posted
My friend that is marrying in June is saying that her fiance asks her if guys say anything to her, and that when she marries in June she suppose to do as he says since she is in his country. She is thinking about not going through with the wedding.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
if she doesnt like that situation, she should probably re-examine the relationship.
from personal experience- it can be problem. I've had to decide which was more important alot of times- to get in a fight, or to let it go. The only reason i didnt totally flip out is b/c my parents always had the same feelings about me having guy friends- no bueno.
I think from the iddy biddy bit of information you've provided- your friends fiance sounds like the old fashioned type- and she can expect him to get "worse" once theyre married. Alot of muslim men hold that belief- that once you're married, the wife should listen to what the husband has to say.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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quote:Originally posted by unsure: My friend that is marrying in June is saying that her fiance asks her if guys say anything to her, and that when she marries in June she suppose to do as he says since she is in his country. She is thinking about not going through with the wedding.
It's one thing to seek guidance from a person in his/her native country. It's entirely another to *do as he says.* If that's his attitude, your friend is smart to cancel the wedding.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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quote:Originally posted by unsure: My friend that is marrying in June is saying that her fiance asks her if guys say anything to her, and that when she marries in June she suppose to do as he says since she is in his country. She is thinking about not going through with the wedding.
I would advise that the friend have a serious discussion with him about her views on marriage and roles of husband/wife. I'm guessing your friend is american, so she might explain to the husband that in our culture we take a lot of offense (as women) to being shut up or bossed around. We (and the women before us) worked long and hard and put up with a lot of crap to be as independent as we are now and just because she's marrying outside of her culture/nationality and possibly religion, that doesn't mean she's willing to toss out a lifetime of indoctrinated upbringing.
Of course, she might also ask him to redefine what he meant by DO AS HE SAYS, he might mean that while she's in his country he feels responsible for her wellbeing and needs her to ask about everything, there are things she couldn't understand or might say/do that could cause her problems. Just speaking to guys on the street freely in Egypt (as a married woman) is frowned upon & he might actually be trying to protect her in a physical way as well as her honor as a wife and future mother.
Either way, there's really no way to know if REALLY is the jealous type we are naturally on guard from in the West until she gets the complete picture. This determination can only come from communicating more with her fieancee and knowing exactly what he expects from her as a wife. best of luck to her. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by unsure: My friend that is marrying in June is saying that her fiance asks her if guys say anything to her, and that when she marries in June she suppose to do as he says since she is in his country. She is thinking about not going through with the wedding.
Tell your friend to read the book "Fatwa" by Jacky something
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by unsure: My friend that is marrying in June is saying that her fiance asks her if guys say anything to her, and that when she marries in June she suppose to do as he says since she is in his country. She is thinking about not going through with the wedding.
Tell your friend to read the book "Fatwa" by Jacky something
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I was gripped by that book, couldn't put it down, and finished it in less than a day. It's a real eye-opener for anyone, so Mimmi's advice is good - get your friend to read it too!
It can't hurt to be as well informed as possible before making such an important life choice. Eyes open and aware of all possible cultural conflicts is infinitely better than eyes closed and hoping for the best.
Posts: 463 | From: Other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2006
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I thought that book was awful, sorry girls, so full of contradictions and marrying an abusive partner isnt unique to egypt as she makes it sound. Also, if you married an egyptian man and he decided to take the kids out of the country, wouldn't you be pissed off? She writes very well as the victim but what person in their right mind goes on holiday to egypt with her 'fiance' loses him on a bus, sprains her ankle, gets taken in by some locals, get them to ask in a couple of hostels whether anyone has seen him, then proceeds to stay with these people, have a jolly holiday and get married to a virtual stranger! Sounds like half the scatty brained stuff we hear on here! she didnt try hard to find her 'fiance' did she? So on the basis of that i though she was another drama queen and it made me very sceptical of the whole book... for instance, she describes an 'educated' egyptian woman who doesnt wear hijab, yet she makes out the place is like Saudi... Then she goes on about how she's living in embaba and having to walk down the street for water, yet she gets the school bus to school? Sorry if she's a friend of yours anyone, but i thought it was your typical western women hatred story, i'd be interested in what more egy women thought of it. No offence you guys i like you all, but ive been waiting for an excuse to rant about that book Posts: 1017 | From: uk | Registered: Mar 2006
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lol. I never read this book you're particularly speaking of, but I've read books like that before, entertaining but I can't help thinking throughout the read, 'I'm just not buying this'.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Thanks for all of your responses. I've talked with my friend and she has decided not to marry him not just for this reason but for others as well for example he said if he doesn't get his visa in 6 months' time after they marry she will have to move to Egypt and she refuses.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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