It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.
The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "Okay, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."
The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes." The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable. He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted, "Oh my God, I was riding the mare!"
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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THREE WOMEN , TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."
A FEW MINUTE S LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTEDHER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR
EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID......... "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!"
Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking, scared the sh*t out of me. So thats it, after today, no more reading.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!'
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says : 'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts... age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.
If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.
I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old! Some of us are just more youthfully challenged..........You did notice the size of the print?
Posts: 446 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2006
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