posted
I'm getting married to an Egyptian man in one month, but we have not settled the dowry yet. He has bought me a gold wedding ring, but nothing to put in the contract yet.
What is the average dowry paid by a middle class egyptian family? He is just finishing college now, and not sure if he will work in the U.S. or Egypt. I heard around $5,000, but I do not want to be unfair in any way to him. Any suggestions?
Posts: 28 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
if i had to pay a man to marry him i would never marry him.
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
well its not the norm in usa. we would never marry a man that wanted our money.screw that i would say hit the road jack dont ya come back no more no more no more no more. hit the road jack...
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: Tina, its money he pays her
huh? thats better now we are talkin.. hell yea pay me.. but wouldnt she feel like a prostitute?? men are suppose to always support the woman anyways. the women should stay home with the kids if no kids. then she should be givin an option if she wants to work or not.
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: Tina, its money he pays her
huh? thats better now we are talkin.. hell yea pay me.. but wouldnt she feel like a prostitute?? men are suppose to always support the woman anyways. the women should stay home with the kids if no kids. then she should be givin an option if she wants to work or not.
She IS given an option whether or not to work most of the time. Any money she earns at her job she can keep. Dowry is NOT like prostition - it is part of Islam. It shows that the woman IS a diamond and should be worked for and appreciated.
Posts: 28 | From: United States | Registered: Jan 2009
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: Tina, its money he pays her
huh? thats better now we are talkin.. hell yea pay me.. but wouldnt she feel like a prostitute?? men are suppose to always support the woman anyways. the women should stay home with the kids if no kids. then she should be givin an option if she wants to work or not.
She IS given an option whether or not to work most of the time. Any money she earns at her job she can keep. Dowry is NOT like prostition - it is part of Islam. It shows that the woman IS a diamond and should be worked for and appreciated.
it should also not be 'beyond his means'
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
now i understand when the man wants a divorce he wants his douwery back. i always wonderd y he would want her to pay back what she has givin. now i see it was his money.. thanks i guess u learn somethin new everyday.
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: now i understand when the man wants a divorce he wants his douwery back. i always wonderd y he would want her to pay back what she has givin. now i see it was his money.. thanks i guess u learn somethin new everyday.
Dunno about a dowry, but the mahr is hers to keep forever, no matter what happens in or to the marriage.
Tina, if you and Waleed ever tie the knot you're gonna want to know about this stuff.
Posts: 758 | From: Here. There. Everywhere. | Registered: Mar 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by tina kamal: now i understand when the man wants a divorce he wants his douwery back. i always wonderd y he would want her to pay back what she has givin. now i see it was his money.. thanks i guess u learn somethin new everyday.
Dunno about a dowry, but the mahr is hers to keep forever, no matter what happens in or to the marriage.
Tina, if you and Waleed ever tie the knot you're gonna want to know about this stuff.
why would i wanna or need to know i am american i do not require a dowry.
Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Don't think anyone could afford me Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
roqayya, apart from the dowry, which your man gives you there's the SHABKA, that's usually a wedding gift, either gold in the majority of Muslim families, or a diamond ring and/or necklace in some eased families.
Nothing to do with the golden ring you've mentioned that's called DIBLAH, on your right hand after you're engaged and which will be the wedding ring on the left hand after you're married.
Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
That was way to complicated for me. My wedding contract stated I got 1 LE for Mahr and 1 LE for dowry. Sometimes I tease my husband and say "just give me my 1 pound and I will be happily on my way."
I did not want anything put there, but the contract cannot be left blank.
Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
hey mini im worth more than you, 10LE for me, cant remember which bit though
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: hey mini im worth more than you, 10LE for me, cant remember which bit though
I did not get any gold either...we bought our wedding rings in the States and got Tungsten Carbide (a scratch resistant white metal). A lot of Egyptians tell me I'm not really married since I don't wear a gold ring.
Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
I dont like Gold so insisted on Silver, we both had Silver rings and sat and watched while they were made from the same piece of Silver
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by The Ministry of Common Sense: A lot of Egyptians tell me I'm not really married since I don't wear a gold ring.
LOL.. All this is nothing but rituals and culture, some nomads would take camels for a dowry Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I don't like gold either (except white gold). But Silver turns my skin green so I usually go for stainless steel, titanium or tungsten.
We were non-traditional all the way. Did not even have a "wedding party". Just did our paperwork at MOJ and went to JW Marriot for a drink.
Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by The Ministry of Common Sense: A lot of Egyptians tell me I'm not really married since I don't wear a gold ring.
LOL.. All this is nothing but rituals and culture, some nomads would take camels for a dowry
Or a pair of sandals....
What I really wanted was 10 Camels and 2 Donkeys and some chickens on the roof, but I was worried that Sierra (my dog) would not get along with them. He's promised me a herd of camels when we move back to the States.
Posts: 1626 | From: whatever, wherever | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: I dont like Gold so insisted on Silver, we both had Silver rings and sat and watched while they were made from the same piece of Silver
same here neither one of us likes gold too much walid and i just have plain silver bands from walmart.only he grew a little and now cant fit a size 12.. hahahah they have huge fingers,
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Sashyra8: If Tina is not muslim,why should she care about mahr and such?
Isn't Walid Muslim?
Yes he is and IMO a token gesture is better than nothing Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
I think roqayya it all depends on the circumstances. Get a male family member to organise it for you. I have heard of pounds but also have heard of thousands. I know when my BIL married his fiancee's family were asking for 1 million LE! My MIL was not too happy
I still think you are too young to marry sorry but if you were my daughter i really would be hoping that you would wait. Posts: 895 | Registered: Sep 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
You need to set the dowy at a level that this young man has to work for to prove he is worthy of you. There is no rush, you are both so young, let him work and save some money.
As for the gifts if you are going to be living in Egypt then forget the camels but demand..a washing machine, vacum cleaner etc. They will make your life a lot more bearable when the honeymoon period is over Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Penny: You need to set the dowy at a level that this young man has to work for to prove he is worthy of you. There is no rush, you are both so young, let him work and save some money.
As for the gifts if you are going to be living in Egypt then forget the camels but demand..a washing machine, vacum cleaner etc. They will make your life a lot more bearable when the honeymoon period is over
penny, he might now be living in USA But I agree, washing machine is a must and get a vacuum cleaner from USA, Egy ones are CRAP!
Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I am not keen on gold either so the jewellery my husband bought me was silver...although I made an exception with my wedding ring which is gold. I got married using my grandmas wedding ring which she left to me when she died 12 years ago. It's very special to me as she was married for over 50 years and she had 11 children and more than 20 grandchildren and I was the one who got left her ring (call it favouritism )
Posts: 500 | From: United Arab Emirates | Registered: Jul 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: washing machine is a must and get a vacuum cleaner from USA, Egy ones are CRAP!
Watch out for American standard electricals they use 110 V and 50 cycles.
Ayisha, in Egypt, if you buy a proper Siemens, Bissel or Panasonic vacuum cleaner you'll be fine..but if you go for Panasoanic or National-star, THOSE are crap,and they're Chinese not Egyptian, Egypt hasn't got that far in technology. Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by roqayya: It shows that the woman IS a diamond
Women are not diamonds. I hate those metaphors and it bothers me that Muslims so often resort to them when speaking about women. Those metaphors try to come across as being appreciative, but they are in fact deeply degrading, and I'm not the only woman who feels that way.
Diamonds (and pearls and all those other things people like to compare women to) are inanimate objects. They have no beauty or worth of their own, they need to be polished and worked on in order to become *beautiful*. And they are just considered as *precious* because of their monetary value. They are being sold and bought, and most of the time stored away in a box, taken out only occasionally either for decoration or display of wealth.
The woman is a human being, created from the same nafs as the man (4:1) -- not a diamond, a pearl, a rose or any other kind of object that can be sold, bought, and owned.
Posts: 2803 | Registered: Feb 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dalia. Do you think that man, who is calling his wife a diamond, has all this in mind?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
I always thought that was so retarted. Pay her to get married? come on, that is beyond stupid. its about love not money
Posts: 506 | From: Some where on the east coast | Registered: Jan 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Shooky: I always thought that was so retarted. Pay her to get married? come on, that is beyond stupid. its about love not money
Its because the egyptian and muslim/arabic communities has an VERY old fashion law system. In case of divorce the wife would otherwise get nothing. All laws in the middle east needs to be updated to year 2009. Thats also why they are in all other areas so many years behind the development in (more or less) the rest of the world.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by roqayya: I'm getting married to an Egyptian man in one month, but we have not settled the dowry yet. He has bought me a gold wedding ring, but nothing to put in the contract yet.
What is the average dowry paid by a middle class egyptian family? He is just finishing college now, and not sure if he will work in the U.S. or Egypt. I heard around $5,000, but I do not want to be unfair in any way to him. Any suggestions?
Please rethink your plan of marrying as it's not too late. You are too young for such a huge commitment and what you want right now will differ in a few years.
Enjoy your youth and your freedom. SIMPLY HAVE FUN!!!
If it's meant to be he will wait for you.
I am sure others told you exactly the same and you probably can't hear it anymore. I am concerned that you want to do everything at one time without having any real life experience.
Do you have any relationship experience at your young age??
Be aware that if you have a child with your husband and things don't work out right as you hoped there is no way you will be able to leave Egypt together with your offspring - unless your (ex)spouse will give permission that the child can be removed from his country by you. You gonna be in such a difficult position that even your embassy won't be able to help you.
I would suggest you not to become pregnant (DON'T DO IT!!) for several years, get used to a different lifestyle at first, learn the language, the culture and mentality of the people, work on your own relationship, focus on finances and be really sure if that's what you want before you start a family.
I hope you are at least a little aware of what's gonna happen to you very soon. IMHO you have your whole life infront of you, you can get later married and have kids - just not right after high-school.
Well I guess since your mother wasn't able to talk sense into you I - as a stranger - won't be able to do it either. Well at least I've tried.
Good luck anyway. You will need it.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Baqara 236 There is no any demand against you if you divorce the women while you have not touched them or have fixed any dower. And give them something to carry on with the men of resources according to his means and the poor according to his means some" thing to carry on with, this is incumbent on the well doers.
Nisaa 25 ....therefore, marry them with the leave of their masters and give them their dowries ....
Al Ahzab 50.. 'O Prophet! The Communicator of unseen news, We have made lawful for you those of your wives when you pay dower...
Shooky, finding mahr 'retarded' is kuffar, it is mentioned in Quran and hadiths. And it doesn't has to be very expensive things..
Posts: 2591 | From: **Ex Oriente Lux** | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
lol i guess my doury is the most expensive cas hes in uae working to get us married.. lol
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
TL..the girl has her plan, she's too young, fine...isn't this the norm in the western world ? They move in together, indulge in sex, try each other out, if it works in a couple of years they get married, if it doesn't each one goes his way...
The young man is a Muslim, he doesn't think like in the west, he's afraid of Allah, he cannot commit adultery, his financial status is not much, but together they'll find a way.
I too find her too young to be exposed to Egypt that soon, but who knows how she's built, this young girl could be an ice crusher and adapt faster than a mature lady.
Anyway its all a matter of time, she'll learn out of her own experiences, once the real life begins in Egypt.
Don't worry roqayya, ES is here to advise you on everything you want, from love experiences, pregnancies, baby names, baby clothes, vacuum cleaners, bla bla bla ... to divorces Posts: 3219 | From: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
I also think she might be too young to get married but I also know that most people won't listen advice and I guess that's fine too - me all make our own mistakes and it's her life anyway. BUT I agree with TL about pregnancy, it is a big change of life to move to Egypt, it IS not wise to make two big changes at the same time!!!!!!! Please please get to know Egypt first and live normal life getting to know each other and the country etc. I think any thinking human being knows this but sometimes women get blinded because they simply think babies are so adorable everything will be fine...you are so young you have time to wait a while - I don't know if you were planning to, maybe, because I don't remember there being any talk about you guys having a baby soon...
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
Who said anything about babies!!!! I'm sending her with lots of birthcontrol pills and she will take them. She wants to go to college there and is no way ready for a baby - neither of them are.
-------------------- Church Lady Posts: 66 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
Lol, Egyptmom, there are also storks in Egypt, you know?? Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Egyptmom: Who said anything about babies!!!! I'm sending her with lots of birthcontrol pills and she will take them. She wants to go to college there and is no way ready for a baby - neither of them are.
Birth control pills are really much cheaper here, I wouldn't send them. BTW, an interesting thing, I was reading shipping restrictions and I think it was to Tunisia you can't send contraception produts And sending by post, I think sending medicine-like products to Egypt, the recipient will have to at least pay a lots of customs fees. It is not worth it.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
That is good to hear Egyptmom that neither are ready for kids and your daughter will be using protection. My brother-in-law which is Egyptian and 28 married last year and a month later they found out she was pregnant and he was very depressed and still is. The baby is a month old now.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
If you want to have an Islamic marriage and do things Islamically, why dont you ask an Egyptian Imam about some of these things, in Al Azhar they speak English and I am sure they would be happy to sit down with you and discuss these things. Especially as you dont have a male family member to act for you.
Personally I dont believe a Dowry should be too important, it could be 1$, its not going to make too much difference to you, because if you need it in case you get divorced then the chance are you would go back to the US anyway, and if you ask for $5000 are you really going to keep hold of it until that time might come along?
So, how will it benefit you? You can ask for 1 million and defer it until he has it if you like...
Why dont you talk about it together and see what he can afford.
Also, I just wanna say, you are American, and muslim. You dont have to do everything the Egyptian way...do it the american way too.
I'm not knocking you, but sometimes when we come to islam we get swept along by being how we think we should be and do things. I did. In hindsight I now think 'no, sod it' I am English and will do things the English way, as long as they dont conflict with Islam, then whats the problem?
Thats why I say, ask an Imam for the Islamic stuff, rather than peoples opinions which is individual or based on Egyptian culture, not Islam.
Posts: 431 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
Oh, geez. I just did the math. Now I know who the OP is.
That doesn't change my opinion, though. If I had it to do all over again, I would definately put more emphasis on the back end (in case of divorce or death) than the mahr.
Posts: 758 | From: Here. There. Everywhere. | Registered: Mar 2008
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
sorry but if you were my daughter i really would be hoping that you would wait. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic