posted
thankfully it isn't as sticky as the other situation...
i just finished teaching an 8-week ESL course to adults and one of the students sent me an email stating that he is sad the class is over and he won't see his favorite teacher again, and could we be friends?
(ok, first of all, I KNOW...i'm stupid for giving the class my email address...but that's done and over with, can't take it back now! lesson learned!)
the student also invited me to be one of his friend's on facebook.com...i checked out his 'page' first and under his interests, he wrote a comment about me and that he loves to see me smile...
ooof...
so, do i respond to his email letting him know the reasons why we can't be friends (mainly, i'm 16 years older than him, we have nothing in common and i'm sure my husband wouldn't like to have me running around with an 18-year old egyptian boy) or do i ignore the email altogher???
Posts: 422 | From: American living in Maadi, visiting in the States for awhile | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
I think you should tell him exactly that: Thank you so much for your offer. I am delighted you liked me so much as your teacher. Unfortunately I am married and I can not continue contact with you. I believe you will fully understand, I wish you all the best for the future.
He has a crush on you.... how sweet! Now don't pull a Debra LaFave number!! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by walkingathinline: thankfully it isn't as sticky as the other situation...
i just finished teaching an 8-week ESL course to adults and one of the students sent me an email stating that he is sad the class is over and he won't see his favorite teacher again, and could we be friends?
(ok, first of all, I KNOW...i'm stupid for giving the class my email address...but that's done and over with, can't take it back now! lesson learned!)
the student also invited me to be one of his friend's on facebook.com...i checked out his 'page' first and under his interests, he wrote a comment about me and that he loves to see me smile...
ooof...
so, do i respond to his email letting him know the reasons why we can't be friends (mainly, i'm 16 years older than him, we have nothing in common and i'm sure my husband wouldn't like to have me running around with an 18-year old egyptian boy) or do i ignore the email altogher???
You're an 34 yr. old teacher, should you be interested in an 18 yr. old boy when he didn't make this flattering remarks on his facebook? You're interested because of the fact he is making eyes on you, he is carefully trying to get involved with you. Mailing you is a first step, his remarks on facebook a second one, and you feel flattered by his attention. Accepting his attempts should mean you really would be walking a thin line. So, think about what you want. It's up to you, and he makes it up to you. Thin lines are difficult to stay in balance, so it's your decision...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
?????: i'm not interested in him, nor do i feel flattered by his attention...in fact, it makes me feel weirded out...
my question wasn't whether or not i SHOULD be friends with him, i don't want to be friends with him...
if you read my post more thoroughly, you would see that my question was how do i handle it? do i tell him no...or do i just ignore him??
-------------------- "It's very important to learn how to weasel out of things. It's what separates us from the animals...except the weasel." ~Homer J. Simpson Posts: 422 | From: American living in Maadi, visiting in the States for awhile | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Tell him straight, but I wouldn't be as flowery as Tigerlily would. She is trying to not hurt him, but that can leave him open to 'what if?....'
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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-------------------- Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Posts: 564 | From: planet earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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u know u wouldnt be rude tellin him yr his teacher!! and there are bounderies!! put yrself in his mothers shoes! would u want a 30 somethin woman tryin to get with yr son???? i know for sure hell no!1 my 19 yr old son is with a 32 yr old woman!! i in no way agree to this!! there for i will not talk with her i see her as a child molester!!! wethere i dont care if he is an adult cas i personally feel like she has takin advantage of my son!!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Seriously by ignoring his e-mail he will only send another one and another one.... and he might be one of those people who don't get the clue.
Just give him an answer and let him deal with it properly.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Seriously by ignoring his e-mail he will only send another one and another one.... and he might be one of those people who don't get the clue.
Just give him an answer and let him deal with it properly.
People can be BLOCKED on emails. IGNORING is the only way and it means BLOCKING HIM of her emails and her life. To go even further she should complain to the school authorities naming the student that is being an annoyance too.. Some 'immature' people tend to presume that if you answer them you are interested NO MATTER what you say in your answer.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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yes that is sometimes true !! but if she tells will he stalk her accuse her etc? she needs to tell him there is a boundary she is the teacher!!he is the student!! then if that dont work she should tell!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: People can be BLOCKED on emails. IGNORING is the only way and it means BLOCKING HIM of her emails and her life. To go even further she should complain to the school authorities naming the student that is being an annoyance too.. Some 'immature' people tend to presume that if you answer them you are interested NO MATTER what you say in your answer.
The only way is the HARD way for you... hm?
How about we find a compromise here? Giving him a reply and then block him??
OFF TOPIC:
Almaz serious question. How do you - as an Egyptian woman - react to constant sexual harrassment on Egypt's streets? What do you do? Report offensive men to the police? Or are you just ignoring, accepting their despicable behaviour and you actually learned to live with it???
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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How about we find a compromise here? Giving him a reply and then block him??
Good idea, and I think Tina has a great point in telling him she is his teacher is important. And maybe copying the school in on the email, to cover your back would be a good idea?
Posts: 836 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by walkingathinline: do i tell him no...or do i just ignore him??
In your eyes, going to the trouble of telling him you're not interested (blah blah blah) is a way of being polite. To him (Egyptian - and I'm sorry to generalise) it means you're playing hard to get.... IGNORE HIM!
Posts: 815 | From: London and the other | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: People can be BLOCKED on emails. IGNORING is the only way and it means BLOCKING HIM of her emails and her life. To go even further she should complain to the school authorities naming the student that is being an annoyance too.. Some 'immature' people tend to presume that if you answer them you are interested NO MATTER what you say in your answer.
The only way is the HARD way for you... hm?
How about we find a compromise here? Giving him a reply and then block him??
OFF TOPIC:
Almaz serious question. How do you - as an Egyptian woman - react to constant sexual harrassment on Egypt's streets? What do you do? Report offensive men to the police? Or are you just ignoring, accepting their despicable behaviour and you actually learned to live with it???
Tiger, I'm one of the people that do not wish to walk in the crowded streets of Cairo to go to work or anywhere. I would go to work by car at 5 am everyday, and I was lucky to be driven to work.
When was going to University, was also lucky to go by car. Inside university some men would try their little scenarios, but I would ignore them and so would many of my colleagues, if they would persist we would report them. Simple. They know after a few attempts who responds and who does not.
Where I go in Cairo is usually not where men harass women. My work, my family, my relatives, my friends live in an environment where harassment is out of the question. We go to places where people know us. I do not wonder in the dark alleys, or in the middle of crowds during days.
In my neighborhood, all the bowabs of the area know my family for many many years, any new bowab will know who we are, and believe it or not they protect us from any intruders.
As I said I'm lucky.
When my husband was alive, we were together all the time. So again I'm lucky.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
I have to agree with the "ignore" advice given. Even responding in this situation could give him enough encouragement to think over time he could win you over.
Posts: 370 | From: Other side of reality | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
that is all well and good but she has to stand her ground with this biy!!! for now its not sexural harrasment she does not wanna escilate the situation!! she does not have to explain herself to a student just simply say!!! i am yr teacher ur my student and she wishes not to have any relations outside of school its just not a good idea cas she is married and it will ruin her profession!! if that dont work call the school and have the dean tell him!! no need to get mean or rude at all!!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Bonzo: I have to agree with the "ignore" advice given. Even responding in this situation could give him enough encouragement to think over time he could win you over.
Exactly. Think about it, when someone attacks someone on a thread and the language starts to be really bad, if you do not ignore, what happens?
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
YES THATS ONLINE!!!IN A FORUM this is real life she is talkin about she has seen him in classes thats a totally different situation!!
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: YES THATS ONLINE!!!IN A FORUM this is real life she is talkin about she has seen him in classes thats a totally different situation!!
Tina, please ask your fiance what should a woman do in this situation in Egypt. Let's see if he encourages to pursue the communication in any way shape or form.
The 'GENERAL' mentality of a young Egyptian/ Middle Eastern 'harasser' is like this: 'If she replies to me, even if she insults me she is interested or there is a chance that she will be interested.'
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
I would agree with IGNORE - anything else would suggest that it was OK with you that he sent you that mail and could encourage him for more ...
You are lucky it happend at the end of classes - so just forget about it. He is young and has to learn to get rejected anyway Posts: 119 | From: here and there | Registered: Jan 2008
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quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: YES THATS ONLINE!!!IN A FORUM this is real life she is talkin about she has seen him in classes thats a totally different situation!!
Tina, please ask your fiance what should a woman do in this situation in Egypt. Let's see if he encourages to pursue the communication in any way shape or form.
The 'GENERAL' mentality of a young Egyptian/ Middle Eastern 'harasser' is like this: 'If she replies to me, even if she insults me she is interested or there is a chance that she will be interested.'
soory i keep forgetin this is an egyptian forum i was not thinkin in the sence of her bein in egypt sorry i dont know how it is there i take back my advice!!assuming she is in egypt but they boy there should not be acting this way to any woman!!!
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: Where I go in Cairo is usually not where men harass women. My work, my family, my relatives, my friends live in an environment where harassment is out of the question.
Almaz, thanks for your response. However this particular part puzzles me. You know when I lived in Cairo it didn't matter Egyptian men tried all the time to get my attention in any kind of way. I couldn't walk down any street without stupid comments, whistling or else. I mostly moved around in the Zamalek and Mohandseen area during the day/evening but even in top nightclubs - where people go with money and you think they would have better manners - I was subject to harrassment.
It was hard to deal with this different kind of man mentality and believe me when I think about it it still quite bothers me up until today. I always felt like they see a foreign sl*t in me, ready to do anything with anybody at any time...
Thankfully I am older now, have more self-confidence and I am positive I'll deal with this issue much better next time around - ISA I will.
Btw, you mentioned you were in company of your husband all the time. You know I remember quite a handful of situations where guys tried to hit on me - we women have a very fine sense for that!!! - with my Egy boyfriend (later on fiance) next by my side. I thought this was rude. Once my ex freaked out on a guy because he wanted to buy me a drink, what a bad move! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
if i was in your position i would make the boundaries very clear. 'Thank you but you misunderstand - i was your teacher and that was all, it was my job to help you to learn and now that role is finished'. Wish him well in the future and say goodbye... Posts: 1797 | From: By my husband's side | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
I have no idea Tiger, why men were whistling at you while with an Egyptian Fiance? to be honest these types are sleazy and Thank God I never had to go through this.
Another thing is we are used to: IGNORE and NOT to LOOK at strangers. So if some stranger is saying things to us, looking or whistling while we come out of a car - my friends and I, or my sister and I, for example we would never give a look, so we do not really know if they were talking to us, looking at us, whistling at us or not, and we would not care. We are trained since childhood never to LOOK or reply to a STRANGER.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
I agree with Almaz - not looking seems to work very well. I have been walking even on crowded streets downtown Cairo and I have not experienced any harrassment from men (even when alone) other than usual bumping that could happen in any crowded street anywhere in the world.
I did notice though that many Caierens are used to walk streight and not to avoid people - so my husband gave me the advice to walk with my arm stretched a bit in front of me to protect myself Posts: 119 | From: here and there | Registered: Jan 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: I have no idea Tiger, why men were whistling at you while with an Egyptian Fiance? to be honest these types are sleazy and Thank God I never had to go through this.
Another thing is we are used to: IGNORE and NOT to LOOK at strangers. So if some stranger is saying things to us, looking or whistling while we come out of a car - my friends and I, or my sister and I, for example we would never give a look, so we do not really know if they were talking to us, looking at us, whistling at us or not, and we would not care. We are trained since childhood never to LOOK or reply to a STRANGER.
We are not used to this... That's the only problem, we are not raised in the intention that attention from a stranger could mean danger....
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: I have no idea Tiger, why men were whistling at you while with an Egyptian Fiance? to be honest these types are sleazy and Thank God I never had to go through this.
Another thing is we are used to: IGNORE and NOT to LOOK at strangers. So if some stranger is saying things to us, looking or whistling while we come out of a car - my friends and I, or my sister and I, for example we would never give a look, so we do not really know if they were talking to us, looking at us, whistling at us or not, and we would not care. We are trained since childhood never to LOOK or reply to a STRANGER.
We are not used to this... That's the only problem, we are not raised in the intention that attention from a stranger could mean danger....
When I was in the US about 7 years ago one of my American friends had her niece with her one day. We were in a Shopping Mall and she was telling her little niece never to speak to strangers, even if they would give her candy or go in a car with a stranger even if the stranger would say they knew her mommy. It was a big issue to teach children never to go with a stranger while waiting for their mom in front of school. Because of many kidnapping and more atrocious tragedies that were happening to kids.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Maybe we are not used to this in our own environmnet - but you simply have to adapt when you are in a different culture.
When I was travelling as a student with my friend (girl and we were just 21 at that time) in India for a month not looking directly to people's faces really helped to avoid (or not notice) any hassle from men and street vendors ... You are always attracting attention when you look different than locals ...
Posts: 119 | From: here and there | Registered: Jan 2008
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