posted
A lot of different opinions here... Maybe it does not only depend on the culture you live in but also on the phase in your relationship. When you are 18 or 20 or even 25 and you have a boyfriend or you are just married, you don't like it when other girls/ ladies want to have a drink with your guy. You get all upset if they just even look at him. When you have been together/ married for some time, you have learnt to trust the other one.
Like Oldbag stated sometimes your partner has totally different interests/ hobbies (I would be the one with zero interest in Oldbags hobbies ) and then it is only 'logical' your partner has friends he/she practices for example a certain kind of sport with. This can be a male friend but also a female friend. As long as you are honest about it all, there is no harm. The moment you start lying to your partner about whom you are going to have a drink with, then something is wrong.
You can't have 2 standards in a marriage like; I am allowed to do anything I want and you are not. it is give and take.
Personally I don't have any problems with the fact my husband goes for a drink/ a lunch with a (female)colleague. He does not have a problem with my having male friends, as long as they are not too goodlooking. Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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Exiled - you know what annoys me is when it is o.k for you to say that the way you live is right, but when it comes to me or tigerlilly for example, saying that we think that the way we live is right, you label us as closed minded - I am not closed minded at all, and i dont believe tigerlilly is, we are simply pointing out that WE dont think its a good thing. Just because you consider what you do to be right does not make you open minded?! it means that you think you are right, in the same way you think we are wrong. When people say 'put yourself in the others shoes' it is not simply a phrase, there is reason behind it and its a valuable way of trying to empathise, if, as you imply, we were closed minded we would not even begin to wonder how it might feel oon the recieving end. Open minded does not mean to accept everything everyone does as right and not state your own views without a disclaimer *everyone is of course able to live their lives their own way*
an opinion contrary to yours is not a closed minded one.
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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Dunes you said more than enough. But I guess you are just too immature to understand.
And no you wouldn't accept this kind of behaviour from your wife, regardless if she's Muslim or not. Don't pretend us to be the open-minded here. You are so wrong and this kind of mentality what you display and the actions you are trying to justify simply stink IMO.
But as long as you both are happy with how things are who can say anything. Just make sure this is actually the case. Thank god for your wife. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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Personally I don't have any problems with the fact my husband goes for a drink/ a lunch with a (female)colleague.
So you dont have problems when he is going for a drink with the same female colleague once a week?
hypothetically (to illustrate my point)... maybe one day you have a row, but he has that good female friend of his who he has lunch with every wednesday to talk it over with, so thats good. Who knows maybe they both like tennis, so they start going to tennis every thursday evening. Then she starts having problems with her boyfriend (cos he's not as open minded as you) but thats o.k cos she has her male friend she can talk it over with.
At work people tease them because you know how gossips can be, but that just makes it more secretive and something they are just sharing between them, because they are just friends. Such a lovely close platonic bond they are forming...
next time you argue, he says 'Busty Brenda said if you just understood what i am trying say...'
still no problem? just playing devils advocate
dont take it personal DG, its not about you, its just the principle.
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: Exiled - you know what annoys me is when it is o.k for you to say that the way you live is right, but when it comes to me or tigerlilly for example, saying that we think that the way we live is right, you label us as closed minded - I am not closed minded at all, and i dont believe tigerlilly is, we are simply pointing out that WE dont think its a good thing. Just because you consider what you do to be right does not make you open minded?! it means that you think you are right, in the same way you think we are wrong. When people say 'put yourself in the others shoes' it is not simply a phrase, there is reason behind it and its a valuable way of trying to empathise, if, as you imply, we were closed minded we would not even begin to wonder how it might feel oon the recieving end. Open minded does not mean to accept everything everyone does as right and not state your own views without a disclaimer *everyone is of course able to live their lives their own way*
an opinion contrary to yours is not a closed minded one.
La ya habibiti I am calling you close minded because you are intolerant of me and my lifestyle. It has nothing to do with the way you choose to live your life because you are entitled to live your as you please and I have no ‘objections’ at all hence I never said it was wrong and that mines is right.
I think you have a nice Islamic life but please don’t go ayotallah khomaneni on me because I have female friends. In other words I will take the close-minded tag from you when you are a little bit more tolerant and stop being so negative.
So please don’t turn this around on me. I never said I was right and you were wrong Ok boo Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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I am tolerant, it doesn't affect me that your wife might be crying into her cornflakes every morning...but as a caring individual, i feel it is my duty to point it out
Maybe my opinions are wrong, but i can only base it on my own experiences. Every job i have had (prior to becoming muslim), I was hit on by a colleague, regardless of whether they were married/girlfriend etc. EVERY male friend i ever had, wanted something more sooner or later. maybe i was unlucky, but If a man and a woman get close emotionally, there is very little left to prevent them getting close sexually, thats not about culture, its about human nature, IMO.
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: I am tolerant, it doesn't affect me that your wife might be crying into her cornflakes every morning...but as a caring individual, i feel it is my duty to point it out
Maybe my opinions are wrong, but i can only base it on my own experiences. Every job i have had (prior to becoming muslim), I was hit on by a colleague, regardless of whether they were married/girlfriend etc. EVERY male friend i ever had, wanted something more sooner or later. maybe i was unlucky, but If a man and a woman get close emotionally, there is very little left to prevent them getting close sexually, thats not about culture, its about human nature, IMO.
Is that what you think? Wifey is happily taking care of my sick turtle right now (changing water – changing filter – etc) The babe doesn’t know it but I am going to take her out when she is done – maybe another café.
Don’t think negative wanderer – remain sweet – life is meant to be enjoyed and as nice as my friends are I don’t have it in me to be a criminal in the eyes of my wife and certainly not in the eyes of god.
Here is a little secret wanderer without my wife i would literally be nothing and probably pass my days drunk on a thailand beach with one woman coming and one woman going.
Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Exiled: Here is a little secret wanderer without my wife i would literally be nothing and probably pass my days drunk on a thailand beach with one woman coming and one woman going.
not so secret now!!!! lol thats so sweet, why oh why dont you think of that when you get the urge to drink coffee with strangers then, or phone strange german women? does your wife REALLY not mind? (answer honestly), if you say she doesn't i swear i will shut my cakehole and never mention it again
*disclaimer - i'm not saying all german women are strange, just the one's Sob meets *
Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Exiled: Here is a little secret wanderer without my wife i would literally be nothing and probably pass my days drunk on a thailand beach with one woman coming and one woman going.
not so secret now!!!! lol thats so sweet, why oh why dont you think of that when you get the urge to drink coffee with strangers then, or phone strange german women? does your wife REALLY not mind? (answer honestly), if you say she doesn't i swear i will shut my cakehole and never mention it again
*disclaimer - i'm not saying all german women are strange, just the one's Sob meets *
I can not answer this question right now. I know this has scandal all over it but I am being honest here and answering it would be more scandalous. You see I just got out the doghouse for the Halloween party and the stupid girly text message on my phone.
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Chill out beautiful. And don’t go thinking negative on me again. I was placed in the doghouse despite my innocence. My only crime was receiving a text message while I was asleep a girly text message that basically said bla bla bla had a great time and she hoped I had a great time too. All of this while my inebriated self was in la la land fast asleep. You know women speak of equality all the time – you want equality ladies – then start writing text messages like men e.g. use cu instead cya for example.
Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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My abbreviation actually was a REAL sentence! (try to decipher - it is French - It starts with 'je' = I) Want to find out if you are smart at deciphering text messages. You get exactly 5 minutes.
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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My abbreviation actually was a REAL sentence! (try to decipher - it is French - It starts with 'je' = I) Want to find out if you are smart at deciphering text messages.
I understood yours, you said 'i think i am in love with you' right LOL
My reply was:
you know what you can do, you can, shut up and kiss me
talk to you later
xoxo
ykwycd = you know what you can do ya = you can = can suakm = shut up and kiss me t2ul = talk to you later xoxo = hugs and kisses
Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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The sentence was; "Je Pense à Toi Toutes Les Soirées" (don't take it personal)
Posts: 2932 | From: Just now and then | Registered: Nov 2006
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quote:Originally posted by of_gold: I don't think you answered her question Exiled.
She didn't as about who you married, she asked how would you feel.
I am going to step back from this thread for a little bit. I feel a little uneasiness here a little tension in the air. Once you ladies calm down - i'll come back.
Disclaimer: They do teach us how to spell "ask" in American schools. Please don't let my typo be a bad reflection on my whole country.
PS: I do understand that our president is a bad reflection on our country but I did not vote for him. And he really isn't from Texas, he just pretends to be. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Oldbag: I appreciate Egypt is a different culture and this is an area I would have to negotiate carefully and have been putting some thought into.
But talking generally, I know it is perfectly possible for men and women to be friends without any sexual goings on. Of course, also there are instances when things change - but is this the fault of the shared interest or a marriage that needs working on? Is a marriage simply a list of shared interests or something deeper - I think its something deeper, and couples who have little apparent interests in common can have deeply shared values and common goals that can draw them much more closer than whether they like the same ticksheet of films or whathaveyou.
It is sometimes very difficult to find people of the same sex that share your interests - sorry to say most girls have zero interest in death/doom metal music, science fiction books, action films, science esp. physics, trains, computers type stuff. Those are my main interests so either I get bloke mates or I have a very lonely life doing everything on my own. I'm always happy to meet women who share my tastes in things but they are rare.
About the only 'girl' thing about me is I hate football - yet this is one thing loads of women pretend to like these days for some reason that passes me by entirely.
Ok, I agree that if you are deliberately setting out to meet friends of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship/married that there is probably something you should be thinking about, but if it happens naturally from shared interests, then so be it.
I have to agree with you OB, I like metal and blues. I also Like to play Chess and texas holdem sitting around drinking a few beers and smoking cigars-not exactly things many women like to do . I have always had more male friends than female friends and my best friend growing up was a guy. There was never anything sexual, most are married and I became friends with their wives also. I think the reason they have never became intimidated by me was because I always treated them with respect. I made sure each of their wifes knew me, when I called I also identified myself and after becoming friends with them,they know I am an honest and upfront person. I also believe in the sisterhood among women and I would have never crossed those boundaries......
However, I can see it is a touchy issue and I would say it has to be an individuals decision. I think like with exile, he is definitely being one sided, but ladies his wife is accepting of this behavior and she is the one who has to live with the man she chose. It's her decision on what she can live with as she knows her husband. Many women have different lines in the sand and different levels of what they will accept or not accept. Exile will have to live with the consequences should he cross his wife's line in the sand..................
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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We're also only hearing his version of the things "his wife" will put up with.
Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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Well put Rumi - You are right, of course it isn't wrong if everyone is happy with it, although i do think that it is rare to find two people that would both be happy with this, i think it minority rather than majority. I know that i would never have been able to have a boyfriend or husband who had female friends he spent time with like that, but thats because the ones i have known who pass girls off as their 'friends' are usually using this to cover something else!
O.k, I am now coming to the conclusion i have known alot of sleazy guys Posts: 644 | Registered: Jul 2007
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I think that his wife is confident in his love for her. That is a big deal. So that means he must be a good husband. You see how he talks about her, "without her I am nothing". I am sure she feels this.
From experience: I had a religious husband with a holier than thou attitude and I always felt like he wanted someone else even though with his words he condemned people who behaved that way. (you know, republican )
He once bought me silk roses from one of his female customers. I was furious with him cause I knew this lady was a regular customer. I told him he bought these roses for her not me because I would of rather had a rose bush than fake flowers. I put them up where every one could see them and he threw them in the trash.
After my divorce I had a boy friend whom I truly loved and he truly loved me. He was a handsome man and when we would go out woman would flirt with him right in front of me. I never felt jealous because I was confident that he loved me.
Once we were at the store and he had a bandage on his hand. This young girl was flirting with him and insisted she carry out his one bag even though I was right there beside him. I don't think she even noticed me. When we got in the van, I pointed out that she was flirting with him and he jokingly said "really let me go back in and see". We laughed.
He was a carpenter and did work for one of my friends and when she would see him she would give him a hug regardless if I were there or not.
The point of this long personal story is that I was secure in the relationship. I knew it was me he wanted not by his words but because I felt loved. I sensed it. (plus he couldn't keep his hand off of me) Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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quote:Originally posted by of_gold: I think that his wife is confident in his love for her. That is a big deal. So that means he must be a good husband. You see how he talks about her, "without her I am nothing".
A line out of a lovesong..... what a proof...
If he would love his wife so much he wouldn't have to meet up with strange women. Show respect to your wife, Dunes! Your actions can't be justified by any means. And you should know so much better especially in the society you live in right now.
Think about she goes shopping one day and other women address her about her husband's activities, they saw him with this woman on this day and on another day with some other woman. How embarrassing to be married to a womanizer!!!
Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: Well put Rumi - You are right, of course it isn't wrong if everyone is happy with it, although i do think that it is rare to find two people that would both be happy with this, i think it minority rather than majority. I know that i would never have been able to have a boyfriend or husband who had female friends he spent time with like that, but thats because the ones i have known who pass girls off as their 'friends' are usually using this to cover something else!
O.k, I am now coming to the conclusion i have known alot of sleazy guys
I wouldnt be so hard on yourself about it wanderer. This has happened to alot of women because basically there alot of rotten women that have no pride or self respect.You make your line in the sand based on your personal experiences so if you dont want this in your relationship and your husband accepts it, then it works good for you and its ok.
So that being said, I would like to flip to the otherside and say I have never had a problem when I was in a relationship with them having female friends. I've never been the jealous type and I always felt pretty secure with my looks and the kind of woman I am(Im not saying you aren't wanderer ). However, I was always aware and my rule of thumb has always been this:
- If she sits there and tells you things like "Oh, your soooooo lucky to have such good husband", "Your husband is soooooo funny", " I never find guys like him" . These phrases are key,so obvious and they translate to mean-" I want your husband, I deserve him and Im gonna try to get him.".
-If you find out that the female friend gives him advice that is detrimental to your relationship. Telling him things like " you should be careful maybe she's not right for you", " I dont know why you put up with her " ," she seems to work alot, are you sure she's not having an affair". Things like this that cause discord are wrong and they translate to mean - " I want this man, so I am gonna stir up trouble to break them up because I deserve him and she doesnt"..
- Physical contact. Since most people have the ritual of a quick cheek kiss and a hug as a goodbye habit, this never bothered me as I do the same with all my friends. However, that is it!! A woman that walks up to my husband and jumps on his lap, rubs her hand on his chest, or anything along these lines should know before hand that this is unacceptable and she will get slammed in the mouth .
I go by how I behave with my male friends as a guideline, so I know that a woman that does these things is not really his friend she is looking to take what is yours cause she cannot get anything on her own. I've had this happen to me once and needless to say I told her exactly what I knew was going on and she was gone .Sometimes men are clueless to these manipulative behaviors and dont take them for what they are.My male friends have also never disrespected the man in my life, and they also ended up becoming friends.
Bottom line, a person of either sex should never cross the boundaries and harm your relationship. A true friend of any sex would never do that and if they did then the friendship should end because it's all about respect and love, and your relationship is much more important....
Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: I have to agree with you OB, I like metal and blues. I also Like to play Chess and texas holdem sitting around drinking a few beers and smoking cigars-not exactly things many women like to do
Rumi is so cool, there are other less cool people orbiting around her eager to learn.
posted
Boundaries are personal, so crossing them also are. I remember last year, I entered my sportsclub, to watch some matches, my husbands team had to play. Since a few years they have a female supporter, a devorced woman who is visiting every match of them. I never payed to much attention to her, perhaps because I am used to go along with men and I don't see them as males, but just as persons, m/f don't make difference to me, unless they start to behave in another way, and they don't. I entered the field and saw the steady supporter sitting on the lap of a male player. Not my husbands, another one. A married one... People were watching,because it is strange to sit on a mans lap on a sportsfield, and it was in public, so there doesn't have to be a meaning behind, but I thought it was crossing boundaries. I can't imagine his wife would be pleased to see it, and I also think he and she should have known better as to act this way in public. But both seemed to think it was normal, so it wasn't crossing their boundaries. Maybe his wifes boundaries, but she wasn't there... So, what are boundaries? Boundaries are made by the couple themselves. If I go out with a friend that I know since we were kids, is that a reason for a husband to have problems with it? Don't think so. But people could see it and talk about a woman who is going out with another man, while he is like my brother... As long as I'm not going to sit on his lap, nothing is wrong.. Posts: 7202 | From: EU | Registered: Nov 2006
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I'm sorry, if my husband wants to have a drink or anything with any other woman they better both watch their backs, but that's just ME. Posts: 13440 | Registered: Feb 2006
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Sitting on a married mans lap is not normal and is crossing the boundaries. IMO
-------------------- "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton) Leap and the Net will Appear. Posts: 3891 | From: No good deed goes unpunished. | Registered: May 2007
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Okay let's all think about the following facts here:
Dunes's wife is Egyptian and grew up all her life in her homecountry (I hope it's correct so far). Also she obviously is a pious Muslima - even Dunes mentions this. Further he claims in one of his posts she would not go to places like this where he's going to (it's his own words). So for her these kind of establishments must be considered 'sinful' to her.
Furthermore occasionally he drinks alcohol - which is 'sinful' in Islam - so his wife most probably doesn't drink alcohol herself (is this still correct, Dunes?).
Oh and BTW he's meeting up with other women he considers friends and occasionally gets drunk with them. He says his wife ' just don't want him to come home like that'..... Yeah I wouldn't want that either. My door would be locked for good.
Seriously with her Egyptian and Muslimic upbringing she can't agree on what he's doing. Well Dunes I must admit you picked your wife very well; she's someone who won't complain, who will always sit home alone and waiting for you - even if she feels miserable inside.
Just take her out once a week and she'll be happy and content and then you have a free pass to do what you wanna do - running after other women like a dog.
Please stop making a fool out of yourself on this forum and stop bragging about your encounters with women you randomly pick while you are actually married incl. your 'meaningful' dreams of other females. No one is interested in knowing this sh*t.... I wish you would have just kept it to yourself. Seriously be proud, Dunes. Posts: 30135 | From: The owner of this website killed ES....... | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tigerlily: Please stop making a fool out of yourself on this forum and stop bragging about your encounters with women you randomly pick while you are actually married incl. your 'meaningful' dreams of other females. No one is interested in knowing this sh*t.... I wish you would have just kept it to yourself. Seriously be proud, Dunes.
That's what I've been saying all along.
Posts: 6335 | From: Straight to my heart. | Registered: Sep 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: I have to agree with you OB, I like metal and blues. I also Like to play Chess and texas holdem sitting around drinking a few beers and smoking cigars-not exactly things many women like to do
Rumi is so cool, there are other less cool people orbiting around her eager to learn.
Crank up some Megadeth and pass me a brew.
Oh yeah. Im a cool chick hanging with the cool crowd now . Glad to see the words "cool" instead of "closet lesbian or freak" posted on here,lol..
I'll take another brew, waiting for Old Bag to come party with us. Posts: 1121 | From: Too crazy to look at a freakin map to find out.. | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: Well put Rumi - You are right, of course it isn't wrong if everyone is happy with it, although i do think that it is rare to find two people that would both be happy with this, i think it minority rather than majority. I know that i would never have been able to have a boyfriend or husband who had female friends he spent time with like that, but thats because the ones i have known who pass girls off as their 'friends' are usually using this to cover something else!
O.k, I am now coming to the conclusion i have known alot of sleazy guys
You know something wanderer you impress me with each passing day. I love the way you express yourself in an intelligent way. Seriously you don’t have animosity in you nor are do you speculate on matters. People are just different and if we apply our perception and judge them for what is in their hearts - then that would be a sick world.
quote:Originally posted by of_gold: I think that his wife is confident in his love for her. That is a big deal. So that means he must be a good husband. You see how he talks about her, "without her I am nothing". I am sure she feels this.
From experience: I had a religious husband with a holier than thou attitude and I always felt like he wanted someone else even though with his words he condemned people who behaved that way. (you know, republican )
He once bought me silk roses from one of his female customers. I was furious with him cause I knew this lady was a regular customer. I told him he bought these roses for her not me because I would of rather had a rose bush than fake flowers. I put them up where every one could see them and he threw them in the trash.
After my divorce I had a boy friend whom I truly loved and he truly loved me. He was a handsome man and when we would go out woman would flirt with him right in front of me. I never felt jealous because I was confident that he loved me.
Once we were at the store and he had a bandage on his hand. This young girl was flirting with him and insisted she carry out his one bag even though I was right there beside him. I don't think she even noticed me. When we got in the van, I pointed out that she was flirting with him and he jokingly said "really let me go back in and see". We laughed.
He was a carpenter and did work for one of my friends and when she would see him she would give him a hug regardless if I were there or not.
The point of this long personal story is that I was secure in the relationship. I knew it was me he wanted not by his words but because I felt loved. I sensed it. (plus he couldn't keep his hand off of me)
quote: From experience: I had a religious husband with a holier than thou attitude and I always felt like he wanted someone else even though with his words he condemned people who behaved that way. (you know, republican
Divorcing him was probably the beginning of fresh air in your life. Who needs such suffocation.
quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: I have to agree with you OB, I like metal and blues. I also Like to play Chess and texas holdem sitting around drinking a few beers and smoking cigars-not exactly things many women like to do
Rumi is so cool, there are other less cool people orbiting around her eager to learn.
Crank up some Megadeth and pass me a brew.
Oh yeah. Im a cool chick hanging with the cool crowd now . Glad to see the words "cool" instead of "closet lesbian or freak" posted on here,lol..
I'll take another brew, waiting for Old Bag to come party with us.
LOL yeah - when I 'fessed up my admiration for Xena Warrior Princess and her kill em all approach to life I got accused of being a lesbian - particularly in the light of my hobbies!
Are u in Egypt Rumi?
Actually, and on a more serious note - Darkest Hour by Megadeth is one of the most meaningful songs in my life
Edit - I don't BELIEVE it - there should be a really explosive 'Bitch' uttered at 3mins 42 seconds and they've BLANKED it!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 5593 | From: Egypt | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Wanderer: Well put Rumi - You are right, of course it isn't wrong if everyone is happy with it, although i do think that it is rare to find two people that would both be happy with this, i think it minority rather than majority. I know that i would never have been able to have a boyfriend or husband who had female friends he spent time with like that, but thats because the ones i have known who pass girls off as their 'friends' are usually using this to cover something else!
O.k, I am now coming to the conclusion i have known alot of sleazy guys
I wouldnt be so hard on yourself about it wanderer. This has happened to alot of women because basically there alot of rotten women that have no pride or self respect.You make your line in the sand based on your personal experiences so if you dont want this in your relationship and your husband accepts it, then it works good for you and its ok.
So that being said, I would like to flip to the otherside and say I have never had a problem when I was in a relationship with them having female friends. I've never been the jealous type and I always felt pretty secure with my looks and the kind of woman I am(Im not saying you aren't wanderer ). However, I was always aware and my rule of thumb has always been this:
- If she sits there and tells you things like "Oh, your soooooo lucky to have such good husband", "Your husband is soooooo funny", " I never find guys like him" . These phrases are key,so obvious and they translate to mean-" I want your husband, I deserve him and Im gonna try to get him.".
-If you find out that the female friend gives him advice that is detrimental to your relationship. Telling him things like " you should be careful maybe she's not right for you", " I dont know why you put up with her " ," she seems to work alot, are you sure she's not having an affair". Things like this that cause discord are wrong and they translate to mean - " I want this man, so I am gonna stir up trouble to break them up because I deserve him and she doesnt"..
- Physical contact. Since most people have the ritual of a quick cheek kiss and a hug as a goodbye habit, this never bothered me as I do the same with all my friends. However, that is it!! A woman that walks up to my husband and jumps on his lap, rubs her hand on his chest, or anything along these lines should know before hand that this is unacceptable and she will get slammed in the mouth .
I go by how I behave with my male friends as a guideline, so I know that a woman that does these things is not really his friend she is looking to take what is yours cause she cannot get anything on her own. I've had this happen to me once and needless to say I told her exactly what I knew was going on and she was gone .Sometimes men are clueless to these manipulative behaviors and dont take them for what they are.My male friends have also never disrespected the man in my life, and they also ended up becoming friends.
Bottom line, a person of either sex should never cross the boundaries and harm your relationship. A true friend of any sex would never do that and if they did then the friendship should end because it's all about respect and love, and your relationship is much more important....
Excellent analysis Rumi – you know people here love to judge and I saw the german lady earlier today and she bought another german friend (female) with her. This woman does not have a mean bone in her body and her life is literally full. This weekend they are going to Aqaba (sea resort) with guys. I mean we talked like any other people on the face of the earth. Her friend who is also very nice cracked me up with her experiences in the Arab world. You see she is very much from the left and so she despises anything rightwing – heck she even hates Merkel (says she’s conservative) anyway so she was criticizing Arabs who show admiration for Hitler. She even had a nasty argument when someone told her ‘hitler is a good man’ she apparently lost it and told him you stupid idiot Hitler and the rightwing people in German hate arabs and muslims. She I had a wonderful discussion today and it is interesting to know the things that are interesting to people. Guys wouldn’t talk like that nor would they show such passion at least not in a first encounter with someone. They are intelligent and successful and I don’t know how they are doing it but they have managed to get great intellectual jobs here – it just shows you that they are fighters in life. It is my privilege to have met such different and interesting people and hopefully we’ll have a great friendship while we are all here in this city.
Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Rumicrazieluv: I have to agree with you OB, I like metal and blues. I also Like to play Chess and texas holdem sitting around drinking a few beers and smoking cigars-not exactly things many women like to do
Rumi is so cool, there are other less cool people orbiting around her eager to learn.
Crank up some Megadeth and pass me a brew.
One more day and you can pass me the brew although i'll probably be blasting pac.
1 more day till weekend Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by ?????: Boundaries are personal, so crossing them also are. I remember last year, I entered my sportsclub, to watch some matches, my husbands team had to play. Since a few years they have a female supporter, a devorced woman who is visiting every match of them. I never payed to much attention to her, perhaps because I am used to go along with men and I don't see them as males, but just as persons, m/f don't make difference to me, unless they start to behave in another way, and they don't. I entered the field and saw the steady supporter sitting on the lap of a male player. Not my husbands, another one. A married one... People were watching,because it is strange to sit on a mans lap on a sportsfield, and it was in public, so there doesn't have to be a meaning behind, but I thought it was crossing boundaries. I can't imagine his wife would be pleased to see it, and I also think he and she should have known better as to act this way in public. But both seemed to think it was normal, so it wasn't crossing their boundaries. Maybe his wifes boundaries, but she wasn't there... So, what are boundaries? Boundaries are made by the couple themselves. If I go out with a friend that I know since we were kids, is that a reason for a husband to have problems with it? Don't think so. But people could see it and talk about a woman who is going out with another man, while he is like my brother... As long as I'm not going to sit on his lap, nothing is wrong..
I agree with you sitting on someone’s lap is definitely crossing boundaries. I mean sitting next to someone is okay – also a playful gesture but definitely not sitting on someone’s lap. Slouching to the side of someone while sitting at a comfy sofa (cafe lounge sofas) is also okay because people do that.
Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by With a name like Smuckers: I'm sorry, if my husband wants to have a drink or anything with any other woman they better both watch their backs, but that's just ME.
Double homicide is definitely more appropriate than murdering just one culprit Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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I found closure to my dreams. The member I was dreaming about was Dalia – I didn’t know why I dreamt of her only until recently. Yes she was the woman in my dreams but the actual woman she represented is very much in my real life now. It initially escaped me but now I am 99% certain of this. It can not simply be coincidence. Dalia is German and so is this woman – I’ll detail some of the similarities.
So did she have black hair and blue eyes? Did her hair smell like fenugreek?
quote: Dalia was critically talking about ahadith interpretation to a small audience including me who sat around the bonfire.
ROFL!!! Never in life would I dare! This is so funny. I like the image though.
quote: I don’t know Dalia personally but one would believe that she is an unpretentious person
Oh shukran.
quote: I hope Dalia is not annoyed with this as I mean no disrespect at all.
Not at all, I'm very amused.
I don't think I've ever dreamed of ES. I had a dream about a woman from another (German) board a few nights ago; nothing weird though. I just dreamed I met her and she was very nice and beautiful (which, I assume, she is in real life as well).
Posts: 3587 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
^^I guess the secret is out - Dalia knows i have a crush on her And as a matter of fact she did have black hair – a little curly too. I don’t remember her eye color as I haven’t dreamt her since. Kind of miss her actually as those dreams were different in a nice way.
Funny you mention fenugreek – I’m used to such a scent. I love to drink it – simply boil a good amount in water add sugar and it’s absolutely delicious – you can even eat the boiled seeds even if they are a little bitter.
It’s amazing how some people manage to make their way into our dreams - certainly it is nothing we dictate. I’m just pleased you are lighthearted about it and didn't take it the wrong way . Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Reality_Meanie: fenugreek? This is the kind of "nuts" which my ex would drink, just as you described it up there Exiled.
Its supposed to be an energy drink and an oxifant (fock I forget what the term is).
All I know if the seeds/nuts sit in a glass for a few hours it takes a day of soaking the glass in water to get the seeds/nuts to dislodge.
After we moved out on each other he noticed immediately how much work it took to clean up these types of messes.
Ho-hum.
Yes that is exactly what they are. They are seeds that Arabs call 'Helba'. I don't know about soaking them for this purpose because my wife makes this drink randomly simply by the method i stated previously.
I'm actually a little curious what Dalia meant about the smell in her hair - because drinking a pot of it will make you smell like helba - or maybe she puts it in her hair in some form?
Posts: 2418 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Reality_Meanie: fenugreek? This is the kind of "nuts" which my ex would drink, just as you described it up there Exiled.
Its supposed to be an energy drink and an oxifant (fock I forget what the term is).
All I know if the seeds/nuts sit in a glass for a few hours it takes a day of soaking the glass in water to get the seeds/nuts to dislodge.
After we moved out on each other he noticed immediately how much work it took to clean up these types of messes.
Ho-hum.
Yes that is exactly what they are. They are seeds that Arabs call 'Helba'. I don't know about soaking them for this purpose because my wife makes this drink randomly simply by the method i stated previously.
I'm actually a little curious what Dalia meant about the smell in her hair - because drinking a pot of it will make you smell like helba - or maybe she puts it in her hair in some form?
Yeah it takes a soaking with boiling water, but after the seeds have sat in the glass after drinking the concoction it is really difficult to remove the seeds.
I think you can use the seeds as a wash for your hair. My ex said something about it, I just looked at him with a disguisted look because I had cleaned up the fenugreek seed mess so many times by that point.
Posts: 1455 | From: debtville | Registered: Dec 2007
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posted
I dreamt that I was being chased by clocks one time. They were all yelling, what's the time, what's the time. It was weird. Posts: 1879 | From: Going to Graceland | Registered: Nov 2006
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Whenever I dream about Egypt its on a magic carpet with my daughter. "Learning to Fly" is being played and she is whacking people on the head with a long stick as we float over them.
After a few hours of this head whacking I refrain from apologies because some of the crowd beg her to whack them.
-------------------- Offend one offend all during the season. Posts: 1455 | From: debtville | Registered: Dec 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Reality_Meanie: I think you can use the seeds as a wash for your hair. My ex said something about it, I just looked at him with a disguisted look because I had cleaned up the fenugreek seed mess so many times by that point.
I wrote this in another thread ... I put ground fenugreek into my henna / indigo mixture because it makes it creamier and thus easier applicable. It's good for your hair and scalp, too. The only problem is that your hair smells a bit like curry afterwards.
• Medical research shows that fenugreek seeds lowers blood cholesterol and blood sugar levels.
• It was also known to cure constipation, as a powerful expectorant, and is used as herbal infusion to break up respiratory congestion.
• An ancient ayurvedic cure for dandruff - soak some seeds in water overnight, grind to a paste, apply onto the scalp and hair, leave for 20 mts and rinse. It also tones the hair, giving it a silky feel and shine.
• Fenugreek seed paste or methi in powder form can be used as a face pack also, helps to tone the skin and cure acne.
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. I have always had more male friends than female friends and my best friend growing up was a guy. There was never anything sexual, most are married and I became friends with their wives also. I think the reason they have never became intimidated by me was because I always treated them with respect. I made sure each of their wifes knew me, when I called I also identified myself and after becoming friends with them,they know I am an honest and upfront person. I also believe in the sisterhood among women and I would have never crossed those boundaries......
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