quote:

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Originally posted by Sara the miserable:
Salamalekum, dear,
outsider mostly focus problems much better, so it was a good idea to come to the forum. I think it is quite sure that you got this feeling because she has been your only help to solve a problem; this made her so near to you. It is just a matter of time and you will lose this feeling, inschaallah. It is a good step forward that you know that god has forbidden such relationships. If you go to Allah, he will run to you. If you ask him deeply to free you from this develish feelings, then he will help you . If the human is weak in difficult situations of life then the devil has an easy play, the devil promised to take all humans to hell, so, he will not let anyone from us. The war against devil you can just win if you face him with the help of Allah. So, try to get contact to other 'sisters'. But maybe better "foreign moslems", because the arabic moslems are mostly to shame to speak about such problems.
Are you married ? If not, you should !
I wish you the help of god and I will do a DOAE for you.
Salam
Sara

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DOes that girl know your feelings for her? Wouldnt it be better to let her know, st least SOME of it, if not all..?

WHat is your definition of "lesbian" and how do you know you dont fit it?

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Originally posted by annie_81:
2 questions.

DOes that girl know your feelings for her? Wouldnt it be better to let her know, st least SOME of it, if not all..?

WHat is your definition of "lesbian" and how do you know you dont fit it?

good luck.

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The girl I love must be knowing coz she was provoquing me at the beginning!!! I tell her everytime that she is so special yo me.

For me being a lesbian means being physically attracted by a girl, any girl - But me I only lover her for her soul not just her body. When you love someone, you get attracted by everything he/she does / is / has. This is the kind of love i feel for her.

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Originally posted by Sara the miserable:
All right, all right,

keep your lovefeelings for her - but please :
hurry up and marry a 'real man'...you will change your mind...
inschaallah...

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Sara the miserable, are you for real? This is some of the worst advice ever given on this form! "Hurry up and marry a real man"
That will not solve her problems only make things worse for not only her but the poor guy she married out of desperation.

Hayati1004,
Give yourself some time to think long and hard about what you want out of life.
I promise the answer will present its self to you in time. No matter what you decide
Allah will still love you.
Keep your chin up & hang in there tomorrow is always brighter.

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Originally posted by Andy:
Sara the miserable, are you for real? This is some of the worst advice ever given on this form! "Hurry up and marry a real man"
That will not solve her problems only make things worse for not only her but the poor guy she married out of desperation.

Hayati1004,
Give yourself some time to think long and hard about what you want out of life.
I promise the answer will present its self to you in time. No matter what you decide
Allah will still love you.
Keep your chin up & hang in there tomorrow is always brighter.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:
I am an arabic lady that fall in love with a girl friend. I do not know how it started, all I know that she indirectly helped me till I got fully in love and now I am suffering so much. I did whatever I could to forget her and tell myself Im wrong but I do not know what to do even praying and getting closer to Allah did not help. I love her as never loved, real and deep love. She is there in my mind 24hrs a day. Only seeing her or hearing her voice make a great change to me. I do not know what shall I do to overcome this feeling that infected every member of my body and mind. I lover her I know it is wrong but it is true. Help me with true words not usual banal sayings. I am not lesbian I know that but my soul fall in love with another soul regardless of its sex. I count on you all...

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1-Tell her that u love her.
2- If it works out....confirm love and make love and see how it goes.
3- If it's the BINGO ...Take her to San Francisco and marry her if possible.

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Originally posted by Penny:
I have to agree with Andy that to try and meet a man just now is the worst possible advice. You need time alone to sort out your life

Hayati just accept that you love this girl and it is a part of your life that may never change. You then need to put more things into your life to stop your mind thinking about it all the time. Try and find new things that you would enjoy or even take on some charity work to help others. Show this girl you are not dependant on her for everything and then she may accept to have a more normal healthy friendship with you. Nobody likes to feel another person is totally dependant on them for their happiness, it is too big a responsibility.

Tell us a few things that you like to do and maybe we can help with some ideas for you to get involved with new things/ organisations.

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quote:

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Originally posted by JOSHUA:
1-Tell her that u love her.
2- If it works out....confirm love and make love and see how it goes.
3- If it's the BINGO ...Take her to San Francisco and marry her if possible.

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Hayati, because you like your friend it doesn't mean you are lesbian. It can be the appearance, the character, the "soul" you are attracted by that girl. Maybe you like something it that woman what you couldn't find in any man so far and I don't mean any sexual aspects here. Give yourself some time to think about what you are really longing for in life.

I believe a good friend's talk is immortant here. For whatever reasons you feel punished by her, you are saying in the past you did everything for her and she benefitted from it. In short term she got you wrapped around her finger. For your own sake you need to find out what kind of relationship you are both having either way.

If your desires don't meet hers you sincerely should change jobs. You will just hurt yourself more and more.

Good luck.

Oh, and get more active in your free time. Make some new friends. It will give you more different aspects in life. Don't surround your life with that one person. You have to come first, don't forget that.

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:

I really do not want to answer to this post as I am fearing its one of homesick's projects ("fake") again........

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..couldn't agree more!

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Originally posted by ashraf_salah:
This is unsolved problem...i am sorry to say that, but it is the truth. I am a married man with three kids the oldest is 7 and the youngest is one and a half. After a ten- year marriage i found my self engaged in love with another owman and she also work with me in the same place. I love her as if i didn't love anyone before. I have not foumd any solution yet. I didn't tell her that i am in love with her, but i knew that she knows ever thing i do and everything i say show that i love her. it has been two years now. she is also married so i am sure that this is unsolved problem. I decided to let myself love her even if it is one side love and i ll wait to see what will happen, i am sure that life with all the hards in it will make me forget her. So i think it is a matter of time. Everything changes around us and i am waiting for a change in my feelings because i think that there is no solution but waiting for a change in feelings.
so my advice to u is to wait. Be patient and ur feelings towards her will change. She may marry a man and has another life, or she may leave the work and get another.Who knows...
it is a matter of time believe me.
There r a lot of relations in our life that born and die every day without any intention of us....leave it to the time and u will forget her...try to be close of her pretending that u r just a friend deal with her in a normal way as everyone does then u will be used to feel that she is just a friend just give ur self the chance to feel that she is a woman like u and she has nothing to give u.

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Do you have a vacation coming? or can you take time off for an "emergency"? I think it is extremely hard the fact that you see her at work all the time, and some time off from her will be good.

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:
Thank you Ashraf, I feel u understand exactly how I feel. I love her from the bottom of my heart. I get sick when I do not see her or hear her voice (my stomak ake me till making me bend), even though I know she is playing with me. My main problem beside loving her is I couldn't understand why she got so close to me and made me feel she is mine then stepped away when I really started to love her. Why she now treat me like **** even though she know I cant take my breath without her. You know love has nothing to do with sex - this is what I learned from this experience. It is true that I am very jeaoulouse of her, get mad if someone see her in a special way or someone get too close to her - I get mad when I feel she ask something from someone else than I. U know I get happy only by seeing her eyes shinnig, I love caressing her - I feel good streightening her weaknesses. U see what I mean... tell me is this true love - Me I thing I will never reach this level again with anyone. But what I dont like is that this love made me so weak so dependent so negative... When she do not talk to me I get depressed and it shows to others, sometimes I find myself crying in the office - if she smile for a second I feel I am the happiest one in the world- This is a very bad influence coz I hate my life if she is not with me. It is now more than 2 years that she is not good with me BUT my feelings do not want to change - she hurts me with words and I see and discover a lot of bad actions she do but even if my brain knows it is for my best if a get away from her my heart cant afford and let me get weaker and weak. Wallah Al Hazim I do not know what to do with myself and my feelings. I am sorry to right to much I am so confused and upset of myself for being so weak please stay around. Thank you.

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Full stop.

Logically, does this woman owe you anything? Does she deserve to be treated to your jealous looks if she choses to speak with someone other than you, ask help for someone other than you?

Your view of the situation is extremely self-centered and I think it's causing you a lot of hurt and depression. If you try to remove yourself from the feelings and look at this from other perspectives, it might help you to get over your pain.

quote:

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Originally posted by ExptinCAI:
Hayati, you have a very strange definition of love. You explain you're possesive, jealous, territorial of someone - and then wonder why that person distances herself from you? Well, think about it honestly from her perspective. Your posts go on and on about how she hurt you, how she's playing with you, etc. Ok, try looking at it from a more neutral perspective -- you had a problem and this person helped you get over your problem. While she helped you, you developed strong feelings for her (let's leave aside the matter that her helping you was also beneficial to her, as you pointed out). She did not develop the same type of strong feelings for you.

Full stop.

Logically, does this woman owe you anything? Does she deserve to be treated to your jealous looks if she choses to speak with someone other than you, ask help for someone other than you?

Your view of the situation is extremely self-centered and I think it's causing you a lot of hurt and depression. If you try to remove yourself from the feelings and look at this from other perspectives, it might help you to get over your pain.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:
Thank you for your clear opinion but I believe the picture is not very clear in your mind. I agree with you that my love for her is possessive but dont u think that love after a certain stage it become possessive?

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no, I don't think love is possessive at a certain stage at all in a healthy, loving relationship. In fact, I find this stage may be more applicable when you first fall in love and are still unsure of one another, of your own feelings...but as you get to know and trust your partner in a healthy relationship, the feelings you think are normal are not.

quote:

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:

This girl never helped me overcome anything. She just slowly slowly got in my way and managed to get close to me. As I do not have sisters and missing a lot of feelings I got over-involved with her. She use to tell me that I am everything for her and that she feel Im even closer than her family to her. She used to involve me in all her needs and problems. She used to ask me for anything anytime. It was not always easy for me to find myself involved in all problems and reply to all demands but I use to feel responsible and that I should do because she trust me.

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Now you're making it sound very manipulative on her part. You are right, I absolutely don't know the whole story, nor do I want to know further details. All I am saying is it takes two. No one can manipulate you unless you let them. You chose to help her, you chose to open up to her, etc. And now you're bitter about it. Really, you write like a bitter divorced woman whose husband left her for another woman. But you're not, are you? This girl is your friend, not your lover. So get some perspective!

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Slowly slowly I started to love her like nothing I ever felt. I feel she is part of me, in my blood. Not everything can be said but believe me I took all that responsibility seriously. Dont u think I deserve respect and commitment in return??

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Well, NO. If you were saying this as one friend to another, then I would agree that a good friend would reciprocate and a bad one wouldn't (and advise you to think about distancing yourself from a bad friend.) But that is NOT what you are saying.

You are saying you have fallen in love with a female friend and you want her to continue to trust you, to confide in you to... to what exactly??? And as what? A friend?

Frankly, if a friend fell in love (male or female) with me and I couldn't return those feelings - I would distance myself as well. It's a natural reaction in most people.

Have you considered that she might feel betrayed by you? Again, I don't know anything about this, I'm just throwing out another perspective for you to consider. You write she said you were as a sister to her... have you considered that she's picked up on your feelings and is simply uncomfortable around you now? If a friend who I treated as my own sister started acting as a wanna-be-lover... well, it wouldn't feel very comfortable, and I would probably cool things off with that person.

It's hard to offer you advice because you make this person sound really horrible, then you say you still love her. If she's treating you like crap for no reason, then you should ask yourself why you are placing yourself in this abusive position (perhaps some sort of self-punishment, i don't know). However, I suspect that your view is very biased and if she were to write her perspective, it would show an entirely different angle to the same story.

Good luck

[This message has been edited by ExptinCAI (edited 16 November 2004).][/B][/QUOTE]

quote:

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:
I am an arabic lady that fall in love with a girl friend. I do not know how it started, all I know that she indirectly helped me till I got fully in love and now I am suffering so much. I did whatever I could to forget her and tell myself Im wrong but I do not know what to do even praying and getting closer to Allah did not help. I love her as never loved, real and deep love. She is there in my mind 24hrs a day. Only seeing her or hearing her voice make a great change to me. I do not know what shall I do to overcome this feeling that infected every member of my body and mind. I lover her I know it is wrong but it is true. Help me with true words not usual banal sayings. I am not lesbian I know that but my soul fall in love with another soul regardless of its sex. I count on you all...

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Hello Hayati,
don't fear your feelings but can i ask u some questions:-
1-How old are u ?
2-How old is the girl u love ?
3-Do u have childs ?
4-when u see this girl do u excited or just feel u love her?
5-Where u living ?

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:

I really do not want to answer to this post as I am fearing its one of homesick's projects ("fake") again........

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Agree with u Lily,

Hayati, it seems u have nothing to do and have alot of free time which led u to think in this funny way...my advice to u is to occupy ur life with some work or practising some kind of sports or hobbies..

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Originally posted by MohdAnwar:
Hello Hayati,
don't fear your feelings but can i ask u some questions:-
1-How old are u ?
2-How old is the girl u love ?
3-Do u have childs ?
4-when u see this girl do u excited or just feel u love her?
5-Where u living ?

[This message has been edited by MohdAnwar (edited 17 November 2004).]

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quote:

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:
I am 30 and she is 37 even though she acts younger. I do not have childs.
When I see her I feel different thinks:
- Big love and feeling of happiness;
- Pain in z stomac;
- Feeling that I want her to remain in front of me and want to touch her and caress her.

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God create us and each of us have (Units of love) it is an energy u have to use it so around u there is noone u can use this units else her (u told before that u tried with men before) i can ensure it will never succsed cause u meant to do that relations to forget this lady and it not come by with normal way i will tell u another thing beleive me it will work but after a few time and be sure of that

1- Stop seeing her or talking to her for while may be 1 month or at least minimize the time u seeing her

2-i will advise u to do wonderfull thing i am sure it will work with u. I am sure u have a lot of units of love so u have to use it and i will advise u to go to orphanes houses this will use all the units of love u have and i could ensure with god willing uj will forget this subject just be close of them for a lot of time and when u feel u want to see this lady go to the orphane house and pick a littel child and begin to kiss her and hold her

3- U have to pray and ask god to make u forget this lady

4- when u remmber her and this need u want to kiss and hold her imagine if u told her u want that and what would happend that she will disgusiting u cause she will think u are lesbian and imagine that she would tell that to all the ppl u know and what would be the situation after all ppl know u are lesbain

5- here is a Orphane house u can share with them to care about childs
www.resala.com

i wish it work with u and let me know what happend after u visit the orphane house

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:

Very nice e-mail and what a great idea to put all love and efforts in something useful like that, MohdAnwar. Please post the link to the orphanage website again, it doesn't work. Thanks.

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Please if you have any websites (in Arabic/English) or any contact information of Egyptian orphanages please post them.

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Originally posted by Tigerlily:

Oh, thats unfortunate, I just learned all 28 Arabic letters in class but I guess it will take me some more time to get fluent like that.

Please if you have any websites (in Arabic/English) or any contact information of Egyptian orphanages please post them.

It was an issue here on EgyptSearch numerous times. Thanks again.

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OK here is a contact information for Resala
3822007 – 7442002 - 7442003

quote:

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Originally posted by Sara the miserable:
All right, all right,

keep your lovefeelings for her - but please :
hurry up and marry a 'real man'...you will change your mind...
inschaallah...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sara the miserable:
Salamalekum, my dears,
I did not mean to hurt someone or to make a stupid joke of it. Its for real....
If you search (Bismillah) for a good husband who is a REAL MAN, who cares for you, gives you everything, then...its just a matter of time to solve your problem. You are still young and it can't be a problem to find someone ?! Inschaallah. Try to open your eyes and compare some males with your love. Do it again and again. You will find out, that SHE CANNOT give you anything.
A REAL MAN can give you everything.Inschaallah.
I will do again a DOAE for you.
Sara

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sara the miserable:
If you search (Bismillah) for a good husband who is a REAL MAN, who cares for you, gives you everything, then...its just a matter of time to solve your problem.

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F. e. in the Islamic world it is forbidden to be a homosexual we all know that fact.

So somehow I can understand their point of view.

But also I do know that a "real" homosexual doesn't have any interest in the other gender - at all. So to advise a person to "become heterosexual" is nonsense though many people living this big lie, having a wife or husband and children because they fear the punishment of the society.

quote:

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Originally posted by trojca:
Hi, your story is very interesting, I understand that u are in a very difficult situation. I think you got confuse on the way between friendship love and the other type of love. A friend of mine went through the same as a teenager, she lost her sisters as a little girl and I think what happen was that she wanted to have sisters so much that she saw this woman as her sister and though that she loved her as partner. Maybe if u try to re-focus your love for her as lover and start thinking of her just as a sister or as a very dear friend, think that even if she accepted u as her lover you will never have a normal family, you couldn't have kids with her... I don't know if I'm clear but I just wanted to give u some words of support. I send u all my best wishes that ur heart and mind becomes clear again.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dalia:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sara the miserable:
[b] If you search (Bismillah) for a good husband who is a REAL MAN, who cares for you, gives you everything, then...its just a matter of time to solve your problem.

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[/B][/QUOTE]

quote:

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Originally posted by Hayati1004:

For me being a lesbian means being physically attracted by a girl, any girl - But me I only lover her for her soul not just her body. When you love someone, you get attracted by everything he/she does / is / has. This is the kind of love i feel for her.

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quote:

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Originally posted by annie_81:
Well, you just said that you want to touch her and caress her when you see her. I believe that it fits your definition of Lesbian, doesnt it? Being Lesbian is not only about having kinky sex with another girl. It means that you have strong feelings for her and you want her proximity. Just like for a man, you can love him and not want to have sex with him, especially if you never experienced it before. Being Lesbian doesnt mean to be attracted to ANY girl, like with men, you can be as picky as you want. Maybe theres only one man or woman you can really love.
Lets face it:
you love her, you want to touch her and caress her, you are not very attracted to men.

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And for God's sake, THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS A REAL MAN!! get over it. There are no set criterias to define manhood other than those set by your culture and your personal interpretation of them. A real man for you might be the most ill-suited man for me! ITS ALL RELATIVE!