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I know I haven't posted much publicly about what happened on the night my baby daughter Mira died as it's been too painful for me to keep reliving it. But now we have a few answers, I'm breaking my silence in the hope that this post may help to raise awareness.
After Mira was born, I developed tonsilitis and was kept in hospital for 4 days under observation and so they could give me antibiotics. There were a few delays as the maternity ward was so busy, and I ended up getting worse rather than better. On the day I left hospital, I developed my first ever cold sore. I asked the midwife who was looking after me if there was any treatment or if it was dangerous. She told me it was just because I was rundown after the birth and lack of sleep from being in a ward full of screaming babies (not Mira, of course - she was always so good and never cried ). There wasn't any treatment as it was a viral infection and it would just go away on its own. It did - it disappeared after a day - almost as quickly as it had come, and I didn't think anything more about it until after Mira died and they suggested this as a possible cause.
Anyway, Mira was perfectly healthy when she was born and a very placid, peaceful, content baby. She hardly ever cried, but we just thought we were lucky and that she was laid back, like her daddy . We settled her in well at home, and were loving every minute of being a new little family of three. Even up until the day before she died, we were unaware that there was anything even slightly wrong with her. She wasn't feeding very well, but we were told this was quite normal in newborns and that she'd settle into a pattern before too long and that it was nothing to worry about.
She became ill very suddenly, and although she had been seen by two doctors and a midwife on the day she died, nobody realised she was actually a very sick little girl. She developed a funny rash, so we rushed her to the hospital and were worried that she was also a bit dehydrated, but were totally unprepared for what happened when we got there. As soon as the doctor started to examine her, Mira stopped breathing, and despite the best doctors working for hours to revive her, they didn't know what they were up against and they were unable to save her. She was so tiny, so beautiful, and we cradled her for her last few moments as they switched her ventilator off and let her drift off to Paradise in our arms.
Five weeks later, we've just had the results from Mira's post mortem - the cause of death was disseminated Herpes Simplex Virus 1, contracted during or at the time of birth, with staphylococcus aureus septicemia as the secondary cause of death.
What this means in plain English is that she died from the common cold sore virus that is present in 85% of adults. Only 6 babies a year die from this here in the UK, it's so so rare it's almost unheard of.
My GP told me yesterday that because it was my first ever cold sore, I wouldn't have had any antibodies in my blood to pass onto Mira before the birth and that was why she wasn't protected and so vulnerable. They said it was so rare for me to be developing my first ever cold sore at my age, which is why the midwives wouldn't have thought it was any risk at all to my baby.
So, sorry for such a long post, but I just wanted to pass this information on. We had never heard anything about this before - and nor had any of the doctors or health professionals who saw Mira before she died. The symptoms were so non-specific - poor feeding, restlessness, a slightly sticky eye - conditions seen in thousands of newborn babies and more often than not absolutely no cause for concern.
I want people to know about this danger - I know it won't bring Mira back, but I wish I'd been aware of the devastating consequences of cold sores.
Please pass this information on to anyone you know who might benefit from being aware of this tragedy. Thanks Posts: 463 | From: Other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2006
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thanks for the information .it is so devastating to me, i cant imagine the sadness you are going thru, but you are right people need to know this and it was very hard for you to say this but you might help someone else , i thank you for my heart
Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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You now have closure, and that is very important. Thanks for sharing. You are a very caring person, obviously. Thinking of you.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by get_over_it: I want people to know about this danger - I know it won't bring Mira back, but I wish I'd been aware of the devastating consequences of cold sores.
Please pass this information on to anyone you know who might benefit from being aware of this tragedy. Thanks
You are a great-hearted woman, GOI.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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I'm so glad that they were able to find the reason, although it can't bring her back, it will answer many of the questions that must have been haunting you over the last few weeks. May you eventually find some peace, even if you never get rid of the sadness in your heart.
Posts: 4576 | From: Cairo | Registered: Jun 2002
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quote:Originally posted by get_over_it: I know I haven't posted much publicly about what happened on the night my baby daughter Mira died as it's been too painful for me to keep reliving it. But now we have a few answers, I'm breaking my silence in the hope that this post may help to raise awareness.
My heart goes out to you, and my admiration for discussing such a painful subject for the benefit of others. To God we belong and to Him we shall return.
Posts: 374 | From: men gheir laff w dawaran | Registered: Sep 2007
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It's a tragic loss. I hope your story can help to educate others about this virus being so dangerous to newborns. Has anyone else ever heard of this? My prayers are with you and your husband GOI.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Thanks for sharing your personal story with us, with people you mostly don't know.
GOI, I advise you to consult a lawyer with appropriate medical malpractice experience as we ( my husband and I) believe malpractice existed. Doctors/midwives need to be held accountable as any signs of this situation should have been picked up, advised and properly treated.
When the doctor prescribed you antibiotics because of tonsilitis during your stay in the maternity ward did you receive it immediately? Did you ever receive it? What else did the doctor advise you since you just gave birth? Don't kiss the child, wear mouth protection?
Have you been released from the hospital through a doctor or just a midwife? Were your tonsilitis and perhaps cold sore issues brought up then? Where you at least advised then? Did you feel well advised or just rushed through?
It seems to us that if there was any possibility that your serious condition could be passed onto your newborn that the medical staff should have recognized and prevented it. You developed a serious virus and the best way would have been to seperate the both of you until you get better. Have you ever at any time being advised like that by staff in your hospital?
Consult your lawyer. You lost your child because of medical malpractice. In your case we believe you and most of all the baby were not given the proper care and attention. Your daughter was 100% healthy upon arrival and her death could have been prevented.
We are aware that any law suit will not bring your child back. But perhaps it can save lives of other children in the nearest future; medical staff has to be better educated.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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It takes a lot efforts to file a law-suit against medical doctors, and I am doubting about the personal effects this would have on the parents. Doctors can make mistakes, and they will feel bad when this happened, and keep it in mind. They are human beings too, they can make mistakes. No doctor wouldn't regret what happened... Ask advice to some-one who has the welness of the parents in mind.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I agree, I don't know that suing is the answer. Unless there was direct negligence and you would have to prove that.
I would be interested to know if there were any other cases of the babies that were present in the delivery at the time of GOI's daughter. Other than that, it was a virus and it does happen. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: It takes a lot efforts to file a law-suit against medical doctors, and I am doubting about the personal effects this would have on the parents. Doctors can make mistakes, and they will feel bad when this happened, and keep it in mind. They are human beings too, they can make mistakes. No doctor wouldn't regret what happened...
Well then they need to stand up for their mistakes and at least be held accountable and compensate for the mistakes like anyone else of us. Accountability is part of the grieving process.
I advised GOI to seek psychological counceling (if she hasn't done it so far) and also to join a organization of parents who went through the same situation.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: I agree, I don't know that suing is the answer. Unless there was direct negligence and you would have to prove that.
That's why you take a lawyer! GOI's post indicates that there has been negligence involved.
"Other than that, it was a virus and it does happen."
????
Seriously what would you been doing right now if you delivered and this happened to your own child?
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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No TL but GOI is a friend of mine and I know how she feels about this issue and doesn't want this thread to turn into something like this. Can we please drop it?
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Doctors can make mistakes, and they will feel bad when this happened, and keep it in mind. They are human beings too, they can make mistakes. No doctor wouldn't regret what happened...
Exactly true - all of the medical professionals we saw have been going over and over it, asking themselves if there was anything more they could have done. The answer is probably not - the symptoms were so vague and in isolation not particularly serious. None of us thought she was even the slightest bit poorly, and I felt like the world's most neurotic new mother for taking her to see my GP just because in my mind something wasn't *quite* right. They must see hundreds of people who bring their babies in with the slightest thing.
For us, I don't think suing for negligence is the answer - it won't bring Mira back and would be far too stressful. I am grieving for my daughter and don't want to get bitter and channel my strength into trying to blame someone. I need all my energy just to get through each day as it is. We feel that it must hust have been one of those things - a horrific freak combination of circumstances, rather than neglect of malpractice.
If I'd come home from hospital on the day after Mira died and then developed a cold sore at home, it's not as if I'd have sought medical advice about it. I did know not to kiss my daughter with it, but who's to say that I didn't touch my mouth that night in my sleep and then accidentally transfer it to her when I picked her up to feed her?
I am waiting until I've had my meeting with the consultant before I even begin to think that someone was to blame (apart from those desperately low moments when I've been blaming myslef, of course). My gut feeling is that it was just incredibly unfortunate - and that it was God's will. Cold sores can be brewing and infectious up to two weeks before they become apparent on the mouth, and in this case I'd have transferred the virus to Mira before or during the birth. This is the case for 90 per cent of the deaths of babies from this virus. Only 10 per cent comes from contact post-birth.
Mira didn't have any lesions or flare-ups on her skin, the virus attacked her internal organs slowly and spread throughout her tiny body. The symptoms only became apparent when the virus was about to overwhelm her. She was a strong, brave little battler and I'm praying she didn't experience too much pain or suffering. Mira was beautiful - http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=86o5nhe&s=1. I don't want to get caught up so much in always only focusing on her death that her precious ten days of life get overlooked.
TL - thanks, I've found the most wonderful organization called SANDS - http://www.uk-sands.org/, and have been finding a lot of comfort and support from others who are in similar situations. I've also been offered bereavement counselling, and am getting so much support from my friends and family too, but it's a terribly slow process and I know I will never fully get over it Posts: 463 | From: Other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: No TL but GOI is a friend of mine and I know how she feels about this issue and doesn't want this thread to turn into something like this. Can we please drop it?
thank you smuckers for saying that , i was thinking the same thing. Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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You are very brave to post your personal story, GOI. Mira was indeed a very beautiful girl. I had to look up 'cold sore' to understand what happened. It's like you say; Who would ever have thought this was so harmful? I am always sad when I think about what happened to your little family. All the best! Lots of love.
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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GOI - so sorry for your loss and to hear about the probably cause Such a seemingly small thing.
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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Well then I wish you and husband the best to heal from this tragic event. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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She is absolutely beautiful and looks so peaceful.
Rest assured that she did not suffer. You would of known if she were in pain.
I am so sorry for you and your husband, GOI, but as for little Mira she is in heaven with total peace and doesn't have to go through all the trials that this world brings. What I pray for you is that the peace, comfort, and understanding that she now knows will some how lesson your pain and give you freedom from worry and discomfort.
I offer my deepest condolence.
Sincerely, Dorothy
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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GOI again I am so sorry Dear. My heart is breaking for You and your Husband Mira is so beautiful. This is so tragic and You are so brave to share this. I have passed your story along and I hope it will help someone. May God give you the strength and peace of mind to get through this terrible trial in your life. I can't say I know how you feel but my Sister also lost 2 babies a long tome ago and I have seen the pain you are feeling. You all are in my prayers Hun. Take Care and we all Love you !! Hugs, Yolonda
-------------------- Often Times the Greatest statements are made in silence...listen with your Heart. Posts: 334 | From: kentucky | Registered: Jun 2006
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You have my utmost sympathy for your loss and my utmost admiration for being so brave to share the circumstances surrounding your tragedy on this Forum - may God watch over you and bless you as he is watching over your beautiful daughter.
Posts: 1797 | From: By my husband's side | Registered: Nov 2007
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I am very sorry to here of your very sad loss & the circumstances that happened. Although I have never had children I could not imagine the pain that you are going though. I have though experienced the pain that my Mum & Dad had with losing a very young child when she was two years old from a very bad cold, which her death happened very suddenly but without reason before I was born. Although my sister died a year before I was born & she would be 40 years of age last year, my Mum & Dad have never fully got over it but......it has made them a lot stronger & our love has grown as a family. There is a reason why things happen,good & bad & although your lovely Mira is not with you in the on this earth she is around you as I belive my sister is more than likely looking after her.
I am so very sorry for the pain that you are all going through & hope that all your faimily find the strength but please do not ignore your feelings even if they are so different from day to day & please talk about things!
Posts: 5 | Registered: Jan 2008
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ohhhhh, i am sooo soo sorry. She is indeed so perfect. No words can offer the support and empathy you need or relieve your pain. again i am so sorry...
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This info may not bring back Mira but it can save someone else's Mira. Thanks for posting it.
Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
). There wasn't any treatment as it was a viral infection and it would just go away on its own. It did - it disappeared after a day - almost as quickly as it had come, and I didn't think anything more about it until after Mira died and they suggested this as a possible cause. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
She hardly ever cried, but we just thought we were lucky and that she was laid back, like her daddy ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
. We settled her in well at home, and were loving every minute of being a new little family of three. Even up until the day before she died, we were unaware that there was anything even slightly wrong with her. She wasn't feeding very well, but we were told this was quite normal in newborns and that she'd settle into a pattern before too long and that it was nothing to worry about.
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
My prayers are with you and your husband GOI.
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