CAIRO: When Nada went off to college, she was young, hopeful and innocent. She met Omar in her second year, and believed it was love at first sight. He professed his undying affection for her, and made her feel wanted. It seemed natural to her that their relationship would progress physically as it matured emotionally.
Omar had promised that as soon as he was able to, he would ask for her hand in marriage, but after graduation the two drifted apart.
His promise of forever was broken, and so was Nada’s hymen.
“We were young and in love,” said Nada. “I never thought the day would come when I wouldn’t be with him. I made the decision to give him my virginity. Now, not a day goes by without me wanting to take it back.”
Nada is considering reclaiming her virginity by undergoing hymen reconstructive surgery. In a society where virginity is sacred, and is the only manifestation of purity, this seems like her only choice. For women in the Middle East virginity is used as a measure of worth.
“[On the wedding night] The men expect to feel resistance, they expect the woman to feel pain, and they expect to see blood,” she said. “If any of these expectations aren’t met, I will have ruined my family name. That can’t happen.”
The Surgery
A hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the opening of the vagina for most girls. It can come in many different shapes and sizes, and it could be completely absent. As women grow older the hymen becomes less elastic, and can easily tear.
There are two types of surgery to reconstruct the hymen. They are referred to as hymenorrhaphy, hymenoplasty, hymen restoration or replacement surgery. If there is enough of the hymen remaining, the pieces can be stitched together.
This gives the illusion of a tear on the wedding night. To make sure she bleeds, the doctor can insert a small gelatin capsule with blood-like fluid inside.
“This surgery must be done three to seven days before the wedding, because the tissue is simply pulled together and the procedure doesn’t last,” said Dr Mohamed El Hennawy, OB/GYN at Rass El-Barr Central Hospital and Damitta Specialized hospital.
A more complicated procedure is required if little of the hymen remains. El Hennawy told Daily News Egypt that in such cases, part of the vaginal wall is strapped across the opening. The process takes about two hours and does not require hospitalization. Healing will take about two weeks, during which a woman should avoid sex.
“These women may be told to instruct their husbands that their hymen is very vascular and that he should cut it with a sharp instrument before they attempt sexual intercourse,” said El Hennawy.
However, finding a doctor that will perform the surgery can prove to be difficult. While there is no law in Egypt outlawing the procedure, the social stigma surrounding it makes it difficult for doctors to openly profess that they perform it, hence it is done in out-of-theway clinics without anesthesia or pain killers.
The hymen illusion
“A man loses his virginity the first time his penis enters a vagina,” said El Hennawy. “Similarly, a woman loses her virginity the first time a penis enters her vagina.”
Doctors are unsure of what the function of a hymen is. However, many believe it is used to protect infant girls from vaginal infections. As the child grows, the hymen becomes less elastic. Horseback riding, biking, gymnastics, using tampons, and masturbation can all result in accidently perforating the hymen. Since the pain and blood involved may be minimal, girls can literally lose their virginity without realizing it.
“It is not uncommon for a gynecologist to come across a blushing young female surrounded by a whole horde of male relatives demanding that she be examined,” said El Hennawy. “She did not bleed during sexual intercourse on her wedding night, and the men all want to know why.”
In some parts of the Arab world this could result in honor killings.
The hymen in Islam
The controversy surrounding the procedure took a new turn in February 2007 when Egypt's Grand Mufti Aly Gomaa released a fatwa which allowed women the right to undergo the procedure.
“Islam never differentiates between men and women, so it is not rational for us to think that God has placed a sign to indicate the virginity of women without having a similar sign to indicate the virginity of men,” said Sheikh Khaled El Guindy, an Al-Azhar scholar.
Although Islam institutes severe punishment for adultery and extramarital sex, the fatwa emphasized the element of forgiveness in the faith.
In effect Gomaa was saying that in the battle between honesty and honor, honor should take precedence.
“If God wants us to know everything about each other, He would have given us the ability to read each others’ minds, so why did he not do so? Perhaps maybe someone would have a wrong idea about you now but will change it later,” Gomaa said.
“These women may be told to instruct their husbands that their hymen is very vascular and that he should cut it with a sharp instrument before they attempt sexual intercourse,” said El Hennawy.
posted
heard last night about a woman that had been married once and divorced. Shame to her family meant 'selling her off' asap and she had the surgery done. Wedding night comes, shes still in hospital as the bleeding wouldnt stop.
This and FGM are the most disgusting practices in this country. do they really think Allah doesnt know whats going off here? Fear God, not the man and not his family.
This doesnt make much sense either:
quote:The controversy surrounding the procedure took a new turn in February 2007 when Egypt's Grand Mufti Aly Gomaa released a fatwa which allowed women the right to undergo the procedure.
“Islam never differentiates between men and women, so it is not rational for us to think that God has placed a sign to indicate the virginity of women without having a similar sign to indicate the virginity of men,” said Sheikh Khaled El Guindy, an Al-Azhar scholar.
Although Islam institutes severe punishment for adultery and extramarital sex, the fatwa emphasized the element of forgiveness in the faith.
In effect Gomaa was saying that in the battle between honesty and honor, honor should take precedence.
on one hand hes saying women should have it done and on the other hes saying there is no way to know a man is a virgin but at the same time saying Islam doesnt differentiate between a man and a woman.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Very interesting how ALy Gomaa obviously puts more emphasis on honor than honesty. I think it is the other way around in the West. Maybe indicative of the basic difference of the West and Middle East.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
yea and how is a man gonna say he expects her to feel pain, how should he know? ....it dont even hurt like that when a guy goes in the first time. the only thing that u feel is a bit of cramping when he hits the cervix, but thats not even enough to call it pain. my first time was like that, but then after the second round, i dived in for 12 more hits. bled a lot though ilckh.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think its different for each woman. For me there was alot of pain, so much i couldnt breathe but not much blood at all, didnt even notice it at that time, but the next morning there was some.
posted
Most of my friends did not bleed their first time, especially those who lost their virginity slightly older. It is so sad that woman have been accused when they could be totally innocent. I really wish they would stop calling it “honour” killings. Murder is murder.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
i know, i dont understand where the 'honor' comes from. u are killing your own child for christs sake! which would you rather be known for...having a daughter who fell in love, or being sick enough to kill your own child?
my ex got me stoned b4 we scored. i never smoked ANYTHING before and he whips out a hash joint and omg lol! yea, the bleeding for me was crazy. it was a week before we got married and i was so embarrased to let the hotel cleaning staff find the sheets like that so I rolled them up and took them with me when we left
I cried after my first time though. he sat on the edge of the bed lighting a smoke and i looked at him, and cried. i actually felt bad.
the next morning, i was walking like a cowboy.
but for real, for real, i saved myself as a gift to my husband and he treated me so badly in the marriage. i feel like it was such a waste...especially given the fact he was with so many other girls b4 me. in the marriage he often accused me of cheating which hurt because i didnt and for him to treat me like that was a real kick in my face....especially since these days in america its very hard to marry a real virgin girl. he didnt know how lucky he was. he didnt deserve that gift and deep within me, i wish i could be a virgin again. i like sex, but only because i know what its like. i had my first taste of blood and wanted more. had i never met him or married anyone else, i would probably still be a virgin today.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic