posted
This is a sad story. My friend fell for one of these egyptian gigolos on holiday a few years back. He promised her the moon and she believed him. She gave up everything for him and moved to egypt. After he had taken everything she owned he cast her aside saying thanks but I dont need you now. She later found out he was married with family and she had been supporting them. Left with no family, friends money or prospects she killed herself she couldnt live with the shame. Please dont judge her for what she did, just have pity that she wasnt brave enough to carry on. So please anyone on here together with egyptians, DONT GIVE MONEY, CHECK HIM OUT and be very careful with your life. It is short and every day should count. Sadly my friend was only 36 too young to die!!!!!!
Posts: 5 | From: down under | Registered: Dec 2008
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quote:Originally posted by VanillaBullshit: Good trolling.
If this person is trolling as you assume its not nice then to use Suicide story in this of her friend then if she is lying i pity if her real friends one of them does commit suicide there is all sorts here on this forum that can mess with peoples lives out of the forum and cause damage so at this time i shall take this story as true at the moment and feel sad as i too recently lost a friend to suicide and even my boy was at this stage through a unproked attack and where they urinated on him and made him say sorry for wearing the queens uniform and not being a full white it takes all sorts . I am not offended you i am just saying some are not always trolling it could be genuine if not then she is sick for using this type of story . thankyou .
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by downtoearth: ... she killed herself she couldnt live with the shame. ...
Can you report about what had happened to your friend to Police, so they can send that bad Egyptian man to the jail?
Posts: 756 | From: ...be solution... | Registered: Jul 2007
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If it is true I am very sorry for your friend BUT how did she cope with relationship breakups BEFORE she met the Egyptian man? obviously she didnt kill herself then so why is THIS time different?
We have all been hurt before, its part of life, but we get up and move on.
CC, report him for what? for lying and not really loving her? not really a jail offense is it? he cant be done for murder or there would be loads of people in jail for leading someone to kill themselves.
What is the topic starter trying to say here, that Egyptian men can lead you to kill yourself if it doesnt work out? I think the woman must have had other issues before she met him and him being the last thing has caused her to give up.
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Downtoearth - I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I offer my condolences.
Ayisha - I agree with you. I have had a few stints at Uni, taking part in the counselling service we offered. As part of our counsellor training we were taught that although there may be one event that acts as the final trigger, there is often a series of setbacks that makes the person enter a depressive state and keeps them there. Its extremely important if someone is feeling depressed for a prolonged period of time or feels suicidal, to try and encourage them to get counselling.
Though sadly its not always immediately obvious to friends and family, if a loved one is suicidal or depressed as some people can hide it very well or alienate themselves through unreasonable behaviour.
Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
I agree with Ayisha. Gigalos dont make women kill themselves, its a choice a woman makes.
Your friend was unable to cope with this bad situation, and chose to commit suicide. Who is to say that something else may not have led her to this? A failed relationship with an English guy, loss of a job, divorce, or any of life's stressors.
It is sad that your friend chose to do this, but you cannot blame the people left behind, we are all responsible for our own behaviour, not that of others.
Every single person on the face of this earth takes a risk when they get involved with someone, sometimes it pays off, sometimes it doesn't, thats life, we all have lessons to learn.
But blaming this ladies suicide on the man who scammed her, if that what he did, is wrong. Suicide is wrong, and i find it very selfish, as it leaves behind those people and loved ones to carry the burden, and suffer more, and that is not fair. Who are they thinking of most when they commit suicide? others or themselves?
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by downtoearth: This is a sad story. My friend fell for one of these egyptian gigolos on holiday a few years back. He promised her the moon and she believed him. She gave up everything for him and moved to egypt. After he had taken everything she owned he cast her aside saying thanks but I dont need you now. She later found out he was married with family and she had been supporting them. Left with no family, friends money or prospects she killed herself she couldnt live with the shame. Please dont judge her for what she did, just have pity that she wasnt brave enough to carry on. So please anyone on here together with egyptians, DONT GIVE MONEY, CHECK HIM OUT and be very careful with your life. It is short and every day should count. Sadly my friend was only 36 too young to die!!!!!!
even in egypt when there is man want to marry egyptian woman her family ask about him and his background good before they give the word.
Before You Start any Serious relationship with any egyptian man IF you can hire investigator to get you background and criminal record and current status in egypt (work - if he is married - if he cheating) that will be great. if your not able to hire investigator then just investigate and test him very good and take long time before you start anything serious.
Don't Be victim of Fraud.
Posts: 36 | From: Egypt | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
Don't do something that will make you suicidal if it fails. There are women in the world who have gone through a lot more than just being scammed by an Egyptian guy, but they fought through it. I am sorry for what happened- but it goes to show anyone in a mixed culture relationship should do their research. Had your friend done this, she would have read in my places not to give money to an Egyptian man, and understand that in his culture, it is shameful for him to expect her to. Do your research, learn the culture, and you will be better prepared.
-------------------- Another one.... Posts: 2573 | From: England | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I dont think this thread is anything to do with Culture, or even Egypt.
It is to do with someone scamming or lying to another, that happens all over the world within the same cultures. To have a scammer you have to have a victim. Women need to protect themselves and not make themselves the victims. If they do all they can to ensure this and STILL end up being scammed, then there was nothing else they could do. Game over, move on.
But there ARE women out there who treat marriage like a tokenistic gesture with an Egyptian man, there are heartbroken genuine Egyptian men out there. Just because they dont sing and dance about it or declare themselves a victim, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Posts: 552 | Registered: Mar 2008
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posted
If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.
I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Start by considering this statement:
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”
That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could.
Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.
Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1
You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope. 2
Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you. 3
People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead. 4
Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:
* Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans * Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S. * Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999 * Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line * Call a psychotherapist * Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance. 5
Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.
Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.
Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.
Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.
Now: I’d like you to call someone. *
How serious is our condition? ...“he only took 15 pills, he wasn’t really serious...” if others are making you feel like you’re just trying to get attention... read this. *
Why is it so hard for us to recover from being suicidal? ...while most suicidal people recover and go on, others struggle with suicidal thoughts and feelings for months or even years. Suicide and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). *
Recovery from grief and loss ...has anyone significant in your life recently died? You would be in good company... many suicidal people have recently suffered a loss. *
The stigma of suicide that prevents suicidal people from recovering: we are not only fighting our own pain, but the pain that others inflict on us... and that we ourselves add to. Stigma is a huge complicating factor in suicidal feelings. *
Resources about depression ...if you are suicidal, you are most likely experiencing some form of depression. This is good news, because depression can be treated, helping you feel better.
Do you know someone who is suicidal... or would you like to be able to help, if the situation arises? Learn what to do, so that you can make the situation better, not worse.
*
Handling a call from a suicidal person ...a very helpful ten-point list that you can print out and keep near your phone or computer. *
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal? ...a helpful guide, includes Suicide Warning Signs.
Other online sources of help:
*
The Samaritans - trained volunteers are available 24 hours a day to listen and provide emotional support. You can call a volunteer on the phone, or e-mail them. Confidential and non-judgmental. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best source of online help. *
Talk to a therapist online - Read this page to find out how. *
Depression support group online: Walkers in Darkness - Please note: this is a very big group, but amidst all the chatter (and occasional bickering), it is possible to find someone who will hear you and offer support. *
Psych Central has a good listing of online resources for suicide and other mental health needs. *
Still feel bad? These jokes might relieve the pressure for a minute or two. *
If you want help finding a human being to talk with in person, who can help you live through this, try reading this article about how to Choose a Competent Counselor.
Sometimes people need additional private help before they are ready to talk with someone in person. Here are three books you could read on your own in private. I know from personal experience that each one has helped someone like you.
*
And even self harming is a cry for help and that can be done too in a selfish way or is it when the person suffering do they see beyond the realms of selfishness
Posts: 4597 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
This is what really bugs me about tourists and agnabi women who come to Egypt. If you took the time to do a little research into the culture, you would realize that an Egyptian female would never get married willy nilly. There is NO dating, the families get together and check each other out.
Egyptian families really do not want their young sons marrying old foreigners. It does bring in the bucks, but it also brings shame on the family.
A respectable Egyptian man would never ask for money from a woman or have a family or few on the side.
Women are ruled too much by their hearts and their brian ceases to function. To all of your girls/women out there "Always put yourself FIRST and NEVER invest yourself 100% in a man as investments can be lost".
The above story is very sad, one of many I am sure. I wish there could be some sort of registry and vetting process for these guys so they could be caught out and branded before doing the damage they do.
Posts: 83 | From: Egypt | Registered: Feb 2008
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A respectable Egyptian man would never ask for money from a woman or have a family or few on the side.
The above story is very sad, one of many I am sure. I wish there could be some sort of registry and vetting process for these guys so they could be caught out and branded before doing the damage they do.
You know this is actually not that true.
I know of at least 3 marriages within just my limited circle where the Egyptian man was much less weathly than the Egyptian woman he married. They are what you would consider well educated respectable men from good families, they just did not have much money behind them. In all cases the men have gone on to run businesses funded by the wife's money which have probably considerably increase the families wealth as a whole. All the offspring of these marriages have certainly gone onto a full university education and sucessful careers at professional levels.
Egyptian culture is not so black and white as some people here seem to think. Egyptian familes pool resources and use them for the best of everyone and the advancement of the family as a whole. In a way this was what this lady in this sad story was doing and she did not deserve to be scammed.
Its not about how much you understand the culture. A bad man is a bad man and its so sad he detroyed her faith in human nature that she took her own life as a result of it.
I do very much agree though that foreign women should check the family out before even considering any sort of long term commitment or investment of money.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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but i could never kill myself over a man. problems can be fixed and now she is just as bad as the guy is..because now there are people suffering over HER.
Posts: 2757 | From: YOU CAN ONLY SEE WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW, THERE IS SO MUCH MORE YOU JUST DONT KNOW | Registered: Oct 2007
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quote:Originally posted by JinJin: The above story is very sad, one of many I am sure. I wish there could be some sort of registry and vetting process for these guys so they could be caught out and branded before doing the damage they do.
I wholeheartly stand behind this idea but when I give it a realistic thought something like this will never happen. Too many Egyptians making a living by scamming people - in this case it was a naive foreign woman - too much corruption too much bs is going on there .... unfortunately.
~ TL
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by JinJin: ...There is NO dating, the families get together and check each other out. ...
It is wrong, I was dating with him before marriage, his family knew, and his mom was OK when many times I slept in his son's bedroom (he slept in his bro's). And his other brothers were also dating before marriages.
Posts: 756 | From: ...be solution... | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
thanks for your replies. One question, the family have gone from shock to despair specially at this time of the year. Is there anything they can do to shame him and his whole family. They dont live in Egypt but will travel. Please only constructive advice needed, no backbiting. They feel revenge will somehow help.
Posts: 5 | From: down under | Registered: Dec 2008
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quote:Originally posted by downtoearth: thanks for your replies. One question, the family have gone from shock to despair specially at this time of the year. Is there anything they can do to shame him and his whole family. They dont live in Egypt but will travel. Please only constructive advice needed, no backbiting. They feel revenge will somehow help.
Revenge will not solve the problem love all you can do is highlight the situation on others all around the globe of women who fall for young men or feel they could be wrong done .She was after all an adult she made her own life her own decisions and he may have seen how vunarable she was i dont know the questions is would she have comitted suicide anyway or was this just the icing on the cake . You have the bitterness in you and what you need to do is stop and think what can i do help vunrable women or blog and highlight it but so far even from here reading posts of even men and women its not stopped anything . I hope next year will be a better one for you and keep memories of good time ok . Bless you and keep safe .
Posts: 1116 | From: WARNING All stressed out & no one to choke | Registered: Sep 2008
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