Intercultural marriages require more than simply getting along. Here are marriage issues and advice to consider before you tie the knot with someone from another culture
In today's global world, it’s easier than ever before to meet – and find common ground – with someone from another country and culture. Although exciting, marrying someone with a background very different from your own has the potential to challenge you in ways that you might not predict.
Here are seven marriage issues to consider before you say “I do” in an intercultural marriage.
Gender Roles
Don’t assume the balance you currently have will exist two years down the road. While gender roles in Western society have blurred tremendously in recent decades, many cultures follow a more-clearly defined family and social structure. So while your foreign-born fiancé seems to admire your diploma and career goals – and may even brag about them to his family – he might eventually expect you to be more of a homemaker than a bread-winner.
Extended Family
You may have grown up visiting your grandparents only twice a year, but a foreign-born spouse might come from a large extended family where everyone is hands-on with the baby, women defer to a family matriarch, and grown sons are expected to financially support elderly parents. Know the family structure and etiquette of your own spouse’s culture and upbringing, and prepare to be more yielding than you might be in a same-culture marriage.
Prejudices and Social Attitudes
No matter how liberal and open-minded your spouse appears to be, she might harbor subtle prejudices or occasionally display a bigoted opinion. Culture often plays a role in such attitudes. Be aware of common prejudices and prevalent social attitudes of your spouse’s culture before you find yourself disliking the person you married -- or disliking the country you moved to.
Religion
According to the U.S. Religious Landscape Survey, one-third of married Americans have a spouse with a different religious affiliation. While you may feel supportive of each other’s faiths, spirituality grows and wanes – and this has the potential to displace previous expectations. Issues such as modesty, socializing, religious observances, holiday celebrations, dietary restrictions, and in what religion to raise the children need to be looked at from both conservative and liberal points of view.
Childrearing
Even couples from the same culture clash on issues such as discipline techniques. But there are extra parenting dilemmas in intercultural marriages – and debating whether or not to raise bilingual children is only one concern. Social norms around the world vary greatly with regard to showing affection, catering to children’s whims, involvement of family, appropriate gender play and roles, behavioral and scholastic expectations, and more. Be in agreement not to undermine each other’s unique parenting styles.
Where to Live
It sounds exciting and exotic to think about living overseas, but the reality might not be so peachy, especially if your destination is a less-developed part of the world. A foreign language, separation from family, and misunderstandings with in-laws and new acquaintances can overwhelm an expatriate. While such a move might not seem likely while you’re in the newlywed period, the chances might increase if you have children and your foreign-born spouse strongly believes that “home” is a better environment or feels it's time to immerse the children in the other culture.
Personality
As in any marriage, this is one of the most important aspects to consider – and remember to be honest about your own personality as well. Some people are easy-going and adapt readily to new ideas and attitudes, while others may be prone to self-righteousness or taking an unyielding stance. Cross cultural marriages have less chance of succeeding if both partners can’t be open, flexible and good-natured about the unexpected curve balls that come their way.
posted
Excellent article TL. I just wonder how practical it is for people to REALLY think about these things before they are in it?
People might read the list and just THINK they do these things? Without realising completely what they involve.
Its a bit like trying to imagine being a parent before you are one. You THINK you've got it covered, until you are actually doing it and you realise all those things you thought and said, dont work in reality.
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