. Like a sufigroup or an international church. They tend to handle differences better and you could both feel a rightfull part of that community. I know my dh did a lot of searching when he came to Europe, he attended several denominations, but he ended in the coptic orthodox church, being it home away from home, and a good place to be a family, as I agree. Of course there are other choices. The two of you have to decide. And maybe first explore what your options are.
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Maybe she can grow out of it and you just have to give her some time to look at things through your eyes. I am sure meeting you already confronted her with her views of things, and she proceeded non the less.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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Don't get mad at her talking differences, be compassionate and adress your feelings about the matter in a calm way. We all walk our path with God and we should pray over this. It is not God that is standing in the way of our type of relationships it is men. But since societies are for real you have to be extra sustaining to each other, only the two of you will know what it takes to bond like this, and it is a journey with extra challenges but also with extra rewards in life. And I do believe it is God's 'weapon' against racim, nationalism and bigotry and for a bigger understanding and more worldpeace to marry like this.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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Thank you all for your reply.......and I'm looking for more
Left.Side.Lying.State.Of.Mind , thanks for your reply......Yes , if you know " Sadeeqy " , please make me in contact with her....
Akshar ,
I don't have a problem with my future children's religion . But I would like them to choose by their own will..... As for living outside Egypt , it's an option .
Demiana ,
What you wrote really explains so much !!! I didn't know before that Protestant Churches are that much strict !!!
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u should do ur best convincing her about ur marriege and leaving her to be cheristian but never and i say never agree on leaving ur coming children out of islam , in eyes of god u will be the responsible one this time if u did not raise them on islam
" It is not God that is standing in the way of our type of relationships it is men "
" And I do believe it is God's 'weapon' against racim, nationalism and bigotry and for a bigger understanding and more worldpeace to marry like this."
I absolutely agree with you......I believe that there is one God , and all the different religions are just like " ways " to reach spiritual affinity with God.......I don't understand why some religions would prohibit inter faith marriages ????!!!!!!
quote:Originally posted by Sameh A: Thank you all for your reply.......and I'm looking for more
Akshar ,
I don't have a problem with my future children's religion . But I would like them to choose by their own will..... As for living outside Egypt , it's an option .
Well I think if you want your children to be able to chose then it is definitely going to have to be outside Egypt. From what you have said you sound as though you would be able to get a job in another country. So you have made great strides in your ability to compromise and be flexible. She does have to make some, not as big ones as you but certianly some. You are making a big sacrifice if you do this and she needs to be a little less dogmatic.
I think the biggest thing you could give her to think about is this. Tell her to read what the Bible says about this situation rather than listen to what people say.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14 13And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
the Bible would approve your union
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Thanks for advice.....I don't worry much about religion of my children.....I believe that they should " choose" for themselves.......So , for me , the best scenario is to let them read and know as much as they can and then can choose for themselves......
Thanks for your advice.....I'll tell her about the Bible's passages , but I don't feel comfortable calling myself " unbelieving " and that I'll be " sanctified " through my wife !!!
I AM a believer.......I believe in God......And I don't need to be sanctified by anyone !!!!
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Sure Akshar, I have been tempting to give Sameh some texts too, but she probably is much better at this and her church may have given her 'warningsigns' for this type of contesting. It might 'alarm' her. As you can see on the ongoing debate here on ES, there is endless debate possible about holy books. I do this with my dh sometimes, but only yokingly and becaus (as a protestant) I know I will win the argument!:-)
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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Thanks for your advice.....I'll tell her about the Bible's passages , but I don't feel comfortable calling myself " unbelieving " and that I'll be " sanctified " through my wife !!!
I AM a believer.......I believe in God......And I don't need to be sanctified by anyone !!!!
I do understand but I am trying to give you a Bible passage that addresses the situation of a mixed relationship. If an unbeliever can be married to a Christian how much more so can a believer.
Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Where you can find the most important statements of whatever religion: 'Love God, and love your neighbour as yourselve' to enter the eternal live; and where Jesus shows that it is in compassion shown and not in taking your religious rules to the extremes.
And of course there is Boaz and Ruth. Ruth foretold to be one of the ancestors of King David, whilst being a 'foreigner'.
But I can almost predict the denouncement of such texts.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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I used to be 'touched' when singing christian hymns at some international contest or gathering in so many different languages, from so many different cultures, but now I am touched when my children pray in different believesytems. A person might progress in time I guess!:-)
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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Don't forget to talk to her Sameh, and to her family, get acquainted, who knows, some soup may be not that hot after all.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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I'm an American married to an Egyptian man, living in the U.S. We've been married less than a year, but some cultural differences have come up. Somewhat blindsided me in a couple of occasions. But thank God they seem to have been resolved.
Since I'm so new at the marriage thing, I don't feel I can really offer advice about it. But our differences have been more from culture than from religion.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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I believe the perceived differences and the fear of the unknown are always bigger then the 'real' differences. It is true, one has to be open and ready to learn and not jump to conclusions and be forgiving for misunderstandings on both sides, but this will resolve if people get to know each other. The most annoying to my dh was my brother who will ask dh every year if he is 'fasting' too (whenever it is the month of Ramadan). Brother wants to sound nice and interested but instead he is a usance and a prick, since my dh is one of few christians from the ME and my brother was in our church as well! He seems unable to put off those prejudice glasses and see my dh as he is. This feeling of not being seen can be rather annoying, I can tell you, and it happens to both of us in both of our societies. This will only slowly go away and first with family and friends. Our parents are the best, since they are used to look at us as we are and still love us. But they can also say things that make your neckhairs rise!:-) To sum up some: Egyptians are famous for highjacking their kids to their homecountry when in trouble. One of you has to do without your parents nearby and some parents want their children around. Some Egyptian parents believe the west to be unsafe and unfriendly to their kids, let alone without proper morals and decency. Western parents will view the ME-inhabitants as violent and ignorant tribesmen. Most of this will go away when you meet and they can get the impression of you yourself. Most views are made from the newspapers who, as we all know, highlight the negative, we cannot ignore, but we have to overcome especially in our relationships, as humans, striving to be the best we can be. Meeting, getting to know each other, giving it some time, these are essentials to me. People can choose to let go of their hostility and fear and choose to be positive and helpfull. It is a great plus if you can have both your families sustain your relationship. I am happy to have this, both here and in Egypt. Cultural differences are not that important. Love and therefore forgiveness is a major force against all misunderstanding.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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I have been married to an Egyptian Muslim for 4 years and we have hit loads of cultural differences but talking it through and give and take on both sides has meant we have resolved them. I think the person that is the stranger in the country has to give way more than the native born because of the old saying 'when in Rome do as the Romans'.
I think there has to be trust on both sides so that you don't take things personal. e.g. you can't do that here is not a comment on the person but their action/dress/talk whatever
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Marriage, the coming together of two people, by itself can be confronting, you will have to learn to respect each others ways and not cross the boundaries of your significant other. Perceived or real cultural differences can blurr your view on what is going on. It takes a real person to make a good marriage, and respect that you will always have different personalities and profit from the both of you. Ask, trust your instincts, and especially be patient and loving, life can give you many hardships but a good marriage is a home to the both of you. Having a 'cultural' community and friends can help bigtime. I know my dh can hide behind his culture to get his way, and I learned how to confront that and see what is going on in fact. It is difficult as it is to connect as a man and a woman. But then again, love and a feeling of belonging can help you out here. Women can be a nuisance when they have all sorts of scenarios covered with their female friendsor family. It might help her but in the end the two of you should work things out.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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sameh love where are you find do not let it go but your girl freind must understand culture differnces and she must trust on you ,try to explain that and convince her good luck sameh
Posts: 164 | From: Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
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Allright Amon Alex, Can you tell us what 'cultural' differences are? I am probably to long married now to know that we had them!:-)
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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demiana , are you egyptian native ? so cultural differences like is she agree to share all her decisions with he? is she agree her childern will be muslim? is she agree to act as orintal woman in her new community? in breif is she agree to change all her life for her love ? love deserve that????
Posts: 164 | From: Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
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Shame on u for sacrificing your religion for a woman. Telling us that u r not that concerned about which religion ur kids grow up with.. U will b responsible on the day of judgement. It really hurts me to see muslims that try to hide their "muslimity" for disbelievers, cuz they are embarrased, or want to look good for them. Must God forgive u for such unthoughtful words.
quote:Originally posted by Sameh A: Thank you all for your reply.......and I'm looking for more
Left.Side.Lying.State.Of.Mind , thanks for your reply......Yes , if you know " Sadeeqy " , please make me in contact with her....
Akshar ,
I don't have a problem with my future children's religion . But I would like them to choose by their own will..... As for living outside Egypt , it's an option .
Demiana ,
What you wrote really explains so much !!! I didn't know before that Protestant Churches are that much strict !!!
Posts: 90 | From: Al Qahirah, Masr | Registered: Oct 2006
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I am not sure these are the differences Sameh is talking about. Maybe the mom of his beloved will believe this to be the issue. In that case Sameh will just have to 'reveil' himself to her mom. Thanks for bringing it up Alex. My dh is a Christian Egyptian and I never had to deliver myself to his way of life. Of course there were 'minor' adjustments, like I had to leave all my colourfull summerwear at home when in Egypt. But I did not have to turn into an 'egyptian' wife, and never had to pretend that my dh is doing all the public chores and pretend being submissive, if that is what you mean. I could be the modest woman I am, especially being a foreigner. You remind me of this Egyptian muslim I met at the home of a friend. He asked me if this was true that in the west men do a lot of household chores? And of course it is true. Men and women can have a lot of arguments but men do householdchores where I live. Especially if you both are professionals, and even my brother helped out his wive who is a stay at home mom. But then I remember my Egyptian BIL and FIL also helped out with small children on potties or showering or setting the table or whatever, in fact I believe Egyptian men are very good at it, maybe they don't openly admit to it, but they are very helpfull men in their families with all sorts of tasks. It isn't always what it looks like. You have to take a look what one does not what one can say things should be.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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Here is were the codeword 'cultural' differences come in. At last. Thanks 3raqyah_fi_Masr. Similar responses can be expected from her family though. And you are not even married yet!:-)
quote:Originally posted by 3raqyah_fi_Masr: Shame on u for sacrificing your religion for a woman. Telling us that u r not that concerned about which religion ur kids grow up with.. U will b responsible on the day of judgement. It really hurts me to see muslims that try to hide their "muslimity" for disbelievers, cuz they are embarrased, or want to look good for them. Must God forgive u for such unthoughtful words.
quote:Originally posted by Sameh A: Thank you all for your reply.......and I'm looking for more
Left.Side.Lying.State.Of.Mind , thanks for your reply......Yes , if you know " Sadeeqy " , please make me in contact with her....
Akshar ,
I don't have a problem with my future children's religion . But I would like them to choose by their own will..... As for living outside Egypt , it's an option .
Demiana ,
What you wrote really explains so much !!! I didn't know before that Protestant Churches are that much strict !!!
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Im just sorry to see muslim men trying their best to look good in non-muslim eyes. When ll comes to all, I guess he does mind raising his kids in a non-islamic way, and I guess he does fast, n prostate in prayers now and then (at least I hope so for his sake)... B urself.
-------------------- Iraqi, ya3ny!!!!! Posts: 90 | From: Al Qahirah, Masr | Registered: Oct 2006
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yeah, i dont understand what the problem is.
either you care about islam, or you dont.
if you dont, pursue the girl, and convert, if thats what she wants, and if thats all you care about.
if you care about islam, forget about it, b/c she obviously cares about her religion. and shes not going to budge. its quite obvious from what you told us that shes saying "i like you, but ur not christian".
i live in the south, where everybody is baptist. and these people are STEAdFAST in their beliefs. they would never consider marrying someone who wasnt christian.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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Marrying with someone that is not from your own believesystem, race or nationality, can be a problem in all communities. It is a challenge and frowned upon by a lot of people. But it has been done on numerous occasions despite this and some will even keep their believesystem of origin, the both of them. Surf the net and find out. Some of the most touching stories (the couple that died on the Mostar bridge) are about 'mixed couples' in the true sense, where they both respected each others differences and built their lives upon it. The great of the earth, even in Arab countries did this, you believe the christian wife of Arafat will not attend church? Queen Noor of Jordan became a muslim and her 'liberal' children speak for her. Indeed in a lot of cases someone has to give in, if that is an option. I could never be untrue to my faith in God, but following another believesystem is in my book. There are many ways to 'believe' and be allright.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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hi all , why we often spoil our life with wrong choises remmeber we try to be just happy.
Posts: 164 | From: Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
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Our queens, Juliana as well as Beatrix married Germans, before and after WWII. Frowned upon. Our crownprince Alexander married the daughter of a former minister during the dictators years in Argentinia. Frowned upon. Queen Juliana, as a protestant, joined in at the communion of a catholic service, frowned upon. All sorts of human relations that are in fact tokens of hope for us all were frowned upon in history. It will take someone with a good selfesteem and courage to live by the challenge.
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I have to admit I didn't read every post...so forgive me if Im repetative. The protestant religion in most places believes in not being unequally yoked. Meaning a believer with a non-believer. If I were you, I'd find out EXACTLY what her concerns are in the religous difference. Im Protestant...my fiancee is Muslim. When we first met I to was concerned. We talked a lot and I read a lot on Islam only to find that alot of the Muslim beliefs, morals and values are very compatible with mine!! She may just not know enough about Islam to be able to make that decision. And not knowing scares her. Make it a point to learn about her beliefs. Ask specifics about them. Then share your specifics and let her see how similar they are. As far as her doing something against God, I feel this is what she is worried about...that she would be unequal in her religous beliefs. Maybe worried you'd ask her to convert or expect it. There is alot to think of if starting to get to know someone. Such as, how would kids be raised...how can she teach them HER way and not acknowledge YOURS. What about her dressing standards and her views on marriage. She may have points in the differences...I know my fiancee and I have discussed ALL these. Down to how to raise the kids, hitting women, additional wives and where to live. I had to ask if I would be allowed to travel alone, leave my home when I wanted, dress how I wanted. We found that we actually had a lot more in common than we thought. Open it up and let her talk about her fears when she brings it up. Use open ended questions. Next time she says she is worried about the differences, ask her "What exactly worries you. Which differences do YOU see us having?" THAT should get it opened up. Hope this helps and my fiancee and I are living testamonies that differences aren't always a real difference.
Posts: 100 | From: Fredericksburg, VA, USA | Registered: Feb 2005
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demiana thank you,i am 33 egyptian man i think that your name is a coptic name i am right? wish happy life for me demiana
Posts: 164 | From: Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
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Amon Alex, Of course I wish you all the happines in this life and beyond!:-) My name is indeed coptic since I married an Egyptian coptic orthodox from Alexandrie.
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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demiana, i am from alexandria too iam glad to meet you , i hope that we be freinds
Posts: 164 | From: Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
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Of course we can Amon Alex, at least in outerspace ES we can!:-)
Posts: 1419 | From: Amsterdam, Netherlands | Registered: Aug 2003
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I guess it is a protestant and western thing to pray openly over dinner. In Egypt it was frowned upon and considered not 'humble' enough. But now it is a habit when we are there we pray with the children over dinner, we need to express ourselves, especially with children to be educational. And with my muslimfriends here we do the same. How easy is it to say Bism'allah, all rachmen, all rachim, to show gratitude and learn from each other. I wish we could have more of this. There must be some great prayers in Islam I am not aware of. I hear friends talking sometimes of the special way some prayers make them feel. How different is that of the way Christians feel when praying 'our father'?
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Sameh...not sure i can help much but, it does seem like you aren't strongly religious, and she is. You are talking about raising your kids her way or letting them chose but i think you need to talk with her more about this. I was english christian when i married my egyptian muslim husband 6 months ago, i have reverted and will bring my children up muslim. we have had cultural differences, mostly religious though to be fair, because i never thought (and neither did my friends) that i would ever revert in a million years! BUT religion is very important to me, God is very important to me, and i want my children to have that from an early age, i have read alot about islam and it feels right for me now and i am so happy i have it i would never want to let it go. My parents wanted me to make up my own mind when i was older, so they never christened me and i always wished i had been, hence my relationship with God was always private, but when i had a child we both were christened at the same time...we leart about christianity, now we learn about Islam. I would not have made so many errors of judgement in my past if i'd have had religion when i was growing up. But thats just me. I think you would need to clear things up regarding 'simple' things like christmas? how far are you going to maintain your islamic identitity? how will your family feel? her family? Perhaps you could both write down a list of simple things and the way you both want to live, expectations from husband/wife, how you want to raise children, etc... everything My husband and i did this and found we shared alot in common too, but seriously think about your own religion because for you to give it up might seem easy now, whilst love is in your eyes, but to actually start to leave it behind might not suit you, and then what? I became 100 times more religious when i had a child, so please think that through. Sorry if i rambled, i just feel a bit concerned for you, hope it works out ok and you come to a solution where you can both be happy
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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on a more practicle note...the differences were things like, eating pork, dressing modestly, christmas, ramadan, prayers, going to heaven together, eating halal, giving up going out to nightclubs/pubs , having male friends, drinking alcohol to name a few and now i want to learn arabic so i dont feel left out when he's with his friends..lol
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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Wow......more responses that I expected Thank you all for your support........
You made me optimistic , this relationship is really important to me.....And I think it's ridiculous to lose the opportunity for a good relationship due to pessimistic expectations !!!
Demiana , thanks for your advice.......
3raqyah_fi_Masr , I'm not a " muslim " trying their best to look good in non-muslim eyes.......I don't care about how I look in other people's eyes.....I'm a confident person , very proud of my culture , country and language....And Islam is a great religion , also Muslims are great people , and I don't think that they don't need to " look good " in the eyes of others.......
It's simply that I " REALLY " don't believe in a special religion !!!!! I BELIEVE in God.....But although I respect all religions , I believe that they are " human " believes , not God's ways..... I don't need a " priest " , " sheikh " or " a " rabbi " or anyone to tell me how to be close to God and how to be a good person......It's that simple !!!!!!
amrssnowangel ,
You really gave me hope.......I think I'll need to hear more from you......May be I can make her in contact with you , and others who are involved in similar marriages.....
amon alex ,
You are right , I don't want to let my love go !!!
I think that these religous differences are that much over valued ?????
In my opinion , the most important to me is to be close to God......This is the REAL religion...
All these " ways " called " religions " were just created by " human beings ".......The " holy " books were written by " human beings ".......My grands were not athiests when they worshipped God and called him " Amoun " thousands of years ago.......And Buddhists are NOT athiests.......You don't need to follow a man or men who died thousands of years ago to be close to God !!!!!! For me , it's that simple.....
I'm a good person......I do my best to be successful in my life and to add to my society.....To help people....not to harm anybody.......I don't need a special religion to tell me to do this or not to do that....This is the instinct of any good person !!!!
But at the same time , I respect all religions and all religious people from all faiths......
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Ok, now i really dont understand the problem. apparently sameh doesnt care to be labeled as a muslim, so whats the deal? dont be one if you dont care. no point in just keeping the name and being a hypocrite. or is your problem with the fact that shes religious and wants you to be christian?
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I'm a good person......I do my best to be successful in my life and to add to my society.....To help people....not to harm anybody.......I don't need a special religion to tell me to do this or not to do that....This is the instinct of any good person !!!!
But at the same time , I respect all religions and all religious people from all faiths...... -----------------------------------------------
this i agree what can be more fitting than this ..
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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Sameh, I agree with amrssnowangel. Let her get to know how you are as a person, and dispel any "stereotypes" she may have about your religion or culture. Let her know that you are an open-minded person and educate her on Islam and the similarities between Islam and Christianity. Tell her about Jesus in Islam and "People of the book." "There is no cumpulsion in Islam." I'm American and my husband is Egyptian and at first I was afraid that he would be controlling and try to force me to convert and wear hijab and control me. So these are probably the "cultural differences" that she's afraid of. Focus on your similarities and common interests and you can deal with the other small obstacles as they come. I'm sure you can make it. Good luck.
Posts: 28 | From: U.S.A and Cairo,Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
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) And I can say for sure that she liked me , too…..
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(She's Romanian, maybe I can find her and she can give you more insight into this). 
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