posted
Okay, so you've met the man of your dreams, and he's totally into you, too. He's dark and handsome, and wildly exotic. He speaks of faraway lands in a way that mesmerizes and he looks at you as though you're the only woman on earth. He has an intensity that has swept you off your feet. After a whirlwind relationship, he wants to marry you as soon as possible. Oh, and he's Muslim. Should you marry him?
Does He Love You? That depends. There are several things you should consider first, though. The first thing to realize is that many Muslim men are on a "wife hunt." As unromantic as that sounds, it is true. Marriage is considered "half the religion" and most men are eager to settle down and start a family. As refreshingly different as that is from what you may be accustomed to, it is still a good idea to proceed with caution. You should also realize that "being in love" is not considered a prerequisite to marriage in Islam. That is not to say that your Muslim friend doesn't care about you or even love you, but it isn't necessary. For many Muslim couples, love is something that grows and develops over time. Some Muslim men choose a potential spouse who meets certain criteria. Perhaps you are shy, quiet, or conservative. Maybe he thinks you would make a good mother. Or, maybe he is in love.
How Do You Feel About Islam? Another thing to consider is your own feelings about Islam. Please do not make the mistake of assuming that religion is a minor detail-- Islam is never minor. Islam is a major part of every aspect of life, and you must understand that going in. Too many non-Muslim women are caught off-guard after the wedding. Even if he doesn't appear to be very religious, you should still learn about Islam. If you marry a Muslim man, Islam will play a large part in your life, even if you have no intention of converting.
Another thing you should know is that many men become more religious after getting married. Even non-practicing Muslim men often return to the faith with zeal after marriage. Add a child to the equation, and most men make a complete return to their roots.
Posts: 1369 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
Yeah, good thread. Although me thinks it may fall on many deaf ears, but nice try Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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I really do not think marring a muslim man, unless you are muslim works long term, too many issues to deal with, especially if there are children. I know of a couple,the wife jewish husband christian, problems with regard to the children and which faith to follow, wife wanted children to follow jewish, husband christian, the result, confused children, the marriage did not last, today children follow neither faith. Children went to jewish school etc. Unless one of the spouses convert, long term, marriage cannot last. That is why people should consider all these facts before they rush into a marriage where at the end of th day, the children suffer. I think most people go back to there roots once they are married and want to practise the faith they were born into.
-------------------- Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Posts: 564 | From: planet earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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But surely living in Egypt one knows that children being born haven't got a choice (which I think is not right but that's another thing) - they will be muslims if their dad is one! So one should think that in advance, not after you're already pregnant or had your baby. Ok, when s/he grows up they can practise or not - even if you're born muslim doesn't mean you accept the religion. It is just not allowed to convert.
In Finland it seems to be often so (couples I know) that children of mixed couples become Christians or they are not baptized at all, so they can choose their religion themselves later.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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Sadly often the research comes after you have already committed. I meet a lady the other day been married 8 years, husband spent 3 year in Europe with her but could not stand it and came back to Egypt. she has been visiting for the last 5 years. Decided to spend more time here and he chucked her out of the flat she had paid for and told her he had an Egyptian wife an 3 children.
She told me his friends said he was being bad and she did not know what to do. I asked what did his family especially his mother say. She had never met them!!!!!!
There were a few other things as well and every time I would express surprise she said "I know that now". she had done all her research after the marriage had broken down.
When you try and give warnings on this site you get told my friend/fiance/hubby is not like. Women who expect a western style relationship no changes by themselves
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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But what is western style relationship??? IMO there are certain 'rules' that are universal...respect, honesty etc. No dictating but discussing, marriage is not an employer/employee -thing. In west [some ignorant] people often seem to think that marrying from Egypt means you have to change yourself from head to toe, they lock you in your apartment and you can no longer decide for yourself etc. You know. I can still be the same person I was "at home". But like so many say: if you want a western woman be just like an Egyptian, why would you marry one?
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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That is what you have to discuss before you commit.
Take the phrase 'good wife'
She means contribute equally to family finances by having a good job and career He means staying at home to look after a series of children
-------------------- Jane Akshar UK Co-owner of www.flatsinluxor.co.uk Appartments and Tours in Luxor Posts: 2791 | From: www.flatsinluxor.co.uk, Luxor, Egypt | Registered: Jan 2003
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you can discuss things yes, but living in the reality is another story. Good wife translation in egyptian putting the man first always.
Posts: 1369 | From: California | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by elizabethN: Good wife translation in egyptian putting the man first always.
Agreed, so it seems. And its a bit hard to tell before you get married and live with each other, whether he is going to be reasonable in this, is he going to put your needs first?
I think it can work but i think people should have long engagements, maybe 2 years, (if they live in different countries) and they should spend at least a quarter of that time together, in the same country, for longer than 2 weeks at a time. IMO
Only then can two people really know what each other are like properly.
But then we dont live in an ideal world do we.
Posts: 918 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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Wen my husband and i were making plans to marry i began to learn more about Islam as i knew only what i learnt at high school which wasnt a lot.
I was brought up a christian,but not a practising one really,and my husband and i had discussed in length about his religion, regarding marriage and future children and i had no problems with it and he told me he didnt have problem with mine he was marrying me for who i was not what i was.
I have aquried numerous books about Islam and and am still trying to learn as i was to know more about it and he hasnt pushed any of this on me hes there if i want to ask any questions and does his best to explain. This has been entirely my oen choice to do this and have just bought an authentic english translation of The Qur'an to which i will read with an open mind. we even had an Islamic family fun day near to me and i asked if we could go cos i wanted to and had a great time there speaking to a great guy there who was helpful and gave me information
I know that if i did become Muslim it would be of my own choice and not be forced on me.
Posts: 477 | From: lancashire england | Registered: Aug 2006
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Good for you Trababe, yes great that you are not in any way pushed and may freely choose which religion you want, you have really a great husband.
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Can you provide a link to where this article came from elizabeth?
Posts: 3291 | From: I DO believe in Karma! | Registered: Apr 2002
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One thing I have noticed is that Muslim Egyptian women seem to become stronger and more of an individual after marriage and some western women who marry Egyptians seem to disappear thinking they somehow have to agree to everything. My advice would be to talk to some educated Egyptian women and find out what a real Egyptian Muslim woman is like so you don't become that mousy western wife.
Posts: 153 | From: Egypt | Registered: May 2006
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