posted
Ok so my bf and I agreed to get online at 4pm today to chat. Historically he's a wee bit late though not usually more than 10 minutes or so. If it's gonna be later it's due to not accessing a computer and he goes on the cafe's main computer and lets me know it's gonna be a while. There have been a few times when it's been a few hours without him telling me but those haven't happened in a while.
At 6pm I was like wtf, where is he. He just today got a cell phone so I thought, hey..finally I can call to ask where he is. He answered not like "hi!! how nice to talk on the phone finally!!". No, more like a cordial "hello". There was a woman's voice and kids in the background. I could barely make out what he was saying when he was answering my "where are you I was worried" question. Finally he said he is eating a friend's house and will be online in about thirty minutes.
I won't hold my breath about the thirty minutes since it's almost up but wtf. Am I just being paranoid here thinking that he's married with a wife and kids and couldn't get out of dinner and that's why he is late and now he's caught???
My exhusband left me for another woman. I don't wanna bring that baggage into this relationship but I also don't want to be played the fool again, ya know?
I'm really aggravated right now. Two hours I was waiting for him and he's freakin' socializing and eating freakin' dinner? Like nothing's wrong????
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
People do have a life outside the internet and do need time to spend with their family and friends.Do you just know of him online..Being a muslim I know not to call my husband while hes away from me..its shame on him and I respect this..he always tells me where is going and who with with.sometimes I just dont text him for hours lol ..he sure texts me in a hurry asking if Iam ok..where am I,what am doing, did I eat,have I enough money.I hope you did not upset him as clearly you seem upset with him not meeting you on time...Hope all is ok when you do speak.
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
errr, my baby invites, no encourages me to phone him if I am worried, text him, whatever. He would never blow me off if I was concerned about him because he is "always worried" about me and any nervousness/jealousy/worry/concern I have means I care more about him, in his opinion. Its mutual, although I have a higher threshold than he does. In other words, you have a right to be a little annoyed about his reaction. I am sure that, at this point, you have hashed the whole thing out with him. BUT, if it were me, I would call him at weird times to see what is going on, what his reaction is. You need to know what's going on with him and how much he is really committed to you, outside of computer time. And if everything is normal, you will feel better.
Posts: 1161 | From: wo xiang xiao bian ji si le | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
How on earth is it a shame on him if I'm calling him to see if he's alive or dead? I don't get that at all. I live in Boston and he lives in Cairo and when he's two hours late in meeting me I absolutely will not hesitate to call him to see what the heck is up.
I feel better now since we talked. Obviously I have issues to deal with and a whole different culture/time thing to learn to accept, but I would never hesistate to call him for fear that it would upset or shame him.
I guess maybe I can see where you're coming from if we lived together and he was just out with his buddies and i was acting like a nag or something...that would most definitely be a no no and it's something I would never do. It's just different when you're thousands of miles apart though..the imagination of accidents, etc. can really play tricks on you at times. I can't wait till this stupid long distance thing is over and we can finally be at least on the same hemisphere.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
Dont I know where you're coming from. The same thing would happen to me so often.
But these things happen. Today I was at dinner w/ my friends, and my phone was on silent.when i looked at it, i had 18 missed calls! From my guy. I called my guy and he was freaking out. ( now hes mad me).
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hope you sort your difference out with each other..I agree long distances relations are very hard to deal with..not really knowing what the other is doing or where they are..one lesson in life never chase a man never..just let them come to you..even if you do marry him never chase him ..Hibbah did you tell her partner you was out to dinner with friends? If you did no wonder why you had missed calls he was jealsous and maybe a little angry too.If he is mad iam now sure he will questions you test you..test you in a way if you lie he will know for sure..just some words of advise together or apart makes no difference to the relatiionship you have to have trust and honesty..
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I was meaning to say i don't call him every 5 minutes or text him every hour when he is out away from me..I don't want to shame him in front of his friends,by acting like a jealous person.. men get very bored quickly with the jealous woman..its normal for him to be very jealous of you thats his right over you..but if you try and turn this around he will so become bored very quickly.
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I always found that in this situation ignoring them for a little while is the best thing to do. When you act so concerned and emotional, men sometimes back off. Act like you don't care and they're all over you. That's my experience..
Posts: 28 | From: U.S.A and Cairo,Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
so, yes, i'd be p.o.'d but what can you do? give them a taste of their own medicine?
Posts: 28 | From: U.S.A and Cairo,Egypt | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: How on earth is it a shame on him if I'm calling him to see if he's alive or dead? I don't get that at all. I live in Boston and he lives in Cairo and when he's two hours late in meeting me I absolutely will not hesitate to call him to see what the heck is up.
I feel better now since we talked. Obviously I have issues to deal with and a whole different culture/time thing to learn to accept, but I would never hesistate to call him for fear that it would upset or shame him.
I guess maybe I can see where you're coming from if we lived together and he was just out with his buddies and i was acting like a nag or something...that would most definitely be a no no and it's something I would never do. It's just different when you're thousands of miles apart though..the imagination of accidents, etc. can really play tricks on you at times. I can't wait till this stupid long distance thing is over and we can finally be at least on the same hemisphere.
I dont think you're paranoid or having issues at all for calling him up or worrying......... I'd feel the same way too even if we're in the same neighborhood
In that case, if he keeps playing hide & seek, I'd do like what Lebwa Kebira said....... ignore him Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
its normal for him to be very jealous of you thats his right over you..but if you try and turn this around he will so become bored very quickly.
What sort of double standard is that?
Imho exaggerated jealousy is a sign of possessiveness and a weak character or psychological problems and shouldn't be regarded *normal* in either man or woman.
Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by doodlebug: Finally he said he is eating a friend's house and will be online in about thirty minutes.
I think I found the problem doodle!! it takes a long time to eat a whole house, dont stress he will call you when hes finished eating it Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: I think I found the problem doodle!! it takes a long time to eat a whole house, dont stress he will call you when hes finished eating it
ROFL!!!!
Doodle, seriously, talk this out with him and tell him (nicely of course) that this is unacceptable. He should (and could) have called you up and told you he's delayed, and that you guys would either have to postpone or skip the chat. But to make you sit there waiting for hours is, to me, inconsiderate.
I truly think we teach people how to treat us. And with men, however it is in the beginning, is how they seem to always act. Best to get stuff ironed out up front.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by maryanne: I was meaning to say i don't call him every 5 minutes or text him every hour when he is out away from me..I don't want to shame him in front of his friends,by acting like a jealous person.. men get very bored quickly with the jealous woman..its normal for him to be very jealous of you thats his right over you..but if you try and turn this around he will so become bored very quickly.
Maryanne, I am muslim and I have read the Quran and no where do I see the statement that a husband has a right over his wife to be jealous. Nor do I see that it's a shame on him if his wife calls being concerned about him. Could you tell me where you are getting this information?
As far as chasing a man...I chase no one. If, however, I am stuck waiting for a man for two hours while he eats a house I will absolutely find out what the heck is up with that.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think Maryanne's message has come across a bit wrong. I understand that if my hubby is out doing whatever they do in coffee shops then I will not be hassling him to see where he is or what hes doing as its 'shameful' to his mates!! nothing to do with Islam or being Muslim. It shows hes got a fussy mrs who wont let him out of her sight
Not saying thats you doodle! Egy men do seem to have jealous tendencies anyway though, also not to do with Islam or rights over each other.
Trying to think from his Egy way of thinking: he has to go to a net cafe? and you have a pc at home, so his way of thinking is that you are there when hes ready or can get a free pc line. He has been invited to eat a friends house this is an invite so he cant really say 'hang on i need to talk to the mrs at so and so hour' so im afraid its you thats kept waiting and not them. And 2 hours by Egy standard time is not long
Mine went out one day at 4pm to get a shave, he came back at 10pm with no shave, life got in the way
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well when I made arrangements to meet my friend online in 15 minutes it was like an hour or two. He and I both have a PC at home. His electricity may have went out, family invited him over, someone wanted to talk to him, his boss called him to work on his day off, the internet connection was bad, etc. I never just sat at a PC waiting for him to show up when he was late. Wheneve our paths cross it did. I feel u have nothing to get upset sbout. **** happens.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I myself would be pissed and have been in that same situation. Sitting at the computer waiting for hours and them not showing with some lame excuse. In fact almost the same excuse and i of course used to tell him, well you know what you knew you had to meet me at a certain time so it was up to you to see to it that you finished with your friends before that time or told them you would meet them later. LOOL Anyway no one really can say if you have reason to worry, I agree with what another said. Call him, text him at all different hours and see what he is up to, just until your concerns are quieted. I certainly hope that all is good.
posted
Iam talking about human natural not giving out statements.If your impatient now just because he missed an online chatting session with you,and he did not tell you,just wait until you marry him..just relax and dont give people here a bad time just be your angry..curb your anger towards others.
my sister ان نعمة الله اكون معكم
Take care.
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by maryanne: Iam talking about human natural not giving out statements.If your impatient now just because he missed an online chatting session with you,and he did not tell you,just wait until you marry him..just relax and dont give people here a bad time just be your angry..curb your anger towards others.
my sister ان نعمة الله اكون معكم
Take care.
LOL....... are you Egyptian? Your picture didnt tell me so Posts: 3128 | From: Not Your Heaven | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: Trying to think from his Egy way of thinking: he has to go to a net cafe? and you have a pc at home, so his way of thinking is that you are there when hes ready or can get a free pc line. He has been invited to eat a friends house this is an invite so he cant really say 'hang on i need to talk to the mrs at so and so hour' so im afraid its you thats kept waiting and not them. And 2 hours by Egy standard time is not long
Mine went out one day at 4pm to get a shave, he came back at 10pm with no shave, life got in the way
Well this is something I'm not used to so I either have to accept it or not since it's not going to change. I don't literally sit by the computer waiting. I just keep the speakers on high volume and go about my night, but the problem is that my nights are normally on a pretty tight schedule when my kids are with me. For example, if he says he'll be on at 6:30, I think, ok...I get home about 5pm from picking the kids up so I have an hour and a half to cook dinner, eat with them, check homework, put a load of laundry in and pray maghrib. If i am not done checking homework and my kids need me to do a long project with them I ask them to wait until 7:30 when I'm done chatting. Well if it's 7....7:30...8 and still he's not on then that's botched up the schedule 'cause I still have to do the dishes, put the clothes in the dryer, do the project that the kids need me to do with them, make sure they take a shower, etc.
On the nights when my ex has the kids I could care less if he's ten minutes or ten hours late, since it doesn't mess up any plans.
This won't change when we're married, insha Allah, and he's here. I'll still need to plan my day around when he's home and when the kids need me to do this or that. Kids really take the ability to fly by the seat of your pants away. Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Have you ever met this man? Are your children muslim? Does he know your history? Do you know his history? Does he want to come to the usa to start his life with you? Does his family know of you and your children? Does he want you to go to Egypt to marry him first? Have you told hm about your ex husband? Do your children know of him?
sorry to sound noisy but alot of questions you have to ask yourself.
Because you say in your post This won't change when we're married..lots of things will change its not just you and him in this sitation its other people too..if you marry him you marry his family too...good luck doodlebug
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Iam not sure what your views are on your children converting to islam are?but you should think about it..Maybe if you do marry this guy and you have children of your own,that child will take the religion of his father which of course be muslim.Do you think this guy will accept the religious difference within the family? Because when you marry him your family will become his..Maybe it will become differcuilt after some years and he may well take your child you have by him back to egypt refgardless of what you say..
How long you been converted to islam for?
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Maryanne, I appreciate your concern but this thread was about someone being late for a chat. Thanks for all of your help and rest assured I am a mature responsible adult who has thought through everything there is to think through. I do thank everyone here for letting me do my little vent yesterday.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I was concerned and a little worried for you, as a fellow muslim lady i always like to try and help in some way.. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Why do I make my main concern spotted on my Man’s “ Place? Mode? Etc” I think by putting my self in a circle of healthy active environment, giving my Soul a sufficient amount of Observations, make my dialogue with my “Mighty Creator” a daily habit, fill my day with fruitful deeds, this will make things go in an other direction and will make “my Man” the one who is keen to do things of my desire. Have any one experienced this?
Posts: 5 | From: Cairo | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Lee: Why do I make my main concern spotted on my Man’s “ Place? Mode? Etc” I think by putting my self in a circle of healthy active environment, giving my Soul a sufficient amount of Observations, make my dialogue with my “Mighty Creator” a daily habit, fill my day with fruitful deeds, this will make things go in an other direction and will make “my Man” the one who is keen to do things of my desire. Have any one experienced this?
First I'd like you to decode this statement above in addition to this one:
Dear All Would appreciate much if ppl who were not born Muslims could tell us about the valuable points by which ALLAH guided them to their decision, we know it’s rarely among the well organized life style of the western world that people realize their need for religion. Posts: 3168 | From: If you don't like it, don't look or read it! | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Doodle I was just thinking that a couple of weeks ago you mentioned he did not like you to call him habibi.............in sight of friends or public. To me...........alarm bells are going off. Posts: 1500 | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by tootifrooti: Doodle I was just thinking that a couple of weeks ago you mentioned he did not like you to call him habibi.............in sight of friends or public. To me...........alarm bells are going off.
nah. He's just shy about that stuff is all. We're actually throwing a dinner party for about 8 of his friends and their wives one day when I'm there and we're staying with one of the couples in Alex for two days, so it's not like he's hiding me at all. I've come to terms with the fact that it's just a culture thing with the time, etc. I'm good. Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Lee: Why do I make my main concern spotted on my Man’s “ Place? Mode? Etc” I think by putting my self in a circle of healthy active environment, giving my Soul a sufficient amount of Observations, make my dialogue with my “Mighty Creator” a daily habit, fill my day with fruitful deeds, this will make things go in an other direction and will make “my Man” the one who is keen to do things of my desire. Have any one experienced this?
say whaaaaah?????
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I *think* she's saying that there is no need to concentrate on everything your man is doing. Instead, build up your own life, create a healthy environment for yourself, be spiritual, do good deeds, and your man will naturally come around and want to be a part of your life.
Which of course is good advice if someone's paying too much attention to her man and not enough attention to herself.
But I don't necessarily think that's related to Doodle's situation, which is more of a communication issue, ironing out differences and learning how to coexist peacefully with one another. Which we all have to do, even in the healthiest and most loving relationships.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
i had the same, waited for hours and days, it wasnt nice, i was really fed, up, couldnt eat or sleep, stupid excuses, oh, im sorry, im a bad man ect
oh no...he'd be history after 36 hours unless he sent me a picture of him brutally injured in some type of accident. lol
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
well a person can put makeup on to seem they were brutally beaten up. 36 hours and thats it? Need to find other things to do than be focused on a boyfriend or fiance if you don't hear from the significant other in a day and a half. Isn't this called insecurity?
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think the point is more with him having the courtesy of keeping in touch and not disappearing for days. If you're important to him then he won't disappear like that.
I think the pic of her man being brutaly injured was meant as a joke.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Madame M.: I think the point is more with him having the courtesy of keeping in touch and not disappearing for days. If you're important to him then he won't disappear like that.
Hi M, I agree with this, plus egyptians are never on time for anything whatsoever anyway.
Posts: 40 | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
I don't think it's only Egyptians. I think it's a ME/NA problem in general. My ex was never on time for anything either. That behavior rubbed off on me too...I always friggin late for every damn thing.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
I don't think it's only Egyptians. I think it's a ME/NA problem in general. My ex was never on time for anything either. That behavior rubbed off on me too...I always friggin late for every damn thing.
As someone who has lived in many parts of the ME I can attest to this as being 100% accurate, it is indeed a ME phenomenon, sometimes people here go out of their way to be discorteous in some way or another, & when I point it out, they get offended, ha.
Posts: 40 | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I know that if i planned to speak to my partner at a certain time and they were in another country i would look forward all day to that time, and i would also be worried/p-off etc if something came in the way of that, i dont think its insecurity i think its just cos you value the time you have with each other, especially when you arent seeing them much, perfectly normal i rekon! also i can see his point that he was busy and probably didnt clock watch as much, i bet he was more flattered than annoyed that she phoned him! lol...
Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I was just re reading this thread. Maryanne...I don't understand what you mean when you say..being Muslim I know not to call my husband when he's away from me. Ah hell no..if I want to speak with my husband I'm calling him. We're both Muslim and he has no problem with me calling him any time I want. If I can't reach him on his mobile I call the house and have his sisters get him on the phone. I'm his wife and I can speak with him anytime I please. Muslim or not.
BTW...is your husband a legal husband or temp? I know Iraqis (shia'a esp) believe in a temp marriage. I was actually offered money to be a temp wife to an Iraqi here right after my divorce. Yeah right you dirty pig Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
One thing me and my husband discussed is mutta and temporary marriage we don't really agree with it..its only a marriage for the mans pleasure..we were legal married by the imam who came to the house..I don't agree with mutta or temporary marriage at all..oh my god you were offered money for marriage..glad you married not this man..and you seem happy now..yes iam shia and so is my husband..sunni and shia will never agree..Hope you was not referring me as a pig..maybe your x yes..I read one of your post you was married to a Iraqi ..propably he was shia and you was sunni..now your married again to a Egyptian of course he be sunni..so all is well between you..dont disrespect the faith because of the differences between shia and sunni..we all believe in the same fundamental issues..theres good and bad people in all religions and nationalities.respect what you believe in ..
-------------------- Every morning is a fresh beginning. Every day is the world made new. Today is a new day. Today is my world made new. I have lived all my life up to this moment, to come to this day. This moment - this day - is as good as any moment in all eternity. Posts: 224 | From: england | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
"I think the pic of her man being brutally injured was meant as a joke." yes u are correct Madame M. I was thinking about a movie that came on lifetime about a man and woman who met on the internet, seen each other in person, she was married, told the internet boyfriend her husband beat her (she made her self up like she was brutally beaten with makeup), internet boyfriend believed it, killed her husband, she was through with internet boyfriend, and found a new boyfriend, etc.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
LOL...no, Maryanne, not you at all. I was referring to the Iraqi who offered me the money. He's the dirty pig! Yes, I am sunni and he was shia'a. I don't have anything against shi'aa I just don't agree with many of their beliefs. To each his own that's what I believe. Congrats on your marriage
quote:Originally posted by maryanne: One thing me and my husband discussed is mutta and temporary marriage we don't really agree with it..its only a marriage for the mans pleasure..we were legal married by the imam who came to the house..I don't agree with mutta or temporary marriage at all..oh my god you were offered money for marriage..glad you married not this man..and you seem happy now..yes iam shia and so is my husband..sunni and shia will never agree..Hope you was not referring me as a pig..maybe your x yes..I read one of your post you was married to a Iraqi ..propably he was shia and you was sunni..now your married again to a Egyptian of course he be sunni..so all is well between you..dont disrespect the faith because of the differences between shia and sunni..we all believe in the same fundamental issues..theres good and bad people in all religions and nationalities.respect what you believe in ..
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
How in the world is calling your husband a *shame* on him?
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic