posted
Out of curiousty just wanted to know people opinions about that matter,,Why someone could be too shy sometimes,,Does it mean lack of confindence by way or another??!!!
And if someone hid or wanted to hide some info about themselves out of shyness or out of fear to be embarressed and other reasons as well sometimes,,Could that be considering lying??,,If not,,What is the difference between that and between lying anyway??
Well,,Does shyness consider to be sickness also by way or another,,Cause I've heard some before saying it is and once before I saw a case of divorce happened because of that matter,,A colleague at work just has divorced his wife because of it...'She is too shy'..'She is too innocent' and 'She makes me off with her'...
Is there something like the proper shyness and the sick shyness??
In eastern cultures,,I know almost-if im right- shyness is valued if its in a female but not as much if its in a male,,Like the girl is shy then she is good one,,The guy is shy then he is flawed.
So how the western cultures look at this matter??,,Is it quite same as the eastern cultures??
Have you ever felt shy,,If so when and why??-No one needs to answer this question if they didnt want-But im just asking it anyway
posted
Misho I was painfully shy as a child and teenager...as a child, if anyone spoke to me, I would run!! As I got older, I developed more social skills... and as an adult, grew to be very gregarious. But.... sometimes... I still have a bout of shyness... not sure why!! I think if I'm put in a position where I'm expected to socialise,such as parties full of strangers, I get self-conscious. Other times, I'm the loudest person in the place!!
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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I am happy to meet and greet strangers but I am very uncomfortable talking about myself. I can sit i a bar alone and feel fine but feel shy if people talk to me.
I have no qualms asking for anyhthing or expressing my feelings but I would hate to make a crowd.
Shyness and innocence don't correlate... they are such seperate traits.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Happy Eid to you Misho. I think there is different types of shyness. Some people cannot walk into a room full of people, others like me can walk in but feel self conscious about myself. Is that a form of being shy or just a lack of confidence, I don't know!!! Some friends I know are very out going, but they say they are hiding the fact they are very shy which always amazes me, because I have admired their out going personalities. Often the most outgoing comediens or entertainers are painfully shy,often they have been bullied when young and find their forte by entertaining others. I certainly would not see a man being shy as being flawed or a woman being flawed. Maybe not the answer you were looking for but the best I can come up with Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Im the same like you cheeky, very happy to sit in a bar or club alone, even to walk in to them alone , is not a problem, but going into the families house here and walk in first, no way, im a nervous wreck. I hate it when im asked to repeat words in arabic and all the family are looking at me, i just want to crawl under a stone.
posted
I think many people have to feel at ease in order to open up, trust. Some put on a mask of confidence because they are afraid that if they'll show any sign of weakness they will be rejected - it goes both for men and women, imo. Of course, there are some people painfully shy and they are very secretive - I don't think it's lying Misho - it's kind of natural.
I can 'exist' both on my own and also feel very well in crowds of people. I'm both shy and confident: it depends on the situation, person...
And I agree with Cheeky that shyness and innocence are two separate things.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Hapy Eid! Shyness in my country is valued differently. By children it is considered as sweet, by adults I think it's a problem. Some people don't know how to behave in the company of strangers, specially when the strangers are valued 'higher' as them. That cán have to do with authority, but of course the shy persons are afraid to do something wrong...so, it's the absence of trust.
It also has to do with respect, regard, estimation, something in that direction. Being shy can become an issue when people are supposed to communicate.
And, I think, there are also people who are hiding their shyness. They cover it up with an attitude of confedence, while they are not feeling very self-confedent. A good observer can recognise that.
Being shy means that they don't trust theirselve, and they don't trust the other.
In a marriage in Egypt, I think shyness has another meaning, and another cause. When a wife is considered shy, they often will mean how she behaves in the bedroom. And when the woman is afraid, of course, it is a problem. When the husband doesn't succeed by making her trust him, they both get into a weird situation. He will feel like he is violator, and she is just scared, and not willing to give him trust. That must have causes; in a normal situation this won't be the case....
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
I think that shyness and deceit are different things, lying is deceit, a conscious decision to decieve. Whereas shyness is more of a feeling.
I wouldnt describe myself as shy, I dont like to be the centre of attention, but i am happy to meet new people and socialise.
I feel shy a little if i'm on the spot I guess. I dont think its an illness, I think shyness is a nice quality, but it would depend in how many situations a person was like this and to what extent, whether it was a problem in a relationship.
Some children are shy to the point of not being able to look you in the face when talking, or unable to speak, or even rocking backwards and forwards. If an adult displayed these characteristics then yes, i think it could be a problem.
Generally I think shy people are not usually shy with people they feel comfortable with, so in a relationship it shouldnt really be a problem, unless of course they could never go out.
Eid Mubarak to you also Misho Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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If shyness is not valued in a man, but it is in a woman, in Eastern culture. How does Eastern culture view a woman who is not shy...Is this considered a bad thing?
I would rather be with a shy man than an ultra confident/arrogant man...there is something humbling about shyness I think.
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
to me it depends on the situation...believe it or not, im shy as all hell...but thats just my scorpio butt being wary of unknown people. i like to lay back under my rock and watch others from afar for a while before i go and make buddies.
i get very shy with compliments and dont like to be complimented at all.
even on first dates im extremely quiet and blushing...but then after a while they get to see me open up more.
i think some people are just crazy shy in the beginning but then once u get to know them better, they feel more open. lots of people have trust issues or just dont like attention being brought to them.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
shyness and witholding information are not the same. Shyness is used in a different context like maybe not wanting to much attention focused on themselves because it makes that person uncomfortable. Sometimes people that are confused with being shy are really pyschotic serial killers or mentally deranged nutjobs .
Also some people are just private people, not to be confused with syhness meaning they just dont like to share too much information about themselves because of trust issues and not wanting a person too get too close. Different Issues, not the same meaning.
Neither is a lie- a lie is telling someone something you know is not true so in neither case would it be considered a lie , it would be considered not sharing or an omission of information that you believe is irrelevant or would hurt the person unnecessarily.
You decide which answer fits you best ya misho...
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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posted
Withholding information or partly telling the truth can be just as misleading as telling a lie. Litterally it isn't a lie, but figurative it is...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
I agree ?????, but only if the information is relevant to the person it is being witheld from.
For instance, when we meet someone we dont hand them our biography, because they dont need to know every little detail of our lives. On the other hand if you asked 'have you seen this person today?' and the person, nor wanting to tell you they had, cleverly replied 'I didn't see them at work' (when they perhaps saw them later elsewhere)...to me this is deceptive.
Its about whether there is calculated intent.
And I think there is no reason to withold things from people, if the person cannot accept you for who you are, then you might as well give up now IMO
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Withholding information or partly telling the truth can be just as misleading as telling a lie. Litterally it isn't a lie, but figurative it is...
OK once I hit the well cap (big and concrete) with my car. It scratched the front and I never told my ex husband. He was in the car and offered 5 dollars to the kids if they had any dirt on money(yeah real sick bastard) . My daughter immediately shouted out "Mommy hit the well with her car"/. He then proceeded to call me a liar, untrustworthy and how I was disrespecting our marriage.
So ???? do you think I lied??? I never told him anything, its not like he came home and said what happened to the car and I said" some idiot hit me in the parking lot" It is a case of don't ask don't tell, NOT a lie.
Who says anyway you have to share everybit of info with a person anyway ??? So if my father molested me my whole childhood, I would expect to have to tell everyman who came in to my life this painful information??? What purpose would that serve???
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Withholding information or partly telling the truth can be just as misleading as telling a lie. Litterally it isn't a lie, but figurative it is...
I think it depends what kind of information it is (is it really relevant, important?) and who the person is that we are witholding it from. Even when I'm very friendly with someone and they just don't want to share some information with me, I respect that. And as Rumi said, people just want to keep some things private.
There are some situations where it is really difficult to say if it's good to inform a person or not (terminal disease, husband cheating his wife, etc.)
But I'd find it strange if people in a close relationship or marriage for that matter, were faced with a partner who is constantly keeping things to himself/herself. I don't know, I'd just find it strange or suspicious. Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Depends on the kind of relationship ( how close they are to each other), on the importance of the information that has been hided ( or the consequences ot withholding the information) AND I think, about the personal opinion about what HAS to be shared and what hasn't and of course,the personal opinion of the person in front of you... When it is somebody close, like a husband, I think we all know what should have been told to him. If I scratched the front of my car, I cán tell him, but I don't think he will feel hurt when I don't.
And maybe that's the main point: The consequences after telling him, or not telling him. It is about trust. As soon as I know I can tell him anything, because I trust him, there is nothing wrong. As soon as I am afraid for the consequences ( and that can be everything between anger, hurt, or breaking up) that I think he makes people tend to hide information.
If you fear for his reaction after scratching the car, you will try to make it undone without he knows. When you don't fear his reaction, you will tell him. (At least, when the car is important to him)
I think this is an important thing in any relationship:trust. When both know that everything can be discussed, when both are not afraid for each others reactions, then they are on the right way.
We all have to make our own decisions in what and what we don't want to tell others. A friendship between two women is different as a marriage. I can have a perfect friendship with sharing the information that I want to share, but in my marriage it's another story. I think we have to share more in a marriage. And we only can share if we trust...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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