posted
I am in love with my Egyptian boyfriend but I find our relationship really difficult and need some advice...
His job as a tour guide means he is constantly travelling and I only see him every two weeks or even less. I keep in touch by sending text messages every few days but he doesn't reply. He never calls either.
When he's back, we spend time together and he's absolutely wonderful, and we talk about our future together and he is very attentive and loving. But sometimes we make plans and he decides he's 'too lazy' to come and see me. He says this is because his job is really demanding and he always says he's really tired. This hurts me because we hardly get to see each other as it is.
I know he's not engaged or married already; I've met his family and I know his job is legit because I have toured with him before, and it is as demanding as he says it is. So I have no reason to mistrust him.
But I'm starting to feel as if he only sees me when it's convenient for him, and he'll never make an effort to show me I'm important to him. I also feel like we're never going to get married; he's always away working and we haven't even had time to get engaged yet. He has an apartment that we're supposedly going to live in when we get married, but it's not even furnished yet and can you imagine how long it's going to take him to do that?
I'm torn because I love him, but I don't feel like I'm a priority in his life. Is this a cultural misunderstanding? Is his neglect of me normal? What should I do?
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
I personally couldnt live like that but that is me. I would be very hurt by his lack of visiting time and if i was going to give up everything to be with him i would want to know he was with me 100%.
Are you living in Egypt now. Have you got some friends to keep you company and who you can talk to about it all.
I am here if you ever get bored or lonely and just wanna chat. As i said this is only me who couldnt live like that. Different people have different expectations but i dont think it is normal behaviour. I wont accept it from Mr T at all.
Posts: 1710 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Mar 2008
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I know what you mean miffmiss. Thanks for the chat offer, I appreciate it! Do you live in Cairo?
Yes I do live in Egypt now, in Maadi, but I have only one friend here so far and I'm usually really lonely! I have only lived here for seven weeks and have found it impossible to meet people. I don't start work until September; I hope to meet people through work at least.
Thankfully I didn't move here for him, I was always going to move here anyway. But I'm trying to decide whether this relationship is worth everything I'm going through; on the one hand I love him, but on the other hand I keep wondering if maybe I should find someone else who actually makes me feel like I matter to them.
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
I would be hurt if I felt I was hanging around waiting for things to be on my guys terms. I would have to spell it outright that if I wasn't made to feel a little more wanted I would diasppear all together.
Naturally we are all different and some may think that this is ok but personally I think a text here and there isn't asking the earth.
It isn't a cultural mis-understanding as I know women in England who have had the same converastions with me (on Sunday oddly enough) and I said the same to them as I am saying to you... have you explained how you are feeling?
The way I am designed is to play him at his own game and just not be available when he is ready to meet up. See how he likes it.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
it is difficult when you can not live together shadiyah. You move to egypt and he move away from you? think and sit with him more before you decide. how long you meet ?
Posts: 326 | From: Prague | Registered: Jun 2008
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quote:Originally posted by cheekyferret: I would be hurt if I felt I was hanging around waiting for things to be on my guys terms. I would have to spell it outright that if I wasn't made to feel a little more wanted I would diasppear all together.
Naturally we are all different and some may think that this is ok but personally I think a text here and there isn't asking the earth.
It isn't a cultural mis-understanding as I know women in England who have had the same converastions with me (on Sunday oddly enough) and I said the same to them as I am saying to you... have you explained how you are feeling?
The way I am designed is to play him at his own game and just not be available when he is ready to meet up. See how he likes it.
Yes I have tried to talk to him before about this... once he didn't talk to me for over two weeks and didn't answer my calls or texts or anything. I told him that he had made me cry and he was stunned. He said he's just like that sometimes and I shouldn't have been bothered by it. But like you said... it's not like I text him every day, just every few days, and surely it's not asking the earth for him to reply occasionally??
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Maybe you should be stronger and start making some ground rules, if he can get away with not talking to you and then coming back to you when he please he will continue to do so. You need to explain that the less you see of him the less you actually want to be with him.
Sadly sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. To know right answers you have to ask the right questions.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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Your advice is good cheekyferret... thanks.
He used to keep in touch a lot better before I moved over here. But since I've been here, he's been really slack. I feel like he's relaxed now, like he feels he no longer has to make the effort because he's taken it for granted that I've moved over here and therefore he'll always have me.
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Shadiyah,,Sorry if Im gonna ask you personal question or if you could see it disrespectable,,But Im gonna ask it anyway and you are free to answer or not.
Do you feel that he is working too hard because of you or he seem to work too hard because of himself and he just put you on a shelve because you are something sweet he love to be with anyway??
I mean what exactly the reasons for working too much in your opinion,,At last he might do that to be with you soon,,Marriage in Egypt isnt cheap,,You know..
Sorry again in advance..
Posts: 712 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by shadiyah: I am in love with my Egyptian boyfriend but I find our relationship really difficult and need some advice...
His job as a tour guide means he is constantly travelling and I only see him every two weeks or even less. I keep in touch by sending text messages every few days but he doesn't reply. He never calls either.
When he's back, we spend time together and he's absolutely wonderful, and we talk about our future together and he is very attentive and loving. But sometimes we make plans and he decides he's 'too lazy' to come and see me. He says this is because his job is really demanding and he always says he's really tired. This hurts me because we hardly get to see each other as it is.
I know he's not engaged or married already; I've met his family and I know his job is legit because I have toured with him before, and it is as demanding as he says it is. So I have no reason to mistrust him.
But I'm starting to feel as if he only sees me when it's convenient for him, and he'll never make an effort to show me I'm important to him. I also feel like we're never going to get married; he's always away working and we haven't even had time to get engaged yet. He has an apartment that we're supposedly going to live in when we get married, but it's not even furnished yet and can you imagine how long it's going to take him to do that?
I'm torn because I love him, but I don't feel like I'm a priority in his life. Is this a cultural misunderstanding? Is his neglect of me normal? What should I do?
There are several key elements here that you are missing:
-There is no real, solid commitment here save for empty promises and a few text messages and phone calls that for the most part are ignored when he's working.
-You're perception of him is what you're "in love" with, i.e. how you would like to see him, rather than what he is now based on recent behaviors, lack of free time, "too tired" (by the way this is something guys say when we wanna get the phuck outta dodge) is popping up which is not a good sign. Expectation is the mother of all misery, also, if someone actions don't jibe with their words then something is definitely wrong.
-If there is any doubt, there is no doubt, you mentioned that you feel as though 'you'll never get married' another warning sign to take heed of and not ignore; you're on the first few steps of that very long staircase of realization that you are not in the best situation and it's time to ask serious questions and find out what YOU are getting from this relationship, if it's not what you want, you have to abandon any silly idealistic notion of "love" and face the reality of the situation and exactly where you stand.
Posts: 2404 | Registered: May 2006
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it look good shadiyah. from outside window i can see it can work but only from march take more time and i wish you good and that it work the best. Just be taking all the time to think and chose what to do.
Posts: 326 | From: Prague | Registered: Jun 2008
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quote:Originally posted by *Misho*: Shadiyah,,Sorry if Im gonna ask you personal question or if you could see it disrespectable,,But Im gonna ask it anyway and you are free to answer or not.
Do you feel that he is working too hard because of you or he seem to work too hard because of himself and he just put you on a shelve because you are something sweet he love to be with anyway??
I mean what exactly the reasons for working too much in your opinion,,At last he might do that to be with you soon,,Marriage in Egypt isnt cheap,,You know..
Sorry again in advance..
Don't be sorry... I don't think he works so hard because of me, he had this job long before he met me and he has always worked hard. I know he works hard so he can save money for marriage and that's great, but he could at least keep in touch with me while he's away so I know that he's ok. Is that so much to ask?
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Hi Shadiyah, hope it works well... But I told my opinions about tour guides' relationships before.. Not all of them are same sure but .n the future, you may have too much headache Good luck Posts: 2591 | From: **Ex Oriente Lux** | Registered: Jan 2007
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quote:Originally posted by VanillaBullshit: There are several key elements here that you are missing:
-There is no real, solid commitment here save for empty promises and a few text messages and phone calls that for the most part are ignored when he's working.
-You're perception of him is what you're "in love" with, i.e. how you would like to see him, rather than what he is now based on recent behaviors, lack of free time, "too tired" (by the way this is something guys say when we wanna get the phuck outta dodge) is popping up which is not a good sign. Expectation is the mother of all misery, also, if someone actions don't jibe with their words then something is definitely wrong.
-If there is any doubt, there is no doubt, you mentioned that you feel as though 'you'll never get married' another warning sign to take heed of and not ignore; you're on the first few steps of that very long staircase of realization that you are not in the best situation and it's time to ask serious questions and find out what YOU are getting from this relationship, if it's not what you want, you have to abandon any silly idealistic notion of "love" and face the reality of the situation and exactly where you stand.
Thanks VanillaBullshit for the comments. You're right about a lot of things... the empty promises for example, and the actions not gelling with the words. I think this is more due to his being slack than anything else, but it's true all the same. And the fact that he has made no solid committment to me is true as well. Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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quote:Originally posted by 'Shahrazat': Hi Shadiyah, hope it works well... But I told my opinions about tour guides' relationships before.. Not all of them are same sure but .n the future, you may have too much headache Good luck
Thanks Shahrazat. Is there a thread where you've talked about this? I'd like to hear your opinions about relationships with guides.
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
The fact that he does not answer your texts at all and doesnt call you at all says alot. No matter what his excuse is , actions show more than words.
quote:Originally posted by 'Shahrazat': Hi Shadiyah, hope it works well... But I told my opinions about tour guides' relationships before.. Not all of them are same sure but .n the future, you may have too much headache Good luck
Thanks Shahrazat. Is there a thread where you've talked about this? I'd like to hear your opinions about relationships with guides.
Oh my. Are you prepared to feel sterotyped and insulted!
Take heed from the good advice you have already been given. Compare this guy to guys back home, if a guy from your town was stand offish or not so responsive surely you would think twice.
Maybe you just want it to work so much you may be missing the signs.
I am usually the optimistic one but if a guy treated me this way I would question it. Not becasue of his job but becasue of his actions!!! which do appear to be louder than words.
Sit him down and thrash it out! Get your answers.
I'm of to get a tin hat before the all Egyptian men are wankers and tour guides are con-men conv kicks off again lmao...
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by VanillaBullshit: There are several key elements here that you are missing:
-There is no real, solid commitment here save for empty promises and a few text messages and phone calls that for the most part are ignored when he's working.
-You're perception of him is what you're "in love" with, i.e. how you would like to see him, rather than what he is now based on recent behaviors, lack of free time, "too tired" (by the way this is something guys say when we wanna get the phuck outta dodge) is popping up which is not a good sign. Expectation is the mother of all misery, also, if someone actions don't jibe with their words then something is definitely wrong.
-If there is any doubt, there is no doubt, you mentioned that you feel as though 'you'll never get married' another warning sign to take heed of and not ignore; you're on the first few steps of that very long staircase of realization that you are not in the best situation and it's time to ask serious questions and find out what YOU are getting from this relationship, if it's not what you want, you have to abandon any silly idealistic notion of "love" and face the reality of the situation and exactly where you stand.
I think this is spot on.
Shadiyah, the guy could be perfectly honest and even have good intentions, but that doesn't mean he's the right guy for you.
I think the frequency of communication is a biggie in a relationship. And I don't mean you have to talk daily. But both of you should be comfortable with the amount you talk. If my husband had gone two weeks without calling me when we were dating, I would have either presumed he was dead or a complete jerk. But either way, we would not have been together any longer.
If a relationship isn't easy now, it's almost certainly not going to get better. Pick a guy who's easy to be with. Not one you need to change.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
You have moved to his country to be with him, which in its self is a huge upheaval. If his work takes him away, that's fare enough, but he is showing a total lack of respect and caring for you by not keeping in contact when he knows you are on your own in a strange country. You deserve better. Wishing you all the best for the future.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
It looks like he is already satisfied with having you in Egypt, because in an earlier stage, when you were outside Egypt, he putted efforts in his long distance relationship....
He already has an appartment, but makes no hurry with furnishing it...
he stays out of contact for weeks, and sometimes he even is to lazy to visit you...
It seems he isn't in a big hurry to make the relationship official, and that's not a good sign. The only cases I have seen similar behaviour was when the man wasn't serious in his relationship. He liked to have the lusts but not the obligations...
In Egypt there is no middleway in relationships, the man is serious or he isn't. When he isn't the girl ( of her family) does not agree and he can go and find another one to have fun with. Because nobody wants to be the girl that is 'just for fun'. Beware of this. Beware that he doesn't use you, or anything you can offer him, only for fun...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
He should be all over you, he should want to be with you and he should be in contact. He should feel about you the way you clearly feel about him.
He is in no hurry to furnish the apartment, why hasn't he asked you to do it or done it himself, surely he should be excited you are here and desperate to be with you.
sorry... ???? is right, he is in no hurry and in reality he should be. You have to question why he isn't all over you like mosquito bites.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by *Misho*: Shadiyah,,Sorry if Im gonna ask you personal question or if you could see it disrespectable,,But Im gonna ask it anyway and you are free to answer or not.
Do you feel that he is working too hard because of you or he seem to work too hard because of himself and he just put you on a shelve because you are something sweet he love to be with anyway??
I mean what exactly the reasons for working too much in your opinion,,At last he might do that to be with you soon,,Marriage in Egypt isnt cheap,,You know..
Sorry again in advance..
Don't be sorry... I don't think he works so hard because of me, he had this job long before he met me and he has always worked hard. I know he works hard so he can save money for marriage and that's great, but he could at least keep in touch with me while he's away so I know that he's ok. Is that so much to ask?
No sure it isnt too much Shadyia,,But then depending on your words and your feelings,,It means that he lack for important qualifications you wanted in the guy you wanna be with,,I mean as Horizon said,,He could be good and honest but not the right one for you.
So the question is,,Are you able to deal with him regardless what he lacks,,Or Are you able to pass over and end it??,,Which one you could be stronger about more??
Is it possible to give him another chance and talk seriously more with him that this things you hate could end your relationship together,,Or even showing him that thread,,That maybe could solve something,,Just he maybe doesnt realize yet how big and dangerous the matter is because-maybe- the pressure of his work make him kinda blind about it.
Posts: 712 | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
What does his family think of you? Do they speak english so that you know for sure? Do they know of your intentions? Have you seen the apartment to know for sure he really has it? How do you know for sure that he is not married or engaged? If you see him only every few weeks, how do you know he is actually working all that time he is gone? Does it not seem strange to you that he doesnt take the time to text or call? I mean it only takes a few seconds when he wakes up or is preparing to sleep, or even riding on a bus, taxi, metro to send a message or give a call and ask of you?? There are a thousand questions You said you have been with him since march, how did you meet him and what led you to move to egypt?
posted
To quote Sex and The City..."He's just not that into you" ....Sorry but if he really loved you, he wouldn't behave like this. you have to keep cool and back off so he will either wake up or be gone.
Posts: 2184 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
I am not sure how anyone can actually love a man like this, he is just not deserving of love. I can respect his job is hard and he works long hours, that's just the way it is in Egypt and you have to get used to it but to not call you and make sure you are ok is just unforgivable.
Time to get on with you own life and leave this selfish B*****d to his he does not deserve you and the big sacrifice you have made moving to his country.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I particularly liked these points - they are essential, imo:
- You're perception of him is what you're "in love" with, i.e. how you would like to see him, rather than what he is now based on recent behaviors (VB)
- If a relationship isn't easy now, it's almost certainly not going to get better. Pick a guy who's easy to be with. Not one you need to change. (Event Horizon)
- The only cases I have seen similar behaviour was when the man wasn't serious in his relationship. He liked to have the lusts but not the obligations... (?????)
Take care Shadiyah and think things over rationally. Act - you must talk to him how you feel until he really understands. The situation doesn't look good now, but maybe it will eventually get better. But please don't be under too many illusions/doubts, should such 'haunt' you for too long. All the best. Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Where is your self-respect??!! IF a guy was doing this to you back home, you'd have rained hell all over his godforsaken @ss. Do not give him the cultural 'benefit of the doubt' because that isn't even relevant. Your gut is telling you something you don't want to hear. LISTEN TO IT!
Posts: 246 | From: but one life to live | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I just could not pass up adding my comments to this thread. I am "of a certain age" and have been involved in my fair share of relationships and have learned a lot over the years. I hope that I can offer some advice that I wish I had received (and listened to) when I was younger.
Eight months ago today, I met a gorgeous Egyptian here in Canada. He swept me off my feet and I fell in love with him within weeks. Things went well for the first couple of months and then he started backing away. He wouldn't call for days, when I called him he was distant, he would refuse my invitations to come see me but always expected me to see him when he wanted me to...etc etc etc.
Finally I had enough and told him I did't want to see him anymore. He called me two, three, four times a day for the first few days but I refused to take his calls. It killed me but I had to prove to myself and to him that I could live without him. He got so angry with me ignoring him that he stated that he did not want to see me anymore (which was okay with me as I had already broken up with him...) and that was his way of saving face.
About a month later, he contacted me again declaring his love for me. Long story short, we are now living together and are making plans to marry. Just today, he emailed me this message: ma2daresh 2a3esh meen 3'eerek :-* which I thinks means he can't live without me. Even though we live together, while we are at work, we are in touch with each other many times via email, text, telephone. He loves and cherishes me and shows me or tells me every day how much I mean to him. I would expect nothing less from the man I love.
Back when he was treating me like ****, I made a decision...I would rather be alone than be treated the way he was treating me. I kicked him out of my life and was quite prepared and expecting to never see him again. And that, my friend, is what I think you must do. Walk away from him...if he doesn't come back to you then you know he "just wasn't that into you". If he does....and he starts treating you the way you deserve and know you should be treated, then you will know he loves you.
Do not give him an ultimatum, just simply tell him that you do not like the way he is treating you and making you feel and that you cannot allow it to continue. And walk away. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do but it will be the best gift you can give yourself.
Good luck and much love! Easterneyes
Posts: 11 | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
are you egyptian? I think this makes a difference first off. I have a friend who went through a similiar situation and it did not turn out good. Their is no reason for him to NOT stay in touch especially living in the same city. Egyptian men are good at playing dumb, and are good at manipulating people to get what they want. No one should be to busy to stay in contact with the love of their life, I am sorry no excuses. Make some ground rules and if he doesn't stick to them dump him to the curb like all the other garbage in Egypt. Why would you want to move to Egypt? I do not understand anyone wanting to move their permanently. One month is all I can tolerate at a time and seems like forever! Good luck. Posts: 1369 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Four months is not long together. I agree he should still be wooing you.
Not phoning or texting for long periods is not good for the relationship to move forward. Your gut instinct is telling you this is not good, go with this. If you speak to him about your feelings and he doesn't change, you have to decide if he really is for you.
Four months is much easier to walk away from than 4years down the line.
Whatever happens at least you will still have your self respect.
Good luck and wish you well. Posts: 547 | From: uk | Registered: Jun 2008
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Hi, I hope you dont mind a man's perspective making a comment.
Speaking from personal experience, in the 3 years my wife and I knew each other prior to marriage I could not go more than one day without at least sending an SMS to say hello.
Even on very busy days when work is driving me crazy I felt the need to be with her, on some days this was a selfish feeling because she would make me feel calm again on the phone. Posts: 409 | From: Betelgeuse | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect (not perfect): Hi, I hope you dont mind a man's perspective making a comment.
Speaking from personal experience, in the 3 years my wife and I knew each other prior to marriage I could not go more than one day without at least sending an SMS to say hello.
Even on very busy days when work is driving me crazy I felt the need to be with her, on some days this was a selfish feeling because she would make me feel calm again on the phone.
now thats a real man that loves his wife... that is so sweet..
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Ford Prefect (not perfect): Hi, I hope you dont mind a man's perspective making a comment.
Speaking from personal experience, in the 3 years my wife and I knew each other prior to marriage I could not go more than one day without at least sending an SMS to say hello.
Even on very busy days when work is driving me crazy I felt the need to be with her, on some days this was a selfish feeling because she would make me feel calm again on the phone.
That is real love and how it should be ...bless you Ford Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by shadiyah: I am in love with my Egyptian boyfriend but I find our relationship really difficult and need some advice...
His job as a tour guide means he is constantly travelling and I only see him every two weeks or even less. I keep in touch by sending text messages every few days but he doesn't reply. He never calls either.
When he's back, we spend time together and he's absolutely wonderful, and we talk about our future together and he is very attentive and loving. But sometimes we make plans and he decides he's 'too lazy' to come and see me. He says this is because his job is really demanding and he always says he's really tired. This hurts me because we hardly get to see each other as it is.
I know he's not engaged or married already; I've met his family and I know his job is legit because I have toured with him before, and it is as demanding as he says it is. So I have no reason to mistrust him.
But I'm starting to feel as if he only sees me when it's convenient for him, and he'll never make an effort to show me I'm important to him. I also feel like we're never going to get married; he's always away working and we haven't even had time to get engaged yet. He has an apartment that we're supposedly going to live in when we get married, but it's not even furnished yet and can you imagine how long it's going to take him to do that?
I'm torn because I love him, but I don't feel like I'm a priority in his life. Is this a cultural misunderstanding? Is his neglect of me normal? What should I do?
Shadiyah.
I hate to have to say this because it may hurt, but IMO he's not into you. Maybe some of the others are right and you are in love with what you think and hope he will be. But you have to stay focused on the real facts, how he really is and what he is actually doing, not saying. That doesn't mean you have to turn your back on him, but just stop being the one chasing after him and see what happens.
If he calls, text's, comes round, great, but he has to keep this up, because it may just be an instant reaction from him for the sudden lack of attention. Stop chasing, stop wondering, life is too short, and if he was thinking about you as much as you are thinking of him, he would be texting etc Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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quote:Originally posted by shadiyah: I am in love with my Egyptian boyfriend but I find our relationship really difficult and need some advice...
His job as a tour guide means he is constantly travelling and I only see him every two weeks or even less. I keep in touch by sending text messages every few days but he doesn't reply. He never calls either.
When he's back, we spend time together and he's absolutely wonderful, and we talk about our future together and he is very attentive and loving. But sometimes we make plans and he decides he's 'too lazy' to come and see me. He says this is because his job is really demanding and he always says he's really tired. This hurts me because we hardly get to see each other as it is.
I know he's not engaged or married already; I've met his family and I know his job is legit because I have toured with him before, and it is as demanding as he says it is. So I have no reason to mistrust him.
But I'm starting to feel as if he only sees me when it's convenient for him, and he'll never make an effort to show me I'm important to him. I also feel like we're never going to get married; he's always away working and we haven't even had time to get engaged yet. He has an apartment that we're supposedly going to live in when we get married, but it's not even furnished yet and can you imagine how long it's going to take him to do that?
I'm torn because I love him, but I don't feel like I'm a priority in his life. Is this a cultural misunderstanding? Is his neglect of me normal? What should I do?
There are several key elements here that you are missing:
-There is no real, solid commitment here save for empty promises and a few text messages and phone calls that for the most part are ignored when he's working.
-You're perception of him is what you're "in love" with, i.e. how you would like to see him, rather than what he is now based on recent behaviors, lack of free time, "too tired" (by the way this is something guys say when we wanna get the phuck outta dodge) is popping up which is not a good sign. Expectation is the mother of all misery, also, if someone actions don't jibe with their words then something is definitely wrong.
-If there is any doubt, there is no doubt, you mentioned that you feel as though 'you'll never get married' another warning sign to take heed of and not ignore; you're on the first few steps of that very long staircase of realization that you are not in the best situation and it's time to ask serious questions and find out what YOU are getting from this relationship, if it's not what you want, you have to abandon any silly idealistic notion of "love" and face the reality of the situation and exactly where you stand.
I will never understand that when women 'think' they are in love, they will put up with bad behavior. Most of the time I think they are actually in love with the idea of being in love.
How can you love someone who ignores and disrespects you ? For you to move from Oz to Egypt is a big thing and he should be WAY more protective over you, making sure you are ok etc.
I am really hoping that you moved here for the love of Egypt and not just for this guy. It doesn't matter how busy he is, he should be missing you and contacting you a LOT.
If he is treating you like this now, can you imagine what he would be like if you ever do get married ?
It sounds like he is just not into you. You are so young and have plenty of time ahead of you. Don't waste your young life waiting for some rude guy to turn up when he feels like it.
Please stop waiting for the phone to ring and contacting him. You have just moved to an amazing place, get out and about, go do things on your own, explore and meet people. Life is way too short to be spending it on guys who are not good enough for you.
Posts: 83 | From: Egypt | Registered: Feb 2008
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quote:Originally posted by shadiyah: I am in love with my Egyptian boyfriend but I find our relationship really difficult and need some advice...
His job as a tour guide means he is constantly travelling and I only see him every two weeks or even less. I keep in touch by sending text messages every few days but he doesn't reply. He never calls either.
When he's back, we spend time together and he's absolutely wonderful, and we talk about our future together and he is very attentive and loving. But sometimes we make plans and he decides he's 'too lazy' to come and see me. He says this is because his job is really demanding and he always says he's really tired. This hurts me because we hardly get to see each other as it is.
I know he's not engaged or married already; I've met his family and I know his job is legit because I have toured with him before, and it is as demanding as he says it is. So I have no reason to mistrust him.
But I'm starting to feel as if he only sees me when it's convenient for him, and he'll never make an effort to show me I'm important to him. I also feel like we're never going to get married; he's always away working and we haven't even had time to get engaged yet. He has an apartment that we're supposedly going to live in when we get married, but it's not even furnished yet and can you imagine how long it's going to take him to do that?
I'm torn because I love him, but I don't feel like I'm a priority in his life. Is this a cultural misunderstanding? Is his neglect of me normal? What should I do?
He is taking you forgranted . He knows he has some power over you that made you relocate for him . My advice discuss this with him and tell him that is not what you expected from him and ask him to give more attention to you or you will leave if he didn't . Just be a STRONG WOMAN .
Posts: 211 | From: alexandria | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by shadiyah: I know what you mean miffmiss. Thanks for the chat offer, I appreciate it! Do you live in Cairo?
Yes I do live in Egypt now, in Maadi, but I have only one friend here so far and I'm usually really lonely! I have only lived here for seven weeks and have found it impossible to meet people. I don't start work until September; I hope to meet people through work at least.
Thankfully I didn't move here for him, I was always going to move here anyway. But I'm trying to decide whether this relationship is worth everything I'm going through; on the one hand I love him, but on the other hand I keep wondering if maybe I should find someone else who actually makes me feel like I matter to them.
Hi yes i remember you now from your 1st post. Well i will be in Egypt soon so if you ever need a friend just PM me and i will send you my number. If you ever need a whine, or just a friendly voice then give me a call.
I usually give a relationship for months as my cut off point. If it is not going how i want it to go then i cut the strings and try again. $months because by then people have started to show their true colours and relax into the relationship more. Before this they are still trying to impress you. If things are bad now they can only get worse when the honeymoon period really wears off. I dont sterotype on tour guides or because he is Egyptian because i know English blokes like this. It is just their mentality. If Mr T takes longer than an hour to reply to my text he gets another one saying hey you have you forgotten about me or just dont love me anymore, haha god i sound so needy, but its cos when i 1st met him he would sulk if i didnt text him twice a day but i only got one off him every other day. I called a stop to that one and refused to send a text unless i was replying to his. I am a game player and if someone is treating me in a way i aint happy with and words arent working i will give them a little taste of their own medicene.
It is your heart and your choice. This is just what i would do. You know where i am if you ever want a chat. I will be in the heleopolis area in 15 days and counting.
Posts: 1710 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
Thank you so much everyone for all your responses. I never expected all these replies and I'm really grateful. I have no one to talk to about this or to get different perspectives and it has helped me so much to be able to get advice from everyone here.
I am starting to feel more and more like this relationship is over. My feelings for him are evaporating and I keep thinking of things that are wrong with us, so much so that I can't even think of one reason I should stay. Except for the fact that if I give him up I will be all alone in this country... but I love it here and I don't want to leave!
Miffmiss I will PM you Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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You wont be alone for long. You will meet some great friends and Egypt is full of nice guys. But like always they just take a bit of weeding through to find the good ones.
Posts: 1710 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Mar 2008
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Haha ok maybe after 4 months i just get bored. Hey Mr T is doing very well. Maybe i should keep it long distance haha. Either that or i have gone for a nice guy who wont be my lap dog for once.
I have loads to tell you E 07 Get on PM.
Posts: 1710 | From: we come in peace | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by shadiyah: Thank you so much everyone for all your responses. I never expected all these replies and I'm really grateful. I have no one to talk to about this or to get different perspectives and it has helped me so much to be able to get advice from everyone here.
I am starting to feel more and more like this relationship is over. My feelings for him are evaporating and I keep thinking of things that are wrong with us, so much so that I can't even think of one reason I should stay. Except for the fact that if I give him up I will be all alone in this country... but I love it here and I don't want to leave!
Miffmiss I will PM you
I have a friend who just went to Egypt because she loved it. No man involved. She ended meeting a wonderful guy and getting married. She's got a super-fab life there now. But she would have had a great life there, man or no man.
Enjoy it while you are there. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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Yes, you have gotten some very good advise.
So now that you are in Egypt and you want to enjoy Egypt to the fullest . . . go out and get involved with something. You are no longer a tourist since you are living there. Make the next month fly by before you start your work. Take an Arabic class if you don't already speak Arabic ( i don't remember if you said that you did or not)! Go explore all the different places in Cairo, ride the metro all over, walk thru downtown Cairo and just explore, talk to Shanta Qadeema about learning how to ride the microbus, lol. There are many things to do to occupy your time . . . and enjoy being in Cairo! It is a fascinating, albeit frustrating, city . . .
-------------------- I fell in to a burning ring of fire . . . Posts: 895 | From: NorthTexas, USA | Registered: Mar 2004
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quote:Originally posted by cbrbddd: Yes, you have gotten some very good advise.
So now that you are in Egypt and you want to enjoy Egypt to the fullest . . . go out and get involved with something. You are no longer a tourist since you are living there. Make the next month fly by before you start your work. Take an Arabic class if you don't already speak Arabic ( i don't remember if you said that you did or not)! Go explore all the different places in Cairo, ride the metro all over, walk thru downtown Cairo and just explore, talk to Shanta Qadeema about learning how to ride the microbus, lol. There are many things to do to occupy your time . . . and enjoy being in Cairo! It is a fascinating, albeit frustrating, city . . .
Thanks, I am actually starting Arabic classes in a week's time and I have been trying to get out and explore as much as possible. It's just hard because I have almost no money and I can barely afford to get groceries let alone explore. Unfortunately I don't live near a metro station either.
Posts: 45 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Shadiyah, i know the feeling on the money, there are ways and means, soon you will begin work and you will feel you can live again. Im in Alex iff you need a friend too, a day out or whatever, you are welcome, when the money is better, explore egypt, there is so much to see, make a new life without your boyfriend, he does sound like hes not really interested, as i know from experience me and hubby were never stopping sms, calls and net for hours. WE couldnt go an hour without some sort of contact. When you love someone so much you need to know wht they are doing and thinking all the time. I think its time to move on. Its not fair when you are pulling all the strings. I hope you will find the strengh to move on Good luck.
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