posted
Okay, here it is. I am engaged to the greatest guy. He truly is the love of my life. He is kind, handsome and all around wonderful. When we first started dating he had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl that he was in love with, it was a struggle for him and I know that he was heartbroken. Their relationship moved very quickly and also ended very quickly, they were only together a couple of months. I know that he is over her now and that he truly loves me from "the deepest of his heart" as he says. However, I recently found that he still has pics of her saved to a disk. They pics arent smutty but definetely came from one of their first nights together. I think thats what hurts the most. He told me that he got rid of these pics, but clearly, he did not. Am I being a total idiot for being upset? Should I tell him that I found them? They were not hidden, just with all of the other photo disks. Maybe I'm just being lame. Help.
Posts: 178 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
well! im a jealous freak- not my fault, thats how my guy is, which in turn, as morphed me into one. So im trying to think of this if it happened to me, and I would have to say, couldnt it have been kept by mistake? and I honestly dont think theres anything wrong in asking him about them if it really bothers you. you dont have to be all confrontational with him, just explain the situation, and ask why he still has them. if you him and have such an excellent relationship with him, im sure he'll tell you the truth. chances are its nothing- so dont lose any sleep over it. best of luck!
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I've never been jealous before but, clearly, now I too am a jealous freak. No accident, He has racently added pics of me, our families etc. to that disk. I know If I bring it up he wont freak, and will get rid of them, but, am I being unreasonable and psycho for asking? He already thinks I get a little too obsessive over things even though he gets jealous, too.
Posts: 178 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
I am a bit of a jealous person myself but these are pictures from his past and she is part of his past and he holds some fond memories of it. There is no reason to be jealous of it, let him keep them. But i would tell him you found them and ask him why he said he got rid of them when he didnt but dont demand he get rid of them. Have you not kept any momentos from your past relations at all?
posted
ok, no. i just thought of one of my best friends, and she was going NUTS over the fact that her bf's ex gf kept writing messages on his facebook. i know somebodys going to get on here and lecture us about being secure in our relationships and in our selves, but i say, realistically speaking, you cant help but feel insecure about these things because hey, when its so good, its scary to think it can be taken away, and the fact is, it CAN be taken away. so you gotta worry a little. if i were you, i would tell him i didnt like them, there is no need for them (the pictures). and i dont think you're wrong for feeling the way u do.
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
I have a few pictures of my exes. Doesn't mean I have any feelings for those men at all. They are just reminders of particular times in my life.
His merely having pictures isn't a reason to be concerned, in my opinion. If he had them on display in the house, that's something else entirely.
But away somewhere, absent any other odd behavior, I wouldn't worry too much.
Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
yes you are right tream lefty. He is keeping them put away as a memory of things past, doesnt mean he still wants her. My mom has my picture of my prom when i was in school, i have pictures of my visits to egypt with the ex boyfriend and the ex fiance, i am not getting rid of them, they are memories of good times and also serve as reminders that there were bad in them too. They were a part of my life , no use in pretending they werent. Sure when i see pictures of old girlfriends or even just female friends i wonder what place they hold in the mans heart, i feel a little jealousy but, they are in the past for a reason. As long as they arent displayed, or shown off, or bragged over, no love letters coming and going, no phone calls that are taken privately, there is no reason to worry over it
posted
Thanks guys Iknow youre right. I just love him so much and KNOW that she wants to get back together with him. He also told me that because he doesnt speak to her anymore he hasnt told her we are engaged. I want her to know. Again, lame right?
Posts: 178 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
meh, u dont need to prove yourself over her. shes out, and you're in. rejoice! woo!
Posts: 1967 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2006
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posted
Rock On! You're Right. My moment of weakness and scizophrenia are now over. Momentary, breakdown but I'm over it now.
Posts: 178 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
A little bit of jealousy is a good thing. It means you value someone and don't want to lose him/her. But don't let the jealousy become too much, or it will destroy exactly what you want to maintain.
Nothing is for certain in this life. Try to genuinely enjoy the good times and the good relationships. Posts: 8794 | From: 01-20-09 The End of an Error | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Little surfer girl, think about it he might have couple of pics saved saved of her on a disk but which girl has won over his heart and is in his arms now???
Still if you are so much bothered about these photos ask him kindly to remove them. Let's see how he's reacting.
Good luck with your relationship and enjoy your stay in Cairo. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
i agree with tream, i have alot of pics from before, and the are just part of my life , but i am a jealous person, and in the begin, i always feel a bit jealous, but i learnt that in time jealousy goes away, the trust thing comes in, and you realise they are only in love with you, sometimes its hard to break away from the past
posted
If my fiance had pics of a recent ex, and put my pics on there too, I would ask him to get rid of hers. Actually, I would probably have just deleted them myself. If he had some problem with that, then we can see if he's really "over her." But I just wouldn't want shared family photos on a disc with some chick's pics on there too.
Search and destroy, baby.
But oh, yeah, congratulations on rising above your natural feelings. Posts: 1161 | From: wo xiang xiao bian ji si le | Registered: Oct 2005
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quote: Actually, I would probably have just deleted them myself. If he had some problem with that, then we can see if he's really "over her."
I think that would be one of the worst things you could do. If you get rid of them, then he will blame you and harbor resentment for that. He does have rights. He is being respectful to you and your feelings. He has even distanced himself from her. Those are his memories, and for him alone to get rid of. Respect is the keyword.
He will respect and honor you so much more if you show him that you trust and respect him, and let him choose for himself. I feel that trust, respect, and honor are huge to an arabian man. They must be treasured and respected at all times. Or you could really hurt him and/or damage your relationship. I can't see them getting over something like that easily.
I agree it would bother me at first, especially if I knew that she wanted him back. Just hold yourself together and show him you trust him. Chances are eventually he will get rid of them on his own. (when he's ready) (or at least put them further in the past) like in a box in the attic of a barn or something. LOL Wishful thinking?
I agree with the ladies here about them probably being more just memories of an important time in his life. We all grow and are better people after these experiences. (most of us) They make us appreciate life and our loved ones more. Who knows......maybe that experience has helped him to grow into a better man. One that treasures his love (YOU) and will do what's necessary to keep her. (YOU) Surely he sees that she was not the one for him. But you are! So maybe remembering hard times is good for you, in a roundabout way.
Besides, if she could have him, he wouldn't be engaged to you. Egyptian men do not take marriage lightly. Your his love, the woman he will marry and treasure. Just keep remembering that. Don't let these oh so human little things bother you.
JMHO
Just a little story of how I deal with things.
I am the worlds worst about hanging on to sentimental things. Baby clothes and nursery items are the worst. I kept it ALL! Just too hard to get rid of. Finally when my attic and closets could hold no more. I had to start letting go of things. Every year I get all the clothes down. Go through them. Sort them. Give to so and so, give to charity, keep, etc. Each year I get rid of a lot more. Now I have a pretty reasonable stash of important and special items. If I had tried to get rid of them before I was ready, then "I would have regretted it forever!" But taking things slowly and getting rid of them when I am ready, makes all the difference. Now I can get rid of things with no regrets.
For me it's all about when "I" am ready. Then I can easily let things go. Maybe your guy is a lot like that?
posted
Why don't you ask him why he kept them? If he says no particular reason let it go. In the end, if he wants her he will be with her and if he wants you he will be with you. I've learned the hard way over time that there is nothing I can do to change that. Give it up to God and just relax and enjoy each day.
Posts: 1808 | From: USA | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Maybe he didn't know they were there...unless they were marked...or he just overlooked and missed those disk give him the benefit of doubt....
Posts: 446 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2006
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No accident, He has racently added pics of me, our families etc. to that disk. I know If I bring it up he wont freak, and will get rid of them, but, am I being unreasonable and psycho for asking? He already thinks I get a little too obsessive over things even though he gets jealous, too.
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