posted
To this day I cannot understand the full picture..I feel very hurt and pride bashed, but hey.I fell madly in love, I am not a minger, old or rich....hate to stereotype, but I had nothing to offer this man except myself..everybody warn me to not get involved and that he used me...but what for....appreciate views, please dont put me down, cs i honestly believed this was love..and I am still trying to get over this, he is 4 years younger than me, not a huge gap, I always seem to attract younger guys, cus I look and act much younger than my age
Met Walid on beach at Terrazina beach/old sharm in JUly last year, chat and exchange email only. Started to chat on msn, after a while he declares his love blah blah blah, I was not fooled by this and told him how you can love me, you dont know me....if I only I knew! Anyway, after 3 months, I felt I knew him pretty well, and thought hey, this guy seems nice and genuinely interested in me. Went to Egypt for 1 month in November, spend every single day with him, he treated me like gold, I didnt pay for everything, and he did not ask for money! Like a whirlwind romance, never had this in my life, somebody giving me their entire attention and offering me love I had never seen before. He told me I was his moon, and we were meant to be together for ever, and he basically declared his whole life and love to me. It was the best fun I have ever had! Anyway, go to Cairo, stay with his family, they wlcome me with open arms, and treat me good, he tell me we have to marry, because in Egypt, he could not have a relationship with me,unless we marry. He was very clear that he wanted me forever, and not just on holidays and I was his wife!! Anyway, warning signs appear after marriage, we must plan our future, we must have good project here, we can have future, I want everything for you etc etc. I was taken in, ideas good, but not practical, purely because i fI have any business interest I must be there to over see everything! and to leave 'HIS' family in charge with my money while I was in UK, wow, absolutely unthinkable, so went along with idea to keep the peace!Anyway, I did not have money, so could not fulfil, although I went along with this, to see where it go. After I return to Uk, he still talk about this all time, I got so fed up, that I told him a lie that I could not get the money, thinking he would disappear.....he didnt, he said I will do this with or without you, I say fine! Anyway, after this I find out I am pregnant, I tell him, at first he did not believe me, then was really happy about this. It seemed to change his outlook, that he was going to have a son (he was married before, and his wife could not have children, they divorced after 1 year, so he said). I thought life was complete, you know marriage, a man who loved me, adn a whole new future. We had a few rumbles, generally over moneyand my family gave me absolute hell too! he seemed to have this idea I could get money just like that......his next ideal was, I have to be with you in UK, I will leave Sharm, my job and family. We must be together for my son, we must have future! He then pressure me to get visa and pay for this...I tell him I have no money to do this, and it will take time. He tries the tactic my friends marry UK girl and they do everything for them, they pay money, buy this and everything, you have to trust me!! I go back to Egypt Dec, I had doubts, as things were rocky over money again and him wanting visa! first week brilliant, went out al time, had real precious time with him, actaully was besotted with him, and really thought wow! forgot all the silly arguments putting this down to culture and not understanding language. We go to Cairo, again, meet all his family, they are all very happy about the baby, welcome us. There I felt his personality change, he became more dominant towards me, I must do this, I must learn this and that...become the perfect little wife who will speak and do whatever she is told to do. I was expected to sit around in the home virtually all day, as he would sleep till 12, eat, sleep,wake at 6 eat and possibly go out 7-9pm every day. By the third day, I had enough, he spend over hour on phone, then ignores me for 24 hours, after I ask what is the problem, cus he ignore me! we made up eventually, brilliant! 2 days later we return to sharm, he decided i had too many bags and would not be able to go on coach because he was responsible for the coach etc etc , I borrow his bag, he say no, so i take out...I must admit I lost my temper, because I ahd enough of keeping quiet and not being able to stand up for myself, and didnt care by this stage because i knew i was getting away from cairo! arrive in sharm, ignore each other completely, he take me to hotel, we have discussion that we are not right for each other, he leaves telling me he will divorce me because my personality is not good for him! Cut a long story short, he now refuses me a divorce unless I pay him £10,000, because I am pregnant. If I lose baby, he will divorce me and we forget everything. If I keep baby and try to see him in sharm he will make big trouble for me, and tell me he will stop me going back to UK. He also say baby must have muslim on birth certificate, he will help me, if I put christian, he will cause me a lot of trouble!! He also refuse to send me marriage documents, I actually dont have a clue what these say etc etc
Anyway, I am very confused, cus I fell madly in love.....I had nothing to offer, I am a normal person from Uk, I have no money, I work hard, like to think I am intelligent, and basically could see no reason why he should turn nasty and tell lies? I am on facebook, and everybody tell me he was liar and use me for sex only!! Marriage was done properly in Cairo, he completed marriage without me being there Novemeber, I haev not seen the marriage docs, he took them off me! This guy works in one of the top high class hotels in sharm in the computers, he is responsible for the internet...didnt really class as this as a poor job....was I conned, did he want to con me.....I am actually confused and very hurt how a person can turn from love to hate!
I have handed over no money, and never will, I am keeping the baby no matter what, I am 13 weeks pregnant now...I cannot get my marriage docs, and he refuse to divorce me, what do I do
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
well dear yr not from egypt in the uk im not sure what they can do for a divorce! i know here in the states i can file for a divorce if they cant find him they will grant it for me in a few months! it sounds like hes an ahole to tell ya the truth!!keep yr baby and do not pay him yr in the uk!!what problems can he cause u?he cant take the baby!!
have u spoken to a lawyer yet? if yes what did he say? what is in yr heart? now u know how he really is i see that u should cut yr losses and get yr own divorce!!yr not muslim so u dont need his permission!! u sound like a strong woman u can do right by yr child and if he wants to see yr child send him pics never the child cas once u send yr child to egypt you would probably never see it again!!!!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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If you decided to keep the baby I would advice you to make a peace with your husband and try to work things out.
He is the father of your baby and your child will need a Dad in his life.
This is something that you as a mother needs to do so that child is not hurt at any point, so I think baby is worth of trying again.
We can figure out the ways how to do it, but forget what everyone is saying, focus on your family, your baby and your husband.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
If you are not going back to your husband and staying, do not take the child to egypt. He can and will prevent the child from leaving the country. The rest, honey all i can say is get a lawyer and fight for divorce. There is record of it at the ministry of justice so a lawyer should be able to get it for you.
quote:Marriage was done properly in Cairo, he completed marriage without me being there Novemeber, I haev not seen the marriage docs, he took them off me!
He cannot marry you 'properly' without you being there. Sounds like you may be Orfi married only. If you didnt go through the British Embassy and the Ministry of Justice then you are not 'properly' married under UK law. You could still be married under Egyptian Law though.
Advice: dont go back unless you take a brute of a bodyguard. With brute, find a lawyer in Egypt and divorce him, he can be forced to sign the divorce papers. You have a right to divorce him. If you have any trouble go to the tourist police.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
If you ARE married through Ministry of Justice and you meant he collected the papers later, then you can divorce him while in UK. Go see a Law centre or Citizens Advice.
You also need to contact the British Embassy in Cairo and tell them about this, he may try to get a visa to UK on the strength of his marriage to you, a UK citizen.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Princess, so sorry to hear about your story, the way you describe it is one of the most difficult situations because it is not only you but also your child who will have to live with your decisions.
I know I am far from being qualified to give you any advice - try to get some professional help to manage the stress, calm down and make your decisions later when you will be emotionally fit to make them in the best way.
From what I see, no need to take any big decisions or actions now - to me it would make sense to first take good care of you and your baby ...
Posts: 119 | From: here and there | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Princess i would return to England and sit down and make any decisions without the stresses tht you are experiencing at the moment in sharm. These are life changing decisions that you are making and need to have some careful thought and not made rashly based on your emotions at the time. It would appear that for some reason this man has changed his mind about you and it does appear to be about money. I know you said you hve never given him money or never led him to beleive that you are well off financially. But you do not have to do that in Egypt becuase most Egyptiand beleive that Europeans are rich and i suppose that we are compared to most of them. Anyway my heart goes out to you but you now have to try to be strong and do waht is best for you and your baby and i wish you all the luck in the world whatever decisions you make.
Posts: 1797 | From: By my husband's side | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Princes im also sorry to hear this story,no matter its not the first and wont be the last unfortunately... i feel with you.Why dont you go back to Uk and try to get your divorce there.If you are sure that you are not going back to this man ever...then dont leave your child to be delivered in Egypt,would be huge mistake.You already decided to keep the child..its fine..but go to UK..in Egypt the possibility to never take your child back is very big,so think twice of what you are doing.Search advice as Ayisha says..i have no idea how is the things in uk,so i cant give you legal advice...but take care of yourself and your child.Be strong in making the best desicion for both of you.I am wishing you all the best and hope for fast solve of this problem!
-------------------- "If you judge people, you have no time to love them" Posts: 1134 | From: NoNe oF uR BuSiNeS | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Me too i am so sad to hear of your situation.
Firstly you and your child will be safe in UK he cannot get to u if u do inform the British Embasssy in Cairo about him as someone above mentioned x
Honestly i am sorry but i do not agree that u should try to sort it out with him, u are pregnant how can any man treat u like that whilst your carrying his child ???? He will never treat u any better !! i am sorry x So don't waste any more of your time it is too risky to ever go back there cos if he has married u properly i beleive he has a right to refuse u to leave egypt! and he can force u to give birth there where he can take the child away from u and just dump u off and u will have nothing. Please think about that always x as much as he has and will hurt your heart your child deserves better and so do u x God has blessed u by giving u a life to support now i suggest getting on with that alone, u could do a real good job as many in the west do bringing a child up alone thru no fault of their own x GOOD LUCK xx
Posts: 634 | From: the Moon........... | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
firstly, if its just Orfi marriage, then its not looked at as legal in UK. So dont put his name on the birth certificate. That way if he does sweet talk you to Egypt, he cant prove he is the baby's father if he cons you there. Be ready for another con from him. If when he sees the baby and tries to take it, say oppps sorry I didnt put you name on the childs birth record in UK and say he is crazy man trying to take your child. HAHA. He will say words like .. dont keep my child from meeting me and seeing me and I love you so much on and on and on.....and your conned again. Or better yet... dont ever go back to Egypt again and forget him, you already know he is not on your side so anything now would be a con. In the end you win... you will have a beautiful baby that is all yoursssss. If you want your marriage papers then con him right back. Tell him your soooo sorry and that you love him and he is your life and you need him in the UK and that you are right away going to send in for his visa but you need a copy of your marriage to send it to request Marriage visa( which is true) and then when you get a copy, dont send it in for visa ... go get a divorce.
Posts: 45 | From: Kentucky USA | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
Such a sad story - I think the most important thing for you to do now, is get home to the UK, and have some thinking time. Don't get stuck in Egypt and forced into a decision you may regret!
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
well, i know it sounds bad but, you knew he was muslim and stuff b4 you married him. pay a visit to your embassy and see what they say. if you can prove he is trying to extort $$$ from you for a divorce...BTW, the man cannot claim any dowry from you which it looks like he is trying...they will probably give you a n annulment. but then again he cannot keep you married...go to the egyptian courts as well. if all else fails, tell him you cheated on him and the baby isnt his then never go to him ever ever again. if its an orfi marriage, dont even bother talking to him again. he will onjly get more nuts after he sees the baby so, just ditch his azz.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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quote:Marriage was done properly in Cairo, he completed marriage without me being there Novemeber, I haev not seen the marriage docs, he took them off me!
He cannot marry you 'properly' without you being there. Sounds like you may be Orfi married only. If you didnt go through the British Embassy and the Ministry of Justice then you are not 'properly' married under UK law. You could still be married under Egyptian Law though.
Advice: dont go back unless you take a brute of a bodyguard. With brute, find a lawyer in Egypt and divorce him, he can be forced to sign the divorce papers. You have a right to divorce him. If you have any trouble go to the tourist police.
Posts: 366 | From: some day | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
What is this about him being able to refuse you the right to leave the country. I've never heard of that before. Leave with a child yes. Leave at all, that sounds like another thing to put in a contract if possible along with the right for either side to divorce. Wow I've been reading this site too long.
Posts: 153 | From: Egypt | Registered: May 2006
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posted
I am so sorry to hear ur story! i agree with murray, how can she go back to him after he treated her like that?! I was also married to an egyptian and he did so bad to me....my story is on the egyptians living abroad section- my egyptian husband divorced me for a richer woman. i still dont know if he truley divorced me and he is in england now. so i am still trying to sort everything out. I dont understand what went on still... he treated me soooo good and acted like he loved me-he told me he love me more than anything and he could never love anyone more than he loved me(if we broke up)then just dissapeared! if i was you i would forget him concentrate on u and ur baby and sort ur divorce out maybe if you dont have a lot of money u could try legal aid! all i know is these men rip ur heart out and cause u soooooooooo much pain and they know it but the just dont care. i hope everything works out for u!
Posts: 25 | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Tinkerbell123: I am so sorry to hear ur story! i agree with murray, how can she go back to him after he treated her like that?! I was also married to an egyptian and he did so bad to me....my story is on the egyptians living abroad section- my egyptian husband divorced me for a richer woman. i still dont know if he truley divorced me and he is in england now. so i am still trying to sort everything out. I dont understand what went on still... he treated me soooo good and acted like he loved me-he told me he love me more than anything and he could never love anyone more than he loved me(if we broke up)then just dissapeared! if i was you i would forget him concentrate on u and ur baby and sort ur divorce out maybe if you dont have a lot of money u could try legal aid! all i know is these men rip ur heart out and cause u soooooooooo much pain and they know it but the just dont care. i hope everything works out for u!
y sterotype egyptians this sounds like all men in general any culture!! yal just happened to trust the wrong men!!! kick them to the curb and go on with yr lives!!
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
OK THEN PLZ FORGIVE ME BUT ANYMEN IN GENERAL!!! kick them to the curb!!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
I agree with one that you should not go back to egypt after your baby is born. The father can take the baby and there is nothing that you can do about it expect through their court system. I know that it hurts like heck, but you need to be thinking about your baby first and foremost. I wish you well in your life and I hope everything works out for you. I hope you have a healthy baby.
Posts: 12 | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
HI everyone! THank you all so much for your kind advice and thoughts. It is not a couple of weeks on, yes heart still torn...getting there, actually heard the heartbeat this week on a check...so this kinda boosted my morale!!
I am in the UK, sorry if I confused anyone, I got back here in HJanuary......He still refuses the docs, so decided not to push this now, as can see it will not ge anywhere. I telephoned the Embassy in Cairo, they said to telephone the UK embassy and get lawyer. I telephoned a lwayer and they said first I need to check I am actually married, and felt so stupid, as he asked what I thought were personal questions!.....still tender from everything, so decided not to contact a lawyer, felt so ridiculed and under scrutiny. I hvent had chance to contact embassy here, as have to email them...they dont take telephone calls.......
The saddest thing, is there is a part of me that really loves him....crazy, I know....I just hope in time that I can put this behind me and move on...........I take each day at a time, and dont think of the future, I cant! He really tore my heart strings, something no man has ever done to me before...specially as it took ages for me to trust him, he destroyed all this in minutes.
Anyway, I hope things get sorted out..........it is a very lonely time, when you dont actually know what to do!!
Thanks everyone so much!
xx
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2008
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You know at the moment you probably think about him all the time, in a while you will think of him often. After that you may think of him a little then - wham you have forgotten him!!!
I wish it were that easy!
Time does make things better EPD and your right take each day at a time. Try and look forward and be thankful you found out about it now.
quote:Originally posted by happybunny: You know at the moment you probably think about him all the time, in a while you will think of him often. After that you may think of him a little then - wham you have forgotten him!!!
This is not gonna happen as she will be reminded about him everytime for the rest of her life when she looks at the child they created together.
Btw, I think also very much you were orfi married so nothing to worry about.
Good luck with your pregnancy, things are gonna look so much brighter at least once your baby is born, love your child (it's not his/her fault that things turned out this way) and please move on. Many hugs to you and all the best for the future!!
(What a bastard!!! )
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
This is not gonna happen as she will be reminded about him everytime for the rest of her life when she looks at the child they created together.
good ole tigerlily always pointing out the positive. And what you say is not true. How do you know? Have you been divorced with children? Always thowing your wrong 2 cents in.
Posts: 1369 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2007
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Oh, bettyN, so you are dragging your anger and insecurities also on this topic? Something tells me you always want to have the full attention no matter what.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
i AGREE WITH TIGER!!! SHE WILL BE REMINDED OF HIM WHEN SHE LOOKS AT HER CHILD !!!
Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
I totally agree. Princess forget about the miserable circumstances but you are carrying a life in you now, be thankful that you are able to become a mother. Motherhood is beautiful. Good luck. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I find it interesting how people expect men to be the same all over the world, regardless of their upbringing, environment, culture, religion. It seems that these situations are always judeged from a western perspective, I think many Egyptians would judge it differently. I think men and women in EGYPT have very different ideas about men and women's roles, I think muslim men and women have very different ideas about men and women's roles. Unfortunately too many people seem to gloss over this and judge the man as being 'bad' when to him maybe he is just being what he thinks a man and wife should be. ALL the things in the first post screamed culture to me, APART from the money thing - If he was asking for money that was clearly wrong, but as someone pointed out, alot of people in Egypt assume that in the west we have more money, and by comparison we do, but not shed loads of it and it doesn't apply if you LIVE in the west because its too expensive, but £100 would go a lot further in Egypt than the UK.
Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Mrs, you obviously haven't read this part then:
"Cut a long story short, he now refuses me a divorce unless I pay him £10,000, because I am pregnant. If I lose baby, he will divorce me and we forget everything."
????
Yes he is bad and I guess the only good thing what Princess will ever receive from him is this beautiful baby she's carrying right now.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Mrs, you obviously haven't read this part then:
"Cut a long story short, he now refuses me a divorce unless I pay him £10,000, because I am pregnant. If I lose baby, he will divorce me and we forget everything."
????
Yes he is bad and I guess the only good thing what Princess will ever receive from him is this beautiful baby she's carrying right now.
Tigerlilly, you obviously haven't read this part then:
"APART from the money thing - If he was asking for money that was clearly wrong"Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
And he's obviously still no bad person for you.
That guy is a loser, an advantage taker from the beginning 'til the end and she's so much better of without him.
No respectful Egyptian guy would have dealed with a serious girlfriend like that. And he's putting pressure on her because of a laughable orfi contract to get what he wants.
Hence it's not even normal for Western guys to ask to be paid off for their service by a pregnant woman.... a woman he 'wholeheartly loved.' Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: And he's obviously still no bad person for you.
I'm not quite sure in what way I made it OBVIOUS that I dont think this man is a 'bad guy'? perhaps you can tell me what I said that was 'obvious'?
I actually dont have an opinion on this guy, because I have never met him. I said that to ask for or take money is wrong, I said that. But I also said that alot of the differences between them appear to be down to different cultural expectations of what it is to be a husband and wife.
I am sorry but I am not going to treat all women as victims and all men as evil, both have a responsibility for their own behaviour. What is sad is that this woman had a child with a man she did not know very well, from a culture she did not understand very well. What is important now is for her to deal with the circumstances that she has found herself in, not for everyone to jump on the 'all men are bastards' and 'women are helpless victims' bandwagon.
Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Mrs: not for everyone to jump on the 'all men are bastards' and 'women are helpless victims' bandwagon.
Why do you try to put words in my mouth which I haven't said?? Did I mention it anywhere?
Based on the facts Princess stated she has received the most unrespectful treatment a man can give a woman.
Yeah there are guys out more than enough who don't want to take over responsibility after they impregnated a woman. But to even ask for money... in this case £10,000?? WTH!!!
Princess , I am sure you still follow up with your thread. Seriously be so so thankful that it is indeed over. He didn't destroy your relationship in a couple of minutes, it was not sincere from his side in the beginning. He was using you; be glad that you didn't allow him to ruin your life.
I know you are kind of nervous about the following months to come and the baby will be born and so on but don't try to be so distressed and full of worries. I hope you have good family and friends you can rely on for support. Again all the best for the future. Don't look back, look forward to a new chapter in your life. You are gonna be a mommy, I am so excited for you! Many hugs! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I'm not putting words in your mouth Tigerlilly, unless you represent 'everyone', its a figure of speech.
There a lot of people here who are happy to dish out advice (yourself included - see above) such as:
'it was not sincere from his side in the beginning' 'he was using you' 'be glad you didnt allow him to ruin your life' ...etc.etc.
How do you KNOW so much about this man, his intentions from the start, his intentions in the future, this is ridiculous - this site is full of armchair psychologists, actually make that armchair fortunetellers!
you just take one persons side of the story and start telling her how better off she and THEIR child are that she is away from him, youre quite content that the father will never see his child.
Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
I must admit Mrs he doesn't sound to nice! ;)
EPD quote -
quote: If I keep baby and try to see him in sharm he will make big trouble for me, and tell me he will stop me going back to UK.
:eek:
I have known lots of egyptain men and they would never do things like this. £10,000 for a divorce also??? Sure wouldn't want this type of guy for my daughter. ;) ;)
posted
Princess, the child might feel abandoned at one point or another unless you as a mother make sure to correctly raise the child with no abandonment issues.
Your child is our world. It is important what and how do you raise future generations. I don't think it is fair for a child to be fatherless or motherless.
I hope you interview and visit in person abandoned fatherless children and see their perspectives. It would help you to better understand your role as future mother.
Keep in mind, your child will want to know his/her Dad. The children want to know, and they ask questions. They feel they have rights as well. You got to see the child's perspective and be very wise how to correctly explain the situation.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
If I had to make a guess, I would say he married for sex and money. He didn't think he could get her pregnant easily as the first wife was unable to conceive, at least he didn't think it would come so soon after marriage. The shock of the pregnancy made him think about this woman as his child's mother, I'm sure the family was less than thrilled that she was Christian, too. I would highly doubt if they married legally, and I'm sure he doesn't want the troubles that could come with that.
Short answer, have your baby, care for yourself and wait a while and contact him to see if he has a change of heart. Beware if he sweet talks you to come with the baby to visit, he may see it as his obligation to keep that baby here and raise him/her as a Muslim, knowing you could not. Otherwise he could try to use the child to get closer to you, get money from you, etc. Beware, your situation does not sound good. Find a lawyer, quick.
Posts: 412 | From: protectress of Lower Egypt | Registered: Aug 2007
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