Last updated at 11:17 AM on 23rd September 2009 Comments (69) Add to My Stories
Is it true that a chap can laugh a woman into bed? Does he need to be tall, dark and handsome to stand any chance at all?
Today, in the second extract from the new book Why Women Have Sex, by psychologists Cindy Meston and David Buss, we reveal the features that make a man appeal to a woman, and why, are far more fascinating and complex than you could imagine...
quote: What sort of body does a woman find desirable? Perhaps the most obvious physical characteristic she looks for in a man is height.
Studies consistently find that women consider tall men to be attractive. In analyses of personal ads, 80 per cent of women state they want to meet a man who is 6ft or taller.
Men who indicate in their personal ads that they are tall have also been shown to receive far more responses from women.
Other studies show women prefer tall men as husbands and put an even greater emphasis on height in shorter-term sex partners. Women even place importance on height when selecting sperm donors.
Two studies also found that taller-than-average men tend to have a greater number of live-in girlfriends and more children, confirming their popularity for romance and reproduction.
Interestingly enough, women often bash men for being "only concerned about looks." But if this research is true, the preference of women for tall men of a certain build, suggests that they too are or can be just as superficial as any man.
Posts: 73 | From: Bolville | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
I am concerned about looks to a certain extent... I mean, who wants to wake up with Quasimodo???
I look for intellegence primarily; a guy with multiple intelligences. I have no time for men who cannot join in conversations with an opinion of their own... With multiple intelligences they have the ability to both teach and learn making them the perfect guy to spend time with.
I also love humour be it sarcastic, dry, witty, instant... I love to laugh and have often found intelligent guys make me laugh the most.
On a shallow note, over 5'10 with fair hair and blue eyes...
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
lol.. Quasimodo would be no fun, neither would the infamous Medusa.
Well, if the article is correct then women latch on to the looks equation as well, height and all. Do you think that men who look for women of a certain shape or height are superficial? And if so, would you apply the same in reverse and say that women who insist on a certain height are likewise superficial? In other words, would you apply the same standard to both sexes? I just ask this as a straight question, with no criticism of men or women either way implied.
Now on multiple intelligences, are you speaking personally or in general? I think there are a lot of males who are focused in one area, but who are quite capable of carrying on a conversation and quite witty, etc etc. Engineering or computer programming types for example are not all humorless geeks. (Some would exempt accountants). Nor are all male sports figures boorish and unintelligent. I think a lot more would enter into it that Gardner's multiple intelligences format.
Let me ask you also, how would you see popular romance novels along these lines? Some say the plots are pretty standard and one dimensional. He the handsome hunk with an air of arrogance, danger, and lust. She the rebellious gal who finds him insufferable and yet, after 200 or less pages, manages to let herself be captured. In other words, there are too many cardboard cutout figures the argument goes.
Challenge question of the day:
If you had to write your own romance novel, how would you work in your notion of multiple intelligences, while still keeping the expected "steam" quotient?
Posts: 73 | From: Bolville | Registered: Nov 2008
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''I look for intellegence primarily; a guy with multiple intelligences. I have no time for men who cannot join in conversations with an opinion of their own.''
I can see it now, a man and a woman both with an IQ of 140 talking about politics and science as it regards ''truth''... just before the sex act. Who gets the headache first? Posts: 2118 | From: midwest, USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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I just cannot relate to people who rely on Google to convey their views and opinions, I like people who have opinions of their own and aren't adopted through either laziness or ignorance Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
Well if one clings to mainstream academic disciplines then it's easy to not have opinions of your own. Posts: 2118 | From: midwest, USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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posted
"What REALLY makes a woman want to sleep with a man?"
Who bloody knows.
-------------------- Are we going somewhere or are you going to keep annoying me with your boring lectures professor-warrior?? Posts: 368 | Registered: Sep 2009
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-------------------- Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. Posts: 564 | From: planet earth | Registered: Jan 2008
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Vodka, money, swag, confidence, a nice car, a sense of humor, good-looking, etc
There is no one set of accepted answers, except I believe there is in fact one answer and that's the ability to get yourself in a woman's head and park yourself in there Posts: 368 | Registered: Sep 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Clint EastWood: ^^ hmm.
Vodka, money, swag, confidence, a nice car, a sense of humor, good-looking, etc
There is no one set of accepted answers, except I believe there is in fact one answer and that's the ability to get yourself in a woman's head and park yourself in there
We are all different and there really is no right or wrong answer.
I can tell you what stops me wanting to sleep with a man if that makes it any easier!!!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
The obvious, selfish, arrogant, short temper, over critical, un-sociable, smoker, wedding ring, egotistical, classist, sexist, ignorant, unhygienic, boring, age, split personality... I could go on!!!!
I like down to earth guys who personality is stable and has the social graces to be allowed out in public!!!
I also dislike, charmers, smooth talkers and guys who try to woo me!!! I am not that easily won over
Oh, and guys who cry don't impress me much...
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: The obvious, selfish, arrogant, short temper, over critical, un-sociable, smoker, wedding ring, egotistical, classist, sexist, ignorant, unhygienic, boring, age, split personality... I could go on!!!!
I like down to earth guys who personality is stable and has the social graces to be allowed out in public!!!
I also dislike, charmers, smooth talkers and guys who try to woo me!!! I am not that easily won over
Oh, and guys who cry don't impress me much...
You must be a lesbian then Posts: 368 | Registered: Sep 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: I was in Finlandia...
I don't get beer goggles thankfully... there are some horrors in my local!
ewwwww had some vodka from egypt ...never again..i will bring my own oh and Clint NO LF isn't a lesbian Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: The obvious, selfish, arrogant, short temper, over critical, un-sociable, smoker, wedding ring, egotistical, classist, sexist, ignorant, unhygienic, boring, age, split personality... I could go on!!!!
I like down to earth guys who personality is stable and has the social graces to be allowed out in public!!!
I also dislike, charmers, smooth talkers and guys who try to woo me!!! I am not that easily won over
Oh, and guys who cry don't impress me much...
You must be a lesbian then
There was that rumour circulating the once lol... I just happen to be very selective and choosey
Young, free and single does not equal gay Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: I was in Finlandia...
I don't get beer goggles thankfully... there are some horrors in my local!
ewwwww had some vodka from egypt ...never again..i will bring my own oh and Clint NO LF isn't a lesbian
I was a lesbian that night my brother changed my facebook status and I got 100 comments lol... mostly from ES folk!
Local vodka is bearable... bit like drain cleaner.
If I was a lesbian I am in the wrong country as according to some there are no lesbians in Egypt!!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Grumman: Lady Ferret says:
''I look for intellegence primarily; a guy with multiple intelligences. I have no time for men who cannot join in conversations with an opinion of their own.''
I can see it now, a man and a woman both with an IQ of 140 talking about politics and science as it regards ''truth''... just before the sex act. Who gets the headache first?
you are so from wisconsin, and I am not refering to madison wisconsin.
Posts: 514 | Registered: Jul 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: You talking to me or Grumman?
DR, that night was hilarious, I nearly banjoed him for doing that...
you should have ...it was so funny..it reminds me of things i do sometimes while under the influence..well if i can remember Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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I just cannot relate to people who rely on Google to convey their views and opinions, I like people who have opinions of their own and aren't adopted through either laziness or ignorance
There are a lot of people out there with their own opinions that are quite misinformed, and quite ignorant.
Posts: 73 | From: Bolville | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
Well I did write an answer, but I got all flustered and had to go for a lie down so I decided not to post it Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Shanta Qadeama: Well I did write an answer, but I got all flustered and had to go for a lie down so I decided not to post it
I played 4 seconds of the song and it made my ears bleed. I could not torture myself any further to listen to it.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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I just cannot relate to people who rely on Google to convey their views and opinions, I like people who have opinions of their own and aren't adopted through either laziness or ignorance
There are a lot of people out there with their own opinions that are quite misinformed, and quite ignorant.
This is very true...
I just have issues with Googlers. (is that a real word) ... they argue all day in someone elses words. Winds me up. At least in person I can physically hear the cogs turning and smell the rubber burning.
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
He bought dinner. I was bored. He'll do the chores. The unromantic truth about why women sleep with men
By Flic Everett Last updated at 7:44 AM on 09th September 2009 Comments (112) Add to My Stories
Not long ago, I was talking to a single friend about her recent conquest.
'To be honest, I only slept with him out of politeness,' she admitted. I was not surprised - as women's labyrinthine reasons for having sex go, that's pretty basic, stock-in-trade stuff. Perhaps men will find that a little shocking, depressing even. But they shouldn't. Indeed, they wouldn't if we hadn't all been fed a Utopian myth that men and women have sex purely because they're crazed with lust for each other - or, in a long-term partnership, because they still adore each other.
'Yawn...Still, at least this means he'll take the bins out!'
Any woman past the age of 16 knows what idealistic nonsense this is - and finally, there's research to prove it. As the Mail reported yesterday, in a new book, Why Women Have Sex, 1,000 women were interviewed about their real reasons for saying 'Yes' when they could have said 'No'. Boredom, winning favours and to get rid of a headache were high up the list. These results suggest that comparing the intricate physiological and emotional strata of the female sex drive with the blunt male urge to 'Just do it' is like comparing a tin opener with the Large Hadron Collider.
For most women, passionate desire languishes in the lower reaches of the list, somewhere below 'to get presents from him,' 'to shut him up' and even 'for fun'. (It's striking that there's no mention of 'Because I was drunk', yet millions of men would testify to the fact that their chances sky rocket when a woman has had a few glasses of wine.) Given a choice, girls prefer tall men with symmetrical features and deep voices - which suggests the female sex drive is, above all, evolutionary, because they believe such men will provide them with healthy children. But once we've realised he's lacking in other areas or the passion has ebbed away, the reasons to have sex become far more mundane, or even acquisitive, such as 'So he'll take the rubbish out' or 'Because he took me for a meal'. The key finding of the book is that men are, on some level, physically attracted to most women, yet women are left sexually cold by most men. In this light, feminism's eagerness to persuade women to have sex only when we experience knee-trembling desire seems naive. Endless books and articles have been written extolling our right to enjoy earth-shaking orgasms amid a whirring Rolodex of thrilling positions. Taboo: Women are still swapping sex for perks and lying back for the sake of a quiet life But they overlook the elephant in the room - long-term, a woman's sex drive is rarely equal to a man's. On the whole, we are not instantly aroused by a glimpse of Calvin Klein waistband. We seldom engage in heated fantasies over semi-naked strangers. Pornographic magazines for women have invariably failed, because we don't respond visually or instantly to crass sexual stimuli. Instead, female sexual response is as intricate as a weaver bird's nest - a complex interlacing of disparate feelings, needs and promises. Initial physical attraction may be driven by simple hormones - but later in a relationship, the primary sexual mover for many women is a desire for emotional connection. The old chestnut that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love has some truth: men feel validated by sexual connection; women crave understanding and closeness.
More...Come back Nellie and Cissie: Women past it at 50 - it's nowt but tripe Rachel Johnson offers a few home truths: Liz Jones, you're the Marie Antoinette of Exmoor Rowan Pelling's sex advice column: I've found out my girlfriend's been faking orgasms for the past six years
They could spend hours exploring their own most complex feelings and their partner's deepest fears and joys - and watch him quake under the onslaught. Or they can engage with him physically and reap the emotional benefits of post-coital intimacy. The book claims 84 pc of women have sex simply to keep their partners quiet or to get help with the chores. You may feel shocked at the hint of prostitution - the bartering of our bodies for a bit of DIY - but within a committed relationship is it truly so different from any other trade- off which ultimately nets both participants what they want? Women have always been practical when it comes to ensuring their comfort and security - and sex is an immensely valuable commodity. Hidden agenda: 84 pc of women interviewed have sex simply to keep their partners quiet or to get help with the chores
Some women admitted having sex 'for presents' - but I suspect that the reasons behind that bald claim are more complicated. Many women who suffer low self-esteem, or have been damaged by male rejection or even abuse, feel validated only when they're admired. Being given gifts in return for sexual favours isn't necessarily the hardnosed horse-trading it appears, given that plenty of the women surveyed also admitted to having sex 'so that men will like them'. Often, women who grew up fatherless or who have had chequered relationships with men find they have no blueprint for relating to men any way other than sexually. The authors also found that women have sex in a bid to 'win' - to poach a man from another women or to secure his long-term commitment. Then there's 'jealousy' sex, which involves having sex with someone else to re-ignite a partner's interest. Callous, yes, but most of us are not above a certain amount of low-down scheming when it comes to sex. Less shameful triggers for liaisons include the desire for peace and quiet, to cure a headache, even just to see how sex with someone new feels - and when you come to reasons like that, it's clear that we are a long way from champagne and flowers. So, should we really be shocked by these findings? Some people will find them refreshingly honest, others depressing. They will bemoan the fact that 40 years after Cosmopolitan explained we were supposed to have orgasms, too, women are still swapping sex for household chores and lying back for the sake of a quiet life. The truth is that we are all victims of our biology - the human race can prosper without women's orgasms, or even any enjoyment of sex, so we have to find other reasons to make love. Whether it's for a new carpet, out of politeness, in the search for emotional intimacy, admiration or simply because we feel like it, the end result is the same.
posted
Yes it is, if you are from wisconsin take that damn trojan horse other known as "Favre" and stick it back in Green Bay's anus and out of our pleasant existance.
Thank you.
Back to our cabernet sauvaignon and gingered peppered steak, sorry for the colorful language, but I am corked.
Posts: 514 | Registered: Jul 2009
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posted
Yes, I understand now. By the way I'm from (northeastern) Ohio and it wouldn't matter if God played for the Browns they would still lose.
Posts: 2118 | From: midwest, USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: He bought dinner. I was bored. He'll do the chores. The unromantic truth about why women sleep with men
By Flic Everett Last updated at 7:44 AM on 09th September 2009 Comments (112) Add to My Stories
Not long ago, I was talking to a single friend about her recent conquest.
'To be honest, I only slept with him out of politeness,' she admitted. I was not surprised - as women's labyrinthine reasons for having sex go, that's pretty basic, stock-in-trade stuff. Perhaps men will find that a little shocking, depressing even. But they shouldn't. Indeed, they wouldn't if we hadn't all been fed a Utopian myth that men and women have sex purely because they're crazed with lust for each other - or, in a long-term partnership, because they still adore each other.
'Yawn...Still, at least this means he'll take the bins out!'
Any woman past the age of 16 knows what idealistic nonsense this is - and finally, there's research to prove it. As the Mail reported yesterday, in a new book, Why Women Have Sex, 1,000 women were interviewed about their real reasons for saying 'Yes' when they could have said 'No'. Boredom, winning favours and to get rid of a headache were high up the list. These results suggest that comparing the intricate physiological and emotional strata of the female sex drive with the blunt male urge to 'Just do it' is like comparing a tin opener with the Large Hadron Collider.
For most women, passionate desire languishes in the lower reaches of the list, somewhere below 'to get presents from him,' 'to shut him up' and even 'for fun'. (It's striking that there's no mention of 'Because I was drunk', yet millions of men would testify to the fact that their chances sky rocket when a woman has had a few glasses of wine.) Given a choice, girls prefer tall men with symmetrical features and deep voices - which suggests the female sex drive is, above all, evolutionary, because they believe such men will provide them with healthy children. But once we've realised he's lacking in other areas or the passion has ebbed away, the reasons to have sex become far more mundane, or even acquisitive, such as 'So he'll take the rubbish out' or 'Because he took me for a meal'. The key finding of the book is that men are, on some level, physically attracted to most women, yet women are left sexually cold by most men. In this light, feminism's eagerness to persuade women to have sex only when we experience knee-trembling desire seems naive. Endless books and articles have been written extolling our right to enjoy earth-shaking orgasms amid a whirring Rolodex of thrilling positions. Taboo: Women are still swapping sex for perks and lying back for the sake of a quiet life But they overlook the elephant in the room - long-term, a woman's sex drive is rarely equal to a man's. On the whole, we are not instantly aroused by a glimpse of Calvin Klein waistband. We seldom engage in heated fantasies over semi-naked strangers. Pornographic magazines for women have invariably failed, because we don't respond visually or instantly to crass sexual stimuli. Instead, female sexual response is as intricate as a weaver bird's nest - a complex interlacing of disparate feelings, needs and promises. Initial physical attraction may be driven by simple hormones - but later in a relationship, the primary sexual mover for many women is a desire for emotional connection. The old chestnut that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love has some truth: men feel validated by sexual connection; women crave understanding and closeness.
More...Come back Nellie and Cissie: Women past it at 50 - it's nowt but tripe Rachel Johnson offers a few home truths: Liz Jones, you're the Marie Antoinette of Exmoor Rowan Pelling's sex advice column: I've found out my girlfriend's been faking orgasms for the past six years
They could spend hours exploring their own most complex feelings and their partner's deepest fears and joys - and watch him quake under the onslaught. Or they can engage with him physically and reap the emotional benefits of post-coital intimacy. The book claims 84 pc of women have sex simply to keep their partners quiet or to get help with the chores. You may feel shocked at the hint of prostitution - the bartering of our bodies for a bit of DIY - but within a committed relationship is it truly so different from any other trade- off which ultimately nets both participants what they want? Women have always been practical when it comes to ensuring their comfort and security - and sex is an immensely valuable commodity. Hidden agenda: 84 pc of women interviewed have sex simply to keep their partners quiet or to get help with the chores
Some women admitted having sex 'for presents' - but I suspect that the reasons behind that bald claim are more complicated. Many women who suffer low self-esteem, or have been damaged by male rejection or even abuse, feel validated only when they're admired. Being given gifts in return for sexual favours isn't necessarily the hardnosed horse-trading it appears, given that plenty of the women surveyed also admitted to having sex 'so that men will like them'. Often, women who grew up fatherless or who have had chequered relationships with men find they have no blueprint for relating to men any way other than sexually. The authors also found that women have sex in a bid to 'win' - to poach a man from another women or to secure his long-term commitment. Then there's 'jealousy' sex, which involves having sex with someone else to re-ignite a partner's interest. Callous, yes, but most of us are not above a certain amount of low-down scheming when it comes to sex. Less shameful triggers for liaisons include the desire for peace and quiet, to cure a headache, even just to see how sex with someone new feels - and when you come to reasons like that, it's clear that we are a long way from champagne and flowers. So, should we really be shocked by these findings? Some people will find them refreshingly honest, others depressing. They will bemoan the fact that 40 years after Cosmopolitan explained we were supposed to have orgasms, too, women are still swapping sex for household chores and lying back for the sake of a quiet life. The truth is that we are all victims of our biology - the human race can prosper without women's orgasms, or even any enjoyment of sex, so we have to find other reasons to make love. Whether it's for a new carpet, out of politeness, in the search for emotional intimacy, admiration or simply because we feel like it, the end result is the same.
Hmm, interesting article. Women swapping sex for perks? Impossible some readers would say. Its all about deep emotional connection or at least the thrill of sex.
To some men the female behavior above may actually be preferable. They don't want to go through 5 hour discussions of sensitivity, and talk about feelings, although this is recommended by some therapists as the proper way for today's enlightened male to behave. They just want to get it on. If they can score without a lot of drama, then hey, so much the better. Do women shrewdly understand this and give in, thus creating leverage for greater control or advantage later?
According to Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and feeding of Husbands' wives should be more than willing to take care of their men sexually because it actually enhances their power and influence in the relationship. On the face of it it seems that threatening to withhold would work better, but according to Laura willingness actually increases female power. Could this be true? Wouldn't the constant giving in make the female position weaker?
Dr Laura wrote of course for Western women. How would the equation work in a country such as Egypt or other Arab lands?
Posts: 73 | From: Bolville | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
As whiskey is distilled with pure spring water you have to wonder about Egyptian whiskey, wtf Posts: 4476 | From: Scotland | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Some women use guys for sex... they let blokes think they are in control
My Mum is drinking local rum at the mo... you do get used to it.
YAH, I was in Nepal and found Everest Whiskey, I thought this would be a nice gift for my family so I got a few small bottles. I didn't read the back 'made in Scotland' !!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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quote:Originally posted by Lady Ferret: Some women use guys for sex... they let blokes think they are in control
My Mum is drinking local rum at the mo... you do get used to it.
YAH, I was in Nepal and found Everest Whiskey, I thought this would be a nice gift for my family so I got a few small bottles. I didn't read the back 'made in Scotland' !!
quote:Originally posted by Grumman: Yes, I understand now. By the way I'm from (northeastern) Ohio and it wouldn't matter if God played for the Browns they would still lose.
For some reason I've never met someone from Ohio who rubbed me the wrong way.
Our volunteer office support person at the place where I volunteer is such a nice person she's from Ohio. I feel incredibly bad for her though, she has a year in which to do her term, and the two paid employees are such c*nts. I'd think I'd go crazy if I were her. Such a sweet person, her eyes just glaze over and she holds her breath when those two act up.
Minnesotans used to be more like the people I have met from Ohio. Things have changed and people in my state have taken a turn for the worse.
quote:Originally posted by Grumman: Yes, I understand now. By the way I'm from (northeastern) Ohio and it wouldn't matter if God played for the Browns they would still lose.
For some reason I've never met someone from Ohio who rubbed me the wrong way.
Our volunteer office support person at the place where I volunteer is such a nice person she's from Ohio. I feel incredibly bad for her though, she has a year in which to do her term, and the two paid employees are such c*nts. I'd think I'd go crazy if I were her. Such a sweet person, her eyes just glaze over and she holds her breath when those two act up.
Minnesotans used to be more like the people I have met from Ohio. Things have changed and people in my state have taken a turn for the worse.
I've always liked your people.
oh dear God Posts: 9443 | From: USA...... | Registered: Jun 2006
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