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Hi, I married in Egypt a few years ago as you can see from my previous listings I now hope to change that and get a divorce. Things have been going very bad and i just can't explain the recent events as to why my husband left and i dont know where he is. Its been almost two weeks now since he left after a minor disagreement and i have not heard from him since. I dont know if he is in UK or he has gone to Egypt because that is what the argument was about. You see I have been very ill unexpectedly and the illness got worse instead of better with the medication. My husband left to go to Egypt for two and half months whilst i was very ill and i found it difficult to cope. He returned a few days after i had treatment in hospital only stay for one month and now he tells me he is going again for this Ramadan . I asked how long will he be going this time and it turned out he was going to book an open ticket but said he would come back in two weeks. Therefore the disagreement began because i asked him to book the return flight for two weeks so he would not have any problem getting a flight back to Uk. He lost it and went and packed his suitcase and after another more serious argument he left. I have not heard from him since although he left all his clothes and lots of other things. My husbands moto is 'if you don't like it i can leave'. he will get angry over the smallest of things and pack his suitcase so i am constantly on edge. I don't understand him the more i try. His thinking is backwards and he does not take into consideration my feelings. The only thing i like about him is he is good with my kids and treats them well. He goes to Egypt and spends maybe £1000 on buying things for his family and friends and his kids and will leave and wont help with the bills for months so he can save money to do just that whilst i am struggling to keep up with the bill payments. I have not been able to work since i got sick. He leaves me with no money when he goes to Egypt so i have to ask my family to help which he doesnt like. He returns and brings us either my son or daughter just a pair of 3 underwear. Since arriving last year August my husband has been back to Egypt three times already and the kids and me have not been on one trip and we dont get invited because of the financial hardship. I realised when he went to Egypt last time i was reading his email and he was writing to other women and asking for their pictures and saying he wanted to meet them. I was so disgusted when he came home after each of these journeys i waited for maybe a month before i got the courage to speak to him about it and he just denied it. What can I do? his Parents have been married for 52 years and my husband has a bad track record when it comes to marriage he has been married more times than he let me know . I forgave he many times for his misgivings and he forgive me through my illness when i had short outburst of anger because of the way i felt treated by him. I remember one day i was coming home form shopping and stopped off in my local supermarket to get something i had forgotten on my way home, my husband likes coffee since coming to uk so i went to buy one for him. Before entering the shop i felt dizzy and blacked out on the floor dont know how long i was out for woke up holding me handbag and shopping was still there lucky for me london was not busy on sunday. I rang my husband when i woke up to come and help me, he came laughing he though it was funny i could not even see properly and he was still laughing. I told him how i felt and he did not comment back. I thought maybe he did not understand. so when i got home i explained to him what happened and he walked off like he did not care. I had to cook immediately for the kids and felt weak no response from him and no help.When he talks to me i have to listen to him and look at him when i wish to discuss something he wont listen or talk through the whole conversation i feel i am talking to myself. I dont know if this is a mix of cultural inhabitions or just my husbands way of dealing with things. All through my illness he constantly asks me to do things for him all the time that went i go pick up kids from school i have not sat down all day whilst me husbands is sitting down all day and sleeping in afternoon. He does not help do anything at all and wont fix anything if it breaks or a screww has come loose. I f have to get out the drill, mower the lawn, wire the plugs , fix the hose screw the screws back in the window, lock all doors windows at night, just everything.
We got married in the court in Cairo Egypt and my husband has a spousal visa.
Posts: 52 | Registered: Apr 2004
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If England recognizes the marriage, then can't you just get divorced in England? I don't know if that would be too expensive, or give him property rights, or what-have-you. But personally I'd feel more comfortable doing it on my home turf.
Good luck.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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How are you doing health wise? Have you been feeling better? Are you able to cope with the children? If I were you I would hire a good lawyer and start the divorce procedures. The lawyer will get in touch with the Egyptian Embassy and start the procedures. And s/he will make sure to let the authorities know that you will not be the garantor of this man, so that he does not get any rights he is not entitled to in the UK. If your husband can't be close to you when you need him the most what is the use of being married? Best of luck and take care of yourself!
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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I don't know since you are British, I'm sure there are others that might help. I do just want to say I'm sorry for your experiences, and I hope your health improves. Best of luck.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I suggest you contact the Immigration Advisory Service they may be able to give you some guidance an how to go about things and also a local solicitor, some have free first appointments. If you don't want him back they may even be able to help you prevent him from returning from Egypt although I don't know but if you no longer act as his sponsor I would imagine there are grounds for refusing him entry into the UK. Hope you get better soon, it sounds like you would be much better off without him. BTW you can get divorced without using solicitors but you have to be seperated for 2 years for any divorce.
Posts: 120 | From: uk | Registered: Nov 2006
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Good morning artisha! I can't give you any advice on legal proceedings but I want to support your decision in pursueing a divorce.
Your husband is not interested in your well-being, he's selfish, he's irresponsible and a spender. Also I am sure he's back with his family right now in Egypt to celebrate Ramadan and you girl deserve so much better than that.
I hope you get through with the divorce easily and moreso I wish your health will improve very shortly. All the best. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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artisha there is nobody qualified on this board to be able to tell you how to get a divorce in these circumstance. Contact your local Citizens Advice Bureau who will be able to put you in contact with an advisor, they also have solicitors that give free advice.
Mortimer just to correct you don't need a solictor for any type of divorce in the UK, regardless of the grounds for divorce you can do it yourself and its a very simple process. Sorting out finances is another matter and then it is advisable to use the services of a solicitor.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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Penny just to correct you I said you CAN get divorced without solicitors. I did my own divorce so am living proof however I did not have to fight for anything as it was amicable, somehow I don't think this will be the case with Artisha.
Posts: 120 | From: uk | Registered: Nov 2006
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Hi, Thanks for your kind replies, I am still going through treatment at the moment so i am finding this situation very distressful. I cant thank you all enough for your replies and i will be try the Immigration advisory bureau and contact a solicitor and other avenues. I really thought i would have to travel to Egypt and try and get a divorce but i know i would have lots of problems if I did that. Anyway I still have heard nothing from him so dont know if thats a good thing or bad. I rang an Iman at regents Park Central Mosque in london and he said my husband would come back dont worry but unfortunately i could not go into reasons with the Iman and just explained that my husband and i were having marital problems and he left and i dont know where he is. The Iman suggested when he returns we could both go and see him. Before he left he beat me and i dont approve of physical violence so iwas in complete shock as i had explained to him before that my ex partner beat me before and i left in the end because i could bare no more. he also said if he beat me that i should call the police so he can tell them to lock me up in a mental hospital. I am ill I have a heart condition not a mental problem the two dont relate. I just reminded he that we are not in Egypt and that they dont just lock you up because my husband said so.
Posts: 52 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I would get in touch with the immigration authorities double quick and tell them to rescind his visa. Then he can't come back. He obviously doesn't care about you and is just using the situation for his advantage.
There are loads of free services in the UK that can advise you long term about divorce but the first step is to get his visa cancelled so he can stop harassing you. CAB is the first stop but they will pass you on to solicitors, immigration what ever.
Get your doctor to see your injuries for the record. You may well be able to use the fact of violence to get a quicker divorce.
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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Artisha you husband was right about one thing...you should call the Police. Domestic violence is something that will not be tolerated in the UK, thankfully you are not living in Egypt with all this going on. Many Police forces now have dedicated local outreach services to assist women and children that are the subjects of domestic violence. Times have moved on and they don't just provide refuge but now the emphasis is on enabling women to remain in their own homes with all the legal and social services support they need to sort their lives out. You may be lucky and have this in your area so it would be well worth calling your local Police station and asking.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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i hope ur health is better now and i can help u in that in egypt with a good lawyer to sit ith him and agree on everything that could be done ,wish u the best
-------------------- islam Posts: 2447 | From: cairo | Registered: Oct 2006
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Thank you. I honestly didnt think it was in my best intereset to call the police it may make the situation worst and further still i had the children at home who slept through this ( I dont know why)good sleepers i suppose. My kids are not used to DV around them and shouting and arguments. My husband and I have only been married for a few years and he never contributed to anything in the house rent ect all bigs bills where left to me in my name, so i struggled every month to pay. He would contribute when he felt like to the cheapest food in the supermarket like sainsbury's basics. But i would have to often give him the money to pay for it. If i had a bill coming he would ask me to give him the money and he will put the money on his credit card so he can pay for it. I felt disgusted and would refuse and pay on my cards, so he would get mad.
I will let Ramadan past as I am on my own with Kids and my family are not Muslim but for the first time since I became muslim my brother rang me to say happy ramadan. I am close to my family but they dont live here in London. So to everyone Ramadan Karim.
Posts: 52 | Registered: Apr 2004
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It must be very hard for you at the moment, I hope that you have friends around you who could offer support. The others are right and you dont need to have a man in your life who is treating you like this. I think the best thing for you to do through ramadan is maybe visit a mosque near you, try to get some support from sisters near you.
There are many sisters here too (including myself) that are happy to listen if you need to talk, ramadan mubarak to you too Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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wow this is so sad artisha,I really feel for you and hope to goodness you can find a solution, I will pray for you and that youre illness will become so soon better, I hope you can find a way to divorce and move on in youre own life with youre children Take care
posted
our hearts goes with you please let us know if we can do any thing for you or ask about any thing amr
-------------------- Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend. -- Zenna Schaffer Some folks are wise and some otherwise. -- Josh Billings Posts: 1499 | From: Dark Side of the Moon | Registered: Aug 2007
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Hi, Thankyou for all your replies inshallah i will get better. I have since spoke to my husband and yes he is in Egypt. I tracked him down usiung an old mobile number i had his brother gave me hgis mobile telling me he is here on business. I dont know what he hsa been saying but i am alomost certain he is telling his family that things are alright between us. One minute he wants to come back next he changes his mind. He has invited me to come for Eid but i just dont know he said i wont have to pay for anything because he can do everything for us find an apartment buy a car to take us around. Seems like if i go iwont see any of his family and then there is the finacial thing, he said to look at cheap flight and dont worry about anything but yes i do worry and need my own money before i go, if i go because he left my with all the bills and back bills i am trying to catch up on those which i have nearly done. I asked him to contribute towards them when i rang and he will send some money but not what will cover us just what he thinks he should when i have already forked out £500 or morehe wants to give us very little in comparison and he lives with us too. Dont know what to do? He has told me i must listen to everything he says and he will come back if i dont he will not. Its not about listening i listen and take in what he has told me and try not to make a mistake knowing that he does not like it but he does not do the same for me. Inshallah I am fasting and i try not to argue with him and make him angry because of Allah SWT sake. Thanks everyone you have all ben good to me!
Posts: 52 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I feel for you, so much, please think things through. You need to think of yourself first and your child. Please take care.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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Hi artisha, like others I cannot give you any advices about how to get a divorce, as I m not qualified with the laws in UK.
I can recommend you a very good Imam near Ealing Broadway in London, if you need any help on Islamic divorce , but apparently you already went to see a good one, however if you still need help, let me know and I can give you his contact details.
I think what you need to find out first, if your marriage is legal in UK, does your husband has a permanent visa to live and work in uk? if your husband can go to Egypt and come back in UK whenever he wants that means he must have a permanent resident visa or something like this, and the only way he can get one is by marring a British, so I suppose your marriage must be legal under the British laws.
Regarding your health problems, I would suggest you to think about yourself now, and take care of yourself for the sake of your children, if I was you, I would move out from where you live and would leave all his stuff in the house, and try to build a new life away from him. But I guess it is something easy to say but not very easy to do. Try to get as much as support as you can from your family and friends do not stay alone, and things will get better IS.
I wish you the best of luck
Posts: 1182 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Hi, My husband has a spousal visa and can go and come back to uk when he pleases he does not care whether he can stay here or not because he likes to do what he wants.He always returns before 3 months not sure why. It is not easy to leave my property and run off as i moved where i live now only a short space of time and the schools are very near to here. My children are fine alhamdu allah and i am always there for them they get everything they need and more from family and friends. My husband said if i want a divorce he can do it in Egypt he will not give me any problems and i can move on with my life. Maybe because he wants to get married to someone else and not have any strings attached to me. I asked him if he wants a divorce and he said no. But then again its not up to him. I feel this time he is in EGypt will give us time to reflect on everything and think about what we want to do alhamdu allah. I least i will wait until Ramadan is finished inshallah. Thanks!
posted
Dear Artisha, I really feel for you too. You can not be very happy with your situation at the moment but it is only you who can decide what to do and it can be very difficult to make any decissions. Think about the facts that it was you who tracked him down(your husband did not contact you). You pay the bills and support him(you could give so much more to your children and yourself without him) I think you could be more relaxed, happier and in balance if you did not have him in your life. I hope you will get a lot of support and help from your friends and family. Take care of yourself you are worth more than what you get at the moment.
Posts: 523 | From: Finland | Registered: Feb 2004
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The fact that your husband return from Egypt after 3 months is because a spousal visa does not allow him to stay away from UK more than 3 months, otherwise he will loose all his right to work and live legally in the country.
All he has to do now is to wait 5 years going back and forth to Egypt as much as he wants and make sure that his stay does not last more than 3 months until he will be in title to apply for the British nationality, as non British citizens can apply for it after 5 years of living and working in the country, and then will return to live permanently to Egypt.
I suppose that for a spousal visa to be valid, the husband and wife have to be married a certain around of year and this is why he is telling you that its ok, for you both to have a divorce in Egypt and does not mention a divorce in UK.
if I was you, I would seek advices from a layer who may help you to cancelled or at least slow down his spousal visa process. Even though he already got it, it may be a risk for the visa to be cancelled, if the marriage is not consumed for certain around of years You should really stop thinking about what is or went wrong between you and your him and seek advices from a professional person who will be more qualified to direct you. An if what I said is true, then your husband is a very clever person and a very good manipulator. But I can be wrong …
BTW: when I was living in London I was once approached by an Algerian guy who was prepared to pay me a very huge amount of money to married him to be able to stay in UK. By curiosity I’ve listened to his plan and how he was going to organized for the divorce and everything and believe me I was shocked to see how well this guy knew the British laws and how to use them in his advantages.
Posts: 1182 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Hi Artisha, From your earlier posts, it looks like your husband got his visa shortly after mine did.
I'm guessing that the initial 2-year Spouse visa will expire early next year, and to stay here, you'd have to jointly submit an Indefinite Leave to Remain application (this is the step before Citizenship).
This (together with the visa extension that you may well need until he's had exactly 2 years of residency here in the UK) will cost over £1,000, and it's a lot of paperwork. The Immigration department needs to have evidence of your ongoing relationship, financial commitments, bills etc in both of your names... As your husband is behaving in such a way, it would probably be fairly difficult for him to secure his Leave to Remain without your support/help/financial input. They will see his long periods of absence from the UK as cause for concern, I'm sure, and not the typical behaviour of a committed husband.
You sound very strong, I hope you get through this - you deserve better treatment and consideration, especially as you have been so committed and supportive. I wish you a peaceful Ramadan, and hope that you continue to be strong and take comfort in the fact that your children are safe and happy with you. Posts: 463 | From: Other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2006
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get_over_it Well well well... that concludes my husband has no bills in his name apart from his mobile bills which dont count... that shows me he is not interested in whether he gets to stay in Uk or not because he can always go back to Egypt saying that he is hestitant about getting a divorce he does not want one after asking him so many times.
It does sound like a lot of paperwork and surely we are not prepared i appealed in court to get my husband here on spousal visa but really i dont care whether he gets to stay here or not.. because its not working out for us.
Yes, I may sound strong but as everyone knows when you are a parent you have to be. I have not shed a tear since he has gone and it does seem like a bit of relief. so yes alhamdu allah i have to carry on ...
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