Last night, I had this interesting conversation with one my girlfriends in Cairo. We have been friends for more than 12 years. It is always nice to catch up with her about our girly and non-girly news despite the distance. The two of us have so many common jokes and clichés that we use to make fun of guys or being naughty in general.
We talked about so many things, among them was marrying an Egyptian or a western. I do not know why we had to go through this topic but we did. It was a mix of jokes most of the time.
I have no bias agiainst Egyptian or western guys. It is all about the person himself regardless, but in my subconscious I am so aware of my Egyptian culture that of course includes men. My friend believes that marrying a western guy is salvage from some many pains.
She believes that I became so neutral because I do not live in Cairo and that I forgot about all the vices of Egyptian men and that she will take the opportunity to wake me up and remind me again of the reality. So I asked her what is their problem. I pretended to be on the neutral side.
She told me no matter how he pretends to be liberal or progressive he is, there is a point when he starts to talk in this language “you know what this shirt is a bit open”, “I think your skirt is a bit short”, “I believe your wearing too much make up, there is no need for make up”, “do you have to waste all this time styling your hair every time we go out”.
Ok here are some of what we went through and tried to compare it to western guys.
Sharing responsibility is not an issue to be discussed. In Egypt, poor women have to do everything; cook, do the dishes, raise the kids, help them with the homework, go to work, get the groceries, laundry, plan vacations…etc. Men pretend to spend money but in fact women do too because life is getting so expensive. It is very rare to find an Egyptian man who knows how to cook and if he does after he gets married this habit will stop because his wife will cook.
Let’s not forget about the family part. His mom is usually a very attractive personality. There is this culture in Egypt. A mother giving up her son to another woman is like giving up a diamond stone even if he is a straw man. The sister is the second in command in terms of annoying the would-be-wife/fiancé or current wife. The latter is considered the enemy who wants to brainwash the son for her own interest. The mother-son relationship in Egypt is a bit strange at least from my own standards and sometimes scary. Egyptian mothers make sure that their sons are so dependent on them and in so many instances she does not give them the chance to be independent even if there are chances to be an independent individual to continue manipulating them forever.
In so many cases, Egyptian men marry because they found “the suitable” wife. It is the easiest recipe for marriage failure or he marries a woman because he has a crush on her or just being infatuated by her but not because he experienced true love. This “suitable” word just kills me and is capable of killing any marriage. Some Egyptian men are capable of taking a decision marriage if they saw a woman first time among her family members.
The lack of sexual education in Egypt is a disaster. Women and men end up in marriage relationships that they do not know their real dimensions. Frustration to achieve a successful marriage relationship ends up with so many problems.
Egyptian men are raised up to show strength by pretending to be emotionless. The freedom to express real feelings is considered lack of manhood. The result is lack of communications and a relationship built up on guessing and in most of the cases it turns to be extremely stressful because of the continuous misunderstanding.
Egyptian guys love to start a love relationship with the push and pull technique. And they believe that this is going to sweep the woman off the floor, fearing that if they used the friendship technique that will end the up the relationship as only friends. Love that is based on friendship is just one of the best ways to guarantee a solid lasting love relationship. Friendships that end in love are amazing because it is based on mutual understanding, common activities and sharing.
Career is a male word. Egyptian men does not believe that career is applied to both men and women. It is not an easy thing for a man to give up his career for his woman for example which does not happen in all time. She is expected to give up every thing she does for her man and children without a thank you because this is her role no matter how is important her work for her.
Egyptian men resort to spend their spare time with their boyfriends at the clubs, coffee shops after work and at the weekends, because the atmosphere at home is usually not nice since he does not take part in sharing children’s issues, homework or household stuff. They do not think of sharing activities of their wives, because their wives are busy and they are saving her time for the house and the children. Marrying a straw man is not a great idea. He keeps all his single friends and he believes that it is not appropriate for his wife to mingle with them.
The continuous struggle between the Egyptian wife and husband on where to spend the national holidays and vacations is always a decision on whether with her or his families. There is no time to have sometime for themselves. If the day off will be spent with his or her family whatever, it has to end up with a fight in their way back to their home while the children are sleeping in the car if they have one. He claims that the way she talked to his mom or sister was not appropriate and that she is intentionally flaring up an argument to make it a reason not to spend time with his family in future occasions.
My friend and I ended up the conversation after she reminded of all the Egyptian men vices. She told me “Despite all that I think I will continue to like my Egyptian boyfriend and I want to marry him”. So why did we go through all this conversation, I do not know!
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Yeah..maybe some of the above is true and some characteristics do apply to many Egyptian men, but in my case not at all! Here is my contribution:
The friendship part - that turns into love - is where I relate 100% and my late husband's nationality: Egyptian
The family (in laws) from both sides: great friends, and respecting each other, and actually enjoying each other's company, their nationality: Egyptian
Evenings and nights and week ends all spent together. Friends always welcome, but with a call in advance, and vice versa. Nationality of all the friends; Egyptian ( you can train your friends, by the way, to respect your privacy even in Egypt)
My husband's emotions always expressed daily.. and nobody criticized that but to the contrary he enjoyed the greatest respect of friends, neighbors, colleagues and family! Nationality: Egyptian
My sister in law, the sweetest person anyone can ever encounter. Generous, funny, gorgeous, adorable, and so loyal. Nationality: Egyptian
Sharing responsibility: a priority in our household , we would both never ever accept that the other would carry all the burden. Nationality : Egyptian
My career: I was encouraged, motivated and had full support of my husband, to pursue my studies and career. Many evenings were spent studying with him by my side!
When a couple understands what is mutual respect on all levels, loving each other, caring for each other, being committed and loyal to each other, communicating all the time, accepting different points of view and accepting that each is a totally independent individual that chose to be bonded with the other, it should work. Even if...Nationality: Egyptian
So, if we believe hearsay, as a 'difficult' Egyptian wife, and an 'emotionless' Egyptian husband, and a 'materialistic' Egyptian couple..not too bad IMO!!
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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That's not what usually happens tho, I'm glad you enjoyed a fruitful relationships with none of the usual dilemmas that people face, still, those types of relationships are few & far between.
As for this redundant argument, the same retarded conclusion is always 'just marry foreigners'.
Both genders face the same problems but no one's really willing to take steps to exorcise their demons & move forward, just lob the blame around endlessly.
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Its good to keep the balance in these posts Almaz.
I know of other relationships like yours..... One lady married to a doctor and just about to go back to University with the full support of her husband. Another a lady completing her training as a dentist with 2 small children, her husband fully supports her through her training and has no problem that she will work part time after she qualifies.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I agree, there is no utopia in marriage partnership and definitely no perfect husband/wife. In the end it boils down to whether or not you are perfect for each other and can make things work. Nationality: doesn't matter Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: Nationality: doesn't matter
Agreed, Smuckers, and I think it has rather to do with different cultural upbringings between Egyptian and Western men which the author tried to point out.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Are you ok Anthropos? I hope nothing has taken a turn for the worse! Remember, you are pregnant so you have to try to remain calm. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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No actually I am not OK - I want to change my life, I want a divorce and I wish I wasn't pregnant
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: No actually I am not OK - I want to change my life, I want a divorce and I wish I wasn't pregnant
Too bad. Are you REALLY sure? Don't do anything drastic ... today. Tomorrow you'll think different - maybe Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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I have about 10$ in my purse and there's still one week left of this month, how could I take care of a baby?
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Do you have a support group you can turn to Anthropos? Close friends and/or family? Have you voiced your concerns with your husband? Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: No actually I am not OK - I want to change my life, I want a divorce and I wish I wasn't pregnant
That sounds 100% like hormones talking, try and find a few nice things to do to take your mind off things. Exercise is important in pregnancy, swimming and walking are a great way to keep things in balance and life in perspective.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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I will not voice anything to him, he is the reason why we can't even buy food now. He takes no responsibility. I am going to go to my mother and stay with her. I hate him.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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I wish that I hadn't met him, I sincerely wish that. How could I be so stupid. I have only bad luck in my life. I am so stupid. He has just used me, used me completely.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I will not voice anything to him, he is the reason why we can't even buy food now. He takes no responsibility. I am going to go to my mother and stay with her. I hate him.
Honey, I hope things WILL change for the better. I keep my fingers crossed! Right now it's your dear baby you must think about - try to be as positive as you can.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I wish that I hadn't met him, I sincerely wish that. How could I be so stupid. I have only bad luck in my life. I am so stupid. He has just used me, used me completely.
Well, talking about bad luck... - you can't beat me, darling. I don't want to go into details because I'd have to write a book! Please try to stay positive - I know it's hard but you CAN do it!
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I wish that I hadn't met him, I sincerely wish that. How could I be so stupid. I have only bad luck in my life. I am so stupid. He has just used me, used me completely.
Its ok dear. I will tell you something. You have many options that are much easier to plan for while you still are carrying the baby. You do have ways out and if you plan it right you will be able to have help before the baby comes.
I told you before in another thread you dont have to stay with someone like this, you deserve better.. When my marriage turned bad, I couldnt take it anymore so I kicked him out. He never gave me any assistance whatsoever. My children were 14, 10, and 6. I had a mortgage and I worked in another state. He cleaned out the checking and savings account before I could get to the bank and transfer money. He left me with 17 dollars, no one to take care of the kids and a huge mortgage and car note.
I will tell you something... I dont regret it one bit. I would do it again cause he was making my kids unhappy also. He was diagnosed bipolar in his late 20' (which is when most mental health issues manifest in men). He refused treatment, I tried to help him but it just became worse. I had to kick him out to save me and my children. It was very hard though with 3 kids . I had to find someone to watch them while I was gone to work and he didnt give me child support or any help till I took him to court. I got some financial assistance for a little while, my best friend watched my kids until I could find a responsible sitter.
That was six years ago,It was some rough times but I finally decided to relocate to where my job is. My kids are older so I dont need sitters anymore so life is easier now and Im doing very well. I still dont regret it as he has never changed, he has just gotten worse over the years but he is someone else's problem now, not mine. So I am not a big believer in a man changing, they never do. I know this first hand. You can find all sorts of programs to help you get on your feet, you can find another single mom to share expenses with and do a trade off- you work at different times and watch each others chidren so you can both save the money for day care. This is done alot now in the USA and it really works well. Dont feel trapped Anthropos, you are a woman and women have more strength in them to survive then men do. Pm me if you want to ask any questions, and I will be more than happy to lend you my support and help you go in the right direction.. Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Anthropos: I will not voice anything to him, he is the reason why we can't even buy food now. He takes no responsibility. I am going to go to my mother and stay with her. I hate him.
Anthropos, hang in there! Listen, was he trying to find work? And if so is he not authorized yet to start employment or not qualified enough or are language barriers a problem? What's the complete situation?
Also you should inquire about government programs which are focusing on pregnant women of low income.
Please stay strong, it's just a temporary low in your own life, focus on the positive things, it will get better again! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: in his late 20' (which is when most mental health issues manifest in men).
According to my mother, my mental health issues manifested much earlier
Well your a unique individual Auto, and an exception to the rules Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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So sorry he is making you suffer like this. You deserve much much better. But what concerns me, is your emotional state now that the baby is almost due. Your mother will probably take care of you.
At least you will feel safe and loved.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: in his late 20' (which is when most mental health issues manifest in men).
According to my mother, my mental health issues manifested much earlier
Well your a unique individual Auto, and an exception to the rules
In all seriousness now, Auto, I did learn in abnormal physchology that men do not usually manifest physchiatric illnesses until late 20's early 30's. The physchologist also told me this. However, he also said that many times men have symptoms that are ignored for a long time because men look at it as a weakness.. Maybe almaz will input on this.
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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Anthropos, listen to Rumi, she's been there - you have to worry about yourself and your baby now....
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Please can you all stop blaming her husband for the current financial problems?
I know we are aware that he's not the most supportive guy but we don't know the whole situation. Is he working or not? Is he having problems finding employment? Is he trying but not having much luck? How long is he in her country anyway?
And of course not having enough finances weighs hard on a couple even more so when children will be or are involved.
Anthropos were you employed when you became pregnant or do you currently receive unemployement benefit or any other kind of financial support from the government?
Now if husband turns out to be a sucker and doesn't wanna work it will be a different issue but Anthropos didn't confirm that yet.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I agree with Rumi. Let us know how we can help. Sounds like a few of us have been down this road.
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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Don't blame yourself for anything - this is life, you know... I presume you're a young lady (wellll, we all are!) and I already know one positive outcome - the whole experience WILL make you wiser and stronger.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Please can you all stop blaming her husband for the current financial problems?
I know we are aware that he's not the most supportive guy but we don't know the whole situation. Is he working or not? Is he having problems finding employment? Is he trying but not having much luck? How long is he in her country anyway?
And of course not having enough finances weighs hard on a couple even more so when children will be or are involved.
Anthropos were you employed when you became pregnant or do you currently receive unemployement benefit or any other kind of financial support from the government?
Now if husband turns out to be a sucker and doesn't wanna work it will be a different issue but Anthropos didn't confirm that yet.
Who's blaming him for financial problems Lily?? I was talking about my ex husband. This isnt about financial issues really. If he is misusing her continuously there are no excuses for it , bottom line. I am simply telling her she doesnt have to tolerate this behavior. Staying in a marriage and making excuses for his behavior in hopes that he might change is wrong. You can only try so long before you are beating a dead horse. She says she wants gone but is scared about her being able to make it with her baby financially. I am simply telling her I did it with 3 children after trying to make my marriage work and it didnt. I lived in a family where my parents hated each other and made us kids life completely miserable. They did not divorce until I was 22 .
Keeping it together for the sake of the kids is not the right decision when the parents bitterness, and miserable way of dealing with each other affect the children.. I tried for a while but it was useless when my ex did not want to help himself for the sake of his family. Why do women on here feel they need to sacrafice themselves to keeping the family together no matter what when the man is not doing what he is supposed to do?? Why isnt the man expected to act in a responsible manner and work on his relationship also?? Why are the men given such consideration when they are behaving like total shitheads and the woman is supposed to martyr up and sacrafice herself just to keep a family together that the man obviously doesnt care about or appreciate it. Arent the womans needs important in a marriage also??? What if she lost her mind like this, what would people advise the man to do????
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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just my opinion i will never marry any other man but my husband and he is all the way egyptian Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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One of the things I believe that she and her family needs is prayer. I hope we all are praying for her and ask that their situation changes for the better. We are all tested in many different ways and what may seem bad on face value maybe something different in reality.
-------------------- 'Abdullah bin 'Umar said, "Allah's Apostle (صلى الله عليه و سلم) took hold of my shoulder and said, "Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveller." Posts: 2342 | From: Its not where I'm from but where Im going | Registered: Jul 2007
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oooh, so bad I completely agree with Almaz; Go to your mum's house. You will be able to get some sleep cause you feel safe. You need some time alone, think things over and decide what's best in your situation. Maybe you will see things differently than when you are in the heat of discussions. Take good care of yourself and the baby. Wish you all the best.
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: in his late 20' (which is when most mental health issues manifest in men).
According to my mother, my mental health issues manifested much earlier
Well your a unique individual Auto, and an exception to the rules
In all seriousness now, Auto, I did learn in abnormal physchology that men do not usually manifest physchiatric illnesses until late 20's early 30's. The physchologist also told me this. However, he also said that many times men have symptoms that are ignored for a long time because men look at it as a weakness.. Maybe almaz will input on this.
Although I was under the impression that Automatik was joking, what he said is in fact correct regarding early symptoms of bi-polar disorder, or manic depression.
Recent studies demonstrate that in general, the symptoms start to show as early as 14 years old for boys, and much later for girls, but are often confused or mistaken for other disorders.
Bi-polar is manifested with signs of high energy at the strangest moments, followed by depression, swinging from one mood to another and not necessarily daily. It is also mistaken for schizophrenia in many cases/multiple personality disorder.
A teenager diagnosed with Bi-polar disease for example, will need medication for sure aside from therapy. The mood swings could be disturbing and the immediate family and friends would certainly know that something is wrong.
Childhood bipolar disorder is still harder to diagnose, because it is often mistaken for other behavioral problems like Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Somewhere in the sands: One of the things I believe that she and her family needs is prayer. I hope we all are praying for her and ask that their situation changes for the better. We are all tested in many different ways and what may seem bad on face value maybe something different in reality.
I can appreciate what your saying from a religious point of view that turning to god for help works for some people. The power of belief can work wonders sometimes. However, If a man doesnt appreciate his woman or child and he misuses them and doesnt want help then a point comes where the woman has to make a decision that is right for herself and her children. It is really her responsiblity that those children have a happy healthy life, not a life with a man who doesnt treat them or their mom right.
I did try for 2 years , thats why my ex was diagnosed with bipolar. I made him go to counseling with me. We were each seen individually then we met in group session. He chose to end this therapy after he said the quack told him bull cause he was on my side .
My ex continues to act like this. He gave up his parents, friends ,family cause he said they were all against him. Im sorry for our life together ending but I do not regret divorcing him, not one bit. I knew my ex husband from the time we were teens and the sun rose and set around me. If anyone ever told me that he would end up acting like this I would have laughed at them really. He was my best friend, and I only thought I would marry once. I tried very hard really but If a man's family is important to him, if his wife is important to him, then he would never treat them in this fashion and he would do what ever it takes to fix things..
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Somewhere in the sands: One of the things I believe that she and her family needs is prayer. I hope we all are praying for her and ask that their situation changes for the better. We are all tested in many different ways and what may seem bad on face value maybe something different in reality.
I can appreciate what your saying from a religious point of view that turning to god for help works for some people. The power of belief can work wonders sometimes. However, If a man doesnt appreciate his woman or child and he misuses them and doesnt want help then a point comes where the woman has to make a decision that is right for herself and her children. It is really her responsiblity that those children have a happy healthy life, not a life with a man who doesnt treat them or their mom right.
I did try for 2 years , thats why my ex was diagnosed with bipolar. I made him go to counseling with me. We were each seen individually then we met in group session. He chose to end this therapy after he said the quack told him bull cause he was on my side .
My ex continues to act like this. He gave up his parents, friends ,family cause he said they were all against him. Im sorry for our life together ending but I do not regret divorcing him, not one bit. I knew my ex husband from the time we were teens and the sun rose and set around me. If anyone ever told me that he would end up acting like this I would have laughed at them really. He was my best friend, and I only thought I would marry once. I tried very hard really but If a man's family is important to him, if his wife is important to him, then he would never treat them in this fashion and he would do what ever it takes to fix things..
You ex may have needed medication. Also, maybe nothing showed when he was young because his case is a mild one. There are levels.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Somewhere in the sands: One of the things I believe that she and her family needs is prayer. I hope we all are praying for her and ask that their situation changes for the better. We are all tested in many different ways and what may seem bad on face value maybe something different in reality.
I can appreciate what your saying from a religious point of view that turning to god for help works for some people. The power of belief can work wonders sometimes. However, If a man doesnt appreciate his woman or child and he misuses them and doesnt want help then a point comes where the woman has to make a decision that is right for herself and her children. It is really her responsiblity that those children have a happy healthy life, not a life with a man who doesnt treat them or their mom right.
I did try for 2 years , thats why my ex was diagnosed with bipolar. I made him go to counseling with me. We were each seen individually then we met in group session. He chose to end this therapy after he said the quack told him bull cause he was on my side .
My ex continues to act like this. He gave up his parents, friends ,family cause he said they were all against him. Im sorry for our life together ending but I do not regret divorcing him, not one bit. I knew my ex husband from the time we were teens and the sun rose and set around me. If anyone ever told me that he would end up acting like this I would have laughed at them really. He was my best friend, and I only thought I would marry once. I tried very hard really but If a man's family is important to him, if his wife is important to him, then he would never treat them in this fashion and he would do what ever it takes to fix things..
You ex may have needed medication. Also, maybe nothing showed when he was young because his case is a mild one. There are levels.
Actually he was supposed to take medication and he refused. Anyway, my whole point is that there can be reasons why a man acts like he does. If he doesnt want to change, then a woman does not need to sacrafice herself to stay in the relationship. She deserves better than that, and so does her child. I was sharing with her what I did and I made it . I was giving her options and examples so she doesnt have to feel trapped..
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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Rumi take care, while I have total respect for your situation and the way you have turned your life around, your ex was bi polar and for sure that was never going to change so you made the right decision.
You should not however take your own experiences and based on that advise Anthropos so strongly what she should do. She may just need time out at the moment to wake up her husband. He sounds young and very inexperienced. That is not unusual in a new marriage and first time approaching parenthood. I can totally relate to the way he is acting from what my 24 year old nephew went through with his new wife when they married 2 years ago. Had an unplanned baby come along as is the case with Anthropos it would have been an even bigger disaster.
Best advice to Anthropos right now is get off this board for a while, spend some time with her Mum, give her husband some time alone to wake up to his responsibilities. Only then can they be on a footing were they can work out what is right for both of them and the baby.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: Who's blaming him for financial problems Lily?? I was talking about my ex husband.
Well I was talking about Anthropos' husband so you might misunderstood here.
And yes if she only has 10 Dollars or so in her pocket and don't know how to buy food with it until the end of the month it means the couple is having big financial problems (I am still unsure if he's employed or not).
And Rumi you forget one important point here about the relationship of Anthropos and her husband - they hardly experienced how it is to be married.
To advise someone to leave the husband (after all we all don't know the full story) in such a young stage and her being pregnant is simply wrong (I would only recommend that if he's physically abusive towards her, an alcoholic or else).
And I still recommed to have good deep talks and if it doesn't help try a marriage councelor.
These young people are in the beginning of what supposed to be a lifelong commitment, the start is never easy and problems are there to be worked out together now and also in the future.
And it doesn't help that she's expecting when it seems that her husband didn't even settle properly in into the new country and the couple is facing hard financial troubles. How many people are facing the exact same situation right now?
But is it worth to advise someone to throw away everything so easily when simply something doesn't work out?
I can honestly say that my husband and I went through similar problems before but it had more to do with the fact that he was never home, we moved a lot, I felt lonely, I almost accept now that he's very much committed to his work.
I strongly advise Anthropos to get through with everything and it will get better I am very certain. She should give them the chance to become a happy family. She also should not take any drastic steps she might regret later on. There is nothing wrong with asking her mother for help and also emotional support which she needs so much right now.
Anthropos, again I ask you to check out what kind of support programs your government has to offer you as an expecting mother.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: Rumi take care, while I have total respect for your situation and the way you have turned your life around, your ex was bi polar and for sure that was never going to change so you made the right decision.
You should not however take your own experiences and based on that advise Anthropos so strongly what she should do. She may just need time out at the moment to wake up her husband. He sounds young and very inexperienced. That is not unusual in a new marriage and first time approaching parenthood. I can totally relate to the way he is acting from what my 24 year old nephew went through with his new wife when they married 2 years ago. Had an unplanned baby come along as is the case with Anthropos it would have been an even bigger disaster.
Best advice to Anthropos right now is get off this board for a while, spend some time with her Mum, give her husband some time alone to wake up to his responsibilities. Only then can they be on a footing were they can work out what is right for both of them and the baby.
I understand that. I advised her in another thread to do exactly this. I am simply telling her she does not have to feel trapped and alone. Im telling her if she doesnt want to stay then there are options for her besides staying in a marriage because she cannot afford to do anything else. I did not just give up on my marriage either. I understand problems of youth, and how much it takes to make a marriage work. I was married for a long time and Im not just advising her to throw in the towel. I did tell her in another thread to use tough love. Just tell me one thing, why is it always the woman has to make allowances and try to make a marriage work when the man is also in this relationship??? She has told him what he needed to do, he is not doing it. She has given him fair warning. On the same end, what if you are advising her to stay and work things out and he ends up beating the crap out of her?? She needs to step out of the situation, look at it. The mans feelings are not the most important here,her life and that of her unborn baby are the most important... Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
I think you are all saying the same thing, just in different ways.
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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Just the other week I had to fend off a raving mad feminazi that was quite literally, frothing at the mouth
Anyway, back on topic. The article wasn't really that interesting from my perspective, but some of the comments were.
Here's one from an Egyptian woman who's married to an American:
quote:Hello .. well while I was looking for any Egyptioan woman that married to American like me ...I found this blog and I read the article and I wanna say one thing only .. This article is true to apply for 99% of Egyptian men and the very rare cases that post the opposite is the 1% left.. I am an Egyptian woman married to an American "great man " and I really can see the difference between him and other men in my country ..in brief Iam the happiest woman in the whole world ...and I want nothing from this big world but being with him forever always because he is the best man I have ever met in my life ..Thank you..SP
quote:I forgot to mention , I am not a typica Egyptian woman though My friends always saw me as very open and my values and my way of thinking would never go with nay Egyptian guy ,My husband is teh first man I ever go out with ..I loved him from the first sight and we married one month after we first met and we are really a soulmates ..I always used to believed that love has no bounderies .. and It's true...And Mark said " my husband I mean" That he woulddn't be able to go with Typical Egyptian wives ...we are definetly think the same , see things the same way and we also love the same thing ..what shall i say we are soulmates ..that's for sure ..
If I were to marry an Egyptian, she'd definitely have to be open minded aswell.
None of this religious nutcase, hijab or niquab wearing nonsense.
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