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getting married in Cairo,PLEASE HELP
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by madderthanamonkey: [QB] On the one hand I feel like I should say congratulations, but on the other it's unusual to start a thread with "I'm getting married - PLEASE HELP!". Please don't think I'm having a go, I'm not. I should probably mind my own business, but... You sound like you're having second thoughts. You say "I do love him" and the next word really feels like it should be a "but". "I hope it works out for us" - it's like you've already made your mind up it's doomed to fail. Maybe you've read other threads and seen the horror stories - there are lots. Maybe you've had negative reactions from some folk back home. Maybe it's the visa that feels like a brick wall. But it does seem you're not 100% certain this is definitely what you want. If that's the case - 100% - don't do it. How much time have you spent with him, alone? How many times have you been there? If you went back 5 or 10 times you'd have a clearer picture, but this can only be a snapshot of him in the honeymoon phase. It isn't the reality of living together day to day. Have you discussed your religious and cultural differences? Have you read about Islam? Has he explained his religious beliefs to you? How strict is he with his religion? Have you met his family? Are they happy about the marriage? Religion and family tend to be very important. Religion could be crucial if you plan on having children together as there is a general expectation for them to be raised as Muslim. Do you know enough about it to say you're happy with that? What surprises me most is that he is happy to come here principally for the sake of your daughter's relationship with her father. I'm not criticising that - not one bit - it's your daughter's happiness and welfare that should come first in all of this, and if he's right behind you with that, that is indeed a wonderful thing. But. And this is a massive generalisation. But. From my own (very limited) experience of Egyptian guys, they can be a bit prone to the green eyed monster. Is it going to be awkward when your exhusband calls around to pick up your daughter? How old is your fiance? Is he mature enough to take on the role of stepfather? Will you continue to share parental responsibility with your ex? This can cause conflict between you and your future husband, whatever country or background he's from. Is your fiance going to have a say in the running of the house and the discipline of your daughter? I've known British husbands who haven't and wound up resenting the situation to the extent that the marriage broke down. And that's without him having sacrificed his home and family to be with you. Unless, and I'm sorry for saying this, but there is at least the possibility, he has an ulterior motive. You don't have to get married in Cairo to get married properly. In Islam, I believe, you have to have a shabka (as little as you ask for) and a party for it to be a proper wedding. The family should be there and the alarm bells should be deafening if they aren't. You do have to register the marriage with the UK Embassy in Cairo for it to be legally recognised here, I think, and help with his visa application. As everyone says, the Home Office will take a great deal into account in coming to a decision. Don't think envelopes. Think box files. Longevity of the relationship, whether he has sound finances to support himself with and a job offer or good employment prospects here. Vitally they want to know that can support himself without having recourse to public funds. If he can't the onus will fall on you. If you do have sufficient funds to sponsor him, beware the story of the goose that laid golden eggs. On a positive note, I used to be a clerk in an immgration department, dealing with Eastern European applications before they joined the EU. If there is a will there's a way. I'm not talking about anything dodgy. But if you want something badly enough, you'll work your ass off to get it. Just keep plug-plug-plugging away. Just keep in mind that the process can take years if he/you aren't well off, and it takes stamina and determination. Bags of it. Do you have enough to spare while you're trying to raise your little girl? I would say slow down. Consider all the issues from every possible angle. Know what you're up against and don't rush into anything you can't get out of. [/QB][/QUOTE]
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