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This topic goes out to foreign women who are married to Egyptian men, live in Egypt and have children together.
What IF your marriage would crumble one day - what would you do?? Would you try to convince your ex-husband so you are able to return to your homecountry with the children?
Or would you stay in Egypt and try to make a living there çause you aren't allowed to take the children abroad and you can't imagine to live without them?
Or would you even leave your children back in Egypt? It must be a very hard decision but it happened before.
Don't you have sometimes such fears of facing this very difficult situation or do you push such thinking far away from you?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO??
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Never been married to an Egyptian, Tiger,,, but knew plenty who were. A friend (Russian) had a baby girl, born in Hurghada.... she couldn't stand the way her husband had changed since the baby was born. She told him she was bringing baby to Russia to visit her grandparents (baby was born in Egypt... they'd never seen her!!) She disappeared to Russia... and never returned. Sneaky.... yes very..... Depriving the father of his daughter... yes.... but he was unfaithful and abusive (I can verify the unfaithful!) Not the best way to do it... but in this case necessary in my opinion. I'd do the same if I had to.
Posts: 4238 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2004
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It depends really. Like in madame f's case (daughter going to Egypt with dad on "holiday") it is always the best interest of a child!!!!! Sorry all, I just don't understand if someone will take kids out of the country, let's say if they are in the middle of school here and they have lots of friends. Everyone always talks about best interest but somehow it doesn't apply here...SAME goes for western kids moving to Egypt at age when they have already started school in their home country and have formed friendships there. In these delicate cases you really need to think. Children are also individuals, some are more brave and could handle sudden move but others don't.
Moms don't have any special rights over kids. The best interest always seems to be forgotten in a situation like this. I also assume we are talking normal dads here, abusive ones are different case. Yes, moms want to keep their kids - do you think dads wouldn't also? I admit it is very weird if he hasn't been taking care of them daily and suddenly he wants to "play dad". But if he participated on daily basis...So many intercultural marriages end up in divorce...so in case you really are not ready to "allow" your kids to stay in Egypt and for example finish his/her school, why get married...the chance of divorce is quite high, I think! And what if s/he is big enough and says s/he doesn't want to leave. Would you ignore it?
When my mom and dad divorced it could have shaken my (and probably my little sister's) life badly, I was quite shy and nearing teenage years. I am very greatful for my mother that she tried to continue life as it was before, meaning no change of school or friends, or neighborhood. I remember I was terrified of that. Of course it wasn't question about different countries but if it can be this terrifying to live in another part of the city, I can only imagine how change of countries can affect.
Obviously there are no advance plans, it depends on SO many things. Best plan would be to stay in Egypt or or have a flexible job somewhere else (in your home country) that allows you to have many holidays during a year.
If a kid has not reached school age yet, then it WOULD be easier to move to another country.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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In Holland, the day before yesterday a 7 year old girl was kidnapped. Witnesses saw the car stopped near the girl, and a man grabbing the child, driving away by car. All authorites were warned, airports informed, but no trace of the little girl. One day later the police and justice brought out the message that the father of the child contacted them. He took the kid and left the country somewhere from another airport, to his country, the US. The kid was safe and sound. It seemed that the father has legal custody, so the Dutch mother was the one who was wrong in this.
This kind of situations can arise with any man, and with any woman, even if they have the same nationality. What about the women here, who have been leaving their country, leaving their ex-husbands without the children?
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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mine doesn't want my baby claims she is not his.... i think i may have been impregnated by god!
Posts: 1248 | From: my sex is on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Registered: Aug 2008
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quote:Originally posted by cloudberry: It depends really. Like in madame f's case (daughter going to Egypt with dad on "holiday") it is always the best interest of a child!!!!! Sorry all, I just don't understand if someone will take kids out of the country, let's say if they are in the middle of school here and they have lots of friends. Everyone always talks about best interest but somehow it doesn't apply here...SAME goes for western kids moving to Egypt at age when they have already started school in their home country and have formed friendships there. In these delicate cases you really need to think. Children are also individuals, some are more brave and could handle sudden move but others don't.
Moms don't have any special rights over kids. The best interest always seems to be forgotten in a situation like this. I also assume we are talking normal dads here, abusive ones are different case. Yes, moms want to keep their kids - do you think dads wouldn't also? I admit it is very weird if he hasn't been taking care of them daily and suddenly he wants to "play dad". But if he participated on daily basis...So many intercultural marriages end up in divorce...so in case you really are not ready to "allow" your kids to stay in Egypt and for example finish his/her school, why get married...the chance of divorce is quite high, I think! And what if s/he is big enough and says s/he doesn't want to leave. Would you ignore it?
When my mom and dad divorced it could have shaken my (and probably my little sister's) life badly, I was quite shy and nearing teenage years. I am very greatful for my mother that she tried to continue life as it was before, meaning no change of school or friends, or neighborhood. I remember I was terrified of that. Of course it wasn't question about different countries but if it can be this terrifying to live in another part of the city, I can only imagine how change of countries can affect.
Obviously there are no advance plans, it depends on SO many things. Best plan would be to stay in Egypt or or have a flexible job somewhere else (in your home country) that allows you to have many holidays during a year.
If a kid has not reached school age yet, then it WOULD be easier to move to another country.
CB, sorry to say this but you missed the topic here. It's about divorcing an Egyptian man in Egypt, having offspring with him and what could possibly happen because of the split.
My point is how would you handle such a situation if you would elect that you want to return back to your homecountry with your children and your still husband or ex is not agreeing??
Would you try to make life work in Egypt as a divorcee or would you rather want to have closure and leave the country? I would imagine many women will feel lost in such a situation and prefer to head to their own country to find comfort and help from family and friends.
Face it too many divorces turn out nasty and the ones who suffer the most are the children without the doubt. In such situations no one ask if the child has finished school or whatever. It's like if you don't use the one chance right now to get hold of your children you'll perhaps never see them again because the law is not in your favor as mother.
One of my friends is half German and half Turkish but he was born in Cairo. His German mom left him behind in Egypt when he was 2 or 3 years old with the father when they divorced in the late 60's. He never gotten to know her.
I read also at least two other books of German women leaving their lives and children behind in Egypt as there was no way they were able to get them out of country.
I am always wondering why women do this? How do they comes to terms with the fact of giving up a child. Do they ever?? It must be such a heartbreaking decision to do.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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I would suggest to every woman to watch movie "Not without my daughter" before make any stupid step...
Posts: 13 | Registered: May 2008
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Tigerlily, you should apply that question to yourself too. You are German and your hubby is American. Do you ever have fears about what will happen to your kids if your marriage ever crumbles? Especially if you and your hubby argue over where to live? This is not just a problem for someone marrying an Egyptian, but an important area of concern in any marriage that involves two people from different countries.
Posts: 4446 | From: Egyptian in Sydney | Registered: Mar 2005
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bugger ! and there was me thinking my babs was the second coming of jesus or can there be 2?
Posts: 1248 | From: my sex is on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Registered: Aug 2008
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Totally agree! Can happen in any country.... lets look at marrying a "English Drinking every friday down the club with mates" Man, or a "Football mad Italian" or a " Greek Family man" or a Turksh Keebab shop owner" or a " American from Deep south".... I could go on but wont LOL
Posts: 288 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by * 7ayat *: Tigerlily, you should apply that question to yourself too. You are German and your hubby is American. Do you ever have fears about what will happen to your kids if your marriage ever crumbles? Especially if you and your hubby argue over where to live? This is not just a problem for someone marrying an Egyptian, but an important area of concern in any marriage that involves two people from different countries.
It's typical human to project these kind of insights on others, while it can happen to anyone, even when you have to partner from the same country. What is going to happen after a divorce? Most of the people will continue their lifes not to far from the place they got their children. But what if the one with custody decides to move? What happens when one of the parents is going to be kept away from the children? That also happens, even when they live in the same town, even with court-orders. Maybe that's why shared custody is so important, and maybe that's why trust and communication is so important. There are divorced couple who still act in the best interest of their children after a divorce, but many don't. Sometimes because their feelings are on the first place, but also because the trust isn't there anymore. Or hurt came in the place of trust, etc.
There are women who are leaving the place where their children are living, and there are men doing the same. Most of us, will blame a woman when she has done such a thing, but from men it's more or less accepted. That's because we still see a woman as the one who has to stay with her children. (Like in Madame F's topic) That's a social and a cultural view, and it's not based on proven facts. There are women who just are bad mothers, so a good father always will be better as a bad mother, even when she is a mother!
So, western women don't necesarrely have to be good mothers. Foreign fathers don't necesarrely have to be bad fathers. They both can be good or bad. Anyway, good parents are taking responsibility for their children, no matter where they are from.
Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: [QB] CB, sorry to say this but you missed the topic here. It's about divorcing an Egyptian man in Egypt, having offspring with him and what could possibly happen because of the split.
I think I answered based on that. "Obviously there are no advance plans, it depends on SO many things. Best plan would be to stay in Egypt or or have a flexible job somewhere else (in your home country) that allows you to have many holidays during a year.
quote:Face it too many divorces turn out nasty and the ones who suffer the most are the children without the doubt. In such situations no one ask if the child has finished school or whatever.
I know. But still it is not right. No matter how many people do it "the wrong way" like it's the norm. And even if HE is not asking them, YOU can. One doesn't have to play hard way if the other one does. Wisest one is the one who can keep his/her head cool and think with logic. I KNOW IT'S NOT EASY AND I NEVER SAID IT WAS. Everyone I think can imagine how these situations are, you don't know 100% how it feels like until you have experienced it. There are even cases like this inside a country, perhaps Finland is too small for this and the system prevents it happening, but elsewhere.
AND: if he truly wants to keep the children totally AWAY from their mother, it doesn't matter whether you stay in Egypt or go back to your home. In Egypt it is so easy to disappear and never to be found. But I understood this was the case where he just didn't let them out of country but she can still see her kids 'normally'.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Mimmi: [QUOTE]Originally posted by Lumpy butt: [QB] mine doesn't want my baby claims she is not his.... '
How sad, I will never understand men. I s he willing to take a test?
My gut feeling says he wouldn't. Deep down he knows she is his but I think he is just saying this to annoy and hurt LB.
Posts: 758 | From: Finland | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Lumpy butt: mine doesn't want my baby claims she is not his.... i think i may have been impregnated by god!
Did I understand that right. He is claiming he can not be her father. Seriously no need to stay in contact with such a loser. And you wanted to come back to Egypt to live with him. After all thank god that you changed your mind. You do not need that.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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bless ya tl... my life is far more complicated than that!....long story
Posts: 1248 | From: my sex is on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Registered: Aug 2008
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mimmi.... he knows he is her father... like cb said, he just said it to try and upset me.... which did work for a few days.
like i said, unless god impregnated me, she is 100% his.... I'm no sharmoota Posts: 1248 | From: my sex is on fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | Registered: Aug 2008
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claims she is not his.... i think i may have been impregnated by god!
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