posted
My daughter has been married to an Egyptian man for about a year now. He is 24 years old and attended college in Egypt until they got married. Since they have been married, he has worked approximately 2 months (losing the last job due to being late too many times). She has been trying to go to school, work 2 jobs and do all the cooking and housework while he sleeps until 3pm.
He is supposed to start going back to college but since it is Ramadan, feels he shouldn't go to classes until after Ramadan is over.
My father was a very hardworking man as well as my husband. It kills me to see my daughter married to someone who is so willing to let her carry the whole load.
Isn't a Muslim husband supposed to support the family? Shouldn't that be his first priority after his religion?
Posts: 2 | From: U.S. | Registered: Jan 2009
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posted
Isn't is human to support a family and be a giver as well as a taker!
Nothing to do with religion.
This guy sounds like a parasite.. and if your daughter had any balls she would tell him to shape up or ship out!
In fact, if I were here I would let him starve and rot in unwashed / ironed clothes.
If he cannot be conditioned he isn't worth the time!
I LOVE how lazy gits use Ramadan as an excuse for everything while the rest of society functions pretty much as normal!
Posts: 11097 | From: Cairo | Registered: May 2008
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posted
I think some women get a bum deal these days, and to some extent, we bring it on ourselves. When a woman's place was in the home, everyone knew where they stood. I'm not saying it was better - far from it. We're equally entitled to blaze a trail of our own. But we haven't all worked the balance out yet. How come being a housewife used to be considered a full time occupation, when now it's slotted in during evenings and weekends? And what happened to our allowance
I think it's in most women's nature to nest and want to do everything - but you can't, there aren't enough hours in the day. If you're both working full time why shouldn't the housework be split? But we have a natural inclination to just get on with it. Play the martyr and wait for him to offer. He has to do it because he WANTS to - we shouldn't have to ask. It's never gonna happen! I'm sure that's why divorce rates are sky high.
That said, what I'm talking about is where both are working full time. This fella is clearly a bludger. Taking care of the home as well as working 2 jobs, on top of school, indeed.
I don't think I would force the issue if I were you though, Lady. You risk antagonising your daughter. She knows it more than anyone - she's living it. She just has to decide for herself whether she accepts it or not. I'm sure she won't in the end, but it might take her a little while to get there. I can see how it would make your blood boil - it would mine. But I'd try to be supportive without interfering for the sake of your daughter, and your relationship with her.
I completely agree with CF. Some guys go out all day and work in 40 degrees +. When you ask them how they do it, they say easy, with practice. They aint gonna be volunteering for any marathons anytime soon, but I think it's supposed to be business as normal.
I believe it's also the time for doing good deeds, not just vegging out on the sofa. Has she actually asked him to help her out? You never know, he may even be forthcoming. Stranger things have happened. If he says no at least the cards are on the table.
Posts: 1678 | From: New Egypt Forum - http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Dec 2009
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posted
American lady I can drink from the same fountain as you. I'm an American which lives and work in Egypt.
When I met my now ex-husband, he was working. After a while when we were married, he lost jobs because he was always late for work,etc.
I believe some men who marry foreigners get lazy and expect the foreign woman to take care of them.
I know when foreigners move to another country they need support until they get on their feet, but it seems some men like to be supported full-time.
Posts: 133 | From: egypt/usa | Registered: May 2009
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Isn't a Muslim husband supposed to support the family? Shouldn't that be his first priority after his religion?
NO ....it should be his first priority alongside his religion.
Agree with MM though that only your daughter can decide if she wants to put up with a lazy husband.
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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A friend noted, that there seem to be 2 types of Egyptian men - one who work their bums off, and the other who cannot seem to find anything worthwhile doing.
And I swear it is exactly my experience too (from looking at some relationships) - those who do nothing, keep doing nothing...
Thena again, if you can afford a lazyboy, it is anice escape from all those hard working husbands in the West whom you see at home only about the way sun sees the moon Posts: 1051 | From: Menoufeya | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by AmericanLady: My daughter has been married to an Egyptian man for about a year now. He is 24 years old and attended college in Egypt until they got married. Since they have been married, he has worked approximately 2 months (losing the last job due to being late too many times). She has been trying to go to school, work 2 jobs and do all the cooking and housework while he sleeps until 3pm.
He is supposed to start going back to college but since it is Ramadan, feels he shouldn't go to classes until after Ramadan is over.
My father was a very hardworking man as well as my husband. It kills me to see my daughter married to someone who is so willing to let her carry the whole load.
Isn't a Muslim husband supposed to support the family? Shouldn't that be his first priority after his religion?
are they in Egypt or US? This sounds like US.
what would you be doing if your daughter had married an American who didn't work, slept all day while she worked and went to school but sat drinking beer all day then beat her up in a fight most evenings?
Things could be worse Posts: 15090 | From: http://www.egyptalk.com/forum/ | Registered: Jul 2004
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If your daughter is living in Egypt, then your son in law knows that your daughter can earn twice as much money there than a egyptian woman can..
Your son in law knows that your daughter will support him and thats why he is not to bothered about jobs.He is taking from her and knowing that he can, he will do this as long as possible.
I have many muslim friends here where i work and there fasting me included and working and supporting their families etc.
I think your son in law is very lazy and not very supportive toward your daughter.
quote:Originally posted by AmericanLady: My daughter has been married to an Egyptian man for about a year now. He is 24 years old and attended college in Egypt until they got married. Since they have been married, he has worked approximately 2 months (losing the last job due to being late too many times). She has been trying to go to school, work 2 jobs and do all the cooking and housework while he sleeps until 3pm.
He is supposed to start going back to college but since it is Ramadan, feels he shouldn't go to classes until after Ramadan is over.
My father was a very hardworking man as well as my husband. It kills me to see my daughter married to someone who is so willing to let her carry the whole load.
Isn't a Muslim husband supposed to support the family? Shouldn't that be his first priority after his religion?
yes but we are talking about egyptians here. they dont want to put forth effort, why do you think they marry western women?
and as for being punctual...it will never happen. tthey say 15 minutes, they come 2 hours later.
my egyptian ex hubby was like that too. i used to tell him, 'every other man has no problem setting his alarm and getting to work on time, why is it such a demand for you?!' then he would proceed to hit me cuz I MYSELF didnt wake him up.
well, i left him, and if it wasnt for the 53 yr old lady who took my place, everything he has would have plummeted.
Posts: 221 | From: philly | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
I don’t think that it is so straightforward.
Some may be lazy but some may have secured income from his father or properties that allow him to stay relaxed and not bothered by jobs. They are not necessarily very rich but they have enough to live a comfortable life (as they understand it). It’s just a western stereotype that everyone must work and run all life for something. Egyptians think differently – they have eternity ahead. Why bustle? Besides, a woman should not do all housework – it is not expected in Egyptian families. Practically all families around me have either a housekeeper or a maid who comes once or twice a week to clean the house. Just your daughter should be more vocal in expressing her needs and set clear limits of what she can do and what she cannot.
Posts: 132 | From: Alex | Registered: Oct 2009
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If she becomes more vocal -it may cause other problems. Although i myself couldnt keep stum - if you work damn hard and are bringing up a family, even if the kids arnt his, i bet he was all enthusiastic at first and was willing to to his fair share. I think over time she is going to get so frustrated with this arrangement, to the point that she will need you there for her to give back up-..Hes a lazy ass - Tell her to go on a long weekend leave him to his own devices - and see what reaction she gets then.
Posts: 131 | From: uk | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
It’s just a western stereotype that everyone must work and run all life for something.
This is true. But I don't think it applies to this dude because his wife is busting her ass working 2 jobs. A man's obligation is to make life easier for his wife. He might have income coming in but obviously it is not enough, other wise his wife wouldn't have to be juggling two jobs. I don't know who this dude is but he sounds annoying. Sure if you have money sleep until whenever you want, don't think it's the case here.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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i was speaking about this children as if he was taking on an added responsibility =not the way it sounded- sorry about the way it came out-If they are his children then he is more than a lazy ass
-------------------- tilly "I can make you feel good" -shalamar Women dont have hot flushes they just have power surges" Posts: 131 | From: uk | Registered: Apr 2009
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They are in the US now - he was lazy in Egypt too - lived off his mom and no - has no income coming from Egypt either. Thank god there are no kids yet - my daughter is smart enough to wait until she finishes her education. She is still under the impression that this guy will support her and children someday. I don't see how it will ever happen.
Posts: 2 | From: U.S. | Registered: Jan 2009
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posted
Were you posting before under another name?. Was your daughter the one who was planning to live in Egypt with his family and continue her education there?
Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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She is working two jobs may be by an inertia – she might has already years of work experience, she is used to have her own money. Highly possible that she was happy to get a job in a new country. Then the second offer came in – difficult to reject for someone with ambitions. I’ve gone through this myself. I hated even the idea of asking my husband money to buy some small items for myself, I hated the idea of explaining him why would I need money. I needed my own money and to have then I got a job. Later I learned that most couples living here came to an arrangement when a husband gives his wife kind of allowance covering her and their children needs. I mean cloths, saloons – things we pay to spoil ourselves not food or heavy duty items. They negotiate the size of the allowance, of course, to their mutual satisfaction. What I want to say – a woman should discuss with her husband her needs, let him know what and how she feels.
Posts: 132 | From: Alex | Registered: Oct 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: Were you posting before under another name?. Was your daughter the one who was planning to live in Egypt with his family and continue her education there?
The daughter's nick here was Roqaya.
Posts: 3833 | From: here,there,everywhere | Registered: Nov 2007
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Aside from love, some women also have ulterior motives when they chose to marry a man. Some marry athletes for their great genes, some marry rich men for wealth, and some marry donkeys.
This dude is a Bulaaq (Cairo Ghetto) Donkey.
Half-Joking. Does he know what a car payment, insurance, mortgage are?!
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Penny: Were you posting before under another name?. Was your daughter the one who was planning to live in Egypt with his family and continue her education there?
The daughter's nick here was Roqaya.
Thanks Sash, glad someone's memory is still working, yes that was the daughter I was thinking of. Posts: 3809 | From: Paradise | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
And Roqayya's mom name was 'Egyptmom' .. See Exile? I have a dragon's memory Posts: 2591 | From: **Ex Oriente Lux** | Registered: Jan 2007
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quote:Originally posted by 'Shahrazat: And Roqayya's mom name was 'Egyptmom' .. See Exile? I have a dragon's memory
I bet you do. Hey.. the other day I was flipping TV channels and stopped at a Turkish soap opera, and thought of you.
Ramadan Mubarak
Ramadan Mubarek Exiled
Ohh really?? I think Arab TVs are full of Turkish series in these days
Thanks Shah.
I saw the soap on Malaysian TV as I'm living here now. But yeah they are very popular in Arab world as well.
Posts: 2275 | Registered: Dec 2009
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My dear ex was the same way. Couldn't held onto a job for long, many times unemployed. When he received his salary he'd be spending at a casino. Now he's living off the welfare system in Europe for years. I know I should count my blessings.
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by AmericanLady: My daughter has been married to an Egyptian man for about a year now. He is 24 years old and attended college in Egypt until they got married. Since they have been married, he has worked approximately 2 months (losing the last job due to being late too many times). She has been trying to go to school, work 2 jobs and do all the cooking and housework while he sleeps until 3pm.
He is supposed to start going back to college but since it is Ramadan, feels he shouldn't go to classes until after Ramadan is over.
My father was a very hardworking man as well as my husband. It kills me to see my daughter married to someone who is so willing to let her carry the whole load.
Isn't a Muslim husband supposed to support the family? Shouldn't that be his first priority after his religion?
Muslim or non muslim, a husband should support his family.
Posts: 46 | From: on your plate | Registered: Jul 2010
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