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On my first post on this board someone asked me why I was so impressed by this Egyptian gigolo phenomena I tried to analyse it. Well, my female friend and travel companion seemed to be under the influence of an Egyptian man that carried “red flags” as large as tablecloths. He’s at least 20 years younger. NO! Asked for sex on the first night they met. NO! Got sex on the second night. NO! Had her pay the bills on the moments they spend together. NO! Wants to start his own business but has no money. NO! Says he has to take care of his sick old mother and younger siblings. NO! Wants to go to Europe to see her and guess who has to pay? NO! Etc. etc. From the first moment on it was so obvious to me he tried to scam her, I couldn’t believe she fell for it. (And by that time I didn’t know anything about the Egyptian Deuce Biggalow thing. I only noticed you get lots of dubious male attention as a female tourist in the tourist areas.
My friend’s a big girl and she is able to take care of herself, so why did it bother me so much? She tried to drag me with her and got me so far I started to doubt my own opinions, values and intelligence. I nearly began to believe she was having this great long distance friendship with the most wonderful guy and I missed all this because of my suspicion and cynic approach towards men in general. If I wasn’t open for “love”, or wasn’t willing to make an effort for a man, I would never be able to find “happiness”. So I’d better go see a shrink. My friend suggested. Other friends said I should just dump her, but to me friendship comes with loyalty and trust. It came as a shock to me that it seemed a friend was so dishonest to try to manipulate me.
This week my friend finally admitted she had been got carried away for too long in this soap bubble holiday romance, and that she had been trying to manipulate me. I appreciate that and it cleared the air between us. Maybe it’s hard to resist it when you are an average middle aged woman and a much younger Arabian prince tells you he doesn’t care about her age or looks but falls for her great personality. And it’s hard to admit in reality your nothing more to him than about 90 kg. of $$$$$$$$$$$$$. (Doesn't do your self esteem much good.)
But I still wonder why could I see instantly Deuce was trying to scam my friend, and she didn’t for a long time? (Even on our last conversation together she even seemed to think Deuce genuinely liked her, but it was some other guy she considers to be his pimp who forced him to set her up. I got a bit angry. Deuce is about twice as big as his “pimp”. Deuce is a streetwise man in his 30’s. Come on!) Why could I instantly see most of the male attention in the tourist areas was at least dubious, and she didn’t? (She said I acted unnecessary rude towards these men.) Do some people really get so weak in the presence of beauty?
Posts: 119 | From: Where ever I lay my head... | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
What your friend is suffering from, is Denial.
The unconscious motivation behind 'denial' is usually related to the 'potential adverse consequences' that could stem if 'denial' was scratched off, and reality recognized. Example, being lonely, no romance, depression, etc..
The person in denial unconsciously decides that the total awareness of what is happening is more 'threatening' to her/his sense of self, than the act of denial.
Gigolos cash on the above, without realizing the depth of the problem these women have, or why these women fall into their traps so easily and fast. The gigolo's quick analysis result : older women = weakness and desperation, because no man wants them = cash, visa, clothes, better life/a way of life
The gigolo's analysis is only partly right, but the psyche of those women in denial - like your friend - is usually troubled. It is generally caused by pre-menopausal/ hormonal changes - or post-menopausal changes.
Posts: 919 | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: What your friend is suffering from, is Denial.
The unconscious motivation behind 'denial' is usually related to the 'potential adverse consequences' that could stem if 'denial' was scratched off, and reality recognized. Example, being lonely, no romance, depression, etc..
The person in denial unconsciously decides that the total awareness of what is happening is more 'threatening' to her/his sense of self, than the act of denial.
Gigolos cash on the above, without realizing the depth of the problem these women have, or why these women fall into their traps so easily and fast. The gigolo's quick analysis result : older women = weakness and desperation, because no man wants them = cash, visa, clothes, better life/a way of life
The gigolo's analysis is only partly right, but the psyche of those women in denial - like your friend - is usually troubled. It is generally caused by pre-menopausal/ hormonal changes - or post-menopausal changes.
Wow! Summons up exactly how I was thinking about the whole situation!
Posts: 119 | From: Where ever I lay my head... | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Just for the record: my friend is much older than me. But she almost freaks out when people guess she is. I was thinking she wanted to travel with me, because she knew I’m interested in the Arabic culture. But now I wonder… I’m a good looking 45 year old woman, looking like a good looking 45 year old woman. I love men, usually get a lot of male attention, but I also love my independence. My mate (contemporarily or not, from another cultural background or not) should be more or less my equal. Not just a beautiful body. I already have a cat, thank you very much. Maybe that’s what offended me the most: am I turning from being this independent, smart, slightly out of the ordinary woman, into a sad creature that has to pay to fulfil her natural needs? My best friends keep saying: no, “Kleo”, no!!! But the idea still gives me nightmares… Shrink!!! Posts: 119 | From: Where ever I lay my head... | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
That's what friends are for..... well done, Kleobatra!! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Almaz.: What your friend is suffering from, is Denial.
The unconscious motivation behind 'denial' is usually related to the 'potential adverse consequences' that could stem if 'denial' was scratched off, and reality recognized. Example, being lonely, no romance, depression, etc..
The person in denial unconsciously decides that the total awareness of what is happening is more 'threatening' to her/his sense of self, than the act of denial.
Gigolos cash on the above, without realizing the depth of the problem these women have, or why these women fall into their traps so easily and fast. The gigolo's quick analysis result : older women = weakness and desperation, because no man wants them = cash, visa, clothes, better life/a way of life
The gigolo's analysis is only partly right, but the psyche of those women in denial - like your friend - is usually troubled. It is generally caused by pre-menopausal/ hormonal changes - or post-menopausal changes.
Think it's nothing else as the midlife crises when some men are exchanging their wife for a younger type. Think they feel coveted again, and appreciated, while they miss that in their own life,or, often longlasting, relationship. I think all people have to feel appreciated in their relationship, their family or at work. It doesn't really makes that much difference if it is in a relationship or in a carreer...
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: That's what friends are for..... well done, Kleobatra!!
Dunno. Thinking back it still get so angry about the way my friend tried to make me feel like a nutcase to justify her own behaviour. And how she blatantly ignored all the evidence that pointed out this man was not at all madly in love with her. And how I, out of embarrassment, hardly dared to talk about this subject with my closest friends and relatives. (I still hardly do, actually. It feels like my jaws start to freeze off.)
Posts: 119 | From: Where ever I lay my head... | Registered: Feb 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Expecto Patronum (Alchemist): People will always see what they want to see.
BOY is that right! I think I just learned this a week or two ago for REAL for the first time. Life is crazy.
Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
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Asked for sex on the first night they met. NO! ![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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Maybe that’s what offended me the most: am I turning from being this independent, smart, slightly out of the ordinary woman, into a sad creature that has to pay to fulfil her natural needs? My best friends keep saying: no, “Kleo”, no!!! But the idea still gives me nightmares… Shrink!!! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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