posted
Update: He is living with another young Egy man here in Virginia, his buddy has a child the same age as our with (surprise) and older American woman who he is not married to. He has a big motorboat and the two of them hang out at the waterfront on weekends wagging their cocks at college girls and essentially behaving like every other arab asshole who discovers the bounty of easy women who confuse the look of an Arab with wealth.
He rarely sees his son, but only at my home and always after his work, when he is tired and wants me to hang out and cook him dinner. He is essentially STILL USING me. I have agreed to support his immigration petition, but he translated that into me doing all of the discovery and work for him. He says that he hasn't even kissed a girl since I put him out, and that he wants to move back into my home and stop all this bullshit. That is until it's Friday and Hany is having a party and K just can't resist the good times, the drugs, and the women. Somedays I think he has no intention of staying in America. He still goes to work every day and I am getting some child support which helps, but because he has no intention of ever paying his own way in the world, he hasn't got a suitable apartment or lifestyle to take Amer for weekend visits. You guys Im so tired all the time, because I am still working a 50 hour week, but now I have a very tempramental 2 year old to look after. and well I know it could always be worse, I could still be where I was a year ago, and we are all healthy and smart.
But boy is that man like a stray cat, you feed it once and it never goes away.
I don't know whats in the future, but boy do I get sick in my heart when I look at photographs of us over the years and know now that the whole time I was smiling for the camera with his arms around me, he was laying in bed with other women, and saying terrible things about me, and taking my life and using me like a hotel and mother.. UGH, there was no way to have predicted how flawed he was, and I don't regret loving him, but I do regret not approaching the inter-cultural relationshnip more methodically.
Mero is amazing and sings and dances and makes me laugh daily, but that boy is a stright up Imbaba Boy, as soon as he could reach the screen door handle, he was OUT and he is FAST he never looks over his shoulder because he knows I am trailing a few feet behind, and I sometimes think he'd walk to the Highway and then down to Richmond if I didn't call him back. He is lively and curious about everything and I'm so excited for a fun summertime at the pool and shore this year. Its tempting OFTEN to think, " I should just forgive him and let him back in, and then I will have some company and my baby will have is father and we won't be alone". Then I have to remember that this man hasn't changed an ounce since I got the truth out of him, and he still lives his life like an irresponsible child, and really.. seriously.. he wasn't that great to me that I would want to try again. He was an amazing deciever and incredibly cruel and manipulative.. and I swear to god I loved him with all my heart. Thats the rub.
But 6 months into the spearation, I am stronger, and less pathetic, I am building a support network around me, and have begun to do things outside of the house on my own. So, everything is still everything, I am always hanging in one of the ES corners, I just don't have much to add anymore. I dare say it will be a dogs age before I even think of going to Egypt. Cheers!
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Ah, Cosmo, it must be so hard to go through life right now?? How long more you have to support him. IMHO to get your sanity back it would be better if you hardly see him and do nothing for him. He treated you very badly and you are right he acts irresponsible, he never grew up. Even the birth of his own son didn't change him.
Anyway, I hope you get over the heartache in time, in a couple of years all this pain what he caused you will not bother you anymore because you found everlasting and healthy love with someone new. Til then keep your head up high, be strong and look good after yourself and your son. You know if I was in your shoes this man would have found his @ss already back in Egypt by now but you decided to help him no matter what. You are very kind, too kind and people like him will use you. You let that happen.
All the best. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Well he appears to still be a twat and probably always will be. you know you are better on your own but I do know thats hard sometimes, it will get better you just have to give it time.
You have a bundle of joy to play with and one day you will be able to look at him and NOT think of twat, really you will.
If twat ever shows signs of growing up then you can stop being his mum when he visits his son and maybe he may grow up enough to take little one out so you get some free time, although I understand hes not that grown up and trustworthy yet
It will get better. Luv n hugs
-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Why dont y just totally excluded him of your life? Let the only contact with him be about your son. I would have done that. Stop thinking about what his doing when his not visiting his son. Right now he makes you seem like his puppy. Kick his ass out of your house heart and mind girl.
Posts: 1325 | From: For tooti http://www.csa.gov.uk/ | Registered: May 2009
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Cosmo, I know a similar type, and he left a trace of broken women behind. The problem is that he doesn't stop trying, and when you give one finger, he takes the whole hand, better said: two hands! If you don't allow him to try over and over again, if you keep helping him, he never will get out of your life. The worsest in this that you're going to feel more and more bad. It really should be better to get him out of your life completely.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Well he has some immense hurdles to overcome to get his citizenship, he has been arrested several times, lied to the INS about that, and has been reckless and careless enough to put him in "removal status". I can't change his truth or the reality of his situation, but I can say to my son when he is 13 and wonders about his Father living in Egypt, that I didn't act spitefully or vindictively. As I fill my life with people and things he is pushed furth er and further to the fringe.. ??????? I say to myself all the time, "If you give a mouse a cookie, He is going to want some milk". I have to be better at being harder, he insists that we have to at least be friends because we have a son, and he (when they are together) is very genuine in his love for the baby, and the baby adores him. It's my achilles heel my desire to believe his baloney and my desire to make it all go away.
Tibe, Im going to print your response out and hang it in my kitchen.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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its a known fct if u give a man a rope he will hang himself and you with him.
-------------------- your ass is so tight when you fart only a dog can hear it.when you queef only a cat can hear that one. Posts: 9776 | From: You like If only mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood. | Registered: Jul 2007
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I haven't posted here in awhile but you know who I am from somewhere else. I have always respected you and thought you were extremely intelligent. I understand what it's like to be in too deep with love and such. Now, having said that, why is this man still eating your food and lounging around your house? I understand you wanting to share your mutual child. But you don't have to socialize with him while he's visiting said mutual child. Also, this worrying about what to say to your son at 13 and why his father isn't around say if said father resides in another country. You don't have to tell him the full story. A lot can happen in 11 yrs. Kids forget. Ppl come in and out of your life. He'll just not be around, simple as that. Him coming over to cuddle with the boy doesn't make him father of the year. Sure he loves the child, who doesn't love cute, cherubic toddlers? Esp Egyptians. They love babies even if it's not their own. Again, not father of the year material. If that were the case just about every Egyptian male would be father of the year...look at all the baby shoes hanging from rear views and pics of babies on profile on various social networking sites. You get the picture. Back to the boy and his questions about where's daddy? When it's age appropriate you can explain to him like you've explain to us...daddy broke the law and such and daddy got deported. You don't have to sign immigration forms to keep this casanova here. You're not helping anyone but him by doing that. Also, how do you know he won't disappear from your boy's life one day anyways? He may go back to Egypt on his own one day or he may pack up and go elsewhere in the US or world. His behaviors in the past have proven that you and the boy don't rank very high on his list of priorities. Just think about that.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Cosmogirl: Update: He is living with another young Egy man here in Virginia, his buddy has a child the same age as our with (surprise) and older American woman who he is not married to. He has a big motorboat and the two of them hang out at the waterfront on weekends wagging their cocks at college girls and essentially behaving like every other arab asshole who discovers the bounty of easy women who confuse the look of an Arab with wealth.
He rarely sees his son, but only at my home and always after his work, when he is tired and wants me to hang out and cook him dinner. He is essentially STILL USING me. I have agreed to support his immigration petition, but he translated that into me doing all of the discovery and work for him. He says that he hasn't even kissed a girl since I put him out, and that he wants to move back into my home and stop all this bullshit. That is until it's Friday and Hany is having a party and K just can't resist the good times, the drugs, and the women. Somedays I think he has no intention of staying in America. He still goes to work every day and I am getting some child support which helps, but because he has no intention of ever paying his own way in the world, he hasn't got a suitable apartment or lifestyle to take Amer for weekend visits. You guys Im so tired all the time, because I am still working a 50 hour week, but now I have a very tempramental 2 year old to look after. and well I know it could always be worse, I could still be where I was a year ago, and we are all healthy and smart.
But boy is that man like a stray cat, you feed it once and it never goes away.
I don't know whats in the future, but boy do I get sick in my heart when I look at photographs of us over the years and know now that the whole time I was smiling for the camera with his arms around me, he was laying in bed with other women, and saying terrible things about me, and taking my life and using me like a hotel and mother.. UGH, there was no way to have predicted how flawed he was, and I don't regret loving him, but I do regret not approaching the inter-cultural relationshnip more methodically.
Mero is amazing and sings and dances and makes me laugh daily, but that boy is a stright up Imbaba Boy, as soon as he could reach the screen door handle, he was OUT and he is FAST he never looks over his shoulder because he knows I am trailing a few feet behind, and I sometimes think he'd walk to the Highway and then down to Richmond if I didn't call him back. He is lively and curious about everything and I'm so excited for a fun summertime at the pool and shore this year. Its tempting OFTEN to think, " I should just forgive him and let him back in, and then I will have some company and my baby will have is father and we won't be alone". Then I have to remember that this man hasn't changed an ounce since I got the truth out of him, and he still lives his life like an irresponsible child, and really.. seriously.. he wasn't that great to me that I would want to try again. He was an amazing deciever and incredibly cruel and manipulative.. and I swear to god I loved him with all my heart. Thats the rub.
But 6 months into the spearation, I am stronger, and less pathetic, I am building a support network around me, and have begun to do things outside of the house on my own. So, everything is still everything, I am always hanging in one of the ES corners, I just don't have much to add anymore. I dare say it will be a dogs age before I even think of going to Egypt. Cheers!
You're still emotionally invested and you need to do what you gotta do to get rid of those feelings, stat.
He's not a stray cat, he's the dude that fucked you over.
posted
IM A SUCKER SO I LET HIM IN. Because something about him gets to me. I am still emotionally invested, and you are right EW I am still working with a counsellor who echoes what you say. Why do I allow him any contact at all? All I can say is part of it is shell shock still, and part of it is old patterns. Step by step, and VB your clarity as always ALWAYS is most appreciated.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Be carefull, otherwise you are going to be the sucker that still lets him in after 5, 10 or 15 years, still doing his laundry, cooking his food, while he is doing what he likes to do, without taking any notion to what he has done to YOU? He will still be his father after 5, 10, 15, 20 years....does that mean that you allow him to use you all the time???? Because he is the childs father???? I guess you don't want to end as a used doormat, Cosmo, where he wipes his feet at when it suits HIM...
It's not difficult to say NO. You don't need to explain yourself...just say "NO, I refuse: I am not going to cook your dinner, I am not going to wash your laundry, I am not cutting your nails, I am not filling in your papers, I am not calling institutions and services, and I am not going to help you anymore".
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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Cosmo, You sound like you are getting your life together. Keep being strong for the two of you. Wishing you all the best.
Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by young at heart: Cosmo, You sound like you are getting your life together. Keep being strong for the two of you. Wishing you all the best.
Agreed Posts: 3945 | From: ' Res Contr ' Amor non es guirens, lai on sos poders s'atura | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by CairoStudent: Is it because you are overweight that you tolerate this?
That must be the most idiotic comment I've read on here in a long time.
It's not nice to say such a thing. Maybe it's an attempt to wake her up, to trigger, but don't think this will have the right effect... Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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The overweight comment is asinine. I dunno whether or not Cosmo is overweight but that's a non issue. Not all "fat chicks" have low self esteem and take garbage from men.
It's called still having strong feelings for and still being in love with someone whether they deserve this love or not. It's hard to get over someone even if they treat you like absolute shitt. It's hard but not impossible.
Cosmo if I were a religious person I'd pray for you but since I am not I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that you get the strength you need to get through this and over him.
Posts: 2735 | From: my desk | Registered: Jul 2005
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If she is overweight or not, are u that stupid to think that overweight women tolerate anything? One cannot turn feelings on and off. It's easier for an outsider to say what the person should do but the person in the situation have to decide what is best for them and their family.
Posts: 319 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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Very sweet, Dawn,but she only will get over him if she changes her attitude. Otherwise she is going to be a damaged woman. She stepped into this relationship openly, without any preconceptions, believing in the goodness of people, having trust. I can tell you that that open mind, that trust, and the believes are dissappearing when she doesn't stop her former husband. He will commit attacks on her characteristics over and over again, and soon her trust and her openness will going to erode. You know, it's a whole lot of differnce to end a relationship just because it doesn't work between the two anymore, as when one is consuming the other, proving the wrongness in her openness. It does change people, it makes them the suspicious marked women, who never will trust again...
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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its just a complicated business ............. I really prefer single these days, but I know it doesnt suit everyone
Posts: 712 | Registered: Apr 2008
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quote:Originally posted by CairoStudent: "He abused me... he keeps abusing me... I cook his dinner and finish his immigration problems."
I don't want to be rude but I need to know.
Is it because you are overweight that you tolerate this?
It's one thing to be an ass. It's another to show the world you're an ass.
Cosmo, I, too, have been thinking about you and hoping you're getting by okay. It's good to know you're working your way through it. Keep your chin up. You're the better person.
Posts: 758 | From: Here. There. Everywhere. | Registered: Mar 2008
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Did you ever think, with all the stunts that he's pulled, that maybe he's only playing nice with you/baby until he gets his immigration papers finished, and then he'll disappear out of you and baby's lives for good? Why help and enable this guy to go off and be a jerk and an ahole to even more women? Save yourself a lot of grief, money and time and forget about signing any immigration papers. Let his butt get deported back to Egypt.
No iffs ands or butts about it, it's the only sensible thing to do. Your baby will be much better off with someone who is a good role model, even though it isn't his biological father.
Wishing you the best.
Posts: 1283 | From: Cairo | Registered: Feb 2006
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-------------------- If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's no sense making them. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Cosmo he is a twit of note Remember time is the perfect healer. Just take one day at a time. You are in the process of healing and grieving if you will, this is part and parcel of healing past pains and it is good that you are feelings these things as it will help you move on to a better place in your life. Stay strong.
Posts: 564 | From: planet earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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The only one gaining anything here.. is him. Ditch him.
Its hard to move on.. I know. Its a struggle, and scary.. but trust in yourself and get a new start for yourself and your baby.
Posts: 46 | From: Hurghada | Registered: Jun 2009
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Cosmo, your happiness doesn't depend on this man. You tried your best for too long and it wasn't good enough for him. He betrayed you, he basically treated you like **** before and he continues to do so without showing any remorse and respect towards you. He truly is a selfish and irresponsible person. And he manipulates you. Simply say 'enough'.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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"Twat, twat, twat,..." - I've been repeating this word the whole day and ... I like it, I must say.
Some women find it easy to get rid of those twats and get them out of the picture/system in order to move on in life, for others it is more difficult. That's just the way it is... For the latter it's a kind of self-inflicted torture at times, for I believe the whole situation brings them more pain than pleasure... There's a saying that if we have a soft heart, we must have a hard @ss when life gives us a lesson. All the best Cosmo - hopefully things will go to YOUR advantage and time will help you put behind and forget all what you are going through now.
Posts: 2807 | From: Europe | Registered: Nov 2007
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As crazy as this will seem to you coming out of my mouth, I think u should let him back one last time. See the problem with these guys is that they are so deprived of any kind of romanticism in egypt all their lives that when they come to america and find all this freedom, they go bizerk...and then they make their lives hell by getting married too fast and feeling they are missing out on the fun free lifestyle. And so then they cheat. Straight up I don't believe In god so biologically speaking, males were put her only to breed which is why they can make baiies til the day they die (and which makes the woman the stronger one, contrary to religious belief) and so they cheat. Now, some doods learn from getting caught, some continue to cheat and just get smarter and hide it better, and our job is to see which they will choose. Give him the second chance but all the independance and stregnth you got during this separation, keep it, because this way if they choose to take the bad path and continue cheating, you won't be heartbroken again. You will also not have to live ur life wondering if u made the wrong choice.
Posts: 59 | From: killadelphia | Registered: Jun 2009
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There are statistics about divorce and there are statistics about adultery. The rate of divorce is lower as the rate of adultery, which means that people intent to give partners a second ( or 3rd, 4th) change. Above that, adultery as a reason to divorce is even lower. Also it is statistical shown that adultery as a reason to divorce is more common in the lower age-group as in the older-aged group. Possibly people are more discharge-disposed as they get older, ór the length of their relationship is more valuable to them as that one-off affair.
Many people see adultery as wrong, and perhaps a reason to divorce. They forget that it's usually the other way around; when people miss something in their relationship, they are going to seek it somewhere else.
Quote: Most marital therapists who write about extramarital affairs find that these trysts are usually not about sex but about seeking friendship, support, understanding, respect, attention, caring, and concern — the kind of things that marriage is supposed to offer.... "Only 20 to 27 percent of couples said an extramarital affair was even partially to blame."
Marriages can certainly survive adultery, sometimes with new insights and deeper intimacy. Are you and your spouse willing to make the effort? Is there something worth fighting for — stability for your children, perhaps, or common interests or the possibility of mature companionship in the future? If so, fight hard. A marriage and family therapist can help...."
The both the task to assess the reason behind the extra marital affair. Is it because of an immature selfish compulsion to self-satisfaction like the kid in the candystore, or is it because of that missing significant feeling of appreciation.
-------------------- “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by to_hell_and_back: As crazy as this will seem to you coming out of my mouth, I think u should let him back one last time. See the problem with these guys is that they are so deprived of any kind of romanticism in egypt all their lives that when they come to america and find all this freedom, they go bizerk...and then they make their lives hell by getting married too fast and feeling they are missing out on the fun free lifestyle. And so then they cheat. Straight up I don't believe In god so biologically speaking, males were put her only to breed which is why they can make baiies til the day they die (and which makes the woman the stronger one, contrary to religious belief) and so they cheat. Now, some doods learn from getting caught, some continue to cheat and just get smarter and hide it better, and our job is to see which they will choose. Give him the second chance but all the independance and stregnth you got during this separation, keep it, because this way if they choose to take the bad path and continue cheating, you won't be heartbroken again. You will also not have to live ur life wondering if u made the wrong choice.
funny enough this doesnt sound such a daft idea.
I remember hundreds of years ago the love of my life dumping me for another girl (I was 15 at this time) It really broke my heart and although I had bf's after this I always cried for this one boy. about 7 years later, he was still the one I cried for, the true love in my heart, I got the chance to have him back. We tried but what I thought was still there in my heart actually wasnt and it took getting back with him and realizing this for me to really 'move on' in my heart. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote:Originally posted by to_hell_and_back: As crazy as this will seem to you coming out of my mouth, I think u should let him back one last time. See the problem with these guys is that they are so deprived of any kind of romanticism in egypt all their lives that when they come to america and find all this freedom, they go bizerk...and then they make their lives hell by getting married too fast and feeling they are missing out on the fun free lifestyle. And so then they cheat. Straight up I don't believe In god so biologically speaking, males were put her only to breed which is why they can make baiies til the day they die (and which makes the woman the stronger one, contrary to religious belief) and so they cheat. Now, some doods learn from getting caught, some continue to cheat and just get smarter and hide it better, and our job is to see which they will choose. Give him the second chance but all the independance and stregnth you got during this separation, keep it, because this way if they choose to take the bad path and continue cheating, you won't be heartbroken again. You will also not have to live ur life wondering if u made the wrong choice.
funny enough this doesnt sound such a daft idea.
I remember hundreds of years ago the love of my life dumping me for another girl (I was 15 at this time) It really broke my heart and although I had bf's after this I always cried for this one boy. about 7 years later, he was still the one I cried for, the true love in my heart, I got the chance to have him back. We tried but what I thought was still there in my heart actually wasnt and it took getting back with him and realizing this for me to really 'move on' in my heart.
I am glad you said this because I also agree with it. There is nothing to loose, the rose tinted glasses are out the window now and there is something in that saying 'better the devil you know than the one you don't'. If he doesn't come up to the mark then it will be so easy to move on.
Tami is spot on about what we would call sowing the wild oats and there is one of two ways a man will go once he has got it out of his system.
The responsibility would have to be 100% his to rebuild the relationship and the trust. Yes maybe he should be given a final chance to show if he can be a man or not but from Cosmo's side the mothering would have to stop.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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Bull. Men are genetically programed to cheat?! Bull. Don't make excuses for bad behavior and don't put down the male gender to the men that actually are stand up guys!
If he wanted you back, hell and high water couldn't stop him from getting things straight with you. He's not. Game over.
As it was said above, you don't owe him anything. You don't need to rectify his bad behavior for him and continue to support his papers. Don't be ridiculous. Move on. Be the parent your son deserves!!
Posts: 246 | From: but one life to live | Registered: Jun 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Ayisha: I remember hundreds of years ago AHA!! the love of my life dumping me for another girl (I was 15 at this time) It really broke my heart and although I had bf's after this I always cried for this one boy. about 7 years later, he was still the one I cried for, the true love in my heart, I got the chance to have him back. We tried but what I thought was still there in my heart actually wasnt and it took getting back with him and realizing this for me to really 'move on' in my heart.
You shouldn't feel sad about it. At least you had the chance to find closure to this relationship.
Btw, sorry but I wouldn't give a cheater a second chance as Tami suggests. Once a cheater, always a cheater. And that's not the only problem with Cosmo's husband.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by HandsUpHandsDown: Bull. Men are genetically programed to cheat?! Bull. Don't make excuses for bad behavior and don't put down the male gender to the men that actually are stand up guys!
If he wanted you back, hell and high water couldn't stop him from getting things straight with you. He's not. Game over.
As it was said above, you don't owe him anything. You don't need to rectify his bad behavior for him and continue to support his papers. Don't be ridiculous. Move on. Be the parent your son deserves!!
quote:Originally posted by HandsUpHandsDown: Bull. Men are genetically programed to cheat?! Bull. Don't make excuses for bad behavior and don't put down the male gender to the men that actually are stand up guys!
If he wanted you back, hell and high water couldn't stop him from getting things straight with you. He's not. Game over.
As it was said above, you don't owe him anything. You don't need to rectify his bad behavior for him and continue to support his papers. Don't be ridiculous. Move on. Be the parent your son deserves!!
posted
Once a twat, always a twat.... end of story.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by HandsUpHandsDown: Bull. Men are genetically programed to cheat?! Bull. Don't make excuses for bad behavior and don't put down the male gender to the men that actually are stand up guys!
If he wanted you back, hell and high water couldn't stop him from getting things straight with you. He's not. Game over.
As it was said above, you don't owe him anything. You don't need to rectify his bad behavior for him and continue to support his papers. Don't be ridiculous. Move on. Be the parent your son deserves!!
posted
Just to point out the meaning of the word twat it seems to get used an awful lot these days:-
From Wikipedia:-
The word twat has various functions, its primary meaning being a vulgar synonym for the human vulva, vagina, or clitoris.[1] It is also widely used as a derogatory epithet, especially in British English. The word is usually considered vulgar in all contexts.
Huhd re the infidelity statistics link was just to add some balance as to the realities of the prevalence of infidelity and the reason why men and women do it. I am not condoning it, we all have to decide for ourselves what we will tolerate within our own morality and what we would be prepared to forgive for the sake of our families.
In Cosmo's husband's case I do agree with Tami re the sweetie shop effect. If you haven't grow up in such a society and learnt the morality to live with freely available sex there is an adjustment period. Its exactly the same with the young men that go to work in the tourist resorts in Egypt. I also think if you choose to pluck a person out of one environment and take them to another one that is totally alien to them you have to take some responsibility for the consequences...up to a point. If that person is asking for the chance to reform having made and learnt from their mistakes then they should be given the chance to change. If they still continue to make those mistakes afterwards then thats a different matter and for sure time to kick them out. Personaly I could live with myself much easier if I had given a second chance under these circumstance in a way I could not with someone that had grow up in my society.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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There are enough Egyptian and other Arab men out who are honest and wouldn't dare to screw around behind their wives' backs. Cosmo even gave him a son and he didn't stop his hurtful ways. She had to find out the truth little by little and up to this day he's using her and has not shown any signs of remorse. He simply has a lousy character and doesn't wanna change. It's all about him and not them that's the main point.
There will be always an excuse to want to get a sleezebag back into your life but there are many more reasons that you shouldn't. Cosmo, you and little A. truly deserve so much better!!
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: There are enough Egyptian and other Arab men out who are honest and wouldn't dare to screw around behind their wives' backs. Cosmo even gave him a son and he didn't stop his hurtful ways. She had to find out the truth little by little and up to this day he's using her and has not shown any signs of remorse. He simply has a lousy character and doesn't wanna change. It's all about him and not them that's the main point.
There will be always an excuse to want to get a sleezebag back into your life but there are many more reasons that you shouldn't. Cosmo, you and little A. truly deserve so much better!!
I agree to an extent, yet I also agree with Penny about the sweet shop effect.
In my opinion I agreed with Tami for the reason of HER getting over HIM and not so much in giving him a second chance. There are obviously still some feelings left with Cosmo, strong feelings she may find it hard to get over. If she let him back in and he still continued with his ways then she may be able to let go much easier next time, however, letting him back in MAY have a positive effect on him and make him realize this is a second chance to make things good with her and his son. It would mean Cosmo being super strong enough to accept him back and the trust would take time to build up again if at all but if he buggered up again at least she can say she tried and it WILL have an effect on her in that she will find it much easier to get rid if it comes to that.
Personally if it was me I would be stubborn as hell and never have him back just to spite him even if it took years to get over it Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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he put his dick in you / went across town and put his dick in another woman/ you make him dinner and open the door for him to become American - giving him a priceless lifetime luxury.
When you are older and smarter, you are really going to regret everything you did to get him that passport.
Eventually you will see that he did not appreciate it, didn't deserve it, and your little martyr act didn't impress anyone but yourself.
"I'm not doing this in the hope he will start loving me and stop fukin everything with a cunty... I'm doing it for our SON, oh yah, that sounds ok.."
Posts: 214 | From: Cairo | Registered: Mar 2006
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I am not interested in beign married to him anymore. But I am coping with the life shifts that have happened. I do not owe him anything, and yet.. I do have a sense of duty. It's hard to explain with out coming off as a nutter. I didn't want my marriage to be fraudulent and miserable, I wanted to have a happy life and took a chance on a guy who I felt was worth it. In the end, he couldn't handle the lifestyle that a marriage requires, and as we spoke yesterday on Fathers Day.. I realized we have grown apart enough to have nothing to talk about anymore. I believe him when he says he has love for me, and he asks to come back to the marriage all the time. And I say no. I'm happier without him, and Im at the stage of "anger" at him for all of this. It's only been six months since D Day, and in Va we won't be legally divorced until a year of separation passes, so Im in limbo until then.
Hey CairoStudent.. have you got kids then? I DARE SAY YOUR HAMHANDED ADVICE WOULD BE LESS HARSH OVER A CUP OF COFFEE OR SOME LUNCH, BUT SERIOUSLY.. INSINUATING THAT IM OVERWEIGHT OR USING MY SON TO MARTYR MYSELF IS GOING TO GET YOU A KICK IN FUCKING TEETH.
Tami and Ayish, I think about how easy it would make his life if I just let him waltz back in, how cluttered it would make mine, and how miserable I was. I am sure he has in his eye that he will get to come back, because that is what I have done for years. I am not interested, and you can't make a fish into a bird. He is who he is, and I am who I am and those two elements are incompatible for anything long term. We were amazing and always on the town before I got preggers, and it is clear that a family dynamic disn't suit him.
My situation is unique to me, and I appreciate all the input and support you have to share.
Posts: 1071 | Registered: Aug 2005
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Hey CairoStudent.. have you got kids then? I DARE SAY YOUR HAMHANDED ADVICE WOULD BE LESS HARSH OVER A CUP OF COFFEE OR SOME LUNCH, BUT SERIOUSLY.. INSINUATING THAT IM OVERWEIGHT OR USING MY SON TO MARTYR MYSELF IS GOING TO GET YOU A KICK IN FUCKING TEETH.
quote:Tami and Ayish, I think about how easy it would make his life if I just let him waltz back in, how cluttered it would make mine, and how miserable I was. I am sure he has in his eye that he will get to come back, because that is what I have done for years. I am not interested, and you can't make a fish into a bird. He is who he is, and I am who I am and those two elements are incompatible for anything long term. We were amazing and always on the town before I got preggers, and it is clear that a family dynamic disn't suit him. My situation is unique to me, and I appreciate all the input and support you have to share. My situation is unique to me, and I appreciate all the input and support you have to share.
good for you, sounds like you dealing with it with the maturity that our cosmo has always shown, good luck to you and little 'un. Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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Yes it looks like Cosmo is on the right track to get over the pain, slowly but surely she will succeed.
I can only think how stupid of the guy! He had it made. A lovely wife who adored him completely, a beautiful son was born to him and his future was with his family in America. How can you kick all that away in no time? And how come he doesn't show any remorse and undertakes extreme efforts right now to win his wife back for good??
Truly Cosmo's husband is not family material at all, he never grew up. Unfortunately he doesn't realize he's not the youngest anymore either and instead of acting like a teenager he should finally mature. Someone pass him a mirror to see who he really is!! Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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